The Mad Chatters thread Part 9

[jaycns]

* When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, ''Why won't you people just leave me alone?"



This one about made me peep my pants......

 

[jaycns]

I really need to work on my trip report...but I don't have the energy tonight. Maybe tomorrow. Hmmm...we shall see.

 

[paigevz]

Computer Gender

Women claim that computers should be referred to in the masculine gender because:
1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data, but are still clueless.
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer you could have had a better model.
Men concluded that computers should be referred to in the feminine gender because:
1. No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

 

[paigevz]

I really need to work on my trip report...but I don't have the energy tonight. Maybe tomorrow. Hmmm...we shall see.

Stay and chat Jay.............

 

[paigevz]

Guess what? I am no longer shunned by mom..................no phone call yet, but I got an email. It was very pleasant, and ended with "See you in Wichita if you are there."

 

[Ready to go in Ok]

Oh a date with a carpet cleaner....how frothy!!

Doesn't it sound like fun? I know I am looking forward to it.....

Computer Gender

Women claim that computers should be referred to in the masculine gender because:
1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data, but are still clueless.
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer you could have had a better model.
Men concluded that computers should be referred to in the feminine gender because:
1. No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

Too cute!

 

[paigevz]

Doesn't it sound like fun? I know I am looking forward to it.....


Too cute!

The others are much better, but won't work on here.

 

[Ready to go in Ok]

Guess what? I am no longer shunned by mom..................no phone call yet, but I got an email. It was very pleasant, and ended with "See you in Wichita if you are there."

Wow! The planets must be aligned or something. Mine left me a voice mail yesterday just saying she loved me. Scary stuff!

 

[paigevz]

Wow! The planets must be aligned or something. Mine left me a voice mail yesterday just saying she loved me. Scary stuff!

Very weird indeed.

Dh told me he knew he'd been grumpy lately and it was just because he wasn't getting the food he wanted. Those men really do only think about two things....................

 

[jaycns]

Guess what? I am no longer shunned by mom..................no phone call yet, but I got an email. It was very pleasant, and ended with "See you in Wichita if you are there."

 

[paigevz]

Think I should go or no?

 

[Ready to go in Ok]

Very weird indeed.

Dh told me he knew he'd been grumpy lately and it was just because he wasn't getting the food he wanted. Those men really do only think about two things....................

Wow, you got a double dose of pixie dust! You deserve it Paigie.

 

[jaycns]

Very weird indeed.

Dh told me he knew he'd been grumpy lately and it was just because he wasn't getting the food he wanted. Those men really do only think about two things....................

 

[paigevz]

Wow, you got a double dose of pixie dust! You deserve it Paigie.

 

[jaycns]

Wow, you got a double dose of pixie dust! You deserve it Paigie.

You sure do!!

 

[paigevz]

Think I should go or no?

There are no stairs there...............you know, in case you guys were wondering.

 

[Ready to go in Ok]

There are no stairs there...............you know, in case you guys were wondering.

I don't get it.....

 

[paigevz]

I don't get it.....

My siggy.................

 

[paigevz]

WINDERS 98

MICROSOFT NEWS RELEASE:
It has come to our attention that a few copies of the Southern edition of Windows 98 may have accidentally been shipped outside the South. If you have one of the Southern editions you may need some help understanding the commands.
The Southern edition may be recognized by looking at the opening screen.


It reads WINDERS 98 with a background picture of the General Lee super imposed on a Confederate flag. It is shipped with a Daisy Duke screen saver.

Also note:

Recycle Bin is labeled Outhouse
My Computer is called This Infernal Contraption
Dialup Networking is called Good Ol' Boys
Control Panel is known as the Dern Dashboard
Hard Drive is referred to as 4 wheel drive
Floppies are them little ole plastic disc thangs.

Other features:

Instead of an error message you get a winder covered with a garbage bag and duct tape.

OK = ats aww-right
cancel = hail no
reset = awa shoot
yes = shore
no = Naaaa
find = hunt-fer it
go to = over yonder
back = back yonder
help = hep me out here
stop = ternit off
start = crank it up
settings = sittins
programs = stuff that does stuff
documents = stuff I done done

Also note that winders 98 does not recognize capital letters or punctuation marks.

Some programs that are exclusive to winders 98:

tiperiter................A word processor
colering book............a graphics program
addin mershene...........calculator
scratch paper ...........notepad
jupe-box ................CD Player
inner-net................Microsoft Explorer
pichers..................A graphics viewer
IRS......................M/S accounting software
IRS2.....................M/S accounting software with hidden files
coon dog.................American kennel club records
fishin...................Bass Anglers Sportsman Society records.
NRA......................National Rifle Association
shot gun ................Remington Arms price list
riffel...................Winchester price list
pisstel..................Smith & Wesson price list
truck....................Ford & Chevrolet dealers in GA. by zip code
house....................Nearest Mobil home repair service by zip code
car .....................same as truck, just need two lists in Texas
cuzzins..................family history usually a 3 meg file
tax records..............usually an empty file
shells...................ammunition inventory, another 3 meg file
bud......................list of Budwiser dealers by zip code
racin....................NASCAR racing schedule includes list of TV stations that carry the race car n' truck
Parts.......nearest Junk yard by zip code
doc .....................veterinarians by zip code

We regret any inconvenience it may have caused if you received a copy of the Southern edition. You may return it to Microsoft for a replacement version.

 

[Ready to go in Ok]

My siggy.................

I need sleep.....