Fishbone†
<font color=blue>Does strange things while sleepin
- Joined
- May 31, 2001
- Messages
- 1,372
Preface (boring but necessary background information):
Currently I'm housesitting for my previous boss who's working out of state. I've been there since September and will be moving out this fall. Anyway, it's a condo in an apartment type setting. 90% of the people who live there are elderly, and a good majority of them are older widows..... it's VERY quiet.
Anyway..... last night I was just bumming around the condo in my PJs. Since my condo is on third floor, and is extremely hot most of the time - particularily last night, I had chosen these shorty pajamas I have that are a little small for me.... they were bought on one of those "OMG I forgot to pack PJ" trips, and the choices were limited. They fit, but a little snug.
As fate would have it, about midnight I discovered I'd forgotten to run the garbage down to the chute..... it's about halfway down the long hallway, so I have to walk a little ways to it. I look down at my attire and think "I can NOT go out in these"..... stand there a minute and convince myself that it's midnight, all the other residents are sleeping, and IF there happens to be someone stirring, chances are it would be one of the widowed women. I have to pass a total of 11 doors on my way down, and 10 of them are older women, and the 11th is the caretaker who is an older man. I calculate my chances of walking all the way down without meeting ANYONE - let alone a male at about 99%. I grab my garbage, open the door, do the "check that the coast is clear" head poke, listen for stirring, and further calculate my odds at 99.9%. Good enough for me. I head out...... past door one.... two... three................... ten.... eleven, and now I just have to round the corner and to the chute. But what's this??? Footsteps from around the the bend??? UGH!!! WHAT DO I DO???? Duck into the laundry??? No - what if that's where they're headed??? How will I look standing stock still in a dark laundry room holding a bag of garbage when the door opens??? Okay - don't panic, just grab the front of your shirt, pull it away from yourself a little to minimize the "view", look at your down at your feet, pass quickly and enter the waste chute door. Did I mention that our waste chute is RIGHT around the corner, in an inset with a door, and a mini closet just big enough to stand in with the door closed as long as you don't have to turn around?? I've got this under control. I turn the corner prepared to meet my opponent...... STRIKE ONE.... it's a male..... STRIKE TWO.... He's my age..... STRIKE THREE.... he's bringing garbage to the same chute!!! Picture this with me..... I'm carrying garbage in my ultra-short, oh-so-tight, shorty pajamas withOUT my over-the-shoulder-bolder-holder to hide, minimize or hold my girls in place. He's carrying his garbage.... not so much of a Brad Pitt as I would have hoped (considering the circumstances)...... think a little more Tom Arnoldish with a lazy eye and furby hair. So we meet - right at the waste chute door..... he steps into the inset, opens the door, and says "After you"
Did I mention the size of the closet??? The size of the inset is about the same..... I suck in as much as possible, slide past him, enter "the closet" front first, open the chute.... STUFF my garbage down, back out, and "calmly" (or at least appear that way) to head back to my apartment. There goes my career in the world of Covert Garbage Missions!!! 
Currently I'm housesitting for my previous boss who's working out of state. I've been there since September and will be moving out this fall. Anyway, it's a condo in an apartment type setting. 90% of the people who live there are elderly, and a good majority of them are older widows..... it's VERY quiet.
Anyway..... last night I was just bumming around the condo in my PJs. Since my condo is on third floor, and is extremely hot most of the time - particularily last night, I had chosen these shorty pajamas I have that are a little small for me.... they were bought on one of those "OMG I forgot to pack PJ" trips, and the choices were limited. They fit, but a little snug.
As fate would have it, about midnight I discovered I'd forgotten to run the garbage down to the chute..... it's about halfway down the long hallway, so I have to walk a little ways to it. I look down at my attire and think "I can NOT go out in these"..... stand there a minute and convince myself that it's midnight, all the other residents are sleeping, and IF there happens to be someone stirring, chances are it would be one of the widowed women. I have to pass a total of 11 doors on my way down, and 10 of them are older women, and the 11th is the caretaker who is an older man. I calculate my chances of walking all the way down without meeting ANYONE - let alone a male at about 99%. I grab my garbage, open the door, do the "check that the coast is clear" head poke, listen for stirring, and further calculate my odds at 99.9%. Good enough for me. I head out...... past door one.... two... three................... ten.... eleven, and now I just have to round the corner and to the chute. But what's this??? Footsteps from around the the bend??? UGH!!! WHAT DO I DO???? Duck into the laundry??? No - what if that's where they're headed??? How will I look standing stock still in a dark laundry room holding a bag of garbage when the door opens??? Okay - don't panic, just grab the front of your shirt, pull it away from yourself a little to minimize the "view", look at your down at your feet, pass quickly and enter the waste chute door. Did I mention that our waste chute is RIGHT around the corner, in an inset with a door, and a mini closet just big enough to stand in with the door closed as long as you don't have to turn around?? I've got this under control. I turn the corner prepared to meet my opponent...... STRIKE ONE.... it's a male..... STRIKE TWO.... He's my age..... STRIKE THREE.... he's bringing garbage to the same chute!!! Picture this with me..... I'm carrying garbage in my ultra-short, oh-so-tight, shorty pajamas withOUT my over-the-shoulder-bolder-holder to hide, minimize or hold my girls in place. He's carrying his garbage.... not so much of a Brad Pitt as I would have hoped (considering the circumstances)...... think a little more Tom Arnoldish with a lazy eye and furby hair. So we meet - right at the waste chute door..... he steps into the inset, opens the door, and says "After you"
Did I mention the size of the closet??? The size of the inset is about the same..... I suck in as much as possible, slide past him, enter "the closet" front first, open the chute.... STUFF my garbage down, back out, and "calmly" (or at least appear that way) to head back to my apartment. There goes my career in the world of Covert Garbage Missions!!! 
thank... I needed a good laugh!! That would be my luck as well! At least he wasn't your dream man. That would make it even worse! That does sound like something I would do myself..and get busted in the process. OH, that is good.
