The Crazy Life of a New Floridian & Ongoing TRs

[karajeboo]

This started out as a PTR for a couple of extended weekend trips that I had planned, but as a new Floridian, this became more of my stress relief - to note my adventures in a humorous fashion, sort of a therapy of sorts for me!

You'll find snakes, lizards, HUGE spiders, hurricanes, rednecks, and of course many TRs of our Disney weekends too!

This has gotten so long, thought I'd add a little directory:

Background info - the BIG MOVE to FL
Anniversary PTR - The Disney Room
Redneck Beach Adventure
Mr NoShoulders - Our First Snake Adventure
Bucky and Fred: A Love Story - seriously, another critter adventure!
If I'm Lyin, I'm Dyin, Another Critter! Spunky Monkey!
Houseguests from He!! - I'm beginning to prefer Mr NoShoulders!
Clearwater Beach - "Mommy Speaks Seagull!"
Inlaw Invasion... Need I Say More?
Fighter Jet Cruising down the Road
The Liquor Cabinet is Stocked - Hurricanes and Banana Spiders
9/08 - WDW Anniversary Trip - 4 Days at Yacht Club! Tons of Pix and Food Porn!
10/08 - AK for a Day - Just Me and My Favorite Girl and FIVE times on Everest! Photo HEAVY!
11/08 - Girls Weekend at CSR, then Daddy Showed up! Tons of Pix!

I think this report will be much more, um, “accurate” than my trip report from May, since this one is just DH and I, no kids, no in-laws, no snarky SIL and BIL and their kids. Ahhh…. I’m already relaxing just thinking about it! Actually, if DH wouldn’t have freaked at the oh so very accurate accounts in my May TR, it would have been VERY entertaining. It seems that I was a bit too accurate for his tastes, with regard to HIS family! Even without using names, if anyone had seen it who was even somewhat remotely acquainted with my SIL, they would have known instantly it was her – not too many (thank the good Lord!) like her out there!

So I had to edit it, as in remove pics that had them in there, and take out most of the descriptions of selfish, outrageous, childish behavior unbecoming a grown woman with two kids whose parents just spent a ton of money to take the whole family to Disney World. It was really embarrassing most of the time. But I digress……

With that said, hopefully this trip will be entertaining in a way that will be enjoyable, as opposed to “shake your head in disbelief that someone could behave that way in public” entertaining. Yes, that was the entertainment of our trip last month…

For starters, it will just be me and my DH Jeff spending 4 days in the World for our 10th anniversary, celebrated 11 years after we were married. I know, I know, but Jeff got transferred to Jacksonville, FL, last summer and we were right in the midst of the house hunt, and finally moving, during our actual anniversary in October, so we decided that we’d wait a year to actually celebrate that milestone. And then when free dining came up, we decided to up our anniversary a month! So in all actuality, this will be our 10 year, 11 month anniversary! Yea!

Not only is free dining a great time to go, cause there’s, well, FREE dining! But while we were at Disney in May, we met some great people from Tampa who educated us on all the benefits of having a Florida Resident Seasonal Pass, including the fact that we could upgrade our current tickets into said pass. Hmmm, sounded like a plan so off we went the only morning we were not with the rest of the family (Jeff’s family, I might add!) to visit Epcot’s Guest Relations. The first CM who was helping us came out with a grand total of about $200 for 2 adult and 1 child seasonal passes, after upgrading our current tickets. We were sold! But then another CM came over and corrected his math, and, well, long story short (or is this a short story long?) we walked out of there with all three passes AND a Disney gift card for $257! I’m not sure how this all worked out, but I was really liking Disney math right about this time!

Jeff kept walking around saying, "I feel like I just won the entire Year of a Million Dreams!" See, my Jeff is a saver, he's the frugal one in the family. Money burns holes in my pockets, seriously, it must be why I have to buy new clothes all the time!!! That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

I told Jeff we needed to keep our great "deal" to ourselves but he insisted on telling BIL, SIL, and FIL (HIS father!) about our great deal. The first thing FIL said was, “That’s MY money!” See, after Jeff and I took our DD to Disney 2 years ago, MIL really wanted to plan a family trip that THEY paid for. Sounds great, or is it?

It was a very difficult vacation for Jeff and I, because we are the planners, and the rest of the family never picked up a book, got online, nothing! So they came to us for advice, we gave it, and then they all decided to do it THEIR way, which as overplanning DISers all know, failed miserably. So it was a very stressful trip for Jeff and me. But, now that we had in our hot little hands, FREE season passes, AND a $257 gift card, we were all set! Our tone completely changed for the rest of the trip, into “no problem, you wanna do that? We can come back anytime we want (except for 2 weeks at spring break, 2 months in the hot, humid, crazy crowded summer, and 1 week at Christmas) and do it the “right” way!” AND we gladly bought the whole group Citron Slushes in Epcot, and anything else they wanted in order to keep the peace. After all, we had $257 of Disney’s money! Well, that disappeared quicker than you could imagine, or maybe not, if you’ve ever traveled with in-laws and had to treat them like children about to explode into tantrum! I’m really stuck on this, huh? Again, meet them. Travel with them. You’ll understand!

