There Are Rules and Regulations for Cemetery Burial Aren't There?

[MIGrandma]

DH got a phone call from his brother-in-law last night. Apparantly they are expected to bury Uncle Harold's ashes in the cemetery.

Uncle Harold's daughter lives in Chicago. Her Mother (my DH's aunt) passed away last December. She was buried in a cemetery not too far from us. I am not sure if she was cremated or not. So then Uncle Harold passed away in July and was cremated. The daughter has tried contacting the person responsible for burying in the cemetery but her calls have gone unreturned. I'm not sure how many times she has tried to call. So she was talking to another aunt, who in turn talked to my DH's sister and they all decided that my DH and his brother-in-law would "just do it."

I don't think that's even legal, is it? Couldn't they get into trouble? I mean, they know where the cemetery is and could find the aunt's burial plot easily as there is a headstone, but....they can't just start digging I wouldn't think. Wouldn't an urn have to be buried so many feet deep? Don't you have to have permission from the cemetery for things like that?

DH's brother-in-law is good friends with the guy who normally does/helps with burials there. I told DH he should tell BIL to call the guy! I don't think DH and his BIL should be the ones to bury the urn.

Am I wrong?

 

[NotUrsula]

Lord, no. In some jurisdictions tampering with a grave carries criminal charges.

Write a letter to the cemetary management if they are not answering calls. With the economy bad, a lot of cemetaries are cutting back on office staff and only have someone there part-time.

Or by all means, have your BIL ask his friend how to contact the cemetary office.

 

[southern_redhead]

Go through the funeral home where he is being cremated. They should be able to arrange the whole thing. You don't have to have a large service or even one at all (I wouldn't think.) They, at least, should be answering their phones and be able to contact the cemetary. And, no, I wouldn't try to bury anyone or anything myself in a cemetary.

 

[barkley]

absolutly illegal.

we had to handle a burial of ashes recently. depending on how the other family member is buried it may or may not be possible for the newly deceased's ashes to buried in the same plot (some cremain plots are only legal for one set of cremains whereas a burial plot may be legal to have cremains, in addition to an existing casket, buried).

everything requires permits, and with some cemetaries (strictly cememtaries/don't offer mortuary services) you have to use only their contracted providers (this was the case with the city owned cemetary we dealt with, and we had to get permits for their contractors personaly).

 

[hambirg]

I'm sorry. . .this just made me laugh! DIY burial.

Could you imagine the pandomonium? Cousin Bob out there with his backhoe. .

"Excuse me, Sir. What are you doing?"

"Well, gee, officer. Seein as the economy is so bad, I'm just trying to save a few bucks and buryin Grandma."

 

[dis-happy]

Made me laugh too. I like the "just get it done" mentality of your relatives!

 

[MIGrandma]

I'm sorry. . .this just made me laugh! DIY burial.

Could you imagine the pandomonium? Cousin Bob out there with his backhoe. .

"Excuse me, Sir. What are you doing?"

"Well, gee, officer. Seein as the economy is so bad, I'm just trying to save a few bucks and buryin Grandma."

Exactly!!

I told DH there have to be rules against such things, since you never see anyone burying their own kin in the local cemeteries. And people would be out burying beloved (but dead) pets with their loved ones too! I can't even imagine!!

And even more I can't even imagine his cousin (Uncle Harold's daughter), another aunt and his sister thought DH and his BIL could just do it themselves!!

