theres a monster in my house.....help

[eyeore]

ok dis buddies i need your help! i have a monster (9yr old son) in my house. my ds has recently turned into the most cheeky and naughty boy. he is back chatting me and his dad constantly and he is thumping his brother really hard,now i know boys fight but this is really hard!!. we do have a teen son in the house too and i do believe he is learning from him as far as the attitude thing goes. we send him to his room(he is there at the min) and take his tv etc off him until he can be good. i have told him santa wont come and all he says is i dont care! now i would love santa not to come but how could i do that to a little boy. i have told him he is not getting his present from me and his daddy. do you think that is fair? wwyd? any advice would be really appreciated as i do believe he is going to be one tough nut to crack.

 

[Vijoge]

i have told him santa wont come and all he says is i dont care! now i would love santa not to come but how could i do that to a little boy. i have told him he is not getting his present from me and his daddy.

I'm no expert by any means but I'd recommend you don't make threats if you're not willing or able to follow through on them. Kids learn really fast that mom and dad are just blowing smoke.

 

[Schmeck]

I think Santa shouldn't come, at least on Christmas Eve. Or he should just leave a note explaining why he didn't leave a gift, and what needs to be improved on to receive the gift at a later date.

Have you asked him why he feels he has to act this way?

 

[Going Broke]

Okay, I feel your pain. Sometimes I think we hit the teen years a little early in our house. You have to "threaten" something you can actually follow through on. Something your son really likes that he will miss for a while, but not Santa.

 

[justtobeme2]

I'm no expert by any means but I'd recommend you don't make threats if you're not willing or able to follow through on them. Kids learn really fast that mom and dad are just blowing smoke.

100% agree on this..NEVER EVER make threats you will not follow through with.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

It sounds like you need to start using some basic but consistent behavior modification. Choose one behavior that you want to target first - it might be talking back to his parents or hitting his brother. Each and every time he does it, he immediately gets swift and immediate punishment. If there are too many fun things to do in his room, he may not care if you send him there. Perhaps there's some very boring place in the house where you can send him instead. Or he might be removed from the computer or TV or whatever fun thing he was doing at the time. Don't use a lot of words and don't let him engage you in an argument. He needs to know that his behavior will not win and he needs to stop it or he will continue to be punished. Don't be afraid to remove his priviledges and be sure to follow through. If you say no TV for the rest of the day, don't let him talk or yell you into changing your mind. His behavior might increase at first because he'll be testing you to see if you're really serious. When he realizes you mean business, the behavior should decrease.

We learned these techniques from a psychologist we were seeing with our son who has autism. He can be very stubborn but we were able to help him almost eliminate his outbursts and his rigid behavior. And, as other posters said, don't impose a punishment that you're not prepared to follow through with. You want your son to know that you're disciplining him because you love him and want him to learn to behave properly. He needs to know that you always love him but you don't always like the choices he makes.

 

[LisaMommy]

If there are too many fun things to do in his room, he may not care if you send him there. Perhaps there's some very boring place in the house where you can send him instead.

ITA. This is very important as most parents just assume room=punishment. But that's where all the fun things are! We send DS to the laundry room.

 

[chemysterygal]

Thank you for this timely thread! We have a 6 year old who is really starting to test his boundaries, and DD, 4, is really starting to pick up on this too. We are starting with their talking back, and TV/computer time is the first thing to go. We'll work on other things next, but for now it's all about showing the adults in the house some respect.

 

[Kae]

ITA. This is very important as most parents just assume room=punishment. But that's where all the fun things are! We send DS to the laundry room.

Does he do the laundry? Cause that would be really cool.

Ok I think you are going to have to work on the teen also.

Kae

 

[LisaMommy]

Does he do the laundry? Cause that would be really cool.

Ok I think you are going to have to work on the teen also.

Kae

I wish!

I have to agree that maybe you could have a talk to your older son and make sure he sets a good example for the younger one. Also check if he's only doing this to you, or if he's being rude to other people (like teachers) as well and drill it into him that being rude only proves that he is immature, so he doesn't get privileges that come with being responsible.

 

[ilandrazdsw]

Well I guess it depends on how much of a point you want to make.
You can have Santa not come and tell your son that Sant does make up trips on NEY if behavior imporves and stays improved. OR he can open his gifts from santa and you and you promptly take them all away. I know it sounds really harsh! Tell DS that he can then earn back the presents one by one by behaving and showing he deserves to have the privledge of having gifts. The start with the most minor/basic/simple gift and work up to the big ones that he wants...like start to batteries. You will have to stay strong and follow through with whatever threat/promise (in education is it called negative consequence) you make.
Good luck!
My DS is 5 and we are having the same issues. We told have told him that if the behavior doesn't improve and stay imporved he will be staying with Grandma/Grandpa whild we go to WDW for Christmas! Although I would hate to leave him DH and I will do it because he has to be stopped and grounding/taking away/spanking (no flames please) are no onger making an impression. It actually has made an impression on him for the better.

 

[jpeppers]

I used to think spanking was a good idea but quickly found out that doesn't work anymore..........I have been very succesful with taking things away, TV, video games, etc.... My daughter adapted to this really well once she realized I would take the stuff away but you have to follow through. I am shocked at times when I am at her mothers house and listen to how she talks to her Mom..........I don't really want to get involved on that end of things but I have made her realize that it is not my business how she talks to her Mom but if she does it in front of me there will be consequences. It's amazing how much more respectful she is to Mom now when I'm around.

 

[ZPT1022]

If there are too many fun things to do in his room, he may not care if you send him there. Perhaps there's some very boring place in the house where you can send him instead.

agree- we make our kids sit in the hallway with their back against the front door. There is really nothing going on over there. Actually, I can thank one of the cats for making the punishment a bit worse- oldest DD was being made to sit there the other day and the front door is near the downstairs bathroom/cat litter box room. One of the cats went in and pooped while she was sitting there. OMG, the screams about how much it stinks and how she wanted to move, and we were so mean, we made the cat go poop while she was sitting there, etc... I obviously didn't make the cat go but it was pretty funny, and hopefully reinforced that that is NOT the place to be.

ITA. This is very important as most parents just assume room=punishment. But that's where all the fun things are! We send DS to the laundry room.

too funny! DD got in trouble at MIL's house yesterday (locking her brother and sister out of the playroom) and we made her sit in the laundry room

 

[tlh0726]

Remove everything from his room except for his bed, pillow, blanket & clothes. No phone, tv, games, etc.
As you box all the stuff up, make a list and assign points to each thing. Post the list and he has to earn them back item by item. If he breaks the rules, the items that has already earned back gets put back into the pile and he has to earn them back yet again.

Doesn't take long for the behavior to change.