~ The Man Report ~~~~~~~~~ Bonus Material Included ~~~~~~

[crossbonz]

Love this report, keep it coming

 

[Goofster57]

I would like to make one correction on one of my earlier posts-the Epcot water WAS blue! Buzz pointed it out to me and it did really look blue. Sorry, Buzz, you were right and I’m big enough to admit it.

I had figured he was, because well he’s Buzz

But they were Krispy Kreme for gosh sakes-I couldn’t let them go to waste.

That a girl

Next thing I know, I am in the stall and look down and here’s LeeAndra’s shoes outside my stall.

Glad she got the right stall

We rode Test Track and headed to the car. I should mention we did NOT lose our car this whole trip thanks to me! For my mom’s birthday she wanted a My Li’l Reminder. Have you seen those on t.v? Well you get 2 for the price of one so she gave one to me and I kept it in my fanny pack and recorded our parking spot every time we parked. Worked great.

Lin has a little recording device she brought along and played it back.

That is so not fair, you got the choppy thingy and the My Li’l Reminder thingy
Some people have all the luck

The gate guard saunters over as I roll down the window. I flash my DVC card and he says “Welcome Home” and lets us in!

Woo Hoo! The hard part was over with.

I find as long as you act like you know what you are doing and that you belong there, nobody questions you.

Not that I ever go anywhere that I have to adopt this persona

Anyway, there’s no way I’m going to get Pooh to change into her swimming suit in the car so we head towards the pool.

If you had been caught doing that it might have raised some suspicion as too whether or not you belonged there.

As we’re walking towards the pool area, Pooh-head is trying to act as normal as she can and whispering to me not to draw attention to ourselves. I didn’t want her to be too nervous so I stayed as normal as possible for her.

I’m guessing not an easy task

I then explain to her that we did nothing wrong. The guard let us in, and nowhere were there any signs saying that you had to be staying at the resort to swim. As far as I’m concerned, we’re just using our privileges as DVC members. She had some lame argument that there WAS a sign but since I didn’t see it, and she had no pictures to prove her story, I chose to ignore her defense.

Seems perfectly logical to me

The only real exciting thing that happened was on my only trip down the slide. I took off like a shot lying all the way back on the slide which caused me to exceed the sound barrier by the time I entered the pool. I skimmed the water half way across the pool then my legs shot straight up, my head went straight down, and I did an underwater flip in the pool causing my swimming trunks to drop to my knees. I yanked them up prior to frightening any of the OKW swimming pool patrons.

You do know that they have underwater video cameras at the pools right?


More great installments you guys, reading them is great way to start a Monday

 

[Linnie The Pooh]

Leaving Epcot, I can’t remember where the car is parked. Lin has a little recording device she brought along and played it back.

“Growld Imignle forly-elight”.

How in the heck is that supposed to help us? It was all garbled sounding which irritated me.

It was NOT garbled!! It was fine!

We find the car, load up, and leave Epcot. I take a different road and Pooh asks “Where’re we going?”. I responded that I had a secret experiment I wanted to try. She rolled her eyes and I could tell she was trying to figure out what was up.

I knew what was up-I was just hoping it wasn’t true. Buzz told me before we even left for this trip that we were going to do this… I was against it from the git-go.

Ten bucks says she was the girl in grade school who was never late, sat in the front row, and did all of her homework.

And what was wrong with that?? I sat in the 2nd row anyway, if you sit too close to the front, it increases the odds you’ll get called on.

Anyway, there’s no way I’m going to get Pooh to change into her swimming suit in the car so we head towards the pool.

You got that right, Buzz!! But he did try-I refused!

The bathrooms did have slots for keys but both doors (Men’s & Woman’s) were open. Pooh-head and I both change into our suits and head to the pool.

And after this experience of sharing another stall with LeeAndra, I decided I was done with that. As I was changing, she kept talking about those “big things” and she couldn’t wait til hers grew to look like “big giant plums.” Yup, it’s time to stop sharing the bathroom and changing room with her. So embarrassing….

The kids rode the slide at the pool about 25 times each. The weather was PERFECT and the crowd was medium. This felt SO much more like vacation than the pool at our dilapidated resort. There were kids laughing and playing, people jumping and splashing, lifeguards protecting, and not a single person hooked up to oxygen playing backgammon.

