~ The Man Report ~~~~~~~~~ Bonus Material Included ~~~~~~

[ILMICKEY]

Maybe that is what happened that night. He was chasing you and you stomped on it.

 

[Montana Disney Fan]

Maybe that is what happened that night. He was chasing you and you stomped on it.

Naw, I was way to pickled up to walk let alone "chase" anybody.

 

[PittypatBR]

You must have led a sheltered life. That toe looked pretty normal to me. (except for the face, of course!) Poor Linnie - you go out to eat and she stays home and does all the packing. It's so sad to have to leave and go home.

 

[Montana Disney Fan]

~ The Man Report ~~~~~~~~2007~~~~~~~~~When Things Go Wrong~~~~~~~~

Saturday morning we got up early. I mean “ugly” early. It was dark outside and we all had that sick feeling in our stomachs. I hate getting up this early.

The only nice thing about getting up this early was getting home at Noon. Hard to beat that!

We like getting home at a decent hour so Pooh can unpack, put everything away, do laundry, rub my feet, and make dinner. I’m hoping for Chop Wizard Chicken Delight!

You may think to yourself, well that Buzz, he’s just worthless. Well let me tell you; My Job is to GET us home. Once there, it’s all Pooh.

We also like getting home on a Friday or Saturday so we have time to unwind before we all have to go back to school and work… plus, I like to Golf on Sunday.

Getting to Billings, Montana from Orlando, Florida is no easy task. I received an alert from United on my cell phone the night before that the flight was delayed and knew we were in trouble. I immediately started to stress out. With a handicapped child, it’s hard not to.

The first leg of our flight was delayed 80 minutes but our connection in Denver to Billings was only an hour. Darn it! We were going to miss it…

Unless! Unless the flight to Billings was also delayed. You wouldn’t believe how often this happens to me.

When our flight arrives in Denver, we’ve made up 5 minutes in the air. I fire up my cell phone and check the United website for our connection status.

Our connection is delayed!! We just might make it.

Since I used airline miles for the tickets, they’ve got us at the rear of the aircraft pressed up against the outhouses. I refer to this area as “steerage”.

Loud Girl announces she has to use the potty as we wait patiently for a bazillion people in front of us to get off the plane.

I look at my watch and note that our connection should be backing away from the gate any minute. It seemed like it took forever to get off that airplane.

We finally departed the airplane and I take off at a sprint towards the connection. The plan was for me to get to the gate and hold the plane for the tribe.

Loud Girl doesn’t understand and is running behind me crying because she has to use the bathroom. She’s pretty fast too and is able to keep up with me.

I spot the gate and the aircraft is still sitting there, however the doors to the jet-way are closed!

I run up to the counter and there is a lady straight out of that movie with Ben Stiller, “Meet the Parents”. She even has the little sticks in her hair!

I asked her if there was any way we could get on this plane. That we had tickets.

She asked who I was and then announced that she could get only TWO of us on! They had given our seats away to stand-by passengers!!

I was visibly upset and reminded the woman with the sticks in her hair that I was a 1K Priority member and she says, “Then you should know our policies better than anybody”.

She had me. I knew the rules and have received seats waiting on stand-by and using my status. There is a distinct likelihood that I’ve bumped Canadian families from returning home during my various travels.

I look at Linnie & tell her to take Loud Girl to the can while I work on our tickets.

Here’s the problem.

We’ve now missed our original flight and it’s Spring Break. I know my chances of getting home today are slim.

The gal tells me that the next flight to Billings in 4 hours is sold out. However, she can get me on the last flight of the day at 10 p.m. that evening (10 hours from now!!) but none of our seats would be together.

I’m thinking to myself, that’s just not going to work. Moan Boy will never stand for it. He just can’t handle it. We had to wait only a couple hours on the way down and he was “buggin” so what’s he going to be like after 10 hours!?! Also, he HAS to sit next to either me or his mother.

At that moment, over the loudspeaker, I hear; “Ladies and Gentlemen, Flight 4493 to Bozeman, Montana will begin boarding in just a few moments”.

