The Grinch who stole my sister

[Shugardrawers]

I just don't know what to do anymore. My DSis and I have always been very close, best friends even. Sheesh, the past 7 or 8 years we've barely been apart a single day. I moved to Germany then MS to be near her and when Dh and I moved here BIL managed to get transferred here as well just so we didn't have to be apart. A day never went by that we didn't speak and only rarely that we didn't see each other. We went EVERYWHERE together. You get the picture. We were inseparable.

Over the past several months things have changed dramatically. I know there was a real hard time she went through and because she posts here occasionally I won't go into it. Suffice it to say I know most of the details and though I let her know I didn't agree with how she handled it I made sure she knew I loved her. I know she's been depressed and anxious and still having a tough time figuring some things out. She no longer talks to me about things (she used to tell me everything, I mean EVERYTHING). If she's going shopping she doesn't call anymore to see if I want to come along. We don't have movie night anymore. I hear from her every couple of days but only for a couple of minutes. If I ask her to do something she's usually non commital and often "forgets" she said she'd do something with/for me. Even in the poorest of times she's always been anxious for another Dis trip and found a way to save up the money. Last time I mentioned it she wasn't even interested in going.

Lately, she's been saying she's not in the "holiday mood". She thinks we should just cancel christmas and that nobody cares if she's there anyway. She's lost a dramatic amount of weight and I know it's probably the depression but she refuses to eat. She seems proud of the fact that some days all she has is a cup of coffee and 2 sugar free licorice sticks.

Like I said, I'm sure she's depressed but I'm at a loss anymore as to how to handle it. She doesn't want to talk or hang out and it's like she doesn't want to get better. Even her long suffering Dh doesn't know what to do anymore. We've tried to talk to her about it but she doesn't think anything is wrong. So my question is this...What now? I want my sister and friend back and I'm sick to death of this foul mooded anti social evil twin that's been left in her place. If she won't listen how can I get her to talk? I'm lost here.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I will tell you something that I had to learn with my sister. It is not about you. Remember that when you feel cheated, sad, crying, depressed over your own loss.

For whatever reason she cannot be close with you and may never, ever be again. But I am sure you would want her happy at the very least, right?

Work to brighten her day and not fulfill your ideas. It is too much for her to handle. Stop trying to be her therapist and just be her sister. This is between her and her dh. She sounds as if she needs serious intervention.

You can't have her back right now. That is hard to accept. Believe me, I know.

 

[minkydog]

You probably can't. She sounds depressed. Depression is a chemical thing; it causes the mind to play tricks on you and makes it hard to see things as they really are. Unless she does something to make you all feel like she is a danger to herself or others, there's not much more you can do. Except continue to love her even at her un-loveliest. Here's a hug for you. I know this must be taking a terrible toll on you.

 

[mommyoeo]

I'm at a loss to suggest anything, but I wanted you to know that my thoughts are with you and your sister! I'm sorry to hear she is having such a hard time with things and hope you will have good news to report soon!

I hope your BIL will seek her some serious help, and fast. If he doesn't know where to turn, he could always just go to an ER. My SIL is a psychiatrist who helps assign the type of treatment people need when they come to the ER, so I know that's one place you can turn.

If she's not making plans for Christmas and saying things like no one would miss her, I would get her to a doc fast.

 

[Sonya]

She's not eating and can't get into the Christmas spirit? She is turning away from her friends and family? She is talking about no one missing her? She needs your help! I know, I have been there. Please, get her help, even is she seems unwilling, you need to talk to her doctor.
http://www.psychologyinfo.com/depression/help.html

 

[UrsulasMyHero]

I know what your sister is feeling. I've been there. It hurts so bad. It feels like the blackest of holes, and it's so deep, there's bearly any light, and what you can see, is just a speck, way above your head.

People, your family and friends, they're really strangers to you, You keep them at arms length because you don't want to poison them with your blackness. You sleep alot. You find no joy in life. You don't have fun like you used to. You don't do the things that you used to do. What once made you smile no longer does. You feel alone all the time.

A doctor can help her. With patience and understanding, it is possible to get your sister back from the void of depression. I wish you the best, and I wish her health and healing.