Rajah
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Aug 17, 1999
- Messages
- 9,633
Too bad we don't have a "crying thumb's up" message icon.
I stayed up until about 1:30 last night going through digital photos to put together an impromptu slideshow. We originally set out to have a slideshow of just pictures of him, but going through them realized that to accurately portray *him*, we were better off showing pictures of things he loved or pictures he took in addition. (Okay, and I don't have that many with him in them)
Got up this morning and we put together a music CD of some of his favorite songs, including a few humorous ones like Cleetus T. Judd (not sure I spelled that right) or Ray Stevens. My dad had a very unique sense of humor, and we tried to capture that as well.
The memorial itself started at 2, but we got there just before 1 to set things up. We had it at my inlaw's place: we wanted it in someone's home, but the first day couldn't face scheduling it at my mom's house, nor did I want it at mine. By yesterday, I was kinda wishing we had gone ahead and had it at either my house or my mom's, but my inlaws' was okay. I originally didn't want the sad event at my house, but now think I could have handled that, but we didn't need to be trying to clean house and everything before everyone showed up in *addition* to everything else. So I was very thankful that my FIL offered his place. It was an hour away, but despite that we had a good turnout.
My dad's best friend and his wife arrived well before anyone else, and brought a lot of food. We also had one bouquet that my mom ordered as from the family, and one bouquet from my mom's aunt. Both were gorgeous, though the one my mom ordered was 3x the size we expected.
If we'd realized it was going to be that big, we would have ordered a much smaller one!
My two best friends (engaged, the Chicago couple for those following my stories) picked up my cousin (mom's brother's daughter) at the airport then brought her to my inlaws', and they arrived just before we did. My grandparents, aunt, and other cousin were also there before we arrived, though not by much. DH and I drove separately because FIL wanted DH to bring his car for some reason (come to find out later, they wanted to "claim" him for the evening to make sure *he's* doing okay, which is good). My mom rode up with my uncle, again very good for her.
When we arrived, we set up several displays around the IL's living room. We had one table that we set up for sign-in (thank you to Max at Miller Funeral Home in Houston for asking if we wanted a sign-in book for the memorial, because we would have forgotten any kind of sign-up). We had a few pictures and things there. Then set up their coffee table with displays of hobby-related things, primarily that he did, but a couple of gifts that he loved, as well as a photo album with those few prints I could find in such short notice to share. Then we had DH's laptop set up with the slideshow running with about 125 photos. Those ranged from vacation photos to flowers to birds to illusions that he liked to photos of him.
Then we had 30 minutes before we were to officially start, and 2 of the couples we had invited to the "invitation only for family and close friends" section weren't there yet.
That got *very* uncomfortable. The family didn't really want to talk, half the friends were also upset and didn't want to start anything, and the other half were politely sitting back and trying not to intrude into the family's quiet time. But that got *very* uncomfortable very fast.
Bless my DH, he is an angel. I take back any bad thing I ever said about him, he's a blessing.
He stepped up with starting to tell a couple of funny stories of recent things he and my dad had done, and that broke the tension and got some of us recalling fun times until the rest of the invited guests arrived.
Then we had the memorial itself. My FIL is a chaplain (sp?) for Hospice, and is involved with the ministry at their church, at least a deacon (sp?) but I think he may even be higher if there's anything between deacon and preist in the Catholic church? Anyway, my mom asked him to officiate the service, and he did a wonderful job of setting it up for us and making it rather non-denominational. We aren't Catholic, but we are Christian, as was everyone present to my knowledge. FIL had us laugh a couple of times, cry several others, and come together in faith the rest of the time. He was rather quick, taking no more than 15 minutes if that, then asked people if anyone else wanted to say a few words.
One of my coworkers (my best friend at work, even though he's older than my dad was) is a part-time minister as well, and he said some words that were also beautiful. He focused primarily on my dad's sense of humor, which was rather unique, and on how much of a void my dad has left behind at work and how much he will be missed.
Then my dad's best friend stood up and talked, sharing stories of how he met my dad and their relationship through the years, and he brought along something I had missed when grabbing things that represented my dad. I was *very* thankful that without consulting us, the one physical thing he brought to share was the one physical thing I was almost in tears about having forgotten. My dad was a huge fan of the Far Side comics, and his best friend had a picture my dad had scanned and colored.
About that time, we finished up the family section with my just-arrived-cousin singing Amazing Grace (she has a *BEAUTIFUL* voice, and did it entirely accapella (sp)) and guests started arriving for the open-visiting section. 3 people my dad worked very closely with arrived on the dot at the time when we'd said it would open for everyone, and they brought along a coworker I was surprised to see, as I didn't think she was that close to my dad.
