Therapeutic Boarding Schools

[Luvchefmic]

"OP here, I forgot to add that the son was adopted as an infant, and is an only child. I don't think there's any lack of discipline involved. He has seen a counselor at their church, he is the one who suggested the boarding school. I don't know what credentials the counselor has. I let them know that they need to look into the accreditation of the school, they weren't very receptive. Now my parents are on board with him going to the school and won't even discuss it with me. I'm so incredibly frustrated and scared for this kid. My sister declined to help too and told them she thinks they're nuts for even considering it.

One problem I'm having is finding reliable reviews and information on-line. Everything is golden and glowing and sponsored by the school or all about abuse and anonymous. Heal-online lists them as abusive, but that has been written off as someone "with an agenda". All of the testimony on Heal is anonymous."



Ok to the red text: adopted and only child I don't see how this info even matters. The parents are not receptive. Your sister has also declined to help. You need to step Waaaaay back here. Stop researching it will accomplishment nothing.

The parents are adults and it's their kid.

My concern would be are YOUR parents going to hurt themselves financially ?
They may be giving more than they think you or your sister would approve of.

Still there is nothing you can do, except make yourself sick over all of this.

 

[arminnie]

I have a distant relative who went to something like this - also known as "boot camp" a little over a decade ago. He was absolutely a mess. I think he was about 16.

He's now 30, has a master's degree and is teaching. He is excellent with high risk students because he's been there. I honestly don't know him well enough to know if this program is what got him on the right track or not. They seems to work best for children who were not taught respect at an early age rather than for children with severe psychological issues.

Since there are so many varied programs she should be very careful about choosing the right one. And shame on her if she is trying to guilt others into paying for what may have been her parenting missteps.

 

[LukenDC]

I am opposed to these types of schools in general. I am especially leery about cutting the kids off from their parents, and censoring/monitoring all incoming and outgoing communications. That is a perfect environment for abuse to occur.

Has the family been through family counseling? Often the parents or family dynamics contribute to a young person's problems, and never get resolved because the focus is only on the child.

 

[usnuzuloose]

Never would do that, I want to know what people are teaching my kids.

 

[barkley]

You're right, I asked. It's a temporary guardianship.

I sincerely hope that the parents look into what guardianship laws are like in their state of residence and wherever the facility is located. guardianship-even temporary- is a VERY serious matter, and letting someone take even temporary guardianship of one's child can (depending on the state) open the parents up to the guardian suing (on the child's behalf) whomever the guardian chooses-including the parents. so-theoretically a parent could sign a contract for x amount of dollars to send the kid to one of these schools, but the guardian could then turn around and on the child's behalf sue the parents additionally for child support and guardian fees. the temporary guardian would also have the right to sever any and all contact between the child and ANYONE including the parents.

we recently went through the guardianship process for our ds (disabled/turned 18) but went through the same classes our court system requires for minor guardians (including temporary)-and the empowerment a guardian is granted is massive-it can include not only accessing medical treatment, but also preventing a person from seeking it (thankfully our state is very proactive on oversight to prevent abuse, neglect and exploitation). we were required to go through extensive background checks, and we had to list family members, friends and others to be interviewed to ensure our intentions were above board and in our son's best interest. to consider letting a complete stranger who will financial gain by the child's enrollment in the school would never fly here b/c it would be a gross conflict of interest.

 

[jdb in AZ]

"OP
Ok to the red text: adopted and only child I don't see how this info even matters. The parents are not receptive. Your sister has also declined to help. You need to step Waaaaay back here. Stop researching it will accomplishment nothing.

Still there is nothing you can do, except make yourself sick over all of this.

A lot of troubled kids are adopted. They have abandonment issues on top of everything else.

I mentioned earlier we had a family member go through rehab high. The psychiatrist said his issues were due to negative peer pressure. FWIW, this kid was adopted as well.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

OP here, I forgot to add that the son was adopted as an infant, and is an only child. I don't think there's any lack of discipline involved. He has seen a counselor at their church, he is the one who suggested the boarding school. I don't know what credentials the counselor has. I let them know that they need to look into the accreditation of the school, they weren't very receptive. Now my parents are on board with him going to the school and won't even discuss it with me. I'm so incredibly frustrated and scared for this kid. My sister declined to help too and told them she thinks they're nuts for even considering it.

One problem I'm having is finding reliable reviews and information on-line. Everything is golden and glowing and sponsored by the school or all about abuse and anonymous. Heal-online lists them as abusive, but that has been written off as someone "with an agenda". All of the testimony on Heal is anonymous.

If they are not receptive and the kid wants to go, not much you can do really.

 

[NotUrsula]

Am I the only one who hears about a place like this, and instantly thinks of Holes?

Seriously, while I think that cutting kids off from electronic means of communication and entertainment isn't too bad an idea, I think that an entire year without electricity or running water is beyond bizarre -- and perhaps not a level of safety that is reasonable in this day and age. I really don't think that continually courting a high risk of accidental burns and/or intestinal parasites is all that great an idea with defiant kids who have impulse control issues. The deal-breaker for me would be the lack of onsite licensed medical professionals. If you are putting kids into a primitive setting that is far away from emergency care, there needs to be a licensed physician on the resident staff, preferably one familiar with emergency medicine, in addition to a licensed psychiatrist.