Uh huh. Lots of people. All the college kids playing volleyball in the water nailed me in the head with their ball. I’m used to it from my own kids so it was no big deal. They looked genuinely horrified and sorry about hitting the old lady with their ball. They did apologize, “Sorry ma’am.” (They ma’am-ed me!!!) I’m getting old.

I order my first margarita and catch up on the sports on t.v. I look down and my drink was gone so I order a second one (my first one as far as Pooh-head knows).

I knew it-he was gone forever.

I then explain to her that we did nothing wrong. The guard let us in, and nowhere were there any signs saying that you had to be staying at the resort to swim. As far as I’m concerned, we’re just using our privileges as DVC members. She had some lame argument that there WAS a sign but since I didn’t see it, and she had no pictures to prove her story, I chose to ignore her defense.

There IS a sign!!!

The only real exciting thing that happened was on my only trip down the slide. I took off like a shot lying all the way back on the slide which caused me to exceed the sound barrier by the time I entered the pool. I skimmed the water half way across the pool then my legs shot straight up, my head went straight down, and I did an underwater flip in the pool causing my swimming trunks to drop to my knees. I yanked them up prior to frightening any of the OKW swimming pool patrons.

I almost had a heart attack when I read this!! He never told me it happened until I read it on our TR. I laughed so hard, I couldn’t breathe-just what all those kids with goggles needs to see!!

In between laughs, I did ask him how come he never told me this happened and he gestured to me angrily and said, “Cuz I didn’t want this!!” I’m pounding on my desk and laughing hysterically. It's not my fault-he's the one that married me!!

And see, Buzz that’s why I employ a safe, slow speed down those water slides!! Safety first!!

Right then I spotted the Clakshun Indian food restaurant and whip the wheel to the right and turn in. Pooh-head is like “Oh no, we aren’t eating Indian Food!!!”

Nope, not gonna happen, never. He was so excited when he saw it-he nearly drove off the road. I had a hard enough time without adding INDIAN food to my gut.

Those of you familiar to Pooh-head know that her real nickname should be Pooh-butt.

That’s not very nice. I don’t care for that. Bad Buzz. And you can imagine he's real sensitive to my condition and needs...

I loved Friday’s. Good food & service.

I’m totally not joking what happened that night. Once again, I was woken up by the drunken college crowd. This time they rang our doorbell and raced off! I was soo mad. I called security and they answered “Yes Mr. Mills, where are the drunken pre-adults at THIS evening” or something to that effect. It was a touch embarrassing.

Uh, our unit had NO doorbell. I’m not sure what to think about this.

Next up: Wham Wham Wham!!

This was awesome. A hint-it involved Trey and MK.
__________________

 

[Goofster57]

LtP
I think your rebuttals may be funnier than Buzz’s reports.

And after this experience of sharing another stall with LeeAndra, I decided I was done with that. As I was changing, she kept talking about those “big things” and she couldn’t wait til hers grew to look like “big giant plums.” Yup, it’s time to stop sharing the bathroom and changing room with her. So embarrassing….

Next thing I know, I am in the stall and look down and here’s LeeAndra’s shoes outside my stall. She’s telling me, “Mama, they’re ready for us.”

We were leaving and I decided to hit the bathroom one more time. Does it ever end??? I popped another pill and headed for the bathroom. My DD, bless her heart, came in with me and while we in the stall together announced in her loud girl style- “Mom you sure have to (go to the bathroom) a lot!!!” Only she’s 5 so she actually said the “p” word embarrassing me to death. We stayed in the bathroom until I was sure everyone who heard her had left.

I had no idea there was that much conversation going on in the ladies room, us guys go in do are thing and leave.

Is that why it always takes women longer?

 

[Disneyolic]

I had no idea there was that much conversation going on in the ladies room, us guys go in do are thing and leave.

Is that why it always takes women longer?

We always take longer because that's where we complain about you guys!

 

[Montana Disney Fan]

Uh, our unit had NO doorbell. I’m not sure what to think about this.