The next hour and a half had friends and coworkers dropping in as they wanted, staying for a brief period, then leaving as they were ready. We had several coworkers, and everyone I *expected* to see was there, as were 2 I didn't expect to see, so that was very nice. The turnout from the office (about 10 or 12 people) was more than my mom expected, actually. My DH's best friends (the Orlando couple, for those who remember the wedding conflict -- and yes, they were trying to plan the same day as the Chicago couple
) also came.
Of everyone non-family who came, my previous manager (since transferred to another department) was most obviously very upset over this loss. Everyone who came was obviously saddened, but this guy obviously cared very much for my dad and considered him a best friend. I was very touched, actually. And he asked me a favor, which I'd planned to do anyway, but was very touching.
Back when 9/11 happened, he was our manager. If y'all recall, I made a collage honoring the heroes of that day. He said that collage helped him a *LOT*, and he said would I *please* do one for my dad. He said that would help him a lot, and he knew that was part of the way I handle grief as well. I was very honored and touched by his request. I'd been thinking about doing one just for my mom and myself, but with his request, I'll share it with others as well.
After we wrapped things up, we came back home where family has been visiting. My mom's in bed already, which is very good for her, she needs the rest. (Okay, okay, so do I. When the caffeine wears off
) My grandparents and aunt are going back home tomorrow morning. They can't handle staying here any longer, they need to get back to their own lives and try to resume their routines. This has upset them a great, great deal (obviously -- no parent ever expects to bury *2* of their children
). I expect I'll be hearing from them a lot more in the coming months (and, I pray, years). My mom's brother's daughter (one of my two cousins here) is heading back tomorrow morning. I'm very glad she was able to come out, though. My uncle heads out Monday, and my other cousin will be hanging around for a while longer.
If y'all don't mind, I'd like to share some pictures from the memorial service:
This was the signin table. The flowers were from my mom's aunt. On that table were the sign-in book, a shuttle photo (the space program meant everything to my dad), a book from Lord of the Rings (one of my dad's favorite movies and stories recently -- Harry Potter was another favorite, though we missed anything to represent that) as well as the ticket stub from the last time we went to see Return of the King, a teddy-bear duo he gave my mom one Valentine's day recently, a photo of them in Hawaii not quite 25 years ago (I think) -- that was one of my favorite pictures of them, an eagle statue thingy (he loved and collected all things eagles, as in the bird), a picture of their dog Dolly, an eagle cross stitch I made for him for Christmas in 2000, an example of the type of jokes he loved (this one was the snake that ate Garfield), a pen he'd gotten as a service award (one of those X years of service type things) about 15, maybe even 20 years ago, and the brocures FIL printed for the service.
This was the hobby table. We put the photo album there, which had some pictures of him from my wedding, my parents' wedding picture, a few vacation pictures (mostly Cancun my last year in High School -- that was the only actual *album* I could find), and some pictures of things he'd made that we either couldn't find or couldn't bring. Next to that was a puzzle -- he collected 3-D puzzles. We had 3 kaleidoscopes, all of which he *made*, 2 quilt blocks (both of which he designed and sewed -- surprisingly, he loved quilting), the last cross stitch pattern I actually *finished* for him and gave him this Christmas (not my design, but one he picked out at the cross stitch and embroidery show that was here last spring), 2 puzzle-boxes he made out of wood, and a basket he made using his scrollsaw. We didn't get all of his likes and hobbies by a long shot, but this was a good sampling.
This was the food, *most* of which we ended up bringing back home with us. Thankfully, my best friends live just down the street, and their fridge is almost empty. We were able to fit two cases in our fridge, but the rest went to my friends'.
And this was the bouquet (sp) my mom ordered yesterday. She ordered a red, white, and blue theme, and it had white roses (and other flowers I can't name), red roses, and blue iris.
I stayed up until about 1:30 last night going through digital photos to put together an impromptu slideshow. We originally set out to have a slideshow of just pictures of him, but going through them realized that to accurately portray *him*, we were better off showing pictures of things he loved or pictures he took in addition. (Okay, and I don't have that many with him in them)
Got up this morning and we put together a music CD of some of his favorite songs, including a few humorous ones like Cleetus T. Judd (not sure I spelled that right) or Ray Stevens. My dad had a very unique sense of humor, and we tried to capture that as well.
The memorial itself started at 2, but we got there just before 1 to set things up. We had it at my inlaw's place: we wanted it in someone's home, but the first day couldn't face scheduling it at my mom's house, nor did I want it at mine. By yesterday, I was kinda wishing we had gone ahead and had it at either my house or my mom's, but my inlaws' was okay. I originally didn't want the sad event at my house, but now think I could have handled that, but we didn't need to be trying to clean house and everything before everyone showed up in *addition* to everything else. So I was very thankful that my FIL offered his place. It was an hour away, but despite that we had a good turnout.
My dad's best friend and his wife arrived well before anyone else, and brought a lot of food. We also had one bouquet that my mom ordered as from the family, and one bouquet from my mom's aunt. Both were gorgeous, though the one my mom ordered was 3x the size we expected.

