The DDA Trouble Free Zone Part 7

[bengalbelle]

Shana-my prayers are with you and your entire family.

Kristine-baby Nathan is beautiful!!!

Denise-continued prayers for Rees. (I did make it to the PO finally)


I am behind again trying to get caught up at work but I really need some advise. Please tell me if I am I over reacting to this:

Saturday was my birthday and Lizzie was upset that she didn't have a gift for me so I asked DH to take her to a small local bookstore when he went out to run a errand. When they came home I heard DH & Lizzie discussing a Soduko book they bought for me (I am a numbers gal so I would have really liked it). When they gave me the gifts there was a presidents sticker book from Lizzie (my DH is a history buff and he said I could do it with Lizzie and maybe I'd learn something too-nice huh?) and an early reader history book about 2 local girls who scared off the British by playing the fife and drum from Joe & Emma. I had told DH the trip was my gift so he didn't need to get me anything. I asked DH later what happened to the Soduko book and he said he couldn't find it when they were wrapping the gifts. Lizzie had taken it. It is now on her desk. I told her that she really hurt my feelings by taking a gift that was meant for me-especially when she knows what I have planned for her birthday. I'm really hurt by her but am I expecting too much from a 6 (nearly 7) year old? I'm really mad at DH for allowing her to get away with this and for allowing her to treat me like this. How can not see how bad it is for her to think this behavior is OK? Now I don't even really want to go away with her. I am considering canceling the trip and using the Southwest credit to purchase air for the family trip. I've spoken to Lizzie about it several times but she still hasn't given up the book that isn't hers. I don't think I should just take it from her. DH said he's spoken to her twice but I don't see how he ever let this happen in the first place.

Is this all just about a stupid book? I think it so much more. I just don't know what to do/how to react.

I thought of this thread when I read your post. I realize your daughter isn't lying, but it does sound like she lacks empathy which according to that thread is not so unusual for her age. My son does too. I find it really frustrating, but I just keep modeling the behavior and talking to him about feelings.

Has she explained why she took the book?

I think this sounds like it's about more than the book if you don't want to go away with her. Canceling the trip will send a strong message, but is it really the message you want to send? I wouldn't expect her to realize how much trouble you've gone through to plan the trip. Some kids don't get it that young. My mom used to tell me sometimes "don't you know how much trouble I went through to do that for you" and it made me feel like I wasn't worth the trouble or she was just doing it for the glory. You know, like there was a price attached to it. Kids don't always realize our words or actions as they're meant. They personalize them. I recently found this out the hard way with Christopher. We said something to him that was very innocent in our eyes but he took it a completely different way and it really affected him.

Good luck sorting it all out

ETA: I agree with Deb, Theresa and Kate. Your DH should handle this.

 

[tmfranlk]

Here is an updated picture of our grandson Nathan...he is growing like a weed!!!

Kristine

What a cutie! He is certainly a handsome one. I LOVE rollie pollie babies. Terra was certainly one and it was great!

 

[bear74]

Lovesdumbo a belated Happy Birthday

 

[Pooh67_68]

Been reading some, just not posting.


Hope everyone is good and that anyone with troubles, things start to turn around soon.

or anniversary if I missed anyone.

for thoes that are not feeling well or are injured.

Congrats to thoes of you who are finishing up with school.

Anyone going on a trip soon, have a great time.

 

[lovesdumbo]

It sounds like there is some hurt there from something else, not just the book.

Yes-lots more. My DH has never done much for my birthday-that is why I took the trip. It really hurts me that he is teaching his children that they don't need to do anything to show that they are glad I was born. Ever since Lizzie was born he thinks he can just treat my birthday and Mother's Day as a single event.

DH bought 3 books-1 from each child. When he asked Lizzie where the book was he should have wrapped the 2 remaining books from Joe & Emma instead he let Lizzie give me 1 and put Joe and Emma names on the remaining book.

Lizzie can do no wrong in his eyes and I am very fearful of where this will lead us.

 

[bengalbelle]

What a cutie!

ITA!!!!

 

[bengalbelle]

Ok DDA, I don't usually ask for PD and certainly not for trivial things like the weather, but it is looking like a washout here for Friday and Saturday which is our camping trip for 40 people. I really hope that we get a little sun, ok just not rain would be perfect. I have a campfire scheduled for Friday night complete with each den performing something for the group and of course s'mores. Saturday is packed with a mini golf tournament, orienteering challenge and fishing tournament as well as our group meal, prepared by the Webelos. I could really use all the pixie dust you can spare to pull off a weather miracle for the boys and families. Thank you so much.