 

[mousebymarriage]

It is illegal in many states (not sure but, maybe all of them)because it's considered desecrating a grave. However, my great uncle did it a few years ago with his wife ashes. My great aunt died about 6 years ago in Florida (where they lived)she had lung cancer, anyway they are orginially from New Jersey (where I live) and her mom is buried here. My great aunt had always said she wanted to be buried with her mother(which is my great grandmother). So about 4 months after she died my great uncle came to New Jersey, went to the cemetary where my great grandmother is buried, dug a hole and just poured my great aunt in. He didn't tell anyone, not his kids, not my grandmother (her sister), not any other family. He told my grandmother a couple of months later one day during a casual phone conversation, she was p*ssed. She didn't even know he was in New Jersey, he just drove up, went to the cemetary and drove home the next day. When he was asked why he didn't contact the cemetary and do it the right way he said that he didn't feel it was anyones business plus he didn't want the grave disturbed( I guess he figured digging a hole and dumping his wifes ashes in doesn't count as "distubing" the grave), crazy old man!

 

[okeydokey]

My husband dug the grave for a friend's burial of ashes. We have a cemetary behind our church. Instead of the funeral home digging the hole for the box, the husband asked my husband and a friend to do it. It saved him money and was more personal. Since it was just the box they only had to go down I think two feet.

However, they had permission from the church. I would never walk into a cemetary with a shovel and just dig without permission.

 

[Polyluvr]

Made me laugh too. I like the "just get it done" mentality of your relatives!

I'm so sorry to laugh~ but this just made my really bad day ~well awesome day~ till DH found out that my west coast trip included some Vegas time; he can be such a Debbie downer

 

[Polyluvr]

It is illegal in many states (not sure but, maybe all of them)because it's considered desecrating a grave. However, my great uncle did it a few years ago with his wife ashes. My great aunt died about 6 years ago in Florida (where they lived)she had lung cancer, anyway they are orginially from New Jersey (where I live) and her mom is buried here. My great aunt had always said she wanted to be buried with her mother(which is my great grandmother). So about 4 months after she died my great uncle came to New Jersey, went to the cemetary where my great grandmother is buried, dug a hole and just poured my great aunt in. He didn't tell anyone, not his kids, not my grandmother (her sister), not any other family. He told my grandmother a couple of months later one day during a casual phone conversation, she was p*ssed. She didn't even know he was in New Jersey, he just drove up, went to the cemetary and drove home the next day. When he was asked why he didn't contact the cemetary and do it the right way he said that he didn't feel it was anyones business plus he didn't want the grave disturbed( I guess he figured digging a hole and dumping his wifes ashes in doesn't count as "distubing" the grave), crazy old man!

That takes the cake

 

[DisneyCowgirl]

If nothing else, the cemetery is not public property and is not your property, so you can't just do whatever you want there.

 

[NotUrsula]

I'm sorry. . .this just made me laugh! DIY burial.

Could you imagine the pandomonium? Cousin Bob out there with his backhoe. .

"Excuse me, Sir. What are you doing?"

"Well, gee, officer. Seein as the economy is so bad, I'm just trying to save a few bucks and buryin Grandma."

DH's grandfather shallowly buried his wife's ashes in the back yard, and didn't mark the spot. He was 98 years old at the time, and within a year he needed to move in with family and sell the house. DH' cousin went out to the back yard with him to retrieve grandma after he accepted the house offer, and it took about 15 tries before they found her.

It is legal in most places to scatter or bury ashes on your private property, so he didn't do anything illegal, but he didn't really think through the ramifications. (If you're intending to leave someone's cremains there forever, you really should go down a ways, to spare future owners the unpleasantness of finding them when they plant a patch of tomatoes.)

 

[NHdisneylover]

Funny stories here.

OP--you instincts are correct; of course there are rules. Do not let your husband get involved in this insanity.

 

[chamonix]

Most likely the only "rules" relate to the cemetery, not legalities. The cemetery sells the service of burying urns, so if you go do it yourself, you are basically stealing from the cemetery. Scattering ashes NOT in an urn may be against that cemeteries rules, it may not. We scattered ashes on a grave in a cemetery, but found their rules for cremains were listed on their website, so it was not against that particular cemeteries rules. We did also plant some flowers above the headstone (not on the grave itself) and threw a handful of ashes in there, too. This cemetery allows flowers and perennials to be planted around graves, so you actually see lots of folks with shovels when you visit! They keep watering cans available too, since so many folks do it.

