Think of having a Second Child

[Temair]

I'm looking for some advice. I'm 32 years old and my dd just turned 9 in september. Recently my best friend got pregant with her second child, her first is just 5 years old. And this has got me thinking about maybe having another child. So here are my thoughts on the situation.

Originally I wanted to have 2 or 4 kids. I had a great and easy pregnancy and had a 9lb 10oz dd via c-section. I sufered from PPD and ended up on anti-depresants. I had just moved when I found out I was pregant and was far from all friends and family. I have been off the Anti-depresants for over 5 years now. My husband wants more kids, but is also okay just with having one. We are financially stable and can afford the expenses of antoher child. We lead a busy life with volunteer work at church and teach karate twice a week. I am working on getting my black belt. Karate is a big part of our lives. I also homeschool my daughter who is currently working at a grade 4 level. We live in a 3 bedroom house with the third room that is our office/school room. Things could be moved around so we all could fit. I'm also trying to get in shape but strugle with this due to knee problems.

Part of me wants to have another, but part of me is selfish and doesn't want to go back to hauling around a diaper bag and all the stuff kids need. There is also the age difference. So what do you think?

 

[mommy-on-the-move]

personally I wouldn't let the age difference put you off, my oldest and youngest are more than 9 years apart and she adores him, he adores her in fact at age nearly 2 he wanders the house in the day time calling her name- always her name even though he has 2 other siblings closer in age to him (4 and 5) who play with him alot more, he'll cuddle up to her, he'll go to her for things and according to her teachers she writes alot about him at school and always has a smile when she talks about him. I worried most about her being on the outside being so much older but it's probably the closest relationship in our family.

I do think it sounds like you have to weigh up the practical side for yourself first though, just wanted to add the larger age gaps aren't always awful.

Also I had bad, bad PPD with my first but never with the other 3 (despite having on going depression issues that fluctuate, it's never been PPD again)

And I did want to say you mention about it being your girl friend having a second, we had a biggish gap between our first and second and I know from that experience the social pressure from people pushing for you to have a second and all the negativity people talk about only children, if you want just the one child then don't let social pressure convince you that a child needs a sibling- kids are the most adaptable creature on earth, no sibling or ten sibling they move on with their lives quite happy, it's adults who have hang ups over the right family size.

 

[*Seanaci*]

Don't let the age difference bother you. I know quite a few people who have kids that are in a huge age gap. But, it doesn't seem sto make the older sibling love the new sibling any less.

I say have a heart to heart with your hubby AND your DD. Weigh the pros and cons of having another baby. And overall, just be honest with your DH and DD about how you feel.

*hugs*

Good luck!

 

[scout68]

I find it really helpful to write down my reasons for wanting another, place that piece of paper on the table and RUN AWY! (kidding,kidding.....sort of
!)

 

[Yen Sid]

Do what you feel is right and don't worry about the age difference, you'll have a babysitter, LOL. We have 4 kids, 16 DD, 14 DS, 5 DD, 4 DS, they play well and we can leave them home to go out for a few hours by ourselves.

 

[mom2princessj]

My sister and I are 12 years apart and I hated it growing up but now I'm very glad I didn't end up an only child.
Another will definitely change your life so just be prepared. But it sounds like you've got everything else in line by knowing financially you are secure enough to afford it and seem to be ready now emotionally for another. Good luck whatever you decide. I know for me if we didn't have an 'oops' with our son our dd probably would have been an only child although I was so lonely as an only I vowed never to do that to my own children Weigh out the pros and cons, talk with your family, and you'll come to the right decision! Good luck!

 

[Jill2150]

I am an only child and I turned out fine if you don't have another..
Nevertheless, you can look at it as your 9 yr old will be able to help you with things, but don't count on her completely, she needs to still have her own life.
Also, one of my coworkers has a 16 year old (had before married), a 1.5 year old, and prego with the third. Talk about age difference there!
Good luck in what ever you decide!

 

[lntsmom]

If you approach parenthood with a cost:benefit analysis you will never say yes. Step out on faith...do it!

My boys were supposed to be 30 months apart...then my galbladder exploded. When I was healthy enough to try again, and the timing was right for leave purposes, I got pregnant right away...then 8 weeks later had a m/c. I had to wait months for the timing to be right for leave yet again...and thus, my boys are almost 6 years apart.

Tragic, right?

Wrong! My younger son has, since he was 3 months old, thought that his brother is the center of the universe. They are friends. They enjoy being together!!! My younger one has already told me, in dead seriousness, that if his brother goes away to college, he is going with him!

Here's my pov: My mother developed terminal cancer when I was 14. She died when I was 16. In between, my stepfather abandoned us. I have never been particularly close to my sister (we have the same age gap that my boys do), but she is the only person in the world who I have a shared history with that goes back to early childhood. A year ago I moved about 90 minutes away from my hometown so that my boys can spend time with their cousins. What I'm saying is, your decision won't just affect you...it will affect your child(ren), their children...generations to come.

Schlepping a diaper bag and living through those baby years a second time is a small price to pay for the amount of love it will generate down through time!

 

[tlh0726]

My son was 12 when my 2nd husband and I had our daughter. She was 18 months when we had our 2nd son. My son is now 16, daughter 4 and youngest son 2 1/2. It is like having 2 families. We go anywhere, my oldest takes a friend and away they go. Due to the age difference there isn't alot they all have in common. I feel that I missed alot of stuff going on with my oldest due to the younger ones (because of their age) needing alot of my attention. Life definitely changes.

