Theoretical question: Do we judge people who we think spend a lot....

[eliza61]

on things we wouldn't.

THIS IS PURELY THEORETICAL, just some thing I was wondering in response to another thread.

Girl is going on her honeymoon next year and spending 20K on her trip to Disney. Poster did not say or imply in any way that she could not afford it.

Immediately she was told how she could have a honeymoon without spending that much. Now, no one was rude. every one gave helpful suggestion but I did find it kind of depressing like they were raining on her parade because she sounded excited about her plans.

some suggested she get rid of platinum dining, don't do tours, etc, etc.

Why? If some one can stay concierge level in a Poly suite, why do "we" (collective, no one specific) automatically think to tell them they can go for a whole lot less. which I would assume they knew.

So do we have a natural tendency to assign value to things and if a person goes over that assigned value, they are "wrong"?

I'm always say I'm a weird person, for example I would totally pay a kings ransom to fly first class. totally think it's worth every penny and kidney I'd have to sell to do it, lol but ask me to pay 100 bucks for a pair of jeans and all heck breaks loose.

 

[Owlpost23]

Yes,I know I do.Fascinating to me the way others spend their money.I can't imagine buying jewels or furs or loads of clothing-I have absolutely no interest in those things.But when the spending is in the form of travel or dinner,I'm all in.The part that bugs me the most is when people complain about being broke,but eat out everyday,or always have a starbucks in hand.Money is so intensely personal,isn't it???

 

[Pigeon]

We all have our own personal value system and we all judge people about things, whether we say so or not. I value frugality. I think there are a lot of societal ills that are a result of consumerism.

I wouldn't tell people how they should spend their own money, but I do quietly roll my eyes, say, at TV shows about brides spending a gazillion dollars on weddings.

And the venue matters. This is the budget board. If you are going to post about spending a ton of extra money on the budget board, I think you should expect to get a little reactions. Know your audience is generally good advice.

 

[georgina]

I do make judgements, but don't usually post it. We all have different things we would spend money on, be it travel, houses, college, private schools, clothes. Sometimes I will post to defend my personal choices when another poster attacks them, but I usually try to keep it to myself.

When you post on message boards, you have to expect a lot of contrary opinions! It happens in all things, whenever someone posts on the transportation board about driving to Disney parks, there are always those who will tell them take the bus and not drive (that wasn't the question they asked!)

 

[buckirj1]

Unconsciously, yes. I hope my saving grace is that I realize it, and back off when it's brought to my attention.

 

[tvguy]

I think a lot of folks as they get older realize that spending a little less on something would have allowed them to do other things. First class flight, awesome. Done it on the company dime. But it was not anywhere nearly worth what they charge.

 

[Disneyluv111]

Unconsciously, yes. I hope my saving grace is that I realize it, and back off when it's brought to my attention.

Same here.

 

[superme80]

I tend to judge, but it is purely out of jealousy. I can't afford it so others can't either. I try to keep my mouth shut because I know I'm jealous. It is not the other persons's fault I can't afford luxury accommodations.

 

[davedmaine]

on things we wouldn't. THIS IS PURELY THEORETICAL, just some thing I was wondering in response to another thread. Girl is going on her honeymoon next year and spending 20K on her trip to Disney. Poster did not say or imply in any way that she could not afford it. Immediately she was told how she could have a honeymoon without spending that much. Now, no one was rude. every one gave helpful suggestion but I did find it kind of depressing like they were raining on her parade because she sounded excited about her plans. some suggested she get rid of platinum dining, don't do tours, etc, etc. Why? If some one can stay concierge level in a Poly suite, why do "we" (collective, no one specific) automatically think to tell them they can go for a whole lot less. which I would assume they knew. So do we have a natural tendency to assign value to things and if a person goes over that assigned value, they are "wrong"? I'm always say I'm a weird person, for example I would totally pay a kings ransom to fly first class. totally think it's worth every penny and kidney I'd have to sell to do it, lol but ask me to pay 100 bucks for a pair of jeans and all heck breaks loose.

It's all about ratios. If they make $2 million a year, no problem. If they make $40,000, they're nuts.

 

[eliza61]

We all have our own personal value system and we all judge people about things, whether we say so or not. I value frugality. I think there are a lot of societal ills that are a result of consumerism.

I wouldn't tell people how they should spend their own money, but I do quietly roll my eyes, say, at TV shows about brides spending a gazillion dollars on weddings.

And the venue matters. This is the budget board. If you are going to post about spending a ton of extra money on the budget board, I think you should expect to get a little reactions. Know your audience is generally good advice.

which in itself can be a problem. Like for me, my family and I tend to be frugal 50 weeks out of the year so we can go buckeye crazy (as my husband use to say) on vacation.
The reason I clip coupons during the year is so we can move up to concierge or some thing like that. now I do try to even do vacation as cost effective as possible, like I'm trying to save my credit card points to fly at least business class on vacation next year but I'm sure to some my vacation budget would be over board.

Weddings are tough because I think girls especially sort of by into the whole "princess" fantasy. I know I did, until reality hit but I was probably like the other girl, I did a very budget ceremony but our honeymoon was 3 weeks and an easy 20K back in 1987!!

now of course, we were DINKS. two good paying jobs, during a good economy, during a time when companies had pensions, so our mentality was different.

