The Meanest Mother in the World--A L-B TR, 5/05 *DONE. p.65, with one last pic*

[kpk89]

Your guide to finding the parts of the story:
Part 1: You're here! Look right down there and get reading!
Part 2: More Pre-trip/Prologue: The Brainwashing! Page one also, #8.
Part 3: The checklist and the mini-drama. Page 2.
Part 4: Hey, we're finally getting to the AIRport! Page 3, #45
Part 5: Moooo! Page 6, #88
Part 6: LaLa's Little Sista Gets Her Scream-Laugh On! page 9, #123
Part 7: Hold the Express, We'll Just Take the Magic. Page 12, #168
Part 8: We Need a Sign. Page 14, #209
Part 9: In Which the Meanest Mama Has Words with Guest Relations, and Very Nearly Throws a Flippie Fit. Page 16, #232
Part 10: A Park! At Last! A whole Kingdom, Even! Page 17.
Part 11: Crash & Jingle. with new addition Page 21.
Part 12: Epcot, Lost and Found. Page 23
Part 13: A Whole New World, so to speak. Page 26
Part 14: In Which Piper Finds Her Own Most Magical Memory. Page 33
Part 15: Soarin' Dirty. Page 35.
Part 16: Dinner with Ralla & Chommin'. Page 37.
Part 17: The Down Day, page 40
Part 18: 'Scuse Me, Can I Get a Saladhead? p. 42
Part 19: Really? There's 19 Flippin' Chapters and We're Only on Day 5? p. 43
Part 20: Hey Conor, it'syourbirthday, p. 45
Part 21: Blame Regis and Kelly, p. 46
Part 22: Just Squeeze, p. 48.
Part 23: Kings and Queens and Bishops too... , P. 48.
Parts 24, 25, 26: Trash Talking, Back to the Future of the Past, and Please Don't Enjoy the Magic, p. 51
Part 27: Beware the Dollies, p. 53
Part 28: A Magic Rocket Ride, p. 54
Part 29: The Shortest Chapter Ever, p. 54
Part 30: A Little "Me" Time, p. 55
Part 31: The Haircut, Revisited, p. 55
Part 32: Sydneyralla meets Too White, p. 57
Part 33: Muppets Rule! A three-fer on p. 58-9
Part 34: Fantasmic! (or is it?), p 60.
Part 35: In Which We Have Plans, and they are Scrapped ( or, Friday the 13th! )p. 61.
Part 36: The Bus Arrives. Or Does it? p. 62
Part 37: The Horror. p. 63
Part 38: THE END! p. 65




Pre-trip, Prologue, Introduction and So Forth

I am the meanest mother in the world. (The whole real world, not the beloved 42 square miles in central Florida.) This is what I tell my kids whenever I have to play the mama card and not let them have their way about something.

"Can I have this brownie for breakfast?"

"Noooooo..."

"But why?"

"Because I'm the meanest mother in the world."

This is my pat answer, especially when I don't feel like explaining, really, WHY a brownie for breakfast is not a proper nutritional choice, especially for little 5, or 4, or 2 year old bones.

Those would be my kids. DS5, DD4, and DD2. Maybe I should let them have brownies for breakfast, so I can get some sleep.

Just a quick interruption, here ... this trip report is being written NOW, about a trip that happened last MAY. Almost a year ago. So I'm going to attempt to write as if we just got back -- which means that at the time, they were 5, 4, and 2. I've become inspired by some of the really great trip reports around here lately, and decided to give it a shot. If for no other reason than I'll have a report to put in our Disney album. The kids won't know if my TR got any views or replies or whatnot.

So of course, when my sister got back from Disney for the umpteenth time (she was in the College Program, and then bought DVC, and they go at least twice a year, and my current addiction to Dis is all her fault. Love ya Karen!) my kids wanted to know "When are WE going to go to Disney World?"

"Um, we'll have to wait until Syd turns 5."

"But why?"

"Because I'm the meanest mother in the world." (Which, my little darlings, you might interpret as "Because I am already planning a surprise trip, and have to keep you in the dark." You could interpret it that way. If you were old enough to read the DIS over my shoulder or had a clue what "Member Services" is.)

Yep, I'm the meanest, and I'm a liar. I duped my babes into thinking they would have to wait four whole years to meet the Mouse. What I did not anticipate was their response:

"We're going to Disney World! When Sydney is FIVE! Yayyyyyyyy!" And they would tell people this and the people'd look at them like, which one is Sydney? Isn't she a few years away from five? Why, exactly, are you so excited?

