The Mad Chatters thread Part 9

[paigevz]

No, Lisa and Steph, don't think I'll tackle any of those threads today....................

 

[jaycns]

OMG...you cannot believe the HE** that has been going on over here...at 11pm Channel 5 in Boston opened up with Breaking News that a MASS Man has lost his life in a shooting as a result of a robbery while waiting for PS3....(and his picture covers the tv screen) OMG...the phone is ringing eveyone is screaming and saying that just before this BROKE, it had been told to us he was "holding his own after surgery"....and now this....OMG....

DH quickly changed the channel as everyone is calling the house to only hear a reporter report that he is recovering from surgery.

So then the confusing BEGINS and right now I can tell you all he is alive and recovering.

OMG to see his picture completely fill the TV screen as they reported his death...I just started uncontrollably crying....

HOW THIS EVER HAPPENED WITH THE MISTAKE IN REPORTING IS BEYOND ME!

Okay, sorry for interrupting with this sad story.

I am on and off the DIS, mostly off.

Thanks everyone for the prayers. They ARE working.

 

[Ready to go in Ok]

No, Lisa and Steph, don't think I'll tackle any of those threads today....................

I passed too. The clique threads are much better...

 

[paigevz]

I passed too. The clique threads are much better...

Just a little visitin'...............that's all we need.

 

[paigevz]

The perfect man is gentle,
And never cruel or mean.
He has a perfect smile,
And is always neat and clean.

The Perfect Man likes children,
And will raise them by your side.
He will be a caring father,
And good husband to his bride.

The Perfect Man loves cooking,
He will clean and vacuum too.
He'll do what's in his power
To show his deep-felt love for you.

The Perfect Man is sweet,
Writing poems with your name;
He's a best friend to your mother,
And will kiss away your pain.

He never has made you cry
Or caused you hurt in any way.
To hell with this endless poem and rhyme,
The Perfect Man is gay.

 

[jaycns]

Busy weekend coming up. UGH. But it should be a fun one!

 

[paigevz]

Busy weekend coming up. UGH. But it should be a fun one!

I forgot I had a math conference tomorrow. I'm getting picked up at 8 in the morning.

 

[Ready to go in Ok]

ITA!

Ugh! My kids were kind enough to give me their cold. Luckily it seems to last only a few days.

I have been sicker this year than I have the last 10 years. Working around so many kids I guess....

 

[jaycns]

The perfect man is gentle,
And never cruel or mean.
He has a perfect smile,
And is always neat and clean.

The Perfect Man likes children,
And will raise them by your side.
He will be a caring father,
And good husband to his bride.

The Perfect Man loves cooking,
He will clean and vacuum too.
He'll do what's in his power
To show his deep-felt love for you.

The Perfect Man is sweet,
Writing poems with your name;
He's a best friend to your mother,
And will kiss away your pain.

He never has made you cry
Or caused you hurt in any way.
To hell with this endless poem and rhyme,
The Perfect Man is gay.

 

[jaycns]

I forgot I had a math conference tomorrow. I'm getting picked up at 8 in the morning.

WOWSERS! That's early for a Saturday morning. How long does it last?

 

[paigevz]

ITA!

Ugh! My kids were kind enough to give me their cold. Luckily it seems to last only a few days.

I have been sicker this year than I have the last 10 years. Working around so many kids I guess....

Yep. It'll do it. It's unusual for me to get sick, having been around kids for so darn long.............

 

[Ready to go in Ok]

The perfect man is gentle,
And never cruel or mean.
He has a perfect smile,
And is always neat and clean.

The Perfect Man likes children,
And will raise them by your side.
He will be a caring father,
And good husband to his bride.

The Perfect Man loves cooking,
He will clean and vacuum too.
He'll do what's in his power
To show his deep-felt love for you.

The Perfect Man is sweet,
Writing poems with your name;
He's a best friend to your mother,
And will kiss away your pain.

He never has made you cry
Or caused you hurt in any way.
To hell with this endless poem and rhyme,
The Perfect Man is gay.

My best friend says all the time that she and I should get married. If only we were gay.....that trips us up everytime.

I have no idea what that has to do with anything. I am sleepy. That is my excuse.

 

[paigevz]

WOWSERS! That's early for a Saturday morning. How long does it last?

