Thanksgiving and Political Discussion

[Hannahinwonderland]

So I was a bit apprehensive- we have one person who disagrees with the majority family view. My sister and I have made our very strong opinions known in the past- so the person who disagrees with us knows how we feel.

We agreed to talk about politics BEFORE they arrived. It worked like a charm! No fighting or feeling uncomfortable!

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

And a joyous holiday season to you!

Haha... Back at ya .

It's not that bad. There are never any hard feelings but it does get lively!

 

[xjillianpaige]

Y'know, I quietly watched a lot of people share something on here and then get, for lack of a better word, attacked, but I've never commented. A lot of people do it under the guise of "discussion." But I logged on here and saw 6 people quote me and thought nothing of it until I saw someone make a really awful generalized statement about social workers being people who diagnose from across the country and get family involved in protective services when social work is an incredibly broad field. I also have people insinuate that my family doesn't like me and talk poorly about me when I'm not there, quoting a comment I made in jest. I'm not sure that falls under the realm of "discussion" but instead is just people being mean.

I don't go around "lecturing" people without prompt. When the conversation falls onto a topic like race or oppression or mental health, something I have some knowledge in, I share my thoughts. I don't sit down at a table and say, "All right, family! This year's topic is race and let's get going! Time for me to educate you." Give me a break. I also don't let people use slurs in front of me without saying something, so if that's "lecturing" then fine, me calling people out on being unkind is "lecturing."

I didn't think this place was so bad, but man, this place can be ugly. Just like I won't stand for people being unkind at the dinner table, I will no longer stand to watch people be unkind to each other on here under the guise of "discussion." Here's your reminder that real people are on the other ends of these usernames and have real feelings that can really be hurt by what's said.

 

[ronandannette]

Y'know, I quietly watched a lot of people share something on here and then get, for lack of a better word, attacked, but I've never commented. A lot of people do it under the guise of "discussion." But I logged on here and saw 6 people quote me and thought nothing of it until I saw someone make a really awful generalized statement about social workers being people who diagnose from across the country and get family involved in protective services when social work is an incredibly broad field. I also have people insinuate that my family doesn't like me and talk poorly about me when I'm not there, quoting a comment I made in jest. I'm not sure that falls under the realm of "discussion" but instead is just people being mean.

I don't go around "lecturing" people without prompt. When the conversation falls onto a topic like race or oppression or mental health, something I have some knowledge in, I share my thoughts. I don't sit down at a table and say, "All right, family! This year's topic is race and let's get going! Time for me to educate you." Give me a break. I also don't let people use slurs in front of me without saying something, so if that's "lecturing" then fine, me calling people out on being unkind is "lecturing."

I didn't think this place was so bad, but man, this place can be ugly. Just like I won't stand for people being unkind at the dinner table, I will no longer stand to watch people be unkind to each other on here under the guise of "discussion." Here's your reminder that real people are on the other ends of these usernames and have real feelings that can really be hurt by what's said.

My dad made a sign that tells our family that if they want to talk politics, they need to do it on a walk with the dog around the block.

I plan on finding the loophole to educate my family on social justice, and, more appropriately, social injustices that we are witness to today.

Your original post came off as pretty arrogant - if light-hearted and cute was what you were going for, I guess we all missed that. And your subsequent post where you (seemingly rather proudly) self-identified as an "opinionated brat" didn't really bring any clarity.

 

[mom2rtk]

Your original post came off as pretty arrogant - if light-hearted and cute was what you were going for, I guess we all missed that. And your subsequent post where you (seemingly rather proudly) self-identified as an "opinionated brat" didn't really bring any clarity.

Agreed. I saw a pretty big disconnect between the 2 posts as well.

 

[Jennasis]

Y'know, I quietly watched a lot of people share something on here and then get, for lack of a better word, attacked, but I've never commented. A lot of people do it under the guise of "discussion." But I logged on here and saw 6 people quote me and thought nothing of it until I saw someone make a really awful generalized statement about social workers being people who diagnose from across the country and get family involved in protective services when social work is an incredibly broad field. I also have people insinuate that my family doesn't like me and talk poorly about me when I'm not there, quoting a comment I made in jest. I'm not sure that falls under the realm of "discussion" but instead is just people being mean.