 

[tasha99]

I try not to judge, especially since I can be so quirky about spending money. My splurges tend to be more space--first class airline seats and larger villas than necessary in dvc. I'm claustrophobic and my family gets snippy in close quarters. $20,000 for a honeymoon seems like a lot to me, but to each their own. Makes more sense to me than spending that much on the wedding, and people do that all the time.

 

[msmama]

Yes. I judge. I admit it. That said, I judge silently and keep my mouth shut - nod and smile.

I judge when people take extravagant vacations and have credit card debt.

I judge when people buy incredibly expensive clothes (without coupons) for their children (although I suppose it could be jealousy that their children don't ruin everything they touch like mine seems to).

That said, if you have your finances in order, are saving for retirement someday, have a good savings, I don't care if you spent every other dime on the most crazy frivilous things EVER. But I've seen/heard too many people complain about not having money and yet still manage to spend (maybe I judge the complaining rather than the actual action).

I have been in situations several times with people complaining about all their credit card debt, and I look like the crazy one when I say I have none!!

If you have 20K to blow on a vacation - more power to you. If you're going to go 20K in debt to go on vacation, I will most certainly be sitting here judging you (while counting my savings).

 

[crisi]

Context matters.

Budget boards.

Also, if someone has a past history of posting that they need help with meals to get through the next month because the car needed brakes - they are more likely to get judged than someone who doesn't.

I've never felt judged for my spending - and I've admitted to getting $200 bottles of wine and having $600 dinners at WDW. I've felt judged for hanging on the budget board with my income - but then, like you, we are frugal during the year so we can buy a $200 bottle of wine when the mood strikes - and fund college and an early semi -retirement.

 

[bdcp]

LOL, anyone who thinks they don't judge isn't being honest. While those who say that may not actually speak their judgment out loud, they more than likely in their heads are "judging". I hate when someone says someone else is being judgmental. Um, if you're saying someone else is judgmental, aren't you judging them?

I worked with someone who had major financial issues. They were entirely her fault. She spent every penny she had and got herself deep into debt. Then she would come to work and whine to everyone. The only reason anyone ever helped her out (transportation issues when her car was repossessed, loaned her money for gas when she had a car) was because she had a young son she had adopted as a single woman and we felt sorry for him, not her. She never, ever should have been approved to adopt. She adopted in a Central American country while she was living outside the US and the rules to adopt are a little different. She is a 48 year old immature person. I tell people she's like a teenager that never grew up emotionally. On payday she would spend cash on take out meals, etc and run out of money before the end of the pay period. We did judge her and all of us had lots of ways she could have fixed her problems but she didn't want to make hard decisions. The rest of our office was pretty well off and she would make comments about how "it must be nice" etc about things we had/did. Anyway, point is, we all judged her. How could we not?

On the other hand, I say if you have it and want to spend it, go for it. DH and I cruise regularly and we always stay in suites. Our choice and we can afford it, but someone invariably says something about how they wouldn't waste money on a suite when they can stay in an inside and save money. Well, good for you lol. So, it does work both ways.

 

[4HOLIDAYS]

I do if I know they cant afford it but we live in an area with a lot of wealth-so I am used to seeing a lot of big spending. A lot of our clients have yachts, mansions, pro teams...stuff like that. I don't blink at that but when my SIL buys a new escalade when they are complaining they can't afford aftercare...that's when I have a hard time holding my tongue.

 

[Burnedout]

I didn't read that thread but had I, I might have said that few people get their money's worth from the platinum plan. Not to be snotty but because I know people are often led to believe they need to do certain things to have a great time. I remember when I first read here I was almost convinced that I needed lagoon facing concierge.

 

[ellochka]

I generally don't get irked by extravagant purchases, unless there is clear evidence of irresponsible spending - new car on a lease or loan, DVC "mortgage", that bankruptcy lady that went to Disney three times a year. Sometimes you see people saying that it is normal to live paycheck to paycheck, and you can clearly see the reasons in their signature. I did get puzzled, probably unnecessary, by the people getting the new iPhone the day it came out, but that was mostly because I didn't see it as an improvement over the older versions. A $600 iPhone once in two years is not that much money after all.

 

[Pixiedustaway]

I see on here all the time. No matter what the topic. And it's always people with 20+ trips in their signature that have the most to say about someone else's spending. Be it on disney or not.

 

[ellochka]

I try not to judge, especially since I can be so quirky about spending money. My splurges tend to be more space--first class airline seats and larger villas than necessary in dvc. I'm claustrophobic and my family gets snippy in close quarters. $20,000 for a honeymoon seems like a lot to me, but to each their own. Makes more sense to me than spending that much on the wedding, and people do that all the time.

While we are too cheap for the first class, our vote is always for more space. I do cringe when people write of their plans to stay two adults, two kids and a baby in a crib in a single value room. Oh, the pain!

 

[kirstenb1]

I'm judgy, but my dh really put me in my place in a nice way. Our neighborhood is almost all custom homes. Not fancy, but built one at a time by different builders. We had neighbors that had a home that was built with less quality materials than the rest of the homes. They drove high-end cars. I said something to dh one day about them having fancy cars and us not. He said, well they must make a lot more money than we do.

Perfect answer. (wound up not being true, they treated that home like an ATM, and eventually foreclosed). But dh's answer just gave him and me peace to not worry about someone else. Yes, I'm still judgy, but maybe less so!!