My two best friends (engaged, the Chicago couple for those following my stories) picked up my cousin (mom's brother's daughter) at the airport then brought her to my inlaws', and they arrived just before we did. My grandparents, aunt, and other cousin were also there before we arrived, though not by much. DH and I drove separately because FIL wanted DH to bring his car for some reason (come to find out later, they wanted to "claim" him for the evening to make sure *he's* doing okay, which is good). My mom rode up with my uncle, again very good for her.
When we arrived, we set up several displays around the IL's living room. We had one table that we set up for sign-in (thank you to Max at Miller Funeral Home in Houston for asking if we wanted a sign-in book for the memorial, because we would have forgotten any kind of sign-up). We had a few pictures and things there. Then set up their coffee table with displays of hobby-related things, primarily that he did, but a couple of gifts that he loved, as well as a photo album with those few prints I could find in such short notice to share. Then we had DH's laptop set up with the slideshow running with about 125 photos. Those ranged from vacation photos to flowers to birds to illusions that he liked to photos of him.
Then we had 30 minutes before we were to officially start, and 2 of the couples we had invited to the "invitation only for family and close friends" section weren't there yet.
That got *very* uncomfortable. The family didn't really want to talk, half the friends were also upset and didn't want to start anything, and the other half were politely sitting back and trying not to intrude into the family's quiet time. But that got *very* uncomfortable very fast.
Bless my DH, he is an angel. I take back any bad thing I ever said about him, he's a blessing.
He stepped up with starting to tell a couple of funny stories of recent things he and my dad had done, and that broke the tension and got some of us recalling fun times until the rest of the invited guests arrived.
Then we had the memorial itself. My FIL is a chaplain (sp?) for Hospice, and is involved with the ministry at their church, at least a deacon (sp?) but I think he may even be higher if there's anything between deacon and preist in the Catholic church? Anyway, my mom asked him to officiate the service, and he did a wonderful job of setting it up for us and making it rather non-denominational. We aren't Catholic, but we are Christian, as was everyone present to my knowledge. FIL had us laugh a couple of times, cry several others, and come together in faith the rest of the time. He was rather quick, taking no more than 15 minutes if that, then asked people if anyone else wanted to say a few words.
One of my coworkers (my best friend at work, even though he's older than my dad was) is a part-time minister as well, and he said some words that were also beautiful. He focused primarily on my dad's sense of humor, which was rather unique, and on how much of a void my dad has left behind at work and how much he will be missed.
Then my dad's best friend stood up and talked, sharing stories of how he met my dad and their relationship through the years, and he brought along something I had missed when grabbing things that represented my dad. I was *very* thankful that without consulting us, the one physical thing he brought to share was the one physical thing I was almost in tears about having forgotten. My dad was a huge fan of the Far Side comics, and his best friend had a picture my dad had scanned and colored.
About that time, we finished up the family section with my just-arrived-cousin singing Amazing Grace (she has a *BEAUTIFUL* voice, and did it entirely accapella (sp)) and guests started arriving for the open-visiting section. 3 people my dad worked very closely with arrived on the dot at the time when we'd said it would open for everyone, and they brought along a coworker I was surprised to see, as I didn't think she was that close to my dad.
The next hour and a half had friends and coworkers dropping in as they wanted, staying for a brief period, then leaving as they were ready. We had several coworkers, and everyone I *expected* to see was there, as were 2 I didn't expect to see, so that was very nice. The turnout from the office (about 10 or 12 people) was more than my mom expected, actually. My DH's best friends (the Orlando couple, for those who remember the wedding conflict -- and yes, they were trying to plan the same day as the Chicago couple