You may find it startling to know it's not even against the law to bury someone in your yard. Depends on your state, but remember, most folks had a family plot on their farm back in the olden days. That being said, I will relate that we just did that last year. My good friend was buried on his farm in a pine box. There was no cemetery there on his land previously, he's the one and only. It was perfectly legal. We had his body taken from the hospital to a funeral home who provided the simple box. We brought him home in the back of his old farm truck. Everyone wrote their goodbyes and drew on the box with sharpies and then we buried him. There are laws regarding how deep the hole had to be, and also, there had to be a grave marker erected within one year.we had it made by a local artist, and it was just finished this week. So, long story to say you might be surprised to learn the actual laws regarding burials, cremains, etc in your state.

 

[FireDancer]

Cemetery rules vary greatly and in many situations they are not just rules but laws. Some are dictated by the state, some the county, some the city, and some the cemetery themselves depending on how strict the particular county and state are with their rules.

For example, in many areas all casket burials require a vault while some areas don't. Cremains usually have fewer rules because they can no longer carry disease but for certain actions they can be considered by some jurisdictions to be a hazardous material.

As a PP mentioned check with the crematory or funeral home that did the cremation, they would know the rules in their area. If the cremation was done in a different state than the burial will be in you may have to talk to someone locally.

 

[dzorn]

Maybe you could sprinkle them by a lake, in a park near a secluded spot by a picnic table down a hill. Just make sure your hands aren't sticky from the BBQ.

Sorry could not resist.

Yes there a regulations that must be followed.

Denise in MI

 

[Evil Genius]

many cemetaries require an out lead or concrete box to put the urn in. They just don't put the urn in the ground. When My parents ashes were buried the concrete box was but 4 feet down and then their urn was placed in side and the box was sealed.

 

[SandrA9810]

I know florida burial's requires a vault for anything buried. So even though my family owns plots where my great grandparent's are buried, it was too expensive to bury him. My grandmother still wants to be buried there I believe. My grandfather is in the Everglades.

We went out there with the Pastor from Church after receiving the ashes, and it was heavy. The thought was for my grandmother to sprinkle the ashes. After saying a prayer we all opened our eyes to hear a great big "plop". She just heaved hoe the bag of ashes into the water.

 

[okeydokey]

Most likely the only "rules" relate to the cemetery, not legalities. The cemetery sells the service of burying urns, so if you go do it yourself, you are basically stealing from the cemetery. Scattering ashes NOT in an urn may be against that cemeteries rules, it may not. We scattered ashes on a grave in a cemetery, but found their rules for cremains were listed on their website, so it was not against that particular cemeteries rules. We did also plant some flowers above the headstone (not on the grave itself) and threw a handful of ashes in there, too. This cemetery allows flowers and perennials to be planted around graves, so you actually see lots of folks with shovels when you visit! They keep watering cans available too, since so many folks do it.

You may find it startling to know it's not even against the law to bury someone in your yard. Depends on your state, but remember, most folks had a family plot on their farm back in the olden days. That being said, I will relate that we just did that last year. My good friend was buried on his farm in a pine box. There was no cemetery there on his land previously, he's the one and only. It was perfectly legal. We had his body taken from the hospital to a funeral home who provided the simple box. We brought him home in the back of his old farm truck. Everyone wrote their goodbyes and drew on the box with sharpies and then we buried him. There are laws regarding how deep the hole had to be, and also, there had to be a grave marker erected within one year.we had it made by a local artist, and it was just finished this week. So, long story to say you might be surprised to learn the actual laws regarding burials, cremains, etc in your state.

Not here. Our cemetary is owned by the church. They make money by selling you a plot. The funeral home makes the money by digging the grave. When my DH dug the grave for the urn he was saving the family the money they would have paid to the funeral home.