I am happy to report that I am working on the last design request in my PM box! I also have the costumes altered to send to Denise and Pal Mickey is ready to head out on his vacation. He will be visiting the Figs in Atlanta So the costumes will be traveling with Pal Mickey. While getting the Zues and Hades costume out for Denise I realized that I have an absolutely adorable Pegasus costume that is a size 2T (if I remember correctly) that would be perfect for one of our little DDAers. Is anyone heading to MNSSHP and needing a Disney (homemade) costume for a little one? It is perfect for a girl or boy and I can post a picture if you'd like. I'd be happy to share.

Deb

 

[lovesdumbo]

Your question was am I overreacting and I am going to have to say yes.

She is 6/7 years old.

If I am correct the gifts were from her - if the book was supposed to be from her and she decided not to give it to you - that is within her rights and if your DH did not discuss it with her or take the book back that is between them.

IMHO - you have no place in the discussion. Had you not overheard about the book, you would not know about it. I do think that your DH should have told her, "if you don't want to give her the book, that is fine but then I am returning it or you can pay me back for it."

Cancelling your trip seems more like a way to hurt her than to punish her. If you are going to do the punishing then it should be more along the lines of - you need to pay for the book or return it - if you refuse to do both - then I am going to cancel this meal at WDW to pay for the book. Odds are she will give the book to you then.

I think you will have bigger behavior issues if you cancel your trip to WDW - cause I am guessing that is the biggest punishment in your arsenal - is this the worst thing she could have done? Cause if she does something REALLY bad - what are you going to do then? I think human nature is to think well if I do somethine little - I am going to get a HUGE punishment - then I might as well go for the gusto!

Thanks-I needed to hear that. I am actually much more angry at DH than my 6 year old and canceling the trip would punish her and make things easier for him.

 

[bear74]

okay all caught up. I really need to do some house work but just can't get motivated.

 

[bengalbelle]

okay all caught up. I really need to do some house work but just can't get motivated.

LOL, me either!

 

[tmfranlk]

Hello everyone! I wish I had the time to read through the 100's or is it 1000's of posts I have missed, but I just don't have the time right now. I hope you are all doing well - I include you all in my daily prayers and ask for the Lord's blessing on each of your lives. Even though I may not know each of you're particular needs right now, I know the good Lord does! Just a quick update on why I have "dropped off" - I have lived on our family farm all of my life. My parents, my sister and her family, and my grandmother all live on the farm property as well (each in their own homes). Well, due to some health complications with my dad and his severe diabetes, he has had to make the heart-breaking decision to sell the family farm . As if this isn't diffult enough to deal with, it also means we are all losing our homes. We just finished moving my sister to a town 25 miles from here (I am used to her being next door - so this feels like thousands of miles!). My grandmother will be moving to Florida on the 25th (that IS thousands of miles!). My parents are building a new home (only a mile away). And we are well... soon to be homeless. But I have complete faith and trust in the Lord that he will see us through and provide for our needs. Sometimes it's just so hard to "let go, and let God", you know? I want the answers NOW, and it's hard to wait for His timing and His will. So, as you might imagine, our lives have been turned upside down. It is all happening so fast, and so unexpectedly. I am just trying to take a day at a time, and especially to get through this year's homeschooling (I am hoping to finish on Friday! ) Please keep our family in your prayers and I will try to update and catch up with you all as I can! THANK YOU for letting me get that all out!
Miss You Guys!
Shana

Shana! What a hard few weeks you've had. Many prayers and that you are able to find the right place for you and quickly. Keep us posted and until then know that we are praying for you.

 

[mommykds]

Ok DDA, I don't usually ask for PD and certainly not for trivial things like the weather, but it is looking like a washout here for Friday and Saturday which is our camping trip for 40 people. I really hope that we get a little sun, ok just not rain would be perfect. I have a campfire scheduled for Friday night complete with each den performing something for the group and of course s'mores. Saturday is packed with a mini golf tournament, orienteering challenge and fishing tournament as well as our group meal, prepared by the Webelos. I could really use all the pixie dust you can spare to pull off a weather miracle for the boys and families. Thank you so much.


Deb

I have my fingers crossed for good weather this weekend!!!

 

[lovesdumbo]

I thought of this thread when I read your post. I realize your daughter isn't lying, but it does sound like she lacks empathy which according to that thread is not so unusual for her age. My son does too. I find it really frustrating, but I just keep modeling the behavior and talking to him about feelings.