 

[marcyinPA]

I'm an only child, and always wanted a sibling. My parents had a crappy marriage though, and divorced when I was 14. I'm glad they didn't bring another child into their relationship.

However, as I get older and my parents are aging, I realize the HUGE responsibility that is set upon me. Because my parents are divorced, and not remarried (well, my dad has been married four times, but is not married currently), if anything happens to them, they only have me. I really wish I had a sibling to help me with my parents!

My family is very small, and sometimes I do long for those large family gatherings and the relationship between siblings.

I grew up fine and fairly well adjusted, but it can be lonely being the only!

 

[MickeyMoose]

I wouldn't let the age difference be a concern too much. They are far enough apart in age that you won't be saying after number two comes along, "It was so much easier with just one." Then when you have a third, it changes to, "It was so much easier with just two", and so on. . . Ha.

 

[dreamin_disney]

two years ago i was in your spot i didnt want to start all over. This year is different. My dd is 9 and will turn 10 in Dec of this year. I'm emotionally, physically and mentally ready to have another one. Hopefully I will be blessed. My hope is to get preggo on my wedding night Jan 3rd or sometime that month. DFi and i have been together for 12 years. DD will be 10 and a big sis and a big helper, she already agreed-lol! I'll be 37 in July and if i dont get my boy i'm going for it back to back. yes, call me crazy-lol! Dfi was also suprised by it since i've always been hesitant about having more. I said my goal was 2 1 girl and 1 boy but if i end up with two girls then i have to try for a boy. I also had a c-section with dd and a few years later a misscarriage. But i feel the time is right.

Good luck to you and hope you find your answer in your heart.

 

[belle_angeline]

I am a mom of 6. The hardest jump for me was from one to two, but once you get used to it, it is second nature to juggle the needs. I say go for it, each child just multiplies the love and joy! Best wishes!

 

[ncmomof2]

I would not worry about the age difference. I am pregnant with number four and I am 36. I think about the diaper bag and nursing and highchair sometimes. That time passes so quickly and I look at my other three and see the blessing that they are and I am excited to meet this little one! My husband kept saying no to number four for awhile because he remembers the fist six months being tough. I told him, seriously, you would not have another because of six tough months! He finally came around!

Oh, and I homeschool as well which does worry me a little bit but I know that it will all work out.

Best Wishes!

 

[Camno's Mama]

The sibling relationship is so special...seeing them together is such a beautiful thing. If you have it in your heart to do it, go for it. It's always a tough decision...sometimes you just have to make the leap. As far as homeschooling and karate and all that...it will work itself out. You may have to take a backseat in some of that stuff for a few years, but you will have the time again. It all goes by soooooo fast!

I know that starting over sounds daunting, but I know people that say they enjoyed the youngest one even more when their kids were born farther apart. I guess being a little older and having done it all before makes you less hurried. You have a better understanding of how fast it all goes.

Good luck...I'm sure that you will be happy with whatever you decide.

 

[adventure_woman]

This thread has helped me out surprisingly as well. My DD is only 2, but I have been torn on if I want another one. One - I can't imagine loving another as I love her (I know I would, but hard to imagine) and two - right now it is finally getting easier, and selfishly - it is cheaper to go on vacation with 1 less person. I have finally settled on it is ok to wait until I am ready.

 

[Eeyorerocks!]

I have 9 year-old twins (DS and DD) AND we have a 10 month old (we all just got back from WDW last week!).

As others have said, I would not let the age gap stop you. My older kids adore our new baby. It is actually, IMHO, easier to manage with a large age gap - my older children are more independent. Obviously, they can feed, bathe, and dress themselves. I think it would be harder going the traditional route - with a year or two in between children).

DH was hesitant to have our third child, but now he couldn't imagine life without him. It is truly a joy to see! I was an only child, and always wanted a larger family. Don't get me wrong - there are definitely advantages to being an only child. But I truly feel blessed to have three children.

Good luck to you - you have an amazing family, whether or not you decide to have another child.

 

[katieam1]

I'm looking for some advice. I'm 32 years old and my dd just turned 9 in september. Recently my best friend got pregant with her second child, her first is just 5 years old. And this has got me thinking about maybe having another child. So here are my thoughts on the situation.

Originally I wanted to have 2 or 4 kids. I had a great and easy pregnancy and had a 9lb 10oz dd via c-section. I sufered from PPD and ended up on anti-depresants. I had just moved when I found out I was pregant and was far from all friends and family. I have been off the Anti-depresants for over 5 years now. My husband wants more kids, but is also okay just with having one. We are financially stable and can afford the expenses of antoher child. We lead a busy life with volunteer work at church and teach karate twice a week. I am working on getting my black belt. Karate is a big part of our lives. I also homeschool my daughter who is currently working at a grade 4 level. We live in a 3 bedroom house with the third room that is our office/school room. Things could be moved around so we all could fit. I'm also trying to get in shape but strugle with this due to knee problems.

Part of me wants to have another, but part of me is selfish and doesn't want to go back to hauling around a diaper bag and all the stuff kids need. There is also the age difference. So what do you think?

I think have another one. My sister and I are 11 years apart and really close. Do not let the age bother you!!

 

[darbra2]

I say go for it. It is a Blessing

 

[Bluestars]

I think if you really want to do it, then now is as good a time as any. I had my youngest when I was 32 and he is just a joy of a child. I had my first when I was 20.

I know it's hard to imagine, but the love you feel for your child now is the same as what you will feel for another. It's wonderful. Somehow lugging the diaper bag around and dealing with strollers wasn't as bad when I had a beautiful baby to love and smile back at me.

Good luck in whatever you decide.