I don't go around "lecturing" people without prompt. When the conversation falls onto a topic like race or oppression or mental health, something I have some knowledge in, I share my thoughts. I don't sit down at a table and say, "All right, family! This year's topic is race and let's get going! Time for me to educate you." Give me a break. I also don't let people use slurs in front of me without saying something, so if that's "lecturing" then fine, me calling people out on being unkind is "lecturing."

I didn't think this place was so bad, but man, this place can be ugly. Just like I won't stand for people being unkind at the dinner table, I will no longer stand to watch people be unkind to each other on here under the guise of "discussion." Here's your reminder that real people are on the other ends of these usernames and have real feelings that can really be hurt by what's said.

Woah there. No "awful generalized statement about social workers being people who diagnose from across the country" was made. The person you are referring to made a SPECIFIC comment about her own relative who does this.

If you go back and reread what you've written about yourself in those posts it is very easy to see why people have reacted to you the way they have. Finally, you know your own family and, hopefully, how they feel about you.

 

[lovin'fl]

Curious about this - somebody upthread also mentioned not always knowing how their spouse votes. How many of us keep our votes secret from our closest significant-others such as husband/wife/children? My DS just recently came of voting age and he doesn't tell me how he voted but DH always does (and vice-versa). Another question would be how many people know or believe their spouse voted differently than they do?

DH and I know how each voted. We are on the same page. DS could vote this year too and he told us what he was doing, which was not quite the same page but similar. We all lean the same/similar in our home, even my DDs who are 17. Most of my inlaws are on the same/similar page too. We all know how everyone voted. It's my family that's a little divided. And my brother is that guy (that's all I'll say). But we also know how everyone voted. No secrecy in either family.

 

[L&Lfan]

My boyfriend 's and my votes canceled each other out.....it didn't matter to us. We can agree to disagree, but I realize in some families/relationships that's often impossible.

 

[mom2rtk]

My boyfriend 's and my votes canceled each other out.....it didn't matter to us. We can agree to disagree, but I realize in some families/relationships that's often impossible.

I encourage my kids to vote, even when I suspect it might cancel mine out. I even bought my son some memorabilia of his candidate once, even though I voted the other way.

We had a peaceful family dinner yesterday. I don't think politics even came up. I'm sad for those who couldn't experience the same.

 

[BadgerGirl84]

My mom convinced my husband to leave his Make America Great Again hat in the car. He had been (jokingly) sending her texts from the car of him wearing it and saying he was going to wear it to dinner.

Hat was left in the car, and no political discussion at Thanksgiving. Crisis averted. There had been some ugly Facebook conversations between some family members in the past 2 weeks.

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

One thing I am thankful for this Thanksgiving Day is that the darn election is finally OVER! Seems like the campaign lasted 10 years.

I don't anticipate any issues today, but for Christmas I think I'll put a table outside -- far away, on the other side of the pool -- for those who want to talk politics. Anybody who is still amped up by Christmas needs to be exiled to a place where they can contemplate what is really important in the real world.

Was the result of this election NOT "the real world" nor "important in the real world"?? Wow. This wasn't the Super Bowl.

My father's last Thanksgiving, when he was so ill he could barely sit at the table, was overshadowed by an extremely long and loud political debate between my sister-in-law and then 17 year old nephew (nephew to her too). It was rude, insensitive and obnoxious. So that would have been my speech had a political conversation come up yesterday. Thankfully, it did not. I treasure the times when my children and their families come together, and I will not allow random in-laws and in-laws of in-laws ruin that like my sister-in-law and nephew did.

 

[Wendy31]

I really can't imagine cutting off any family member over politics.

Yesterday, we hosted Thanksgiving, & my parents & my sister & her family were at our house. Politics were talked about a little, but it started w/ a discussion of the Kennedy assassination of all things. LOL! We all voted the same way, so there weren't any arguments though regarding the latest election results. However, we did argue a little over whether Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone.

