"There have always been feelings"

[Disney1fan2002]

That is what my friend told me today.

NOW he tells me. Only 22 years too late.

I met him when I was 15 and he was 25. I had a huge crush on him. He was married and 10 years older than me, so obviously, the feeling was not mutual. I hung out with him, against my mother's wishes. He rode a motorcycle, and I loved motorcyles. He worked on cars, I loved helping him. I waited patiently for his marriage to end. It was inevitable. They did not get along, and in my 15 yo mind, it would end. It had to, then he would be free to date me, right? WRONG. He and his wife seperated when I was 18. I only waited 3 years. I thought for sure, after a little time, he would ask me out, on a date. Perfect timing, I was 18!!! It never happened. We still "hung" out, but months later, I found out he was dating again. He just wasn't dating me. I was devastated. What was wrong with me? He seemed to enjoy my company. We always had a good time, laughing, joking. I realized I needed to move on. I waited 3 years for him, and he didn't want me. We stayed friends. Best friends. We could about anything, for hours. At one point I think he was confused. he was dating this girl, and he kissed me! FINALLY...after, God, 5 years.I get a kiss. But..it was gross. It was when I realized I really was not in love with him, because I felt like I kissed my brother. EEEwww. All those years, and nothing was there. We stayed close friends. He married the girl he was dating, and that marriage lasted 3 years. After this marriage, he thought now was a good time to have me, but now it was me rejecting him. I knew he only wanted me because he NEEDED a female in his life. I could not trust him, plus, by this time I was dating, and I did not cheat. Maybe things would of been different if I had not been dating at that exact monet in time. But I was, and I had to turn him down. He met a girl who slept with him on the night she met him. How GROSS. He was smitten ever since. He married her. Funny thing is, his 3rd wife, and she is the only wife who accepts me as his friend. They have been married for 7 years, and have a 2 year old baby. His marriage is rock solid.

His wife just got through chemo for breast cancer, after having a masectomy. I called him today to ask how is wife was doing. we had not talked in many months. So we started saying how easy it was to talk to each other, and how we could talk about anything, even after months of not seeing or talking to each other. He then tells me that there have always been feelings for me. More than brother/sister feelings.(that is how I see us now) That I have always been special.

I guess I should be flattered. I am. I just think it was weird for him to tell me this after ALL these years.

BTW, I didn't know what to say back to him, so I think i just said "hhhmmmm" or something.

 

[NHAnn]

I guess I should be flattered. I am. I just think it was weird for him to tell me this after ALL these years.

BTW, I didn't know what to say back to him, so I think i just said "hhhmmmm" or something.

You're flattered that your long-time male friend "who needs a woman in his life", confesses "feelings" for you in a conversation that you initiated to ask about the health of his 3rd wife in his "rock solid" marriage?
Sorry, I guess maybe I'm tired and cranky tonight, but I don't get it.

 

[tiggersmom2]

That is what my friend told me today.

NOW he tells me. Only 22 years too late.

I met him when I was 15 and he was 25. I had a huge crush on him. He was married and 10 years older than me, so obviously, the feeling was not mutual. I hung out with him, against my mother's wishes. He rode a motorcycle, and I loved motorcyles. He worked on cars, I loved helping him. I waited patiently for his marriage to end. It was inevitable. They did not get along, and in my 15 yo mind, it would end. It had to, then he would be free to date me, right? WRONG. He and his wife seperated when I was 18. I only waited 3 years. I thought for sure, after a little time, he would ask me out, on a date. Perfect timing, I was 18!!! It never happened. We still "hung" out, but months later, I found out he was dating again. He just wasn't dating me. I was devastated. What was wrong with me? He seemed to enjoy my company. We always had a good time, laughing, joking. I realized I needed to move on. I waited 3 years for him, and he didn't want me. We stayed friends. Best friends. We could about anything, for hours. At one point I think he was confused. he was dating this girl, and he kissed me! FINALLY...after, God, 5 years.I get a kiss. But..it was gross. It was when I realized I really was not in love with him, because I felt like I kissed my brother. EEEwww. All those years, and nothing was there. We stayed close friends. He married the girl he was dating, and that marriage lasted 3 years. After this marriage, he thought now was a good time to have me, but now it was me rejecting him. I knew he only wanted me because he NEEDED a female in his life. I could not trust him, plus, by this time I was dating, and I did not cheat. Maybe things would of been different if I had not been dating at that exact monet in time. But I was, and I had to turn him down. He met a girl who slept with him on the night she met him. How GROSS. He was smitten ever since. He married her. Funny thing is, his 3rd wife, and she is the only wife who accepts me as his friend. They have been married for 7 years, and have a 2 year old baby. His marriage is rock solid.

