Chapter Nine: He Had it Coming
It appears that a majority of Americans have changed their minds about who should be in control of Congress. It also appears that a majority of people who previously viewed this trip report have changed their minds as well. How else do you explain 42,000 views mysteriously disappearing? Do you think they judged this longer than expected trip report to be a quagmire?
Please don't cut and run just yet. I promise I'm not going to simply stay the course. I have an exit strategy.
Now then. Our dinner at Chef Mick's was good as it almost always is there. Dessert was even better. In addition to the two plates of Schpupin! sized desserts I brought back to the table, I also brought back a bowl of snow caps. I love those things.
I especially love that I can fill a bowl of them and nosh.
THATs vacation.
Eventually, our waiter brought the bill and I paid. For our family, Free Dining is at its best in a place like Chef Mickeys. If I was actually plunking down the $90 for that meal I would have burst a vein, blown a gasket, lost my cool and three other clichés which mean relatively the same thing.
I went to retrieve the wheelchair for my wife. As I was walking out front, I had to step over and around several children just running about the restaurant. Not dancing with napkins, mind you. Running. With and without plates of food.
Where were mom and dad? Were these orphan children who came to eat at Chef Mickeys? Were mom and dad in the casino? No parents ever came to claim these wandering kids who were creating quite a scene. As I wheeled the empty chair back to our table I was again accosted by the children of the candy corn. In my attempt to not hit one of them, I accidentally rammed Mickey Mouse.
Technically, it was his fault.
He really should have watched where he was going.
There were tons of kids all moving around in random, unpredictable fashion. Mickey was walking front of me, doing a kind of dance walk which was really ill-advised for a mouse. Under any circumstances. But in a crowded restaurant, with poorly behaved orphan children running around and an overtired, slightly ragey wheelchair wielding attorney trying to get back to his wife, it was an especially poor choice.
I cut right to avoid ramming a sugared up tweenager and Mickey jigged right at the same time. Mickey Mouse, meet the left wheel of my wifes wheelchair.
Sorry, I said.
Ive never apologized to a rodent before. Felt strange.
Not as strange as say, waiting in line to meet said rodent and have your picture taken with him. But in the same neighborhood.
He didnt seem phased by our encounter. He acted like it was part of his choreography and then jigged the other way. Michael Jackson hell never be. Which is good for a lot of reasons. What with all of the adoring children. But the Mouse has got some moves.
I retrieved my wife and now completely sugared up but still remarkably well behaved daughter and we headed out of Chef Micks. I felt full. Not full full. Not Thanksgiving Dinner I have to go and die now full. But satisfied full.
We were headed to the Monorail platform because it had been a year since we rode the Monorail and it was time. But first I had a stop to make.
I didnt realize how ritualistic I am but evidently a trip to Chef Mickeys isnt complete until Ive visited the hard to get to bathrooms one floor below. You know the bathroom that looks like it was thrown in at the last minute when someone finally realized that there needed to be a restroom closer to the restaurant. It has a shoe-horned in feel about it.
But.
As long as weve been going to Chef Mickeys, Ive been going
at Chef Mickeys. I dont miss a chance to use the Chef Mickey's bathroom.
Im not superstitious. But why mess with something that works?
Memo to self: never reveal your true identity; this story makes you look like a complete dork.
Back up the narrow stairs, I found my wife and daughter and off we headed for the Monorail platform. Once we got to the platform, I reflexively asked the platform CM if the front was open. I felt like a dork doing it. I feel like a dork reading the words here. Yet, I havent edited them out. He said the front was full but we could wait for the next train. Like the full on Disney Dorks we are, we waited. When he told us the people in the front were getting out after all and we could have it, we responded with a very loud, Woo hoo!
By we, I mean me.
But you knew that.
Youre a dork, too.
Sorry. Consider this an intervention.
We abandoned the wheelchair on the platform and climbed into the front car of Monorail Purple. Which I promptly insisted was Monorail Green. Which made my daughter say, No it isnt, Daddy. Its Monorail Purple.
No it isnt, its green. Dont you know you colors?
I watched the wheels turning in her head. Daaaaady. Its purple.
Green.
Purple.
Green Whats the point of having kids if you cant screw with their heads?
The ride around the Seven Seas Lagoon was over too quickly. Any other time Ive been on the Monorail it takes a long time to make it around the Lagoon. Not this day. We made lightening speed. No holds. No delays at any of the stops. The Resort Monorail was rather express.
Of course it was.
I needed it to be slow. When we boarded the Monorail, I noticed the time and if the ride had taken as long as it normally does, we would have had a great view of Wishes! as we looped the Lagoon. Ive never been on that Monorail when it didnt take a good 20 minutes to go roundtrip. But now that I needed it to be a slow ride, it was fast. Typical.
Also, Wishes! went off late that night. There was some weather in the area and I believe they held it a few minutes. Or my watch was fast. Or the Mouse called someone. Payback for running over his foot. Or Tinkerbell had eaten dinner at Teppanyaki Steak House and although she enjoyed the food tremendously, it was now having a nefarious effect upon her delicate system and she was using the facilities. And
that is why Wishes! was late that night. They had to wait for Tinkerbell to, you know, finish.
