THANKSGIVING OBESITY LAWSUITS SWEEP U.S.
Relatives Sue Ohio Grandmother For Failing to Divulge Calorie Content of Stuffing, Pies
In what legal experts are calling the most litigious Thanksgiving in U.S. history, relatives from coast to coast filed obesity lawsuits against their holiday hosts today, claiming that the sky-high calorie content of their Thanksgiving feasts had turned guests into jiggling tubs of unsightly flab.
I sat down at Grandmas table for Thanksgiving expecting a good, home-cooked meal, said Sheila Warner, 32, of Toledo, Ohio. I had no idea that I was walking into a fat-trap.
Ms. Warner joined twelve of her relatives in slapping her grandmother, Mrs. Essie Coogan, with an obesity lawsuit, blaming the elderly woman for creating an excessively caloric meal that made her guests resemble hideous beached whales.
In addition to the traditional turkey and stuffing, the lawsuit alleges, Mrs. Coogan prepared a gargantuan calorie-laden smorgasbord including cranberry sauce, candied yams, sweet potatoes, dinner rolls, cornbread and between ten and twelve different fruit and pumpkin pies.
The average serving at Mrs. Coogans Thanksgiving dinner contained well over 8,000 calories, the lawsuit claims, far exceeding most recommended daily allowances.
In addition, the legal complaint says, Mrs. Coogan's failure to divulge how many calories her guests were pigging out on contributed to their subsequent obesity.
We were just chowing down, unaware that her food was consigning us to a lifetime in drawstring pants, Ms. Warner said.
In other obesity lawsuit news, the fast food chain McDonalds settled a class action suit against it today by obese patrons who claimed that it did not truthfully represent the calorie content of its meals.
As part of the landmark settlement, McDonalds agreed to change its name to McLardass.
***Borowitz Reports***
Relatives Sue Ohio Grandmother For Failing to Divulge Calorie Content of Stuffing, Pies
In what legal experts are calling the most litigious Thanksgiving in U.S. history, relatives from coast to coast filed obesity lawsuits against their holiday hosts today, claiming that the sky-high calorie content of their Thanksgiving feasts had turned guests into jiggling tubs of unsightly flab.
I sat down at Grandmas table for Thanksgiving expecting a good, home-cooked meal, said Sheila Warner, 32, of Toledo, Ohio. I had no idea that I was walking into a fat-trap.
Ms. Warner joined twelve of her relatives in slapping her grandmother, Mrs. Essie Coogan, with an obesity lawsuit, blaming the elderly woman for creating an excessively caloric meal that made her guests resemble hideous beached whales.
In addition to the traditional turkey and stuffing, the lawsuit alleges, Mrs. Coogan prepared a gargantuan calorie-laden smorgasbord including cranberry sauce, candied yams, sweet potatoes, dinner rolls, cornbread and between ten and twelve different fruit and pumpkin pies.
The average serving at Mrs. Coogans Thanksgiving dinner contained well over 8,000 calories, the lawsuit claims, far exceeding most recommended daily allowances.
In addition, the legal complaint says, Mrs. Coogan's failure to divulge how many calories her guests were pigging out on contributed to their subsequent obesity.
We were just chowing down, unaware that her food was consigning us to a lifetime in drawstring pants, Ms. Warner said.
In other obesity lawsuit news, the fast food chain McDonalds settled a class action suit against it today by obese patrons who claimed that it did not truthfully represent the calorie content of its meals.
As part of the landmark settlement, McDonalds agreed to change its name to McLardass.
***Borowitz Reports***