Not so early..........I'm nearly always up by then.

It lasts until 12:30. I'm going to lunch with my amiga afterwards. That should be nice.

 

[paigevz]

An Act of Charity

One Sunday a pastor asked his congregation to consider giving a little extra in the offering plate. He said that whoever gave the most would be able to pick out three hymns.
After the offering plates were passed, the pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had contributed a $1,000 bill. He was so excited that he immediately shared his joy with his congregation, and said he'd like to personally thank the person who had placed the money in the plate.

A very quiet, elderly, saintly widow shyly raised her hand. The pastor asked her to come to the front. Slowly she made her way to the pastor. He told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much and asked her to pick out three hymns.

Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation, pointed to the three handsomest men in the building and said, "I'll take him and him and him."

 

[Ready to go in Ok]

Not so early..........I'm nearly always up by then.

It lasts until 12:30. I'm going to lunch with my amiga afterwards. That should be nice.

That sounds fun. I have a trip to WalMart and a date with a carpet cleaner on my agenda for tomorrow.

 

[Ready to go in Ok]

An Act of Charity

One Sunday a pastor asked his congregation to consider giving a little extra in the offering plate. He said that whoever gave the most would be able to pick out three hymns.
After the offering plates were passed, the pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had contributed a $1,000 bill. He was so excited that he immediately shared his joy with his congregation, and said he'd like to personally thank the person who had placed the money in the plate.

A very quiet, elderly, saintly widow shyly raised her hand. The pastor asked her to come to the front. Slowly she made her way to the pastor. He told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much and asked her to pick out three hymns.

Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation, pointed to the three handsomest men in the building and said, "I'll take him and him and him."

How cute!

 

[paigevz]

Here Steph, this should spice up the Walmart trip!

Things to do in Wal-Mart

* Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
* Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
* Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
* Start playing football -- see how many people you can get to join in.
* Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, ''I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares,'' and see what happens.
* Tune all the radios to a polka station, then turn them all off and turn the volumes to ''10.''
* Play with the automatic doors.
* Walk up to complete strangers and say, ''Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!...'' etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.
* Move ''Caution: Wet Floor'' signs to carpeted areas.
* Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
* Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.
* Nonchalantly ''test'' the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
* Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying,''...I'm Batman. Come, Robin -- to the Batcave!"
* TP as much of the store as possible.
* Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
* Play with the calculators so that they all spell ''hello'' upside down. (01134)
* When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, ''Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
* When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, ''Red Rover!''
* Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
* Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full-scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
* Take bets on the battle described above.
* Set up another battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. Barbie. (Red lipstick might give an interesting effect...)
* Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from ''Mission: Impossible.'
* Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
* Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.
* ''Re-alphabetize'' the CDs in Electronics.
* In the auto department, practice your ''Madonna'' look with various funnels. * Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like ''the fat man walks alone,'' and scare them into believing that the clothes are talking to them.
* Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.
* Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax.If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.
* Get a stuffed animal, go to the front of the store and begin stroking it lovingly, saying ''Good girl, good Bessie."
* Go over to the shoe department and try on every pair of shoes, not putting one pair back. Take the paper from the boxes and throw it in various aisles.
* When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.
* Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.
* Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
* Test the fishing rods and see what you can ''catch'' from the other aisles.
* In the makeup department, spray yourself with every perfume there is, then walk up to a boy who is with a girl and start flirting with him as ditisily as possible: ''Hi! (giggle) What's your sign? (giggle).'' When the boy shows no interest, start hitting on the girl the exact same way. ''Hi! (giggle) What's your sign? (giggle).''
* Hold indoor shopping cart races.
* Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
* When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially through narrow aisles.
* Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.
* Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap. * Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.
* Say things like, ''Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?''
* Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., ''Do you have any Shnerples here?''
* Ride a display bicycle through the store -- claim you're taking it for a ''test drive.''
* Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters

 

[jaycns]

That sounds fun. I have a trip to WalMart and a date with a carpet cleaner on my agenda for tomorrow.

Oh a date with a carpet cleaner....how frothy!!

 

[paigevz]

Oh a date with a carpet cleaner....how frothy!!

 

[Ready to go in Ok]

* When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, ''Why won't you people just leave me alone?"



This one about made me peep my pants......