The Q

[Maistre Gracey]

I’m straight, but have absolutely no issues with those who are not.
My nephew, who I cherish dearly, is gay and married to another man. I support that whole heartedly.

My question is the “Q”. I think that stands for queer. Personally I do not use that that word as it seems derogatory. I disagree with it. Almost like a black person using the “n” word. I hate it, and am surprised it is accepted here. I totally get the “LGBT”, but not the Q.

Please tell me where I’m wrong.

 

[Welsh_Dragon]

Hasn’t it morphed into standing for ‘questioning’?
https://www.youngstonewall.org.uk/lgbtq-info

 

[Maistre Gracey]

Hasn’t it morphed into standing for ‘questioning’?
https://www.youngstonewall.org.uk/lgbtq-info

I don’t know. That’s why I asked.

I will say that to many in the non gay community, we thought it’s queer. That’s unacceptable imo, but if it’s something different that is why I asked.

 

[Welsh_Dragon]

Hmmm, with the greatest respect, if you have the slightest inkling that a word, any word, is an insult or a slur and may cause offence, just don’t use the word.
In your particular example, why on earth didn’t you just ask your nephew? Rhetorical question.

 

[Maistre Gracey]

Hmmm, with the greatest respect, if you have the slightest inkling that a word, any word, is an insult or a slur and may cause offence, just don’t use the word.
In your particular example, why on earth didn’t you just ask your nephew? Rhetorical question.

Okay. I was just curious. No harm meant here. Truly just curious, as I’m aware many gay people are more in tune with the PC thing than I am.
Not trying to cause issues. Just trying to learn.

 

[Cubbiecakes]

You'll get a different answer with each person you ask. Best practice is just to ask, I guess.

 

[ctipp79]

The Q stands for questioning. As for the other Q being derogatory or not, that will vary person to person. Personally, as a 40 year old lesbian I have no issue with it. Others do.

 

[Cubbiecakes]

...as a 40 year old lesbian I have no issue with it. Others do.

As a gay man older than ctipp79, if you use the Q word on me, I'll probably become agitated, if not violent.

 

[DuskKodesh]

As someone that grew up in the 80's during the 'queer' rights movement I do not and will never have personal issues with that word and I identify as genderqueer. I know other people that don't like it and go by 'agender'. It's very person to person. I agree with Cubbiecakes, always good to ask .

 

[LightningGale]

Yes, it means queer. A lot of people use that as their term these days, and it is not seen as an insult in many places. I'm 21 and bi, and will happily describe myself as part of the "queer community". (As noted above, though, a lot of people do have serious issues with it. Best to get an idea of where a particular person stands before using it to refer to them.)

It's great that you're asking - always good to have more people who know!

 

[Narnian_Princess]

It does mean queer. Sometimes people try to make it mean questioning, but when questioning is included in the ‘alphabet soup’ it is usually as an addition, meaning there are two Qs.

Yes, queer has been a slur, which is precisely why many of us use it. It’s a giant middle finger to the people who have and still want to hurt us with it. You, as a non-member of a marginalised community, cannot tell that marginalised community not to use a word that’s uncomfortable to you (I made this face when I read that you “disagree with” black people using the n-word: ). It’s supposed to be uncomfortable to you. It’s supposed to remind you of said community’s marginalisation. It’s doing its job.

Less politically, it’s often used these days as a shortcut for those who have complicated identities. I don’t have time to launch into a detailed explanation of the nuances of my not-straightness every time I talk to someone new, so “queer” it is.

 

[Maistre Gracey]

It does mean queer. Sometimes people try to make it mean questioning, but when questioning is included in the ‘alphabet soup’ it is usually as an addition, meaning there are two Qs.

Yes, queer has been a slur, which is precisely why many of us use it. It’s a giant middle finger to the people who have and still want to hurt us with it. You, as a non-member of a marginalised community, cannot tell that marginalised community not to use a word that’s uncomfortable to you (I made this face when I read that you “disagree with” black people using the n-word: ). It’s supposed to be uncomfortable to you. It’s supposed to remind you of said community’s marginalisation. It’s doing its job.