This was oh, around fall of 2004. See, I told you this is a late-breaking report.

To give you the background in a nutshell, I got DVC-envy. DVCfreude, if you will. (Thanks, Zzub, for teaching me a new word!) I saw my sis jetting off to the World a couple of times a year, and loving the whole villa thing with the laundry and the 2 bathrooms and the extra bedroom and the kitchen and the Welcome Home and all. So I convinced DH that we needed to go check it out. Just for a weekend.

(Shhhh, don't tell him that we could have just done all the paperwork over the phone and saved ourselves the airfare and food money and the ONE DAY park tickets -- ouch -- because we forgot to bring our non-expiring hoppers left over from 1994.)

So we left on a Friday, spent the afternoon touring Saratoga Springs with my sister's (now ours!) Vacation Club Guide (that would be Lisa DeRosa, and she's greatgreatgreat!) and buying up our little share of the Disney pie. Dinner at Spoodles, stayed at Animal Kingdom Lodge, did AK the next morning, hung out at Uzima pool for the afternoon drinking some yummy drink with amarula the name of which now escapes me, dinner at Portobello, a little Downtown Disney walkin' and shoppin', went home Sunday morning. There. A little mini trip report-within-a-trip report. And the kids got some quality time with their grandparents, aunt & uncle (that aunt would be the same sister, the Disney Enabler) and cousins.

And no, we did not tell them we went to Disney. Remember, meanest mother in the world. Besides, technically we didn't. Go to Disney. Because to a really little kid, Disney is the place with the castle, and we didn't go there. Furthermore, we missed them a lot while we were there, and had this achy heart, lumpy throat thing happening every time we saw families with kids our kids' ages. Especially if the kids had Mickey bar from hair to toes, or were soaked from playing in the fountains, or staring wide-eyed at the Mouse himself. Because we could picture that being our kids, and we felt a little bit bad taking off on our own for the weekend.

But we were already planning the big secret surprise "Sydney is SO not five yet and we're going to Disney anyway!" trip.

So it was all good.

Coming up next: Let the brainwashing begin!

 

[gtrist4life]

Great start! Looking forward to reading more.

Peace,
G4L

 

[Twingle]

Oooohhh, I'm hooked! More please!

 

[horsegirl]

Can't fool me- you are not the meanest mom! Great start. I'll be watching for your installments!

 

[jamal]

You can be the meanest mom from the northern US, but I've got south of the Mason-Dixon covered! Great writing.

 

[kpk89]

G4L & Twingle: Thanks! I started a report while we were there last year, and I just opened it up and BLECK!! I was writing with the kids as the audience, and explaining all about what DVC is, and other such minutiae, and OMG HOW BORING it was! Even to me! Besides, by the time they are old enough to read the reports on their own, they'll already be well-versed in the ways of the World. Heck, already my son's favorite "screen time" choice is to do virtual tours of the Disney resorts on their website. And my dd5 walked by, saw the picture of MomofMNM's kids at Sci-Fi, and wanted to know who were those kids having lunch at Sci-Fi. After a .6 second glance. I kid you not.

Horsegirl: How d'ya know I'm not? I might be ... because it's sure not you! I read your "why we go to Disney" part of your report, and you are a great mom. What a blessing you are to your children; as lucky as they make you feel, I'm sure it's double for them.

 

[nicolemarie]

Great start! I, too, was inspired to write a TR and am enjoying it immensely. Even if, like you say, it is just to put in the scrapbook!!

Thanks for reporting!

 

[kpk89]

I always enjoy when other people introduce the cast of characters for their trip reports, so let's start there.

Me, 33 The meanest mother in the world, used to teach middle school (maybe that's where the mean-ness came from?) and now a mom devoted to making life so hard for my kids.

DH, 40 The guy who tolerates my Dis habit, and loves Disney but not the way I do. Doesn't get excited for the trip for months in advance, for example.

DS, 5 a super sweet little guy with a serious car obsession. Literally can name any make or model on a 2 second glance from 500 yards. Since he was 2.

DD4 spunky little powerhouse with a huge love of any sort of critter. Cried once because she accidentally "broke" a bug that she was trying to pick up for a closer look.

DD2 a doll, for sure. Adores Cinderella and the prince (Ralla and Chommin, she calls them). Since she can't really talk in a way anyone but I understand, she's the Vault, the one to whom I whisper the secrets of our upcoming trip.

Sister, 31 aka The Enabler. Didn't attend this trip, but is my best friend, and as I've mentioned, this whole Disney thing is all HER fault. Someday we're going to go to WDW for a sisters' trip, just us.