That's correct. I went outside in the morning to check for the doorbell and there wasn't one I'm not sure what I heard but it woke me up. Either that or I dreamed it.

I did NOT dream the college kids though. They were annoying me

Also, that part was supposed to be in the next trip report. Quit stealing my material!!!

 

[Linnie The Pooh]

LtP
I think your rebuttals may be funnier than Buzz’s reports.

I had no idea there was that much conversation going on in the ladies room, us guys go in do are thing and leave.

Is that why it always takes women longer?

Thanks! Everday is an adventure at our house!

I don't think women do converse like that in the bathroom-I never hear it anyway. I just hear LeeAndra and that is more than enough for me!!

Loved all the pics but this one is adorable:

Thank you! I loved that one too with her hand on Pluto's tummy.

The reason Trey is scooting away from Plute is b/c Pluto would put his nose right up on Trey's face and wiggle it back and forth, tickling him with his whiskers. Trey was laughing really hard-he loved it, but by the time the picture was taken, he needed a break from being tickled. It was really cute. One of those moments I call "memory burn." Something my kids did that I'll remember forever.

 

[Goofster57]

We always take longer because that's where we complain about you guys!

Ok, That explains a lot, I was always wondering why when my wife comes out of the restroom with her friends they are always glaring and rolling their eyes at me.

 

[Goofster57]

Thanks! Everday is an adventure at our house!

Have you guys thought about approaching a network about a Sit-Com deal?

 

[Montana Disney Fan]

Ok, That explains a lot, I was always wondering why when my wife comes out of the restroom with her friends they are always glaring and rolling their eyes at me

You too?!?!? Man, it's a conspiracy!!

 

[Goofster57]

You too?!?!? Man, it's a conspiracy!!

You don't think it is us do you? ...... naw; I didn't think so either

 

[Montana Disney Fan]

You don't think it is us do you? ...... naw; I didn't think so either

Nope! Couple of fine gentlemen such as us would never be the topics of such tawdry and illicit toilet-talk.

*cough* Ya, right! *cough*

 

[Disneyolic]

Nope! Couple of fine gentlemen such as us would never be the topics of such tawdry and illicit toilet-talk.

*cough* Ya, right! *cough*

Ahhh... I'm just kidding about talking about you guys in the ladies room. We are really just getting ourselves really really pretty for you all as we would never want to disappoint you!

 

[Montana Disney Fan]

Ahhh... I'm just kidding about talking about you guys in the ladies room. We are really just getting ourselves really really pretty for you all as we would never want to disappoint you!

I feel much better.


Nice Try though!!

 

[blue_river]

You do know that they have underwater video cameras at the pools right?

And after this experience of sharing another stall with LeeAndra, I decided I was done with that. As I was changing, she kept talking about those “big things” and she couldn’t wait til hers grew to look like “big giant plums.” Yup, it’s time to stop sharing the bathroom and changing room with her. So embarrassing

I'm staying away from this one but I just had to quote it

They did apologize, “Sorry ma’am.” (They ma’am-ed me!!!) I’m getting old

I've been getting that lately too

Uh, our unit had NO doorbell. I’m not sure what to think about this

Something wrong with his hearing??? He's going crazy??? Who knows with Buzz!

Ahhh... I'm just kidding about talking about you guys in the ladies room. We are really just getting ourselves really really pretty for you all as we would never want to disappoint you!

 

[Linnie The Pooh]

That's correct. I went outside in the morning to check for the doorbell and there wasn't one I'm not sure what I heard but it woke me up. Either that or I dreamed it.

I did NOT dream the college kids though. They were annoying me

Also, that part was supposed to be in the next trip report. Quit stealing my material!!!

Oops. Sorry!

 

[blue_river]

You're slacking Buzz!

 

[Montana Disney Fan]

~ The Man Report ~~~~~~~~~~2007~~~~~~~~~~~Wham Wham Wham!~~~~~~~~


“Em-Kay”. The epitome of Disney.

When you think of Disney, you can’t help but think of the castle in the center of the Magic Kingdom. No, not Disneyland (which is Sleeping Beauty’s Castle), but Magic Kingdom. The castle at Disneyland is this pathetic little 70’ kwanza hut that’s not even the tallest structure in the park (Matterhorn is taller). The castle at MK is a magnificent 190’ tall!

