The highly distracted child

[DisMN]

We're sadly realizing that our granddaughter probably has ADD just like her mother and father had.

We're sadly finding out too that her other grandma won't tell the teachers about how much Kate is already struggling in school.....AND that she won't consider letting her take any kind of medication for it.

I want desperately to help Kate before it overwhelms her. Her other granny is of the mindset that schools are "bad" for children anyway and she wants to homeschool Kate. I think that's the worst thing she can be considering to do for her for a variety of reasons......and I wonder if there isn't a way to try to help this little girl figure out how to deal with the distractions in her class.

She told me the other day that she heard the kids behind her when they tapped their pencils on the desk, she noticed the dirt on the windowsills, she heard people in the hallway and she noticed the little boy next to her had a shoelace untied. This was while she was supposed to be doing her math for the day......she ended up not doing a single problem and brought it all home.


Now, Kate knows herself and is able to tell us when/if there's a problem so I just wonder if we might have some success with teaching her some little tricks........but I just don't know what KINDS of tricks that might help.

I'd really appreciate any and all thoughts on how you've helped your easily distracted child.

 

[mudnuri]

I dont get why you cant contact the school?

does the child live with the other grandparent? I guess I'm missing too much info to actually contribute to this???

Brandy

 

[Pop Daddy]

to me medication would only happen if there was no other hope. But I never delt with this,

 

[DisMN]

Originally posted by mudnuri
I dont get why you cant contact the school?

does the child live with the other grandparent? I guess I'm missing too much info to actually contribute to this???

Brandy

Kate lived with us for 3 years and then her daddy/other grandparents decided they wanted to "raise" her....so while we participate a lot, we don't have custody of her anymore.
This means we aren't "allowed" by the school to do the parent/teacher communicating that's so important.
The other grandma has a problem, not sure if it's embarrassment or what......but she doesn't share info with the school about Kate's problems (which aren't many but there ARE some things a teacher should know about a child.)

Not sure why any of this was important info for you but there you have it. LOL

Grampa and I have her often enough and are involved enough in her life to want to be able to guide her through her schoolwork difficulties.....but we are limited to what we can do according to the wishes of her daddy and other grandparents.
(which means no medications and very little discussion with the school or doctors about this)

 

[DisMN]

Originally posted by Pop Daddy
to me medication would only happen if there was no other hope. But I never delt with this,

I do agree with that. That's why we're hoping to find some tricks or techniques to help her.
We're aware of the problem and so is she.......and I want to help her before it gets so bad that she's failing stuff.

Thanks for your input Pop Daddy. I do appreciate it.

 

[ripleysmom]

To be honest, the teachers probably already know how much she is struggling in class. I don't know if you can go to the teachers about the problem. If you can, explain the situation and ask them if there are some strategies or modifications available to her without "classifying" her.

Also if she were able to deal with the distractions in her class she probably would already be doing that so she did not have to struggle. If you can though you might want to look for a therapist that can work with her on an infrequent basis to help her with some strategies that might work.

Check to see if there is a CHADD chapter in your area. They might also be able to help give you some direction. www.chadd.org is the National website but there is a chapter locator that can tell you if there is anyone nearby.

Good Luck and I hope she can get some help soon. I hate when people allow a child to struggle because they think that it is the teacher's fault or that ADHD is an imaginary disorder.

 

[LIDisneyFan]

to me medication would only happen if there was no other hope. But I never delt with this,

Sorry, but if you were diabetic, would you not take insulin?

As a parent of an ADHD child (who does take medication), I can tell you we went though just about everything until we tried meds. What we learned was that there really aren't 'tricks' you can use to fix a medical problem.

WE use a combination of behavior modification techniques and medication. DS's grades have increased dramitically, his attention span is very good, and he ais a normal little boy. He is not 'drugged', nor does he act that way.

So, not saying anyone is not entitled to their opinion, but medication should not be ruled out.

Unfortunatly, I do not have any answers to your dilemma. You can talk to a lawyer, but I would guess there isn't much you can do.

Just stay close to your grandchild.

 

[DisMN]

Originally posted by ripleysmom


Good Luck and I hope she can get some help soon. I hate when people allow a child to struggle because they think that it is the teacher's fault or that ADHD is an imaginary disorder.

Thanks for the info RM.....I'll check into that link.

This is our problem, that she's going to be allowed to struggle because of the other gramma's embarrassment or unwillingness to actually DO something about it. Paul and I will have to be very careful that we don't step on the toes of the people who are her primary caregivers. I don't want to do things that seem like we're going behind their back......and yet, I don't want to see Kate's problem ignored either.

I'm grateful that Kate is able to identify for herself what the problem is. She's the one who's said that she's going "nuts" because of all the little itty bitty things around her. LOL Poor kid.

 

[MinnieYC]

As scary as the idea of medicating a child can be, the honest truth is that many kids just need medications for problems like ADD and ADHD. Some kids just cannot function without them. There are even new studies that suggest that children with untreated ADHD have differences in their brain structures, but once they are on medication, things become normal.

Do you ever take Kate to her pediatrician, or does the other set of grandparents do that? If you can, get a referral to a pediatric psychologist or psychiatrist who can adequately determine the ideal treatment and therapy.

Hope it works out.

 

[mudnuri]

Not sure why any of this was important info for you but there you have it. LOL

Well, now I know that you cant just call the teacher!....changes what my advice would be.

I do agree with PD medication should/would be the last resort with me..

I really cant offer you any advice, other than to say I'm sorry your going through this!

Is there anyway you could have a "sit down" with the dad? Maybe he feels lost, being that he cant really talk to his own mom about it.

Maybe- since she notices her problems, there is someone in the school SHE could go to? A counselor, close teacher? Maybe if she brings the attention to it, her other grandmother wouldnt be offended/embarrased?

I commend you for looking for ways to help your granddaughter, and I sure do hope you find what you need for help. A lot of people would take the other grandmothers stance "nothing wrong here"...

Good luck
Brandy

 

[DisMN]

Originally posted by mudnuri
Well, now I know that you cant just call the teacher!....changes what my advice would be.

I do agree with PD medication should/would be the last resort with me..

I really cant offer you any advice, other than to say I'm sorry your going through this!

Is there anyway you could have a "sit down" with the dad? Maybe he feels lost, being that he cant really talk to his own mom about it.

Maybe- since she notices her problems, there is someone in the school SHE could go to? A counselor, close teacher? Maybe if she brings the attention to it, her other grandmother wouldnt be offended/embarrased?

I commend you for looking for ways to help your granddaughter, and I sure do hope you find what you need for help. A lot of people would take the other grandmothers stance "nothing wrong here"...

Good luck
Brandy

OMG HUGE help here! THANKS!!! I hadn't thought to encourage KATE to talk to someone. WOW.....you know that's what I call empowerment anyway and what a good thing for her to learn!!

And thanks for not being offended by my inability to understand why you might have needed that extra bit of info.