Now. On with the brainwashing.

Planning a super secret trip when your kids are really little is pretty easy. Especially when they are total Disney newbies. So if they happen to hear you on the phone with Member Services booking a one-bedroom at Old Key West for 7 nights, they don't know what that is. Means nothing to 'em. They don't know what Southwest is, either. So when they catch you on the SWA website checking to see if fares have been released, it flies (ha ha) right over their sweet little heads. Let's suffice it to say that the room and flight got booked without the cover being blown. Even though I did have to change the dates from April vacation to the following week in order to get cheaper airfare. So on the downside, my boy would miss a week of kindergarten immediately after a week off for the regular school vacation.

Yeah. I'm one of THOSE moms. And I was a teacher! <Gasp!> Somehow I'm thinking that my little info-sponge will learn a lot on this trip, and a week (that would be 12.5 hours, total, people) off from kindergarten won't hamper his future as an astronaut or President.

On the upside, our new trip dates include my boy's 6th birthday! Back to the DIS to figure out something cool and fun to do to celebrate. Because since about 5 minutes after his 5th birthday, he's been planning on going to Chuck E. Cheese's for his 6th birthday. I don't DO upChuck's. It freaks me out; the noise and the crowds and the germs and the money draining right out of my purse. So Disney will be a lot better. Warmer weather, less rat-looking Mouse anyway. But my fear is that CarBoy is 5, and doesn't really comprehend the sheer awesomeness of Disney, and that he's going to be crushed not to have his Chuck wish granted. Sorry, it goes with the territory, kid, when you have the meanest mother in the world. You'll get over it.

So, thanks to the DIS, I managed to square away some really fun plans for our trip. Told Member Services and all of the dining people that we had a birthday boy in our midst. Booked Whispering Canyon Café for lunch that day on the advice of the Enabler. Got the 10 day no expiring hopper PLUSes (I know you numbers people out there will disagree, but to me those extra 3 days, and all the water park visits are money in the bank for a future trip), for the 4 of us that require them (ha! Another good reason to not wait until dd2 turns 5!) Except THAT turns out to be a raw deal when they announce <dum dum dummmmm> the DVC discount on the Annual Pass! That's a story for later.

Anyway. Yes. It's sometime between October 2004 and May 2005, and I'm in a full-scale brainwashing campaign against, I mean for, my children.

I hid all the non-Disney videos, so they could soak up the storylines in order to really appreciate those great WDW attractions. No more VeggieTales, bye bye Sesame Street. Cable? I think it's stuck on the Disney channel. No Dora or Blues Clues here. Let's watch Ralla again!

I bought a 5-disc set of Classic Disney music because not only does it have the music from the movies (is the song from Hercules really a classic, though?) but also a few park classics thrown in, like Small World, Yo-Ho, and Tiki Room. So they'll, y'know, really love the parades, shows and rides because the music will be familiar.

I made flashcards of all the Disney characters, and quizzed them daily. Just kidding. I didn't need to, because they knew it all from watching all those movies!

I told stories about the trips I took to Disney as a kid, about how Auntie actually WORKED there, and all the fun things to see and do. Funny, every story ended with "and I'll show that to you when we go there. Someday. When Sydney is five."

They were putty in my hands.

Sometime about April or so, I realized I also needed to sneak-prep them for the plane ride. None of them have ever been on a plane, and I didn't want them to be scared. Well, actually, Sydney went with DH and I to Seattle when she was 6 months old. In case he's reading, I'd like to tell the Real American ******, Mr. Kidhater Guy that was sitting next to me, who rolled his eyes every time I had to get up to go try and balance my baby on the closed lid of an airplane commode to change her diaper, who slammed his laptop shut and muttered something nasty about "f'n noisy f 'n kids" when my doll baby cried even though I was doing my very best to comfort her, that I hope you've grown up a little. Maybe now you have kids, and maybe now you understand. Probably he's not reading because he's too busy making other women cry, but maybe it was just a bad day and he's here lovin' the Dis and I want him to know I forgive him. Maybe.

And, in the interest of fairness, I have words for the OTHER guy sitting next me. (um, we were late for the flight and ended up on standby so I was NOT sitting with my dh, in case you're worrying that Mr. Kidhater was him.) The OTHER guy was the Real American Hero, the perfect yang to Mr. Kidhater Guy's ying. He was very nice, and when he noticed that I was in tears along with my babe, he said, "Don't pay any attention to that guy. Your baby can't help it, and you are doing everything you can to help her." Of course I cried even MORE because he was so nice. But he was truly Mr. Grandpa-in-Training Guy. He didn't even get freaked out when I had to nurse her, with pretty much my elbow in his gut because there was nooo room. I was a little less than comfortable, but mama's gotta do what mama's gotta do. So this one's for you, Mr. Grandpa-in-Training Guy. If you're reading. Because you might be. Guys like you probably LIVE at Disney and love the Dis.