So that is why Jeff and I decided to head back to Disney for our 10 year, 11month anniversary! To do it the “right” way – our way!

Now let me also say that I’ve had a really hard time moving to Florida. I left a wonderful life in South Carolina, where we spent the last 14 years. We’re both originally from Ohio

but we fell in love with the easy southern lifestyle and South Carolina is a beautiful place to live! So even though I'm a new Floridian, you'll find me saying "y'all" and "bless her heart" and "kiss my grits" (okay, not really that one!). They really do have smiling faces, and beautiful places!

Once we moved, I quit smoking (yea for me!), began working from home (yea for me!) and began to decorate our home (yea for me!). But the chemicals in the medication to help me stop smoking really made me nuts! More so than usual, if you know what I mean! So much so that I hated working from home, hated my house in disarray, hated everything about Florida! And now that I’m off the medicine, my moods have calmed down tremendously, and I’m loving working from home (how else could I take this time to write my PTR and get paid for it?). But I still don’t like Florida. I hate the heat and humidity in January, I hate the snakes, I hate the lizards

I hate the bugs. In fact, I don’t know how they can even call these things bugs – honestly, I’ve killed 4 scorpions the size of my thumb (this pic taken in my laundry room, AFTER I squished it!)

spiders the size of a small skillet, and don’t even get me started on the lizards that could easily feed our family of three if I put them on the barbeque rotisserie! OK, maybe not THAT big and juicy, but still……

And the weather!!!! The storms!!!! I have a spot cleared out in the laundry room between the washer and dryer, for me to hunker down during these nasty afternoon t-storms! I am so NOT kidding about this! It's scary! My parents called me this winter to ask me if I had seen their blizzard on TV - I told them (from my laundry room bunker!) that they needed to turn on the Weather Channel because there was nothing about a blizzard on there - it was all about the deadly storms ripping across Florida! Yeah, that's a near daily occurrence here in the summer.

So that’s why I began planning this trip for Jeff and me, way back in February, when I was losing my mind (but not smoking – yea for me!). And while I was planning this anniversary trip, I spontaneously planned a weekend getaway to the Happiest Place on Earth for the whole family, just for the Pirate and Princess Party. Remember, we are new Florida residents, we plan to wear out our welcome this first year!

Here we are at P&PP - happy family, glad to get away after all the chaos of the move! New jobs, new school, new house, Mommy going crazy while she quits smoking (yea Mommy!), the usual stresses of a move!

Yes, I made us matching shirts for the party - I told you I found the Creative DISigns thread - they're awesome!!!!

Oh, and did I mention the puppy that Santa brought for Christmas? Yeah, that's great in a new house, with new carpet, and Mommy going crazy on medication (but still not smoking - yea for me!). And the reason for the new puppy (named Buckeye by the way - told you we were from Ohio originally!) was because we knew we'd have to have our dear Bella put down soon - and it happened in April.

Sweet little Buckeye...then

Poor little Bella, about a week before we had to have her put down. I still miss my little girl!

And Buckeye NOW! My how the kiddies grow up so quick!

OK, enough background... Coming up..... What? We're going to PAY for tickets to the park???

 

[Camster0307]

Hi Kara! Feel like I already know alot of the details but I'm anxious to follow along as more plans are made!

Ok - so you get a new smiley for starting your pre-trippie:

 

[MAGICFOR2]

Hi Kara! I'm checking in for the ride. I'm glad you're still not smoking, (yeah for you!) and you're feeling better about Florida! I think I would love it there. Now you just need to buy that DVC since you'll be in the world so much! We're planning a "just us two" trip in March, which we've done once in our pre-DIS days, so I'll be watching for ideas on how to relax AND see what you want, too - that is your assignment!

 

[karajeboo]

Hey Cammie and Tammie (I just love saying that! ) - thanx for reading! I'll keep posting a little at a time. Even though I know y'all already know most of my plans!

As for the not smoking, yeah, well, I'll touch on that later, too!

 

[karajeboo]

OK, so we’ve decided to go back and do it “right,” right? Right! So now that we’ve decided that September is better than October because of Free Dining, we’ve got to figure out when! Well, in my mind, the later in the month, the better, cause Florida can be hot, hot, hot in September! But because I work for a supplier of gas logs and fireplaces, September is beginning our busy season, so I can’t really take off a whole week, so, hmmmmm, how are we gonna do this? I hate to go over a weekend and leave DD7 with neighbors, cause then we lose that weekend with her, ya know?

