The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands

[bjgrazi]

Has anyone read this book? It was given to me as a wedding present and at first I laughed, well a month into the new marriage I decided to pick up the book and read it. Wow after just a few day's I'm seeing major differences already.

I will no longer B*!ch about him not taking out the garbage, instead I will say when you get a minute the garbage is full, can you please dump it? When he does, I made sure I was there when he came in, I gave him a big kiss and said thank you.

Fast forward to last night, I had to take my son to his basketball game, he had to get his daughter to the dance, he made dinner, (we grabbed something on the run) in the past I'd come home to a huge kitchen mess and resent him. Last night the kitchen was gleaming. I gave him a big thank you and let him know I appreciated it . Well this morning I get where are we going for dinner tonight, pick your favorite restaurant. OH YEAH

Thanks Dr. Laura, on Monday I was thinking I made the biggest mistake of my life, today I'm thrilled and thanking God for giving me such a wonderful man.

 

[Serena]

 

[Pin Wizard]

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

I've been hearing about that book, and hearing the letters that are sent with the same type message. I'm glad it's working for your marriage.

I almost got the book the other day .... but then I remembered ... I don't have a husband.

 

[Amy]

bjgrazi, can I ask a couple of questions? Does Dr. Laura say why WOMEN have to do all this "appreciation" stuff? I mean, my DH has NEVER said "thanks for doing the laundry and washing my stinky underwear" or "thanks for cleaning all the scum out of the bathtub." Why should I gush all over him for just taking out the trash????

I'm just curious because this is an on-going thing with me, and I've mentioned it to DH thousands of times. It seems like I'm always the one who does everything around the house: I figure out what we'll eat all week, I do the grocery shopping, I do the cooking, I make sure the kids have lunch money, I pack everybody's lunches, I make all the kids' dr. appts and take them to the appts, I take them to their activities and pick them up afterward, I do all the laundry and all the cleaning, I pay the bills and do our banking, I take care of the lawn (although now that our DS's are old enough, I'm letting them do it) and not only that, I am the first one up in the morning because every single one of them will sleep right thru their alarms if I don't drag them out of bed. (I also work parttime, too.) DH is in charge of taking out the trash and upkeep of our cars. So Dr. Laura says I'm supposed to give him a big kiss and a thank you???

 

[Pin Wizard]

LOL, Amy! I'm with you. That sounds like my first marriage. It was enough. I don't want to repeat that scene.

 

[skiwee1]

Just another reason why I can't stand Dr. Laura! Puleeze! Thank him and give him a kiss for doing a chore? Hah! Yes, you have only been married a month and it definitely shows! You know, I do all kinds of chores around my house from shopping, cooking, cleaning, taking care of the kids, and so on. I have never had nor would I want or expect my husband to thank me for it. It is called marriage. I am not doing him a favor and he is not doing me a favor. It is called sharing the workload. Dr. Laura is into being the submissive wife anyway and constantly spews her crap on the radio all the while alienating her own mother. She can't even keep her own life together yet attempts to tell everyone else what to do. I'm sure you can find a better role model for your marriage then some overpaid, undereducated fool telling you to just about kiss your DH's **** simply for taking out the trash!

 

[pw2pp]

Maybe she will follow up with "The Proper Care and Feeding of a Wife".
She usually writes for one gender then the next book is for the other gender.

 

[bjgrazi]

I may only be married over a month, but my last marriage was 14 years. I had already seen the same thing beginning to happen again.

If my first husband is asked and I have, he would say if she just appreciated me and didn't complain how she did everything in the house and took into consideration how I drove 2 hours each way to work then came home and took care of the "man" chores so she could stay home and take care of the children we may be saying it's our 19th anniversay.

I wasn't a real Dr. Laura fan (and still am not) and laughed out loud when a friend who has been married 22 years gave me the book, she had said it did a world of difference for her failing marriage. She wanted us to start off on the correct foot. The whole book is about respect, admiration and love. Most wifes show more kindness and respect to a complete stranger than they do their own husbands.

By me whining how he didn't take out the garbage (this is just an expample) didn't help the matter, but when I changed the way I was looking at it, it helped him without him even knowing it.

I've alway known men are simple creatures, we on the other hand are much more complex with all the feelings and emotions.