Right. Another mini-trip report-within-a-trip report. Might seem off topic, but it's not. Back to the airplane sneak-prep.

I became very very adept at working airplanes into conversation, so that before our supersecretSydneyisSOnotfiveyet trip the kiddos were well aware of the drill. You go to the airport, let them check all the stuff in your pockets and bags, sit and wait for awhile. Get on the plane (first, because we have a little kid under 4 -- another strong argument for not waiting until Syd is Five!) and put on a seatbelt. Then it goes supersuperfast down the runway until it's so fast that the wheels get off the ground and the wings take over.

Yeah, that's what I told them. I was an English teacher (not that you'd know it by my gramma and usage!) not an aeronautics engineer.

SydneyRalla got a little extra sneak-prep, in her role as the Vault. I would whisper to her as I changed her diaper, "Would you like to go on an airplane? To go see Cinderella?" She would nod, slack-jawed, with eyes shining. And she'd tell people, including the big sibs, that she was going on an airplane to see Cinderella. And nobody knew, because they couldn't understand her.

Along with the brainwashing, I was also sneak-shopping little treats, trinkets and necessities for the trip that I'd been reading about on the Dis. Like dollar store glow sticks, moleskin and huge ziplock bags. Had a huge sneaky box hidden in my closet. And luckily, I was able to pack most of the kids' stuff without them knowing, because it was May and we were still wearing winter clothes around here. The spring/summer stuff was ready for the packing. Didn't really check to see if it would FIT them since last year, but who cares?

I'm the meanest.

 

[KarenP99]

Yea!

 

[cherokeemamma]

I lovin' it!!!! Can't wait to read more.

 

[sara74]

No fair! I'm tearing up at work over this! And I'm not sure if it is laughter or excitement or just plain loving it! Can't wait to hear more!

PS where in NH are you? I grew up in Weare (if you know where that is!)

 

[kpk89]

jamal: OK, but you know that in the World Series of mean mamas, us Yanks have it all over you any day, right?

nicolemarie: Thanks! I'm glad you're reading. Because even though I SAID this is just for my kids' album, I think I'd be somewhat bummed if nobody wanted to read it.

KarenP99: Back at ya! By the way, did you notice that I have more posts than you?

cherokeemamma : Glad you're here! Are you a Jeep-drivin' mamma (a-la VetteChick?) or more of a native Cherokee heritage mamma?

sara74: I soooo hope you mean tearing up and not tearing up. Evoking emotion with the report, good. Evoking rage, bad. Very bad. Yep, I know where Weare is. Or as I like to call it, Weare? . Took a client out there to look at a house a couple weeks ago. Wow. It was out there. Weare?.

This trip report writing is really fun. But I am SO not getting any work done today.

 

[chip91]

Lovin' your trip report so far, "Ralla & Chommin'" how cute is that Your prelogue - pre-trip - trip report within a trip report, is making me want to go back NOW & also buy into the DVC, ever think about sales??

Can't wait to read more!

Chip

 

[roberrl187]

Great report so far. You've caught me.

 

[KarenP99]

I did notice that

Keep writing, but please remember to feed the children your future trip reports depend on them!

 

[spiceycat]

great report!!! you are very good writer~~~

 

[cherokeemamma]

Hi kpk89,
I am the Cherokee...native American heritage mamma. Of course, I am also very mean; just ask my kids. Just what the world needs...more mean mommies. I mean that!

You are an excellent writer...lovin' your style. Can't wait for more.
Cherokeemamma

 

[Grammyof2]

You sucked me right in. I love mean a mean mommy. You are doing a great good. I am sure alot of people will read this before it makes it to the scrapbook.

 

[javamom]

subbing

 

[kpk89]

chip91: Thanks! Yep, I'm actually in sales, now. Homes. But I'm not sales-y. Never thought I'd see it! It's a labor of love, as hubby has realized his dream of owning his own business, so I work for him. To help out.

robberll187, spiceycat, and Grammyof2 : Welcome! Thanks for the nice words. I think the scrapbook will look better with responses to the report instead of JUST the report.

javamom: The coffee/software lady! So nice to know that you're here!

I'm working on another installment, one that might actually get us out of NH.