So after much deliberation, we decide to head down Sept 17th to the 20th. And it looks like I'll be able to meet up with a DIS bud! Yippee! Yeah, so much for the "romantic" anniversary, huh?

Yes, it’s only 3 nights, but we’re less than 3 hours away, so we’ll be back soon. AND, since we’re going childless this time, we can go at our own pace and see as much or as little as we choose! As it stands right now, we’re talking about ONLY going to Epcot and Animal Kingdom this time!
Now, since we just moved to Florida and plan to make the most of our seasonal passes, it makes sense for us to hit the World as much as we can, but there’s another reason that Jeff and I love Disney!

Jeff and I honeymooned in Disney in May of 1998 (yeah, I know, we got married in October, but honeymooned in May – I managed a restaurant at the time and couldn’t get all the time off together – just chalk it up to the fact that we can’t seem to ever celebrate anything at the right time!) and stayed at the Boardwalk Inn. Fell in love all over again… with Disney! C’mon, we just got married (6 months ago!) of course we were still in love with each other!

Look at the cute honeymooners! Back when DH had all his hair and I was, well, let's just say I was a bit more "fit" back then!

We knew that we’d probably never again be able to do it “right,” so we made ADRs for lunch and dinner each day, plus the splurge for the Deluxe resort, we were living large! Little did we know that Disney would come up with the Dining Plan to make all this possible later….. or that there would so often be resort specials, or that we’d end up living in FL and get all kinds of great rates on rooms (and “free” passes – thanx, FIL!). But we did it “right.”
And I wanted to do it “right” again, for our 10 year, 11 month anniversary! As much as we love Boardwalk, I wanted to try someplace else.

Even with this great view (great CM upgraded us!) from Boardwalk, why sould I want to go anyplace else? Note: before digital camera - scanned and edited. Eeeek!

So I booked Wilderness Lodge, because we have eaten at Artist Point, and Whispering Canyon Café, and we always comment on the resort and how we’d like to stay there “someday.” So we’re locked and loaded at Wilderness Lodge! But only for a couple of days, because I realize that Jeff and I love the Boardwalk too much – we love everything about it, the street performers, the “feel” of the boardwalk, but most of all the proximity to Epcot and World Showcase. On our honeymoon, we were in Epcot 5 out of the 6 days for at least dinner or drinks. We just love, love, love to stroll around WS, exploring the shops, talking to CMs, having drinks in the different countries. We love it!
So, I went back to square one, which wasn’t really THAT far back, and changed our reservation to the Yacht Club! Woo hoo! It fits the bill perfectly – it’s on the boardwalk (sort of!) with the same proximity to Epcot (sort of!) and it looks like a beautiful resort, much like Boardwalk Inn. OK, so we’re locked and loaded now. This time it’s final! So final, in fact, that I printed out the "invitation" for our Disney room.

Did I tell you about our Disney room? Well, we've always loved Disney, and now that we're in the same state, it was actually DH who suggested that we take one of the spare rooms upstairs, and create a Disney theme. Hmmm, I was liking that idea! And I totally utilized the talents of all the great designers on the Creative DISigns thread from here on the DIS! I decided to print out 8x10 invitations from every TS restaurant where we have dined at Disney, frame them all, and create a border effect around the room.

Then I added little montages here and there...

P&PP

Resorts where we have stayed.... See Yacht Club there? That means it is OFFICIAL!

And let me just say, the designers are not only great at what they do, but so very accomodating when it comes to requests!

A little SHOUT OUT to y'all who have helped make this room!!!!

You get the idea! But I'm running out of room now!!!!

OK, back to trip planning. We're staying at Yacht Club - it's on the wall so it is final!!!

Now, keep in mind that I booked this resort, along with MYW tickets with FREE Dining right when the free dining offer came out. But then, the magic season passes hopped into our hands last month, so now what to do??? Why in the heck would we pay for tickets when we have FREE tickets! But we also want FREE dining! And we all know that Disney isn't FREE, right? Or is it......

 

[Camster0307]

Man, Kara, I really love your Disney room!!!! It is sooo cute!

And, I think you made the right decision being at the Yacht Club. You know you'll want to spend alot of time at Epcot - it's much more convenient to stay over there than the WL.

Cute honeymoon pix, too, BTW!

 

[karajeboo]

Thanx Cammie! And did you see how I got my PTR link in my siggie? Man, I just love the info on the internet!

 

[Camster0307]

Thanx Cammie! And did you see how I got my PTR link in my siggie? Man, I just love the info on the internet!

 

[ahibird]

Okay, I'm a couple days late, but I'm here !!!