Theres a Disney World you dont see in travel books. Or read about on the Internet. Until now.
Back at the Contemporary, we retrieved the wheelchair and rode down to the lobby to retrieve our car from the valet. While we waited, Wishes! was going off. I picked up my daughter and walked a few paces to get around a tree that was blocking our view. You cant hear the music from the Contemporary porte-cochere but having seen Wishes! several times and having listened to the music countless more times, I knew where we were in the show. Which only underlined for me what a freaking nerd I really am. And how desperately I need to get out more.
We missed the part where Tinkerbell flew which is ok because you cant see her flight from the parking lot of the Contemporary anyway. So whether her otherwise perfect flight was marred by a tiny scrap of toilet paper stuck to her fairy foot, I dont know. If you were in the Magic Kingdom on September 6, 2006 and you saw Wishes! perhaps you can tell us whether anything was askew.
It was a short drive back to the Lodge. We arrived with a few minutes to spare before the Electric Water Parade. We werent sure whether we could see the parade from our room so we went to the 4th floor balcony and watched from there. With about a dozen other people. And the humidity. And a pleasant smell.
Seriously. The Lodge courtyard has a very pleasant odor. Unlike whatever bathroom Tinkerbell had been held up in. This was a cross between honey and nail polish. Which is a smell I actually like. I dont know what plants or flowers in the courtyard were creating the smell but it was very good.
The Electrical Water Parade is as dated and cheesy as the Wedway People Mover. And like the PeopleMover, its a Disney institution. I remember seeing it when I was a kid but if Ive seen it since that lone stay at the Polynesian, I dont remember. I confess I was looking forward to seeing it again. Surprisingly, my daughter thought it was pretty cool. During our stay at the Lodge, we caught it several times.
After the EWP, we headed back to our room. My daughter climbed up on the top bunk to play with her toys, my wife started washing her face and doing whatever it is she does in the bathroom for 30 minutes at bedtime and I got everything ready for the morning. I like to have everything set up before I go to bed so that in the morning, I'm ready to go. I was a little nervous about our first day in the parks because it was just me and my daughter in the MK. Although my wife had some of her strength back, she was trying to take it easy. She wasnt going with us in the morning. She was going to sleep in and wed see her when we came back in the afternoon.
It was just going to be me and my little girl.
I take my daughter out for dates all the time. So Im used to having her by myself. Not just McDonalds either. Ive taken her for dinner at nice restaurants so she can put on her pretty dresses and be a big girl. She amazes me each time because shes very well mannered and she can carry on a good conversation. Shes also very funny. But this was Disney World. Ive never been alone with her in the parks. Ive taken her for lunch or to the gift shop. We walked around the Lodge earlier that day. But for some reason, having her alone with me in the MK had me a little anxious. I was also feeling sad for my wife. She was torn; I could tell. She wanted to be with us and she wanted to rest. I promised her wed be back in the room by lunch time.
I got our gear together and as I was putting some gum in the front pouch of my camera bag, I picked up our itinerary. I stared at it for a while. Looked through the page. I looked at the day I first sketched out our trip plans. Then I saw the several times I changed them. And the day I finalized our plan. Now it was a useless piece of paper. I threw out our flight plan. We were going to wing it. Put Isaac Newton in the drivers seat.
Eventually, my wife emerged from her evening toilette and we parked ourselves on the bed to watch the pictures I took from the day. I jacked the camera into the port on the front of the tv and we watched a slide show of the days pictures. Thats a nice thing about the new tvs at the Lodge. We could watch our pictures on the big screen rather than the little screen on my digital camera.
Theres Mickey! my daughter shouted.
Look at her sticking her tongue out, my wife said.
Theres Monorail Green, I said.
Daaaaaady.
After pictures, we got my daughter situated and tucked into her bed and prayed with her. I climbed into our bed and enjoyed how comfortable it was. I've read that the old beds at the Lodge were kind of hard. This was not that way at all. It was very nice. Not quite as soft as the support Congressional Democrats claim they have, but also not as rigid as President Bush's "stay the course" rhetoric. It was in the middle. Like Joe Lieberman, Independent.
At home, I fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow. Sometimes before my head hits the pillow. But at Disney World, I dont fall asleep so quickly.
We all know why.
As I laid there in the cool darkness on the faux feather pillow, I listened to the quiet. Which was stunning to me. No kids crying. No people talking. No turbo flush. Just the hum of the air conditioner.
And the horn from the boats.
I dont know if you can hear them all over the Lodge, but from our courtyard room you could hear them. They blow the horn when they come in and when they leave.
During the week, my wife said she found the horns annoying.
Not me. I imagined the boat captains were talking to each other like people use the bells on the surrey bikes.
A long toot blew right after I noticed how quiet it was. Did you hear what happened to Mickey? Some nut ran over his foot at dinner. A short toot came a few minutes later. Serves him right!
As I was falling asleep, I heard a long toot, Hey ZZUB, dont forget tomorrow is Morning Extra Magic Hour.
A shorter toot a few minutes later, Duh!
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