His wife just got through chemo for breast cancer, after having a masectomy. I called him today to ask how is wife was doing. we had not talked in many months. So we started saying how easy it was to talk to each other, and how we could talk about anything, even after months of not seeing or talking to each other. He then tells me that there have always been feelings for me. More than brother/sister feelings.(that is how I see us now) That I have always been special.
I guess I should be flattered. I am. I just think it was weird for him to tell me this after ALL these years.

BTW, I didn't know what to say back to him, so I think i just said "hhhmmmm" or something.

He tells you that he has feelings for you after his wife just got through with CANCER treatments?!!! What a pos!

 

[nwdisgal]

As his long lost friend, I would point him back to his third wife, who has just been through chemo and suggest he spend some much needed quality time with her.

 

[Disney1fan2002]

You're flattered that your long-time male friend "who needs a woman in his life", confesses "feelings" for you in a conversation that you initiated to ask about the health of his 3rd wife in his "rock solid" marriage?
Sorry, I guess maybe I'm tired and cranky tonight, but I don't get it.

He did not come our and say' hey, I have feelings for you"

In the context of the conversation, he said it when he was saying how comfortable he is talking to me. He does not want to go anywhere with it.

Maybe he felt I should know. I can guarantee that he loves his wife more than anything, besides his little girl. So, I am not worried that he may be looking to try to take us in a different direction again. We figured all that out years ago. Besides, he knows I am married, and it would not be an option.

 

[Charade]

If he didn't come right out and say that, why then the title of the thread?

 

[CharlesTD]

Well under that type of stress sometimes people need to say things and get them out it is sometimes part of the way people deal with different things. Maybe he felt she should know how he truly felt all those years knowing they had a great friendship and his marriage was great there would be no pressure there at all IMHO.

 

[L107ANGEL]

First of all.............uhm, no! you my dear should not be drinking You have done enough on your own, good luck with that

 

[Tinkbell]

If he didn't come right out and say that, why then the title of the thread?

Good question.

 

[Disney1fan2002]

If he didn't come right out and say that, why then the title of the thread?

He did say it. He just didn't say it in a way that meant he wanted to mess up his marriage or mine.

Yes, I am confused as to why he said it after 22 years of me thinking he could never have feelings for me. But, he said it when we were talking about how easy it was to talk about anything to each other. We truly are best friends. He is not leaving his wife. He loves his wife. I guess he felt after 22 years, I should know I am more than just someone he talks to every couple of months. Maybe, just a little maybe, what his wife just went through scared the bejeezus out of him, and he realizes how short life is, and wanted me to know.

I am confused myself, but yes, I am flattered. If you knew all the years I pined over him, and though I don't feel the same now, I guess it is flattering to know I did leave an impression.

I posted this to see if maybe someone could relate to a relatioship like this. Not to get flamed.