Looks like I'm going to miss you guys by a week -- we don't arrive at WDW until Sept. 27 -- yes, we miss free dining, but DS doesn't get off for Fall Break until then. That's the soonest we could go.

Looking forward to reading more....

Aloha - keahi

 

[karajeboo]

Time to plan our ADRs!

I didn’t stress about ADRs too much (and I call myself an overplanning DISer, you say?) because Jeff and I wanted to eat at all new restaurants this trip. After all, we needed to eat at different restaurants to add to my border in my Disney room!

That’s another reason why I didn’t want to stay at Wilderness Lodge either – we plan on going back either this year or next year for Christmas, and that is my first choice for our family for that trip. See? I want to stay at a different resort each time. I have already booked DD and I for a girls weekend in November at Coronado Springs, and we stayed at Port Orleans-Riverside for P&PP in March (see? I wasn’t kidding about wearing out our welcome this first year!).

Anyway, back to ADRs….

I finally decided that I really didn’t need Jeff’s input – I know where he wants to eat! He loves Epcot, I love Epcot, let’s eat in Epcot! And so we are! Chef’s de France and Tutto Italia, as we have never eaten here before, and I’ve heard wonderful things about Chef’s waiters! Did I just say that? This is my 10 year, 11 month anniversary for crying out loud! How can I think about hunky waiters? Well, because I’ve been married for 10 years, 11 months! And Jeff would do the same, and probably will if the Italian gals are in the same league!

It was a little dicey grabbing those ADRs because I called about 90 days out, so I just adjusted my times a bit and all was well. Well, almost! I really want to eat at Rose & Crown but Jeff is so NOT into English cuisine. His response? “What great cuisine have the English come up with? Boiled meat? Kidney pie?” And even though I’ve heard great things about the fish and chips here, Jeff likes getting the most bang for his buck on the Dining Plan! Which is why I will never get him to Sci Fi for burgers when Disney is paying for our meal! Out of pocket? Maybe someday…. So as I battle him for Rose & Crown, I just make the decision to go for it! What’s the worst that can happen?

And as luck would have it (HIS luck!) there were absolutely no ADRs available for lunch or dinner any day of our stay! So back to plan B. No Teppan Edo – not just the two of us. Might be fun for a group. No Chinese food, we can get that anywhere….. Nothing to give his buck the required bang at Magic Kingdom… Aha! The reviews have been great on the DIS, and since we always like to begin our trips at Downtown Disney the night before we hit the parks….. Raglan Road! Locked and loaded!

I'm very happy with these ADRs and we'll be able to catch Illuminations at least one night as we're eating early enough. Maybe even after Raglan Road - what a way to begin our anniversary celebration - a few fireworks!

Next up.... But Wait! We can't get free dining with Season Passes... or can we?

 

[MAGICFOR2]

Kara, what a cute pic of you and Jeff! You haven't changed much.

Oooh La La! you have ADRs at Chefs de France!! You will love it!

Your ADRs sound delish! We are planning on "resort hopper' ADRs in March! I don't know if the food will be that great at a couple, but it sounds good.

I just spent about an hour tonight trying to figure out which park we want and where we will want to eat - 9 months from now! I need to get another hobby!

 

[karajeboo]

Tammie - just steer clear of Boatwrights at POR! It was terrible, and most of the reviews I've read say the same thing. That sounds like fun though, because you can stroll around the resort too!

 

[MAGICFOR2]

Tammie - just steer clear of Boatwrights at POR! It was terrible, and most of the reviews I've read say the same thing. That sounds like fun though, because you can stroll around the resort too!

Thanks! Let's see - I'll tell you what we have so far, and you can tell me if you've had any experience with these:

Maya Grill - CS
Cape May Buffet - BC
Shutters - CBR
Spoodles - BW
WCC - WL
Ohana (We already love this one! )
Kona Cafe -Breakfast - Poly

I'm not set on anything except WCC and Ohana, so comments are welcome!

 

[mrsdrkwaver]

Hi just wondering how did you get the invites for your restaurants I like the idea of keeping them for a keep sake

 

[karajeboo]

Hi just wondering how did you get the invites for your restaurants I like the idea of keeping them for a keep sake

Check on the Creative DISigns thread under the Just for Fun section. A gal named Natalie has her own site. Her thread is almost always on page 1 - and then there's a link to her site. She's still adding them, little by little. That is originally why I had them made - I gave them to everyone in our group last month, for scrapbooks and whatnot. Then I got the idea to do the border in the room, and I'm loving it! She's incredible!

 

[karajeboo]

Thanks! Let's see - I'll tell you what we have so far, and you can tell me if you've had any experience with these:

Maya Grill - CS
Cape May Buffet - BC
Shutters - CBR
Spoodles - BW
WCC - WL
Ohana (We already love this one! )
Kona Cafe -Breakfast - Poly

I'm not set on anything except WCC and Ohana, so comments are welcome!