DH & I do discuss for whom we're going to vote. Pretty much, we've always voted the same way. This past election, I did vote for the independent candidate in our local state representative race while he voted for the Republican, but we've always voted the same in the presidential elections (& most everything else as well). I value my dad's opinion, so I normally talk to him about the candidates at least once or twice. And, while I don't go around announcing for whom I voted or post a sign in our yard or really even post anything on social media, I don't mind telling anyone who asks... and I even appreciate a good political discussion every now & then.

 

[DebbieB]

I tried to steer the conversation away from politics but some did come up. I was glad when the conversation shifted to Star Wars movies ;-)

 

[Marchand63]

My dad made a sign that tells our family that if they want to talk politics, they need to do it on a walk with the dog around the block.

I plan on finding the loophole to educate my family on social justice, and, more appropriately, social injustices that we are witness to today.

Nope your not educating you are pushing your myopic world view on people who probably don't want to hear it.

I'll do that. My family is starting to get used to me doing this, ever since I became a social work student now social worker. Also I've always been an opinionated brat.

Yeah we have a family member who was like that, shame we keep forgetting to invite her to functions anymore.

 

[Marchand63]

Y'know, I quietly watched a lot of people share something on here and then get, for lack of a better word, attacked, but I've never commented. A lot of people do it under the guise of "discussion." But I logged on here and saw 6 people quote me and thought nothing of it until I saw someone make a really awful generalized statement about social workers being people who diagnose from across the country and get family involved in protective services when social work is an incredibly broad field. I also have people insinuate that my family doesn't like me and talk poorly about me when I'm not there, quoting a comment I made in jest. I'm not sure that falls under the realm of "discussion" but instead is just people being mean.

I don't go around "lecturing" people without prompt. When the conversation falls onto a topic like race or oppression or mental health, something I have some knowledge in, I share my thoughts. I don't sit down at a table and say, "All right, family! This year's topic is race and let's get going! Time for me to educate you." Give me a break. I also don't let people use slurs in front of me without saying something, so if that's "lecturing" then fine, me calling people out on being unkind is "lecturing."

I didn't think this place was so bad, but man, this place can be ugly. Just like I won't stand for people being unkind at the dinner table, I will no longer stand to watch people be unkind to each other on here under the guise of "discussion." Here's your reminder that real people are on the other ends of these usernames and have real feelings that can really be hurt by what's said.

When you state the you "plan to educate my family" it implies a level of arrogance. You did not say if the subject arises you would politely discuss it. You made it sound like you planned a diatribe on how your views were better than the uneducated family members.

I work everyday to make sure people are treated fairly & with respect, you did nothing to uphold that your implication was quite the opposite.

 

[CarolAnn856]

Y'know, I quietly watched a lot of people share something on here and then get, for lack of a better word, attacked, but I've never commented. A lot of people do it under the guise of "discussion." But I logged on here and saw 6 people quote me and thought nothing of it until I saw someone make a really awful generalized statement about social workers being people who diagnose from across the country and get family involved in protective services when social work is an incredibly broad field. I also have people insinuate that my family doesn't like me and talk poorly about me when I'm not there, quoting a comment I made in jest. I'm not sure that falls under the realm of "discussion" but instead is just people being mean.

I don't go around "lecturing" people without prompt. When the conversation falls onto a topic like race or oppression or mental health, something I have some knowledge in, I share my thoughts. I don't sit down at a table and say, "All right, family! This year's topic is race and let's get going! Time for me to educate you." Give me a break. I also don't let people use slurs in front of me without saying something, so if that's "lecturing" then fine, me calling people out on being unkind is "lecturing."

I didn't think this place was so bad, but man, this place can be ugly. Just like I won't stand for people being unkind at the dinner table, I will no longer stand to watch people be unkind to each other on here under the guise of "discussion." Here's your reminder that real people are on the other ends of these usernames and have real feelings that can really be hurt by what's said.

You stated that you would "find a loophole" and "educate" your family. That is not remotely similar to waiting for the conversation to fall into a given topic. And, it isn't the same as calling out someone who uses a slur, either (I don't think anyone here would have a problem with you doing that).