All I can is, I read the book although some of it I had to laugh at, some of it was/is quite true. I found something that is working for us. We very quickly had gone from being very loving to I do all this and you do nothing mode, it was quite untrue, just each
others version of reality.

Amy all I can say is quit your whinning about everything you do, show him some apprciation for what he does and you may find that you no longer have to do as much. It may not hurt for you to read the book if for nothing else but a good laugh.

 

[skiwee1]

Wow Barb, I must say that you went from loving mode to all I do is this and this quite quickly! I have been married for going on 18 years and the honeymoon lasted a lot longer than a month! Geez we didn't get to that stage until at least a year had gone by. After all these years we still get a long wonderfully and couldn't imagine thanking each other for doing our part in the house or in the marriage.

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

<font color=navy>For those who have good relationships with their spouses, I don't think the book is needed, and major kudos to you. I know of couples who are like this, and I am happy for them.

However, if you find that your marriage is lacking, and you do feel resentful, and both husband and wife don't see a more positive future... Because if the hints haven't worked up to now, and the reminders and the talks and the nagging and the ...

Why not try something as simple as reading a book ... why not try it out. Yeah, you might laugh at it, but then, what if it works for you? What if you find that after trying it out your husband starts doing things without you having to remind him? Such little effort, and such big rewards when all's said and done.

bjgrazi - I'm glad it's working for you

 

[minniepumpernickel]

Oh no, I probably shouldn't be on this thread! Not a big fan of Dr. Laura!

If you have to feed them, and care for them, may as well just get a pet instead.

 

[Pin Wizard]

Originally posted by bjgrazi
Most wifes show more kindness and respect to a complete stranger than they do their own husbands.

Glad it's working for you. But I wouldn't be one to buy Dr. Laura's book. I'll stick with Dr. Dobson if I need something. Couldn't bypass the above comment of yours. I used to LOVE the way my husband was with other people when we were out in public...the way he used to be when we dated! However, when we were home it was another story.

 

[KristaTX]

I'm glad things are better for you . It sounds like these changes in communication style are having positive effects for both of you. I'm glad you found the book early in your marriage before too much resentment built up . Good for you for taking some initiative. Congratulations and keep hanging in there!

Krista

 

[minniecarousel]

Glad to hear it's working for you. I gotta admit that I listen to Dr.Laura some afternoons - just for the comic relief and my own gasp of "I can't believe that she said that!"

 

[Amy]

bjgrazi, I'm glad the book is working for you. Let me know when Dr. Laura comes out with a book for HUSBANDS on the care and feeding of their wives.

 

[Alice28]

Barb-

I'm glad the book is working for you- kudos to anyone on making their marriage better.

I have listened to Dr. Laura off and on for years. While sometimes I think she is a little nutty, a lot of the time I think she's right on the money. I KNOW my husband is more likely to react to me being polite and kind & give kisses than if I nagged and crabbed all the time. And I react the same way to him-if he asks nicely for me to do something, instead of being rude or accusatory, I am certainly more likely to do it, and do it with a happy heart. I think that's all Dr. Laura is saying; that and that men are wired a little bit differently and react strongly to physical attention. I am a firm believer than men and women respond differently to things and one isn't right over the other.

Just because you are *nice* to your spouse, doesn't mean you are being a doormat.

 

[skiwee1]

I think there is a huge difference between asking something in a nice tone and giving them a big thank you and kiss. Big difference! No one is saying you have to be rude or you are a doormat. What I'm saying is that there are things that come along with being married. If the person will only do such things after being thanked and given a big kiss then he/she needs a swift kick to the curb. If you have to thank someone just to get them to talk to you decently or do things they are supposed to be doing in the first place then why on earth are you still with them? You in the general sense of course. I've got better things to do then kissing **** because the old man decided to take out the trash!

 

[Planogirl]

I detest Dr Laura but hey, if it works for you go for it. I'm in favor of people doing whatever works best for them. I know that I would go nuts but I'm not you.

 

[Mskanga]

So Barb, which restaurant did you pick? please tell me you didn't go to the George Inn, I'd rather go to the Hayloft, wait , is that still the name of it? the one that looks like a barn right off route 94 in Hamburg?