Tammie- Of those listed we've only been to WCC - loved it!!! Fun, festive, food was okay (nothing "outstanding" but still tasty), and did I mention FUN? We had an awesome server, too! I've heard great things about Maya Grill, and I really want to try Spoodles, too. Otherwise, I'm not much help - sorry!

 

[karajeboo]

OK, hold on a sec!!!

Now that I have the trip booked, 3 nights at Yacht Club, FREE Dining (which includes Magic Your Way tickets, right?) what the heck am I supposed to do with our greatestdealofthecenturythankyouFIL Season Passes??? No way am I gonna pay for tickets now!!!! So then what happens to our FREE Dining???

So I pick up the phone

and get a great CM, Bernice – ever wonder if they use their real names? Cause I’ve spoken to Matilda, Bernice, and Olga, just to name a few, and they sure don’t sound like Matildas, Bernices, or Olgas. Anywho, Bernice is super helpful and she helps me to plan my trip several different ways.

First of all, let’s keep it the way it is. 3 nights at YC, and a 3 day MYW with hopper and FREE Dining.

Now let’s try it using our greatestdealofthecenturythankyouFIL Season Passes, 3 nights at YC, and 30% off the DDP (cause we are greatestdealofthecenturythankyouFIL Season Pass Holders).

Not bad, we save about $100 that way.

Then Bernice (or Clementine or Mabel or whatever the heck her name is!) suggests that we pay for a one day MYW ticket just to get the FREE dining during our stay. Now how in the world does she expect me to pay for a park ticket when we have the greatestdealofthecenturythankyouFIL Season Passes? No way, no how, I tell her! I’m using my greatestdealofthecenturythankyouFIL Season Passes, thank you very much!!! She asks me to just be patient while she works some Disney Magic.

OK, so roll Jeopardy music in my head while I’m waiting

……. Or maybe she was humming it? No, cause I think it’s in their contract that they can only hum Disney tunes, right?

So maybe it was in my head.

Back she comes with a price $250 less than the original price before we became greatestdealofthecenturythankyouFIL Season Passholders!

Holy guacamole!!!! I'm so in!

But how can we pay for a one day park ticket and get three days of FREE Dining? “Disney magic” says Berenice, but I know that it’s based on number of nights in a Disney resort with at least a one day park ticket. Silly Bernice, thinks she’s talking to a novice! Not with my greatestdealofthecenturythankyouFIL Season Passes – I think NOT!

And not only do we have 2 one day passes now, but because of our greatestdealofthecenturythankyouFIL Season Passes, we don't even have to use the one day passes, and they're good for a year.... Bernice actually told me to save them and use them for out of town guests!!!

And since we were planning to scoot down for a day or two with my parents in tow, next time they're in town.....

And at $71.00 a day, we basically just got $142 in free tickets!!!!

I'm really liking this "new math" that Disney uses!

So just when I was considering downgrading to a moderate resort due to the slowing economy (and DH is in the automotive industry which is suffering something terrible!), back comes Bernice with a too good to pass up deal to keep me in the Yacht Club!

So I just consider it my way to help the economy – I’ll take one for the team, y’all. You can thank me later – if you see me in the World Showcase, just buy me a slushie in France!

Or a glowtini anywhere in the World!

But I don’t mind, after all, it’s my duty as an American to spend, spend, spend!!!

And I’m all about being patriotic.

Cause I’m helping our economy.

And cause that’s what we do at Disney!

 

[karajeboo]

OK, let me start by saying I really wish I had pictures to go with this but sadly we forgot our camera this weekend. We decided to take DD7 to the beach

yesterday cause she’s been missing SC lately – I’m sure it’s PMS, but who knows.

So when I was getting my hair cut on Saturday

I made the mistake of asking my stylist if she could recommend a local beach. Now she’s a great gal who gives a great cut (yeah, I’m growing it out so she literally only cut the length off the back - $40 please, thank you very much!) but she’s, how can I say this, er, um, for lack of a better term, white trash. I don’t think I’d ask her to recommend anywhere for a romantic anniversary dinner, cause I’ve already been to Golden Corral, but again, she’s a good girl, just a little rough around the edges. But back when DD had lice, she is the one who discovered it – oh, horror of horrors – and she was sweet as can be about it, giving me the low down on how to treat it, etc. I also found out that lice are a HUGE problem in Florida! Yippee!

So my dear, sweet, trashy stylist recommended Vilano Beach to us. I told DH about it and we decided to give it a try. Now we've been told to go to St Augustine beach, and we’ve been there before and liked it, but we wanted something “new.” So off we go on Sunday morning to have lunch at Harry’s in St Augustine – we had a gift card from Christmas so we were all set! After lunch, we drove to the beach, just south of St Augustine. We parked our car, grabbed our 76 bags of crap from the car, and trudged down the beach to find our perfect spot.