MK is THE theme park as it’s most peoples favorite and just plain feels like you’re somewhere special.

Important things to remember at MK:

1). Always make sure you are there for the “rope drop” (opening).
2). Stoller rental is on the right, under the train tracks (in the tunnel).
3). Kosher meals are served at the Starlight Café.

Some of you may have asked yourself; “why does the MDF family get a stroller every day”? The answer is two-fold.

One: This is a GREAT way to keep track of your family and maneuver among the throngs of people at Disney. You can load two kids in the double, throw the backpack on top, and operate the stroller with one hand which frees the other hand for beer, wine, hot dog, or turkey leg.

Two: The stroller makes for a marvelous weapon. I can turn my ball cap sideways, begin my “pimp-walk”, sing song “boyeee” while flashing my gang signs and the other vacationers will vacate my intended path. If they don’t, a few bumps in the back of their legs coupled by a War Cry should do the trick.

Three: (I know I said two-fold but only because I’ve been dieing to use it in a sentence) It helps tremendously with my Gauntlet Avoidance Tactics (for those that are simply skimming, this is the GAT). Without the stroller, my family couldn’t keep up.

The Disney “Light Anti-Personnel” Devise (stroller-patent pending) is an engineering marvel not to be ignored. On day one of every trip, we purchase enough stroller rental tickets for the entire week. After that you simply walk up, show your ticket, and grab your trusty 2-seat weapon. For those that don’t currently use this well made piece of machinery, I encourage you give it a try.

Everyone should have a “procedure” for “Em-Kay”. If you don’t, you are dead in the water and just wasted $65 per person not counting another $65 per person for lunch.

Don’t even show up at MK without a plan! Your plan should cover the first four hours of your day including your lunch. My time-tested plan is completely and totally flawless for my band of guerilla warriors. It goes like this:

Splash Mountain, Big Thunder (2 times straight), Pirates, Haunted Mansion, Peter Pan, Fast Passes for Space Mountain, then backtrack for the Tea Cups, Goofy’s Barnstormer, Buzz Lightyear, the Tomorrowland Transit Authority, and finally Space Mountain (the addition of Space Mountain just started on this trip).

Our kids have never done Space Mountain prior to this trip. We both just thought it was a little too scary in the dark plus the kids would have to ride by themselves since the cars are set up “single file”.

Let’s face it, Space Mountain is the scariest ride at WDW. ToT is a walk in the park next to getting on this dilapidated bucket of bolts. It’s not that the ride is fast or that it’s an awesome roller coaster. You’re just afraid because you know at any minute your car is going to derail sending you over the side and into oblivion. I saw this ride with the lights on while riding on the TTA once and it made it even more frightening (the rusting rails and twisted scrap-metal framework).

This time we let Moan Boy ride it with daddy. The one and only reason we subjected our child to certain death was the “All Disney Channel” on TV that constantly shows all the different theme parks Disney has & their rides. It’s similar to an info-mercial that is on a continuous loop.

One of the things they tout is the Triple Mountain “Whammy”. Wham, Wham, Wham! Space Mountain, Splash Mountain, and Big Thunder Mountain. My son kept saying Wham Wham Wham as we were entering MK and I asked the wife what he was talking about. She told me about the Triple Mountain “Whammy” and I thought it was so cute that we had to let him do it.

Pooh-head will explain all this in more detail.

We finish this same set of procedures every time by approximately 11:30 A.M. no matter how busy the parks are. There are actually some advantages to going to MK when it’s going to be storming busy.

The most important advantage is that rides run at their full and intended capacity. When we go in October, the crowd levels are small and rides like Big Thunder and Space Mountain only run one side (or at HALF capacity). We found that by showing up early, hitting the big rides first, we were actually able to accomplish our “tour plan” faster than during the slower times of year.

The second advantage to coming during the busy season is that all the restaurants are open. The Taco Stand across the path from Pirates of the Caribbean is one of our favorite places to go (Pooh and I). We ate there back in 1997 for the first time and it’s never been open for us since. In fact, the last time we ate there was before having kids!

