Things that make you go "hmmm": Funerals

[bicker]

Life's major milestones, when extended families almost always come together to maker the occasion:

1) A baby is born.
2) A child comes of age.
3) People in love get married.
4) A person dies.

While some of these events are accompanied by a celebration, they each often (though not always) have a formal, more solemn element. Think: Where are these solemn services held? In many (though not all) cases, the answer to #1, #2, and #3 is the same, some sort of religious sanctuary. However, most of the time (but not always), if there is a service of some sort marking someone's death, prior to the internment at a cemetery, it is held at a funeral parlor, rather than at the same place where baby dedications, coming of age services, and weddings are held.

Now, of course, there are some health code considerations. Is that all it is, though? My wife and I will be cremated (and that happens before any memorial service that may take place, right? ) Wouldn't it make sense, at least in cases like that, for memorial services to "all" be held back at the same place where baby dedications, coming of age services, and weddings are held? (I dunno... maybe my limited experience with cremation precludes me from seeing that that is already the case. )

Anyway, there are my morbid thoughts for a Saturday morning. Have a good day.

 

[AshleyW]

Life's major milestones, when extended families almost always come together to maker the occasion:

1) A baby is born.
2) A child comes of age.
3) People in love get married.
4) A person dies.

While some of these events are accompanied by a celebration, they each often (though not always) have a formal, more solemn element. Think: Where are these solemn services held? In many (though not all) cases, the answer to #1, #2, and #3 is the same, some sort of religious sanctuary. However, most of the time (but not always), if there is a service of some sort marking someone's death, prior to the internment at a cemetery, it is held at a funeral parlor, rather than at the same place where baby dedications, coming of age services, and weddings are held.

Now, of course, there are some health code considerations. Is that all it is, though? My wife and I will be cremated (and that happens before any memorial service that may take place, right? ) Wouldn't it make sense, at least in cases like that, for memorial services to "all" be held back at the same place where baby dedications, coming of age services, and weddings are held? (I dunno... maybe my limited experience with cremation precludes me from seeing that that is already the case. )

Anyway, there are my morbid thoughts for a Saturday morning. Have a good day.

It makes sense to me. My cousin passed away about 2 years ago, and they had his service at his family's church. It was a lot nicer and more personal than other services I've been to at funeral homes. The same goes for a friend of mine who passed away from cystic fibrosis. His service was at his family's Catholic church and it was very nice. At least for the services I've been to, the ones that have been held in funeral homes were generally for people who were either not religious, or didn't belong to a church.

 

[BonnieA]

Catholics do celebrate all those occasions in the same place. Baptism, Confirmation, Wedding and Funeral all in a Church service.

 

[Becky2005]

Memorial services ARE held in churches too. My Grandmothers was held at her church with an open casket even. It was not in a funeral home at all. My MIL's service was held at the cemetary.

Although, I read #1 the baby being born and then thought "What? Since when are babies BORN at church?" Certainly it might happen but not intentionally.

 

[bicker]

My wife points out that a lot of folks hold services related to my #1 in the home (it's actually part of the rules of Judaism, from what I understand). She also points out that she has been to family funerals, with open caskets even, in a church.

She also points out that it is my limited experience with funerals where the deceased is cremated is probably coloring my perspective on this... i.e., that with cremation that funerals generally are held the same place as baby dedications, coming of age services, and weddings.

 

[Abbie]

Maybe it's more of a regional kind of thing but most funerals here are held at a church. The times they are held in the funeral home are when the family doesn't seem to have a church with which they are affiliated so it becomes a sort of non-denominational service right there.

My only experience with cremation was my Dad's last year. We held a memorial service for him, in a church, several weeks after his passing. It was such a positive experience (if that's possible!) that I couldn't imagine ever doing anything differently in the future, I am totally sold on the whole concept. We completely eliminated the funeral home and "viewing" process but still had a lovely service and a reception afterwards that allowed for all the visiting that normally would happen prior to the funeral at the funeral home.

 

[C.Ann]

My late DH (cremated) did NOT want a memorial service in the church - he made that abundantly clear.. So it was held in the funeral home - with another short religious memorial service at the military cemetery where most of his remains were buried..

I will be cremated as well and would prefer it if my family just skips over the whole funeral home scene.. A short memorial service when my remains are buried on top of my late DH's is fine with me - but of course I won't be here to call the shots, so I can only hope that they will follow my wishes..