Spread out the blanket, set up the chairs, put towels on the chairs, lathered up with 76 layers of sunscreen, got the paddles and balls to play, pulled out our books,

and settled in to read while DD frolicked in the surf. Now the first thing we noticed upon entering the beach was how “rocky” this beach is. Most Atlantic front beaches are this way, but this was unusually rough, then got a little softer down by the water. No problem though, we’re only here for the afternoon, and we’ve got books to read. And DD could care less if we were on the black sand beaches of Hawaii – surf is surf and body surfing rocks!

Well, as soon as we opened our books, DH turns to me and whispers,

“have you noticed anything… odd about this beach?” Well, it turns out that it’s not so odd in Florida, especially Jacksonville. People here are quite “comfortable” with their bodies. Especially 350 lb women in string bikinis. I’m not kidding. Or skinny women who are 350 years old in string bikinis, same difference! I’m not sure if Wal-Mart does not sell mirrors down here? Nah, these folks weren’t Wal-Mart connoisseurs, they were double coupon clippers for the flea market. I’m talking about marts that actually sell fleas!!! Y’all do not understand what I’m saying!!!

One of our first encounters was with Buddy. Right after we sat down, we hear, “Buddy, ya git yer tail back down heah!” We look to our left and see two men whose age probably totaled about 150 (or maybe they were only 29 years old each, but being the hooligans they were they just LOOKED like they were heading toward the light!). Oh, and total teeth between the two? 6. Max. So we look off to our right and we see Buddy, a big black dog, kinda like my Bucky, but not as classy, if ya know what I mean. Cause Bucky is one classy mutt! Well, anyway, Buddy is chasing seagulls. Nope. He’s actually chasing the shadows of seagulls! And he’s gotta be about ¼ mile down the beach by now. Stupid seagull. So Elmer, or Abner, or whatever Billy Bob’s name is, goes chasing him down the beach, swim trunks falling off, butt crack hanging out. Nice.

DH and I can’t say a word. We’re just now realizing that Elmer/Abner/Billy Bob has a lot of friends on this beach. Everywhere. We felt like Biff and Muffy compared to all the Billy Bobs and Ethels around us. Words cannot describe this afternoon. But DD is still frolicking, all is well. DH and I did not read a single page in the exactly 1 hour, 37 minutes, and 52 seconds we were there. We couldn’t take our eyes off the dinner theater that we were watching. Seriously.

So Billy Bob comes back with Buddy. Now keep in mind that Billy Bob is with his friend, we’ll call him Abner. At no point in the 1 hr, 37 minutes, 52 seconds we were there did we NOT see Billy Bob’s butt crack,

OR see him with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth.

And this includes when Billy Bob and Abner carried Buddy into the ocean to see if he could swim. Yup, Buddy can swim, but he kept getting tired, so Abner would hold him up in the water. Then finally bring him out for a break, and off Buddy would go chasing seagulls, and off Billy Bob went, butt crack and all, chasing Buddy down the beach.

Right after DD was born I joked that I would one day wear a bikini again. So DH, being the sarcastic husband he is, bought me a string bikini that year for Christmas. Yeah, it’s really dusty right now. But I swear I’m going back to Vilano Beach one more time. To wear my bikini. BEFORE I lose weight. I will be stylin. And maybe I’ll strike up a conversation with Billy Bob and Abner. Or Buddy. He’s probably more intelligent.

Just another glimpe into our oh so glamorous lives. To be continued….

 

[karajeboo]

My biggest fear in moving to Florida was the spiders and snakes - Mr Jim Croce and I would get along great!

We've been here nearly 8 months, and aside from some lizards, and one very unappealing skink, it hasn't been too bad. Sure there have been reports in the neighborhood of rattlesnakes - a neighbor killed a 4-footer!

Keep in mind that Florida is one big swamp, and I'm not talking the Gators football field. As a diehard Buckeye I try not to think of that. Or LSU. Or any other SEC football debacle. But that's another story.

Our neighborhood is brand spanking new, so the swamp is apparently trying to strike back. Kinda like the graveyard in Poltergeist. Only scarier.

We've seen deer in our yard. Lovely. And wild turkeys running in the woods behind our house. Good eats. And even wild boar who have crossed over from the Jennings State Forest. Still not bad.

The scorpions? Not a fan. The larger than large spiders? Hate 'em. I'm afraid to step on them for fear that when I squish them they will extend out past my shoe. Seriously. That big.

But the snakes are my fear. Any snake. Which is why Monday, Juney 24, 2008, is a day which will live in infamy. At least in my book......