I know that in my state, church-run programs are exempt from all accreditation and inspection rules, and there have been some very dangerous situations uncovered in church-run facilitiess that do not have licensed clinical staff.. While I think that a faith component is fine, I don't think a faith-only approach is a particularly good idea in a boarding program, especially if religious status means that the place is not subject to state health agency rules.

The US Federal Trade Commission does have a consumer page on the topic of therapeutic boarding programs. It includes a long list of questions that should be asked and documents that should be obtained and verified before enrolling a child in such a program. https://www.consumer.ftc.gov/articles/0185-residential-treatment-programs-teens Also, Psychology Today has a 50-state directory of programs on their website. Perhaps looking closer to home for a shorter-term program might be a good first option if the expense is an issue. https://treatment.psychologytoday.com/rms/prof_search.php

 

[CPT Tripss]

More like Lord of the Flies as imagined by President Snow and his Head Gamemaker than Holes.

 

[Chernabog#1fan]

I know the parents minds seem to be made up, but this particular school seems worrisome. With you mentioning the child is adopted, I am going to ask a few question (they are more for the family to think about then to answer on here). Was it a private adoption or from foster care? If it was from foster care, the state would be a good place to turn to for help via the post adoption services group. Do the parents have any medical background on the biological family? We had medical information and it assisted us with finding a psychiatrist who was able to get our son on the right medication to keep him from being violent towards us or suicidal. Was the biological mom taking drugs when she gave birth? These are all questions that the parents should be looking at before sending him to one of these schools.

I was not beyond sending my son to a boarding school and had actually looked into one before finding the right medication. With that said though, this particular school should probably be ruled out.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

More like Lord of the Flies as imagined by President Snow and his Head Gamemaker than Holes.

LOL.

I cannot even imagine having NO RUNNING water or electricity for my child. If an emergency occurs your child is up a creek.

 

[ronandannette]

LOL.

I cannot even imagine having NO RUNNING water or electricity for my child. If an emergency occurs your child is up a creek.

Logically speaking, running water and electricity are more a matter of comfort than necessity. In an emergency I'd imagine communications and immediate access to transportation would be far more vital.

 

[tina.tina]

A lot of troubled kids are adopted. They have abandonment issues on top of everything else.

I mentioned earlier we had a family member go through rehab high. The psychiatrist said his issues were due to negative peer pressure. FWIW, this kid was adopted as well.

As the sister of an adopted child, I think this is an offensive stereotype that often prevents very deserving children from being adopted because the potential parents don't want to handle any "problem kids."

 

[NotUrsula]

Logically speaking, running water and electricity are more a matter of comfort than necessity. In an emergency I'd imagine communications and immediate access to transportation would be far more vital.

Well, yes, I would agree, but without electricity the odds of good communications access go way down. In most places in the wilderness West, cell phones really don't work consistently because of mountainous terrain, so landlines are still pretty standard, plus sat phones for first responders, if the local government can afford them. If you have to run 2 miles back to a base camp and fire up a generator before you can call 911, you're at an immediate disadvantage. Besides that, people who live in remote areas know that if an accident happens, initial first aid needs to be locally administered, because even if you are lucky enough to be able to get a helicopter in, the wait for EMT's is longer than in a city; normally at least 30 minutes. (People can easily bleed out in that much time; I lost a cousin that way. He was struck by a hit-and-run driver who was driving down the wrong side of the road at 5 am. A farmer saw it happen and called an ambulance, but it didn't arrive for nearly an hour, and by that time he was dead. Of course, he was an adult and took that risk when he chose to do the ride, but I wouldn't be comfortable with involuntarily putting kids in such a position.)

Presumably in that remote a location, running water would still be well-water, but even well-water gets treated to some extent if it comes through a central pump (normally at least a filter that will stop parasites) The issue with lack of running water is related to medical care; you need fast access to clean water to properly clean wounds and to keep people hydrated in the event of heat stress situations (which are rather common when inexperienced kids are thrust into wilderness survival training.) If you expose a wound to untreated creek water you risk introducing all sorts of nasty organisms into it.

Besides that, what on earth would be the point of living that way long-term? These kids are not auditioning to be the next Henry Thoreau. Electric lights and regular bathing are not the lap of luxury; those items only put the kids up to about 1940's technology.

 

[powellrj]

This is why I hate people dragging up old posts.

 

[FairestOfThemAll37]

I haven't read all the replies so forgive me if this has already been stated.

The signing away parental rights, make sure this is actually what this is. I know many who went to traditional for academics boarding schools and all of those had in loco parentis rights meaning they were able to make day to day decisions and rules, act in an emergency etc. on behalf of the student. Their parents in no way signed away legal rights to their children.

I've heard amazing things and horror stories out of these types of schools/programs. I would think due diligence would be required and I do believe it's truly for last resorts with drugs, self-harm, law breaking etc. not "my teen is really disrespectful"

 

[PrincessShmoo]

I haven't read all the replies so forgive me if this has already been stated.

The signing away parental rights, make sure this is actually what this is. I know many who went to traditional for academics boarding schools and all of those had in loco parentis rights meaning they were able to make day to day decisions and rules, act in an emergency etc. on behalf of the student. Their parents in no way signed away legal rights to their children.

I've heard amazing things and horror stories out of these types of schools/programs. I would think due diligence would be required and I do believe it's truly for last resorts with drugs, self-harm, law breaking etc. not "my teen is really disrespectful"

Sadly, this thread was revived by someone spewing their hatred at the prospect.