Woo Hoo! We could fly to Bozeman, rent a car, and make the 1 ½ hour drive to Billings.

We lucked out and there were seats available. What about our luggage though?

She told us that she would call down to baggage claim and have them grab our bags and move them. This sounded dubious to me but I had to get the tribe home and worry about our possessions later.

Next problem? We were starving!! We hadn’t eaten anything yet today and we’ve been out of bed for almost 7 hours now. I had to find some food, get on the airplane, and feed the family.

I also had to use the bathroom but there was no time for it! That Flat Iron Steak from the night before was barking!

I told Pooh to take the kids, head to the gate, and board the airplane. I went to a Sara Lee sandwich shop and ordered hot dogs, chicken strips, fries and sandwiches. The to-go order was huge and I had to fit it into a giant plastic shopping bag they gave me.

I then took off at a run towards the gate. I still had to use the bathroom but I figured I could hold it until we got on the plane.

We were the last ones to board the airplane and I had trouble fitting all the food into the overhead bin of this small commuter jet (CRJ50).

There we sat, stomachs grumbling, staring at the seat belt light to go off so I could distribute the food. The kids were starving and didn’t understand. I finally got tired of waiting and jumped up, grabbed the food, and we ate like a hungry pack of badgers.

It was the best meal I’ve ever had!

When we finished, I finally found the time to use the bathroom. I grabbed my newspaper and sauntered towards the back of the aircraft.

The toilet on the commuter jet was a joke. It was tiny and I had trouble turning around and maneuvering myself into place. I couldn’t even stand up straight as the height was around 5’6”. The water didn’t work either so they had those little moist towlett singles we were supposed to use to disinfect our hands.

Apparently I was in there for a while as I got thru most of the USA Today and started reading the back of the towlett package and various warning signs located throughout the commode area.

As I was washing up there was a knock at the door. I barked “almost done!”

When I opened the door, there was a LONG line of about 7 people waiting to get in. Ooops!

Apparently this was the only bathroom on the tiny little commuter jet.

As I squeezed by the long line of angry and uncomfortable passengers waiting to get in I noticed one guy doubled over in pain. I mentioned to the people in front of him that they might want to let him go first. I left him in agony and returned to my seat.

Once back Loud Girl yells “Daddy, where you been”? Linnie is laughing and her face is red as she’s trying to hold back her hysteria. She’s actually more embarrassed than I am!

About that time the seatbelt light came back on and flight attendant asked everyone to return to their seats. Those poor people in line.

Next Up: Home Sweet Home

 

[ILMICKEY]

The question that still remains is: How were they when they exited the bathroom? Did they have their shirts up over their noses? Were they green?

This is freakin great reading!!!!! I am sitting at my desk and my coworkers are looking at me wondering what the heck I am laughing at!!

 

[serendipity]

Ughhhhhhh. The pain of flight delays. Thankfully you were able to get on that flight though. Looking foward to reading the rest, although it's bittersweet because I'm fearing it will be the end.

 

[KathyRN137]

Me, I'm waitin' for the rebuttal.....

Kathy

 

[Halloweenqueen]

I would have been a complete wreck at the airport. I hope all turned out well.

 

[Goofster57]

Saturday morning we got up early. I mean “ugly” early. It was dark outside and we all had that sick feeling in our stomachs. I hate getting up this early.

Nothing like having to get up at O’Dark-Thirty to end your vacation..

We also like getting home on a Friday or Saturday so we have time to unwind before we all have to go back to school and work

Us too

Getting to Billings, Montana from Orlando, Florida is no easy task.
I received an alert from United on my cell phone the night before that the flight was delayed and knew we were in trouble. I immediately started to stress out.

I do not do well with change on vacation especially at the Airport

I was visibly upset and reminded the woman with the sticks in her hair that I was a 1K Priority member and she says, “Then you should know our policies better than anybody”.

Don’t you hate when that happens

When we finished, I finally found the time to use the bathroom.
I grabbed my newspaper and sauntered towards the back of the aircraft.

Apparently I was in there for a while as I got thru most of the USA Today and started reading the back of the towlett package and various warning signs located throughout the commode area.