It was a lovely Florida day, hot and humid, with a chance of afternoon t-storms, just like every other summer day. Shortly before 5pm, I took Bucky outside so I could go pick up Ally at Summer Camp. Bucky was out doing what dogs tend to do and off in the distance, just outside of our yard, I see movement. No not the movement that Bucky was making – get your minds off that! Check attachment for pic of our backyard. We’ll call it a visual aid for today’s presentation.

He was right near the door ready to come in, so I calmly opened the door for him, before he saw the same thing I saw. In he came, right about the time Mr NoShoulders turned left and headed right for the screened porch. With me standing there. Paralyzed. OK, I need to do something, right? So I did what any rational woman would do.

I ran inside and grabbed the phone and called my husband. It went something like this.

Kara: Uh, Jeff? We have a visitor?
Jeff: Really? Who?
Kara: Um, he’s in our backyard. Well, at least I think it’s a he, but I guess it could be a she.
Jeff: Kara, what is it?
Kara: I see my first Mr NoShoulders and he’s looking right at me.
Jeff: WHAT????? *&%@* %&*@# &$%@*#!!!
Kara: <holding phone away from ear> I think I can get him. Should I just use a shovel?
Jeff: *&%&* *@#$% &%$@*!!!!!
Kara: Seriously, Jeff, it’s real skinny, about 18” long. Oh, look, he just raised his head to look at me! <makes cutesy baby noises>
Jeff: GET IN THE HOUSE!!!!
Kara: Jeff, it’s outside, I’m in the porch, and seriously, Oh, wait, here’s a golf club. I’m gonna go kill it.
Jeff: KARA, NOOOOOOOO!
Kara: Yeah, I’m not gonna get too close. Maybe if it were your driver. Can you stop at Home Depot tonight and get a hoe?
Jeff: We have a hoe – in the garage.
Kara: We do NOT have a hoe, all we have is a shovel.
Jeff: It’s a hoe.
Kara: That’s rude. I thought it was a nice girl. <laughing>
Jeff: KARA!!!! GET RID OF IT BEFORE I GET HOME!!!!
Kara: Oh, wait, I think you hurt his feelings, he’s turning away.
Jeff: Is it gone?
Kara: Not yet, but he’s heading back toward the woods. Wait. Holy *&%$!!!!!! That thing is not 18” it’s more like 3 FEET!
Jeff: Seriously, I am sweating and shaking right now. Is it gone?
Kara: Almost. Wow, is that still the snake coming out of the grass??? OK, it’s not really 3 feet, it’s at least 3 ½ feet or 4 feet!!!! Cool!
Jeff: I’m hanging up. Be careful.

That was right at 5:00, and Jeff has about a 45 minute drive home. He didn’t show up until 6:15. Apparently the girls in his office had to calm him down before he could leave!!!

So I cruise up to the clubhouse to get Ally, and I ask one of the guys running the summer program, What is the best way to kill a snake?

He tells me, if it’s black, leave it alone, and after my exchange, feeling like Harry Potter using Parseltongue, I think I can comfortably live with the black Mr NoShoulders. See? I’m multicultural, living side by side with my brothers. Word.

But, I’m told, if it’s brown, or striped, do NOT attempt to get near it. Just let it go. Yup, come to find out the brown ones are rattlesnakes, and the striped ones are coral snakes. Both found in the neighborhood. Both highly poisonous. I may need that good girl/hoe after all!

Now, before you go, let me just tell you, contrary to popular belief (well, MY belief), snakes don’t make a lot of noise. They don’t holler out, “You who! Here I come!” Nor do they sound like a freight train coming into the yard. That would be a tornado. Snakes do not sound like tornadoes. Seriously. They are vewy vewy quiet. Shhhh.

So to sneak up on Mr NoShoulders, I would need to use stealth, wit, and charisma. Okay, maybe the charisma part wouldn’t do much – hewwo, Mr NoShoulders, here I come to chop off your widdle head – but I have the stealth down. That must come from living in a town with a Naval air base, or maybe it comes from fear of the unknown.

But there I stood yesterday on the back porch, tank top, shorts, and fluffy winter snow boots! Hey, they were the only boots I had, and I needed something to keep the creature from slithering over my foot!

And it’s not the first time I’ve pulled out the winter snow boots in Florida. A couple of weeks ago I was doing battle with a skink, snake on legs, that got IN the back porch. I heard the doorbell ring, ran to answer it, and there stands my neighbor to pick up his daughter who had been playing with Ally. He takes one look at me, says, “Nice boots. Is Eva here?” I realized then how ridiculous I looked.

But I got the skink out of the porch, and I’ve learned I can speak Parseltongue, both very important skills to have in the great state of Florida.

Stay tuned for Bucky and Fred: A love story. To be continued….