Of everyone non-family who came, my previous manager (since transferred to another department) was most obviously very upset over this loss. Everyone who came was obviously saddened, but this guy obviously cared very much for my dad and considered him a best friend. I was very touched, actually. And he asked me a favor, which I'd planned to do anyway, but was very touching.
Back when 9/11 happened, he was our manager. If y'all recall, I made a collage honoring the heroes of that day. He said that collage helped him a *LOT*, and he said would I *please* do one for my dad. He said that would help him a lot, and he knew that was part of the way I handle grief as well. I was very honored and touched by his request. I'd been thinking about doing one just for my mom and myself, but with his request, I'll share it with others as well.
After we wrapped things up, we came back home where family has been visiting. My mom's in bed already, which is very good for her, she needs the rest. (Okay, okay, so do I. When the caffeine wears off


If y'all don't mind, I'd like to share some pictures from the memorial service:

This was the signin table. The flowers were from my mom's aunt. On that table were the sign-in book, a shuttle photo (the space program meant everything to my dad), a book from Lord of the Rings (one of my dad's favorite movies and stories recently -- Harry Potter was another favorite, though we missed anything to represent that) as well as the ticket stub from the last time we went to see Return of the King, a teddy-bear duo he gave my mom one Valentine's day recently, a photo of them in Hawaii not quite 25 years ago (I think) -- that was one of my favorite pictures of them, an eagle statue thingy (he loved and collected all things eagles, as in the bird), a picture of their dog Dolly, an eagle cross stitch I made for him for Christmas in 2000, an example of the type of jokes he loved (this one was the snake that ate Garfield), a pen he'd gotten as a service award (one of those X years of service type things) about 15, maybe even 20 years ago, and the brocures FIL printed for the service.

This was the hobby table. We put the photo album there, which had some pictures of him from my wedding, my parents' wedding picture, a few vacation pictures (mostly Cancun my last year in High School -- that was the only actual *album* I could find), and some pictures of things he'd made that we either couldn't find or couldn't bring. Next to that was a puzzle -- he collected 3-D puzzles. We had 3 kaleidoscopes, all of which he *made*, 2 quilt blocks (both of which he designed and sewed -- surprisingly, he loved quilting), the last cross stitch pattern I actually *finished* for him and gave him this Christmas (not my design, but one he picked out at the cross stitch and embroidery show that was here last spring), 2 puzzle-boxes he made out of wood, and a basket he made using his scrollsaw. We didn't get all of his likes and hobbies by a long shot, but this was a good sampling.

This was the food, *most* of which we ended up bringing back home with us. Thankfully, my best friends live just down the street, and their fridge is almost empty. We were able to fit two cases in our fridge, but the rest went to my friends'.

And this was the bouquet (sp) my mom ordered yesterday. She ordered a red, white, and blue theme, and it had white roses (and other flowers I can't name), red roses, and blue iris.