Has she explained why she took the book?

I think this sounds like it's about more than the book if you don't want to go away with her. Canceling the trip will send a strong message, but is it really the message you want to send? I wouldn't expect her to realize how much trouble you've gone through to plan the trip. Some kids don't get it that young. My mom used to tell me sometimes "don't you know how much trouble I went through to do that for you" and it made me feel like I wasn't worth the trouble or she was just doing it for the glory. You know, like there was a price attached to it. Kids don't always realize our words or actions as they're meant. They personalize them. I recently found this out the hard way with Christopher. We said something to him that was very innocent in our eyes but he took it a completely different way and it really affected him.

Good luck sorting it all out

ETA: I agree with Deb, Theresa and Kate. Your DH should handle this.

Thanks for the link. I am concerned about her lack of empathy. Her brother is the most empathitic child you could meet so it is hard to remember that empathy is generally aquired a bit later. It is helpful to hear that others struggle with the same issues. She really is a great kid but we have been dealing with selfish behavior lately and I'm still in shock that DH let her get away with this.

I haven't given her the "do you know how much I've done for you" speech. I did tell her that Saturday was MY birthday and a chance for her to show that she cared about ME. I did "remind" her that HER birthday was in 2 weeks and she knew that we had plans to make her day special. I haven't said anything like "I don't want to take you...You're not worth taking....you don't deserve to go....".

She hasn't said why she took the book. I think she just wanted to try it too. AND...I've actually already purchased a kid's Soduko book for her to try on the plane.

I think DH & I need to talk! He likes to avoid that.

 

[babytrees]

Yes-lots more. My DH has never done much for my birthday-that is why I took the trip. It really hurts me that he is teaching his children that they don't need to do anything to show that they are glad I was born. Ever since Lizzie was born he thinks he can just treat my birthday and Mother's Day as a single event.

DH bought 3 books-1 from each child. When he asked Lizzie where the book was he should have wrapped the 2 remaining books from Joe & Emma instead he let Lizzie give me 1 and put Joe and Emma names on the remaining book.

Lizzie can do no wrong in his eyes and I am very fearful of where this will lead us.

I so know where you are coming from with the husband not doing anything for any special day. About 2 years ago the only reason I had a birthday present from anybody was because I had some extra present stuck away. He has gotten better in the last couple of years but with Mother's Day often being his or the girls birthday it gets swept under the rug.

The kids will get better as they get older about acknowlediging and wanting to do for Mother's Day and your birthday. I promise!! My girls have some super secret Mother's Day crafts under wraps right now.

I think Lizzie is going through a button pushing stage and she has your number!!

You need to let go and be thankful for the presents you got and enjoy Disney....make it a time to bond and get to know Lizzie better. As you said you felt this was a birthday present to you also.

 

[bear74]

Hey Jennifer,
lovesdumbo's birthday is not on the DDA birthday thread. Did she not get the memo that we were supposed to post our Birthdates their so we could all wish her a happy birthday.

 

[Pooh67_68]

I am so sorry to our pregnant DDA'ers, I never rember to post asking how you are doing.

Hope all is going well.

 

[babytrees]

Work got in the way as I was writing this earlier:

Deb-

Here is hoping for some for this weekend for the BS camp.
Because you have done so much for this weekend I think the least Mother Nature could do is cooperate and give some .

If not sunny, please at least not a wash out!!

I'll be putting in extra prayers for good weather for you!!

 

[tmfranlk]

I just hit send... and my assignment is winging its way to my tutor

That's two down and two to go

So if there is any spare pixie dust around could someone sprinkle me some?

WTG Clare!!! for the rest!

 

[tmfranlk]

Glynis-

Little Women is one of my favorites and is on my list of summer reads. It's been awhile since I read it.

To Kill a Mockingbird is also a favorite as far as social commentary books are concerned. Cassidy told a friend that even if I opted her out she'd have to read it anyway. . My degree is in English with Spanish Lit and Education as minors. I did lesson plans for To Kill and Great Gatsby as they are two books that resonated with me.

Me too! Me too!! I love the whole Little Women series, but Jo's Boys is probably my favorite of them all. Our homeschool is going to be called Plumfield Free School whenever we feel a need for a name.

 

[bear74]

Me too! Me too!! I love the whole Little Women series, but Jo's Boys is probably my favorite of them all. Our homeschool is going to be called Plumfield Free School whenever we feel a need for a name.

Oh I haven't even thought about a name for our school yet.