When I opened the door, there was a LONG line of about 7 people waiting to get in.

About that time the seatbelt light came back on and flight attendant asked everyone to return to their seats. Those poor people in line.

Did you at least leave the paper in there for the next person to read?

Linnie is laughing and her face is red as she’s trying to hold back her hysteria.
She’s actually more embarrassed than I am!

Are you sure she was blushing or did she need to use the bathroom too.

 

[blue_river]

Saturday morning we got up early. I mean “ugly” early. It was dark outside and we all had that sick feeling in our stomachs. I hate getting up this early.

Me too!!!! There's nothing worse

We like getting home at a decent hour so Pooh can unpack, put everything away, do laundry, rub my feet, and make dinner. I’m hoping for Chop Wizard Chicken Delight!

I hope you realize how lucky you are

I was visibly upset and reminded the woman with the sticks in her hair that I was a 1K Priority member and she says, “Then you should know our policies better than anybody”.

When I opened the door, there was a LONG line of about 7 people waiting to get in. Ooops!

How embarrassing!

Again - you had me in stitches

I don't want it to end

 

[Montana Disney Fan]

Here's Loud Girl & I on our "date".

After Dinner, Loud Girl & I split a "sixer".

An unhappy crew heads home.

 

[blue_river]

Here's Loud Girl & I on our "date".

aww...that's sweet

An unhappy crew heads home.

Loud Girl does look sad

I want to know who was "Caught In The Act"!

 

[ILMICKEY]

That is really sweet. Love those special moments!!! She looks like she was having a good time with her daddy!

 

[Linnie The Pooh]

The only nice thing about getting up this early was getting home at Noon. Hard to beat that!

That’s why we do it!! It sucks to get up that early, but worth it by the time we get back to sunny Montana.

We like getting home at a decent hour so Pooh can unpack, put everything away, do laundry, rub my feet, and make dinner. I’m hoping for Chop Wizard Chicken Delight! You may think to yourself, well that Buzz, he’s just worthless. Well let me tell you; My Job is to GET us home. Once there, it’s all Pooh.

Yeah, whatever Buzz!! And just for the record, he’s not worthless, but darn close. He does plan these trips every year. I gotta keep him around!

We also like getting home on a Friday or Saturday so we have time to unwind before we all have to go back to school and work… plus, I like to Golf on Sunday.

You do? When was the last time you did that??

Since I used airline miles for the tickets, they’ve got us at the rear of the aircraft pressed up against the outhouses. I refer to this area as “steerage”. Loud Girl announces she has to use the potty as we wait patiently for a bazillion people in front of us to get off the plane.

That’s better than the time she yelled out in the grocery store. “Mommy, I gotta go poop!” Everyone around me about fell apart laughing.

There was a whole mess of people trying to make close connections so things were very tense while we were waiting to get off the plane. The airline (I only fly once a year so forgive my improper use of the lingo here) decided to let us out the back of the plane. All of a sudden this lady appeared outside the plane trying to steer the thingy that connects to the plane's door and you walk to the airport through it (see what I mean by ignorance of the lingo). Anyway, people really started to get excited when they saw this-maybe, just maybe we’d all make our connections. This operator must’ve been new b/c she couldn’t get it lined up right or something and it took forever. By the time everyone in front of us was off the plane, she still didn’t have it so we headed out the front figuring we’d never make the connection. We didn’t.

Loud Girl doesn’t understand and is running behind me crying because she has to use the bathroom. She’s pretty fast too and is able to keep up with me.

She was crying because she lost sight of Buzz. I was running with Trey and was watching her to make sure Buzz didn’t leave her in the dust, which he did. I yelled to her a few times to let her know she was ok-I was keeping my eye on her. I caught up to her (it’s pathetic when you’re 5 year old can out-run you). We headed for the potty and all was well.

I’m thinking to myself, that’s just not going to work. Moan Boy will never stand for it. He just can’t handle it. We had to wait only a couple hours on the way down and he was “buggin” so what’s he going to be like after 10 hours!?! Also, he HAS to sit next to either me or his mother.