 

[karajeboo]

OK, I know what you’re thinking – There is NO way that Kara has another strange creature lurking around her house (Jeff doesn’t count!) – but it’s true.

I promised to tell you about Bucky and Fred: A Love Story, and this will all tie in nicely at the end. Of course y’all know that we live in the Amazon rainforest, so what I’m about to tell you shouldn’t surprise you at all.

But we’ll get back to that in a minute.

First you need to understand that our backyard is a mud pit. Three Brazillians + 3 shovels = no grass in the backyard. They began digging out for our patio extension yesterday. So….. that means that we take Bucky outside through the front door and into the vacant lot next door, on a leash. So he doesn’t take off after deer, rabbits, raccoons, wild turkeys (not the liquor! That’s what I need after my adventures!), wild boar, lizards, snakes, alligators, armadillos. Yup, you get the picture. So it’s not as easy as just opening the door and letting him run. Not easy at all.

Bucky has made some nice friends since we’ve moved – a few lots down there is Baxter, the 7 year old golden retriever. They even have playdates where we take Bucky over to play in the backyard with Baxter. Then on the other side of us lives Champ, a 3 year old yellow lab. Champ gets out of his yard quite frequently and heads over to our yard to invite Bucky out to play. Crazy kids!

But in addition to Champ and Baxter, Bucky has befriended Fred and Lucy, the lizards that live all over our yard. Now according to Ally there is only one male and one female, and apparently they get around, because we can be at a store on the other side of town and Ally swears that she sees Fred. So to make this easier, we’re gonna go with that story.

Well, Fred and Lucy enjoy tormenting Bucky on the back porch. They are apparently a lot smarter than he is, because they will crawl along the outside of the screen, knowing that he can’t get to them. Bucky on the other hand, continues to run into the screen 76 times a day, cause one of these times it just might not be there! Yeah. Anyway…

Now if you call Bucky and tell him that Fred is outside, he runs to the door because he and Fred have developed a “special” relationship. Ahem.

Theirs is a bit of a Romeo/Juliet type of romance, you see, as the families are feuding. Maybe it’s Hatfields and McCoys, I don’t know, but you get the picture. Fred comes from a long line of, well, reptiles, and the reptiles and the JeffandKaras have always been embroiled in a bitter feud. In case you don’t understand, reread yesterday’s encounter with Mr NoShoulders, Fred’s cousin, also from the reptile family.

I’m sure if we had a balcony, Fred would shimmy up the wall to meet Bucky on the balcony – it’s THAT type of romance, you see. Starlit sky, owls hooting in the woods, and Bucky and Fred on the balcony….

See the pic of Fred and Bucky. Fred is the green one. On the middle pot. In case you didn’t know.

Now that pic was taken last week, so Fred and Bucky have not seen each other in a few days. And apparently Fred was missing Bucky. And now I’m ready to tie in why it was so important that the backyard was not to be Bucky’s restroom, and why it wasn’t easy to take him out the front door.

Because apparently Fred was pining for Bucky, and waiting for him right out the front door.

Ready to run in the house the minute I opened the door. At 10:00 at night. Last night.

In the house, and up the wall. A 10 foot wall. But first behind the very large, and very heavy mirror. On the 10 foot wall. In the house. My house.

So again, I do what any normal woman would do. I call my husband. Now I won’t go into the whole conversation again. Because I’m sure you can imagine for yourselves. So when Jeff told me to get a broom and a bucket, I’m thinking. Yeah? And what do I do with it?

So I get a broom and a bucket. And the phone. And I call my neighbor. At 10:00 at night. Not my next door neighbor. My neighbor about ½ mile away.

About 60 seconds later, said neighbor is at the door. Ready for battle. Now while I’m waiting for my neighbor (we’ll call him Alex, well, cause that’s his name), I’m trying to keep Fred on the wall. I don’t want him running through the house looking for Bucky. Cause Bucky may love Fred, but he doesn’t like trespassers. And Fred is definitely trespassing. In my house.

So I’m talking to Fred. Telling him to “stay.” Did you know that lizards don’t understand English? Maybe the Brazilians left him here. Maybe he only speaks Portuguese. I’m not sure. All I know is that whenever I told him to “stay” he moved faster than before. Maybe he’s just not very well behaved. Maybe he DOES understand English, but pretends not to. Mmm hmmm, I know his kind!

So Alex, heretofore knows as My Knight In Shining Armor, shows up, and within about 20 seconds Fred is out the door. Hmmm, I guess I could’ve done that.

About 10 minutes after Alex leaves, Jeff pulls in the driveway and asks, “Is it gone?” Yeah, that’s my REAL knight in shining armor!

So in two weeks, we’ve had skink in the screened porch, snake in the yard, and lizard in the house.

Next up…. Alligator in the bed! Not really. I hope.