Terrible delima-$$ is missing

[Mimi1965]

Problem is there are two sitters-so we can not prove which one did it.Or if the $$ was moved by forgetful elders in the house

In my heart I"THOUGHT" know which one (sigh)

Sitter #1 knows what happened-and knows we suspect sitter #2-she works for us directly

Sitter #2 's Agency has been notified(we think its her)

Problem is -it took us SO LONG to get sitter #2 for what she does (and sitter #1 can't do because of other sitter job she has)-we don't want to fire her-which we really can't do without proof.

Terrible delima and we are all sick about it.

Safeguards are now in place-all valuables removed from the home and now looking into getting a "Nanny -Cam"

 

[dislaney]

I'm not sure why you would keep someone watching your kids if they stole from you? Surely there must be someone else that can sit for you? I don't think I would want someone like that in my house at all.

 

[marshallandcartersmo]

I would never have someone watch my children that I didn't trust 110%.

 

[r1lissa]

They are taking care of OPs mother, not her children.
Not that this makes it any better...

 

[marshallandcartersmo]

They are taking care of OPs mother, not her children.
Not that this makes it any better...

oh......

still wrong, and just as sad. Still would fire the sitter.

 

[luvmy3]

Problem is there are two sitters-so we can not prove which one did it.

In my heart I know which one (sigh)

Sitter #1 knows what happened-and knows we suspect sitter #2-she works for us directly

Sitter #2 's Agency has been notified(we think its her)

Problem is -it took us SO LONG to get sitter #2 for what she does (and sitter #1 can't do because of other sitter job she has)-we don't want to fire her-which we really can't do without proof.
Terrible delima and we are all sick about it.

Safeguards are now in place-all valuables removed from the home and now looking into getting a "Nanny -Cam"

You know in your heart that #2 did it and you don't want to fire her And sorry but who says you can't fire someone because you dont want them taking care of your mom anymore, no matter what the reason. If thats in the contract for that agency then there is no way I would have hired them in the first place.
There'd be no dilema for me, if I knew who did it then they'd be gone.

 

[Mimi1965]

Its my 86 year old Mother's sitters

We grown siblings are discussing this -it just happened-I thank everyone for input

 

[scrapbookworm]

File a police report, even if you do not know for certain who did it.

 

[dislaney]

Sorry I didn't know the sitter was for your Mom.


I'd still be looking for someone new.

 

[RadioNate]

This happened with my grandfather's care giver. Absolutely file a police report about what was stolen. If she pawns it or something they can track that and you have proof.

I know elder care is very difficult to find. I know my grandmother kept her thief because their simply wasn't anyone else. Sad.

The girl was paying restitution until my grandmother's death.

 

[scrapquitler]

Problem is -it took us SO LONG to get sitter #2 for what she does (and sitter #1 can't do because of other sitter job she has)-we don't want to fire her-which we really can't do without proof.

I think that you can fire her even if you don't have proof.
And I would not want someone I do not trust caring for my parent.

File a police report. Fire the sitter you suspect.

 

[walden]

OK, don't take this personally, but I'm assuming that you have verified that things are really missing and that your Mom does not have dementia and has just misplaced things? My FIL accused many people of stealing when it was not the case. We always had to check before we embarrassed ourselves and others.

Then absolutely file a police report! Also notify the Agency immediately that items are missing and that you have made a police report. The Agency should be notified of your suspicions before they send that person into another vulnerable senior's home! If you look back at the contract with the agency the contact supervisor should be specified. The agency should be able to send you another employee in her place, but make it clear that you do not want to have that specific person in your mother's home again until (if) this is can be sorted out. Caution: they might ask you the same question I started out with to be fair to their employee. Oops! Sorry I just reread your initial post and realize you have already notified the agency. Sorry!
Just a pet peeve of mine, but I do not refer to people who provide companionship and care to adults as "sitters" either. It seems so infantilizing to the senior. I use "companion," or even Health Aide, if that is what they are.

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

OK, don't take this personally, but I'm assuming that you have verified that things are really missing and that your Mom does not have dementia and has just misplaced things? My FIL accused many people of stealing when it was not the case. We always had to check before we embarrassed ourselves and others.

Then absolutely file a police report! Also notify the Agency immediately that items are missing and that you have made a police report. The Agency should be notified of your suspicions before they send that person into another vulnerable senior's home! If you look back at the contract with the agency the contact supervisor should be specified. The agency should be able to send you another employee in her place, but make it clear that you do not want to have that specific person in your mother's home again until (if) this is can be sorted out. Caution: they might ask you the same question I started out with to be fair to their employee. Oops! Sorry I just reread your initial post and realize you have already notified the agency. Sorry!
Just a pet peeve of mine, but I do not refer to people who provide companionship and care to adults as "sitters" either. It seems so infantilizing to the senior. I use "companion," or even Health Aide, if that is what they are.

This is spot on advice. All of it. And are you really more worried about the money than your mother??

 

[Rora]

I'm so sorry about this situation.

I'd file a police report, wait for the agencies response (if they'll be one..) and maybe even confront the suspected sitter myself.

In the end, even if the sitter suspected doesn't confess, I'd fire her.

 

[dis-happy]

Fire her now!!! It would take too long too long to post the horrible story that happened to my friend and the home health aide they had for her mother. The aide totally took advantage of the mother, not just getting things from her (like family heirlooms and jewelry) but worming her way into her life and ending up in the will. They couldn't get rid of her because her mother liked having this woman around and the daughters who were paying for her care did not live in the area. She was a total gold-digger who totally crossed the line in what should have been a professional relationship. A nightmare all the way around.

 

[cm8]

Fire her now!!!

If she did it, she has done it before and it won't be the last time she does it

 

[Hillbeans]

If she did it, she has done it before and it won't be the last time she does it

Yes, I agree. I'm sorry that you're dealing with this.

 

[barkley]

call social services in addition to the police. they will launch an investigation, and the agency should not even be willing to send the person back out until they've completed an internal investigation (if they are not doing this they could be endangering their buisness).

if the person knows you've complained, and you continue to employ them that's a green light for them that you are accepting of their abusive behaviour towards your mother. and technicaly-if an adult child knows and does not take action to stop another related or unrelated adult from financialy abusing an elderly parent, it can be considered a form of prosecutable elder abuse in and of itself.

 

[Mimi1965]

OK, don't take this personally, but I'm assuming that you have verified that things are really missing and that your Mom does not have dementia and has just misplaced things? My FIL accused many people of stealing when it was not the case. We always had to check before we embarrassed ourselves and others.

.

That is my other problem-her DH could have moved it-they could have had visitors this weekend who took it..and so on

We have spoken to the agency-
Assured me of adequate background checks on sitter #2-and sitter #2 was notified of the missing $$

 

[buckler]

Regardless of who did it, it probably would be a good idea ask for credit freezes on both your mother's and father's credit records. With workers being in the home on a regular basis it would be possible for someone to apply for credit in one of your parent's names and intercept the mail when it came to the house. You should also make sure their check books are in a secure location.