Less politically, it’s often used these days as a shortcut for those who have complicated identities. I don’t have time to launch into a detailed explanation of the nuances of my not-straightness every time I talk to someone new, so “queer” it is.

Well, what can I say other than I disagree?
I thought gay people wanted to just be a non-factor (good thing meaning people don’t care if you’re gay). “Giving the finger” to people does not educate them, and certainly does not advance your cause imo.

 

[Narnian_Princess]

Well, what can I say other than I disagree?
I thought gay people wanted to just be a non-factor (good thing meaning people don’t care if you’re gay). “Giving the finger” to people does not educate them, and certainly does not advance your cause imo.

It’s not the job of the marginalised person to educate others—it’s the job of the others to educate themselves. Also Pride exists because it’s not enough to be a “non-factor” while discrimination still exists—we have to be loud, proud, unapologetic, and unforgettable.

 

[LightningGale]

Bluntly, a lot of us want to be in-your-face about it because otherwise people forget it's still an issue. I would like to live in a world where, for example, I don't need to filter my job prospects based on whether trying to get a female spouse onto my health insurance is a potential firing offense: sexual orientation or gender identity is a valid thing to fire someone for in large portions of this country, especially if the employer is a private company. But I don't. (Florida is one of the states where that's legal, by the way. I can be fired, denied housing, or refused access to public spaces for my sexuality.) Reminding people that we exist is a necessary part of reminding people that discrimination didn't go away when same-sex marriage was legalized, and maybe trying to do something about that.

 

[Maistre Gracey]

It’s not the job of the marginalised person to educate others—it’s the job of the others to educate themselves. Also Pride exists because it’s not enough to be a “non-factor” while discrimination still exists—we have to be loud, proud, unapologetic, and unforgettable.

Bluntly, a lot of us want to be in-your-face about it because otherwise people forget it's still an issue. I would like to live in a world where, for example, I don't need to filter my job prospects based on whether trying to get a female spouse onto my health insurance is a potential firing offense: sexual orientation or gender identity is a valid thing to fire someone for in large portions of this country, especially if the employer is a private company. But I don't. (Florida is one of the states where that's legal, by the way. I can be fired, denied housing, or refused access to public spaces for my sexuality.) Reminding people that we exist is a necessary part of reminding people that discrimination didn't go away when same-sex marriage was legalized, and maybe trying to do something about that.

Okay, but speaking as a straight man within the straight community, most are becoming to accept the gay community. IMO, the way to win over the rest is not to be “in your face”. That doesn’t mean hide your sexualism, it just means slow down on the confrontation. It’s a new(er) thing to be open, and confrontation is not the way to win people over imo.

As a conservative straight man, I have stated my views. I’m sorry if you cannot accept them. I honestly think the gay community would be better received without the drama.
Very few care anymore. That in and of it

 

[CampbellzSoup]

I’ll be honest being gay married and a father no one in our community cares what verbiage is used outside of a few extreme case people. The F word is the only no go zone, very offensive.

 

[Chuck S]

While the Q in the LGBTQ is generally "Questioning" ie Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender and Questioning, there are also some in the community that are reclaiming the word "Queer." But not in the case of the acronym. Generally "Queer" will depend on context as to whether most gay folks would consider it as being intended as a pejorative.

 

[kylenne]

Okay, but speaking as a straight man within the straight community, most are becoming to accept the gay community. IMO, the way to win over the rest is not to be “in your face”. That doesn’t mean hide your sexualism, it just means slow down on the confrontation. It’s a new(er) thing to be open, and confrontation is not the way to win people over imo.

As a conservative straight man, I have stated my views. I’m sorry if you cannot accept them. I honestly think the gay community would be better received without the drama.
Very few care anymore. That in and of it

Pride started as a riot.

 

[L&Lfan]

60 year old gay man here who has no problem referring to himself as queer.

 

[Cubbiecakes]

Pride started as a riot.

Yup.

Being non-confrontational and meek got us harrassed, assaulted, and killed, almost as a sport.