Yeah, this was not a good solution. They did have 2 seats left on the flight to Billings that we were bumped off of, and Buzz offered to let me and Trey take them, but I’m a team player and wasn’t about to jump ship just because we were experiencing rough waters. I’m sticking with my family!!

Woo Hoo! We could fly to Bozeman, rent a car, and make the 2 hour drive to Billings.

Yes!! We were saved!!

There we sat, stomachs grumbling, staring at the seat belt light to go off so I could distribute the food. The kids were starving and didn’t understand. I finally got tired of waiting and jumped up, grabbed the food, and we ate like a hungry pack of badgers.It was the best meal I’ve ever had!

It was the driest hamburger I’ve ever eaten in my life. Buzz didn’t get any ketchup, only mustard, and I like mustard, but only with ketchup so I ate it dry. Ick. I could barely choke it down, but I knew I’d need my strength for the drive ahead of us. I could feel my mood turning more sour with each crappy bite. By the time Buzz came back from the can, I was pretty cranky.

As I squeezed by the long line of angry and uncomfortable passengers waiting to get in I noticed one guy doubled over in pain. I mentioned to the people in front of him that they might want to let him go first. I left him in agony and returned to my seat. Once back Loud Girl yells “Daddy, where you been”? Linnie is laughing and her face is red as she’s trying to hold back her hysteria. She’s actually more embarrassed than I am!

Oh my gosh!! My bad mood immediately left me!! I nearly wet myself laughing. After all my GI ills on this trip and Buzz making fun of me and being annoyed with me, this was such a great payback! Now remember, I didn’t eat anything the previous day so I was not in ANY distress at all!! Woo Hoo!! And I was NOT holding back my hysteria-when I laugh really hard, no sound comes out for some reason. I was doing my silent laugh-Buzz nearly did me in on this one. The first thing he said when he came back was, “I’d stay out of the bathroom if I were you.” And he was so serious when he said it! I immediately fell apart. Ahhh, nothing as funny as toilet humor-except when it’s me.

 

[Linnie The Pooh]

I want to know who was "Caught In The Act"!

It was an article on celebrites being caught smoking cigarettes in public! Kind of a provocative title!!

 

[GeminiAngel]

Today 5/4. I just found this great TR. I'm on page 7. I have a long and funny road ahead of me!

 

[blue_river]

Yeah, whatever Buzz!! And just for the record, he’s not worthless, but darn close. He does plan these trips every year. I gotta keep him around!

Definately - for that reason alone

You do? When was the last time you did that??

Is he makin stuff up again?

That’s better than the time she yelled out in the grocery store. “Mommy, I gotta go poop!” Everyone around me about fell apart laughing.

Kids say the craziest things and for the record....they still do it in their teens!!!

Today 5/4. I just found this great TR. I'm on page 7. I have a long and funny road ahead of me!

Indeed you do - with lots of laughter

 

[pixie dust 112]

Linnie~ glad you responded. I was wondering how in the heck Buzz was having the toilet troubles and you were ok!

I have the silent laugh too. If something is absolutely hysterical no sound comes out. My sister (NSalz on the DISboards) does this too. Sometimes something hits us as funny and the two of us will do the hysterical silent laugh...at times with tears running down our face. Usually I DHs just don't get what is so funny and they just give us a completely dumb stare.

Buzz~ I laughed out loud at your report. Yes, sound came out with this laugh, but I'm sure I would have silent laughed with Linnie when you exited the tiny bathroom!

 

[KathyRN137]

“Mommy, I gotta go poop!”

Well, unlike her daddy, at least she gave everyone fair warning!!

The poor people in "steerage"... trapped there without even a Yankee Candle to burn.

(And the men want to know why we women insist on scented candles in the bathroom!)


Kathy

(p.s. This TR started and ended with toilet humor..... now I believe it really was Daddy who farted!)

 

[disfountainofyouth]

OK now I've spent three days reading 40 pages of the most
hilarious trip report and no ending???

You guys have a great team trip report!!!

Tee minus 28 days til our follies start.