 

[denisem]

I come from a huge Catholic family, so it's customary to do the whole two-day funeral home wake, formal church service, graveside interment, and end with a funeral luncheon. For those cremated, the remains are removed after church, skipping the graveside ceremony.

In my mom & dad's case, their ashes were later buried in their plot with an informal immediate family gathering.

Not being particularly religious, I've planned mine differently and my loved ones better follow my wishes or I'll come back and haunt 'em!

 

[Randi]

I am Episcopalian and the option is always there to have the service done in the Church. It's up to the family.

When my mom died, she was young & we expected a large crowd for the funeral. The church is huge so her funeral was held there. My dad died in his 80's & his circle of contemporaries had grown smaller so we were sure that it would seem uncomfortable in that large church with only a small number of people. We held his services in the funeral home with the minister from the church.

When my son died last year, although we didn't live in that area any more, I had his services held there with the same minister. But I chose to have just graveside services as I didn't know who would be there. As it worked out, several of my friends & co-workers from here drove the 3 hrs for the ceremony. And also some of my dad's friends who knew me came.

Anyway in the Church I belong to, it is up to the family as to location. The service is the same.

 

[merryweather20]

It makes sense to me. My cousin passed away about 2 years ago, and they had his service at his family's church. It was a lot nicer and more personal than other services I've been to at funeral homes. The same goes for a friend of mine who passed away from cystic fibrosis. His service was at his family's Catholic church and it was very nice. At least for the services I've been to, the ones that have been held in funeral homes were generally for people who were either not religious, or didn't belong to a church.

I agree. If the persn goes to church their service is at a church.

I've been to many more non-church weddings, than I have non-church funerals.

 

[tar heel]

Some funerals are at funeral homes here, but more of them are at churches.

 

[KristaTX]

I'd guess that at least 3/4 of the funerals I've been to have been in churches.

 

[TwingleMum]

I am also Catholic so our funerals are usually 2-3 day wakes at the funeral home, mass at the church followed by a small service graveside. And because I'm Irish we usually go back and have a huge meal and toast the deceased loved one.

I've often thought its a shame people can't hear their funerals services ( well I actually believe they do, I believe people don't "die" they just evolve into spirit). So in my family we make a point to make sure the person that is dying or extremely ill knows how much they mean to us now while they can hear us and tell us what we've mean't to them. We laugh, we cry and we have no regrets. It also unburdens the person who is dying by allowing them to tell us their scared, anxious whatever. No holds barred. We also have a life book at the funeral where everyone can write a favorite memory. My only brother died at 23 so it was incredibly healing to read all his funny escapades at college and at Dead concerts. You felt like you were reliving those moments with them. Surprizingly my parents loved all the goofy stories it helped them feel like he had a rich albeit short life.

So don't wait a second longer this holiday season its not about turkeys, stuffing recipes or reindeer that fly. Its about the people around the table not whats on it. Tell the people you love that you love them.

Happy Holidays Everyone!

 

[pirateofthecarolinas]

More funerals are held at funeral chapels because there is a large added expense to move the body to another location. Every time the body is moved it means more $$$.

 

[Disney Doll]

I think it depends on one's religious affiliation. Most funerals I attend (mostly Catholic or Christian) are held in the church with a Mass and then on to the cemetery for the burial.

I have attended a few memorial services...some have been in a church, some have been in a "place"...ie- a banquet hall or large gathering spot.

 

[Buckalew11]

9 outta 10 funerals around here seem to be held at the funeral home. I haven't even been to one at the church although it is not unheard of.

I want to be cremated (which isn't the most popular thing around here) and really do not even want a service.

 

[mjkacmom]

I've never been to a funeral at a funeral home - I've been to many, always at a church.

 

[goofy's friends]

I've never been to a funeral at a funeral home - I've been to many, always at a church.

Ditto.

 

[december]

I guess it is a regional thing. Here, most funerals are at a church. There is usually a 1 night (occasionally 2) wake at the funeral home, then a processional takes the body to the church for the servies (whether open or closed casket-never known anyone who was cremated), then on to the graveside, which most of the time is also at the church. Funerals at the funeral home are usually for non-religious people, or for people who attended small churches that couldn't hold the expected crowds. Dh's uncle was a local politician, and had a service at an auditorium, then another service at our tiny church, so more people could be included.

 

[bicker]

Different cultural traditions call it different things. I used a generic term to refer to them collectively.