My wife was born of Mexican & Cuban descent so she has grown up eating tacos & smoking cigars most of her life. Having been born in German/Irish heritage, I grew up eating pepperoni pizza.

So, one of our major plans for the day is to hit that taco stand. It’s priority #1 even over going on Space Mountain (for Pooh-head & me at least).

After we finished the Triple “Whammy”, Wham Wham Wham! We head over to Adventureland for delectable tacos we know are waiting for us. My only disappointment of the day will be to have to suffer through the lunch without a delicious beer. I wonder if there’s a way to “sneak” one in?

As we show up to the Taco Stand we note the line for food is HUGE! I direct the family to a table to “hold” while I join the line and begin to engage my GAT upon the crowd.

The first thing I note is that the restaurant has not yet opened and people are only lined up on one side of the 2 PAY KIOSKS. Well, every WDW Veteran knows that there should be two lines at the pay kiosks (one on each side). You know where this is going by now I’m sure.

Well, I simply get out of line, mosey up to the other side of one of the kiosks, and start a “new” line. A simple, yet effective GAT.

An obnoxious southern belle standing about 8 people back in the opposing line with a gaggle of half-starved children mouths off “you can’t do that”! I reply, “what do you mean? I just did!”

I didn’t wait for her reaction as the restaurant had just opened & the Disney cashier turns me to me first and says, “Can I help you sir”?

By this time, I have been joined by a bunch more people who just arrived much to the dismay and grumbling of those that had been waiting for 30 minutes (most likely, WDW Canadian rookies ).

I receive my 8 giant tacos w/ 4 bowls of beans & rice, hit the toppings bar, then locate the “Clan”. I receive the expected “Wow Dad, that was fast”. Everyone chows down and listens to yet another tale about my brilliant GAT maneuver.

After lunch, we attempt to give our stroller away (we actually tried to give it away every day) and had no takers. My gosh! This rental is worth $15! Why won’t anyone take me up on our generous offer???

We leave the MK by 1:00 p.m., engage Secret Experiment #2 at SSR , then finally head back to the room to relax prior to dinner.

Next up: Health Food

 

[blue_river]

1). Always make sure you are there for the “rope drop” (opening).

This will NEVER happen with my family. We're much too slow to get to any of the parks for the drop.

One: This is a GREAT way to keep track of your family and maneuver among the throngs of people at Disney. You can load two kids in the double, throw the backpack on top, and operate the stroller with one hand which frees the other hand for beer, wine, hot dog, or turkey leg.

Again with the beer. This is how I'm about picturing you by now:

Two: The stroller makes for a marvelous weapon. I can turn my ball cap sideways, begin my “pimp-walk”, sing song “boyeee” while flashing my gang signs and the other vacationers will vacate my intended path. If they don’t, a few bumps in the back of their legs coupled by a War Cry should do the trick.

You're a dangerous man Buzz

Let’s face it, Space Mountain is the scariest ride at WDW.

That's just silly, you could say that about all the rides.

Well, I simply get out of line, mosey up to the other side of one of the kiosks, and start a “new” line. A simple, yet effective GAT.

This is something my DH would do - except I wouldn't follow him

An obnoxious southern belle standing about 8 people back in the opposing line with a gaggle of half-starved children mouths off “you can’t do that”!

and this is EXACTLY why!

By this time, I have been joined by a bunch more people who just arrived much to the dismay and grumbling of those that had been waiting for 30 minutes (most likely, WDW Canadian rookies ).

HEY!!

Somehow I just know that remark was meant for ME! &#@$%

After lunch, we attempt to give our stroller away (we actually tried to give it away every day) and had no takers. My gosh! This rental is worth $15! Why won’t anyone take me up on our generous offer???

They were probably run over by you earlier

Great update - keep them coming

 

[DJR]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Montana Beer Boy
One: This is a GREAT way to keep track of your family and maneuver among the throngs of people at Disney. You can load two kids in the double, throw the backpack on top, and operate the stroller with one hand which frees the other hand for beer, wine, hot dog, or turkey leg.

Again with the beer. This is how I'm about picturing you by now:

Small problem, no beer in the MK!