It's obvious that you did not like how others saw your post. However, disagreement does not equate to people being ugly or unkind. To use your words, they were "your reminder that real people are on the other end" of your dinner table conversation, people who might not desire to have to sit through an unsolicited education by you at a family holiday dinner.

Perhaps you truly intended to lecture your family despite your father's wishes, in which case it might be beneficial to read the posts with an open mind to learn how others might react to that (since your family may be too polite to say anything to you). Or, perhaps, you didn't really mean to come across as you did, in which case you might want to rethink how you write your posts. Either way, I think there is something you can learn from the exchange on this thread. Either way, I have always found that there is usually something for me to learn when that many people disagree with me. Instead of lashing out, take time to think about what they were trying to convey.

You are passionate about your field, and that's great! But remember that not everyone shares your passion, and not every gathering is the right time or place to share your newfound wisdom. Good luck in your career - it is a challenging, often heartbreaking, important, and admirable one!

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Curious about this - somebody upthread also mentioned not always knowing how their spouse votes. How many of us keep our votes secret from our closest significant-others such as husband/wife/children? My DS just recently came of voting age and he doesn't tell me how he voted but DH always does (and vice-versa). Another question would be how many people know or believe their spouse voted differently than they do?

My husband and I have no problem speaking politics to each other. As a whole we agree just a few things here and there we don't agree on. We both discussed in detail why we were voting for who we were (it was for the same person).

My mom and I never talked politics nor did we or do we talk about who we vote for however I do know that currently we are not registered as the same poitical affiliation. Her and I talked more about other things.

My dad on the other hand we talked politics. I was around 10 or so when we would have discussions all the time with him and my sister topics such as the death penalty came up.

We often get into political discussions (not in a bad way though) with the in-laws and we know their political affiliation but this election was the worst talk its ever been;only because mother-in-law unfortunately couldn't be civil during the last 6 or so months before election day so we avoided all political discussion around her.

My closest friends who I have known for 22 years and 15 years, while they voted this time around they usually don't, don't involve themselves in current things and we don't talk politics at all. I do not know who they voted for.

 

[Colleen27]

All three voters in my household voted one way. The whole rest of the family voted the other. We almost got through the night without it coming up, and I should probably be proud of being the "better man" even when the person who set the no politics rule went out of her way to praise her candidate despite her own rule and despite knowing how I feel about her choice (because she also had a little hissy fit about how she was going to have to quit FB because of people "shoving their political beliefs down everyone's throats", otherwise known as posting or commenting on political conversations). It was a passive-aggressive little dig, knowing that I lose either way - either I abandon my personal rule of not sitting by and listening to certain things without standing up for truth or I cause major drama not only among the extended family but also in my own home (because this person is an in-law) - and I'm still not especially proud of biting my tongue for the sake of keeping the peace. I am, however, very proud of my 18yo for having the same self-restraint, because I was much more worried about him than about me!

 

[Nancyg56]

Nope your not educating you are pushing your myopic world view on people who probably don't want to hear it.




Yeah we have a family member who was like that, shame we keep forgetting to invite her to functions anymore.

If anyone decided to disrespect my request by finding a "loophole" there would be a discussion that would be centered around educating that person in regards to how I expect guests to behave in my home, and if this person was an adult child of mine, the discussion woudl center around how disappointed I was that the manners I thought I had taught had been forgotten. The discussion would be one sided and would end with an ultimatum. It is my home.

I honestly do not understand why anyone feels that it is acceptable to destroy a gathering by holding polite people hostage while they rant on and on about how wrong enyone else is if they do not tramp around in lockstep with the lecturer.

I also told my family that I would tolerate no rude behavior on our holiday. Strong opinions notwithstanding, we are a family and we need to be respectful that especially this year, we were not all on the same Political page.

 

[aprilgail]

Ours went pretty smooth- my cousins took off their "make america great again" t shirts before my brother go there and i managed to steer the conversation away when politics came up. Wasnt so bad but i was waiting for the battle the entire evening!