 

[Lyn5]

I had a really good friend that told me all about how she was helping a guy through hard times. Yep, his young wife was undergoing cancer treatment and he abandoned her with two small boys...and my friend who had her own issues and had never been married was giving him marriage advice. I already knew she was "dating" him if you could call it that . That night, talking to her, was the only time I ever "divorced" a friend. I didn't want to be a part of that kind of lifestyle, I felt it was wrong. Now, it doesn't sound like you, the OP, has crossed the line...but if he is married with child and you are married and obviously it is on your mind since you posted here, think really hard if this is a road you want to take. Talking and exploring these types of things/feelings, even for the flattery, is dangerous IMHO. This man has been married 3 times, if you have a great DH, please count your blessings that you married a good man and next time, hang up the phone or just send flowers to the hospital. Sorry, end of rant I wish you best, hopefully the past is in the past.

 

[dis ms.]

I'm not trying to flame you. I guess I am flaming your buddy, though. Would I be flattered? No. Repulsed? Yes.

His THIRD wife has just gone through a mastectomy and he's professing romantic feelings toward you? I bet if his poor wife knew about this, the chemo wouldn't be the only thing making her nauseous.

What a stand-up guy!

 

[lil mermaid]

I am still trying to figure out what kind of married 25 year old guy hangs out with a 15 year old against her mother's wishes .....

 

[Pam]

I posted this to see if maybe someone could relate to a relatioship like this. Not to get flamed.

I can truthfully say that I cannot relate to a relationship like this.

 

[tiff211]

That's the like the scene in "waiting to exhale" (my absolute favorite movie of all time!!). Wesley Snipes meets Anglea Bassett at a bar. She is there after finalizing her divorce and Wesley is on a business trip. He starts to talk to her and she doesn't want to be bothered at first. Then he tells her he is happily married and he and Angela go on to have this deep conversation and he basically pours his heart out to her about how much he loves his wife who has cancer and is dying. He talks about how lonely he feels and helpless and about how he and his wife used to be. He and Angela wind up "spending" the night. They don't do anything just fall asleep together. It is my favorite scene in the movie. I know that is fiction and this is real life but this post reminded me of that scene.

Look at the situation. I am not going to flame anything! Dude is probably scared, lonely, confused an going through all these emotions that ones close to someone who has cancer. He is reaching out to someone familiar to him. I just don't know how serious I would take him at this point!

 

[poohandwendy]

I am sure you are flattered, but consider the source...he is married and the very last thing on earth his wife would need right now is to think that her supportive husband (in their rock solid marriage) was professing romantic feelings to another woman. My God, is everything about ego gratification? Sheesh, you can't see the disrespect you are BOTH showing her by having these conversations? Really?

Be the better, stronger, moral person and walk away from this trainwreck before your next post is bound to be...'we couldn't help it, he has been through so much with his wife's illness, he needed a shoulder to cry on, she doesn't have time for him right now..." blah, blah, blah....

If you really need to be in contact with this man, send a card wishing them BOTH well.

 

[Pooh Girl 71]

I'm not going to flame you. Just thank your lucky stars that he didn't tell you this years ago.......

 

[poohandwendy]

Ok, I was harsh in my last post...I just would say, I am sure you are flattered, but affairs do not happen to people who make sure a certain line is never crossed. They do so by approaching the sort of situation you decribe with "I really feel this conversation is totally inappropriate and disrespectful to both of our families. I wish you nothing but happiness in your life." Period.

If this conversation would leave your DH or his DW feeling uncomfortable or upset, it is wrong and should not be going on. JMHO

 

[Mysteria]

I am still trying to figure out what kind of married 25 year old guy hangs out with a 15 year old against her mother's wishes .....

My eyebrows shot up for the first time at this too!

I too can say I cannot relate to this.

This is not a stand up guy, his marriage is not rock solid and be happy you never pursued anything further with him. JMHO

Myst

 

[coliebird]

I am still trying to figure out what kind of married 25 year old guy hangs out with a 15 year old against her mother's wishes .....

This was my first thought as well.

Count your blessings that you never got involved with this guy and keep it that way.