Telling the family you’re going solo...and the fall out.

[dizneedoll]

I’m taking my first solo trip in December and I’ve made my reservations and bought my airfare (so there’s no turning back now). But I haven’t told anyone yet. My DH probably won’t care too much as he doesn’t like Disney and never goes anyway but my DS is another matter, I think he will freak out at being left out and that I will be away for 5 days. Im going no matter how bad the freak outs are but I’d like to know how those of you with kids or other family told them that you were going solo and how you dealt with any fits and tears and such.
I’m thinking of telling them later rather than sooner so I don’t have to listen to months of whining, any thoughts or suggestions from you guys would be much appreciated! Thanks

 

[queenofthehill]

Unpopular opinion here but, DS is 5. He will get over it. Enjoy your trip and the solitude.

 

[Keeblerelf928]

How have you booked a trip without your husband even knowing???? No advice, but my husband would flip if I tried to do that to him. Then again our kids are 4 and under 1 lol.

I honestly don't think there is any good way to tell him. I mean, I'd probably take it pretty hard if my husband told me he was taking a trip without me somewhere fun, I can't imagine our kids would take it any better (well the 4 year old, I don't think the baby really cares). So if you don't want to listen to the complaining, I'd probably tell them as you leave for the airport.

 

[dizneedoll]

My DS is 13. So he won’t get over it that fast.

And I booked it without “permission” from my husband because I have my own money and he has his and as a 47 year old I don’t need permission to do what I want.

 

[Gary Stocker]

Having just returned from my trip while they were on their own trip somewhere else.. wouldn't dare do this if they I was leaving them behind at home.
Tell the spouse and not the kid if you can help it. Mine are 3 and 7 and I felt like I was cheating on them somewhat... I also took a day trip to Kennedy Space Center and really emphasized that part of the trip..
Have fun! It was truly...for me most likely..a once in a lifetime trip. I just wish I could have stayed longer. 2 weeks back and I have the post disney blues still...checking the app for plans that aren't there. Hoping for a super discount for winter 2020 to convince the wife..watching dis unplugged.. time to move on Gary..at least for now.

 

[Lilsia]

I have been going solo annually for about 9 years now. My kids were about 8 and 9 years old when I went on my first. My husband doesn't care if I go because he knows I love it and he could take it or leave it. I, too have my own money that pays for my trips. My kids where fine with it. I am sure they said that they wanted to go with me but we told them that this trip was for me to do what I want to do. Nobody cried or acted up. After that year they could care less because they knew that this is what Mama does every year. I don't recommend lying to your kids or even keeping it from them. I would just treat it like this is a normal thing for a Mom to do(it is). No one should ever feel guilty for going on a trip by themselves. Especially Moms who do so much for the family. It is not too much to ask for a few days to do what you want. If it was Dad that decided to go on a golfing trip, no one would bat an eye.

 

[JFox]

I take Disney trips with and without my husband AND with and without my kids.

My husband works A LOT and understands if I need to get away. Solo trips are usually planned when my kids are on visitation with their father. They know that on these weekends I will take advantage of my kid free time and sometimes that takes me on vacations; Disney or other places.

 

[DisLiss]

My DS is 13. So he won’t get over it that fast.

And I booked it without “permission” from my husband because I have my own money and he has his and as a 47 year old I don’t need permission to do what I want.

I'm not sure why you're putting quotes around "permission", as I didn't see anyone indicate you needed permission. I just saw surprise that you're considering purposely waiting later and later to let your husband know you'll be gone. Saying their own husband would "flip out" doesn't mean they need "permission" either, just that their spouse wouldn't be happy, which I understand, because I wouldn't be happy if my spouse opted for a solo trip without discussing it with me first.

You're asking how we deal with fits and tears, and the first way my spouse and I deal with such things is to discuss any plans with one another ahead of time. We find it's much easier for two parents to work out a plan to reduce the upset of the kid(s) if they are both in on the plan together from the get-go. That way the spouse staying home has time to be sure that they know all of the ins and outs of the kid's routine (There are some things I do every day with my kids that DH might not be aware of and things he does every day that I'm not totally aware of.) and to maybe schedule time to do something special with them while the other parent is gone away, etc.

We also find it easier to work together in regards to the kids if we aren't unhappy with one another, and in our house if one of us planned a solo trip on the sly, booked it on the sly, and then purposely waited additional time to tell the other, the other would definitely be unhappy. It's not about whose money pays for it or anyone needing permission. It's that we're a team and we work best when we're discussing bigger plans ahead of time, and we personally consider someone leaving for 5 days a bigger plan, as it requires rescheduling of the day of the parent staying behind.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I don't know why you're waiting to tell them--just do it already so you can stop worrying about it and concentrate on planning you trip.

Your child will likely get over, your husband sounds like he will too but I see no reason to keep delaying especially your husband who by your own words probably won't care too much (so you're not worrying about whining and crying). Just comes off strange. But hey you do you

 

[stephk1981]

I agree with previous posters, tell your DH immediately. Your DS may be upset, but as a mom and adult you deserve time away, he is 13 and old enough to understand that. Perhaps planning a trip after this one with DS included will help soften the blow. As far as your DH, of course you have the right to go on a solo trip...but it's always nice to ' check in' with your spouse before planning anything major...like a trip. Money aside,( as you have your own)....what if DH has other plans that week that he is thinking of doing? What if he isn't communicating those plans with you? If you both make plans without letting the other know before hand, then who will be home with the DS13? Communicating is important, you don't need ' permission' but it's nice to extend consideration to your spouse I hope things go well and you have a great trip!

 

[dwheaton]

I'm planning to do a one-night solo trip to see Galaxy's Edge and catch a few attractions like Flight of Passage that I haven't seen. It's not going to be the type of trip we'd take as a family. I'll be getting up at 4 a.m., value resort, lots of park hopping, etc. Even so, It's still been hard to figure out how to tell my daughters. We're doing a big Disneyland trip next year at Spring Break as a family, and this is just a quick jaunt. I've made sure my wife is totally on board, as it will make extra work for her at home (no judgment of the OP here). And I think it will be good. But it's a tricky situation so I can sympathize. I think it's better to just be honest and try to explain why; kids respond better to that in the long run. But I know every child is different.

 

[JFox]

I am trying to plan a trip the first week of August. My husband is on board with the idea and can't go. Asked my mother and she doesn't want to go because it will be too hot. I can secure a DVC reservation, have an AP and even have a Southwest companion pass. Just need a traveling partner. Uggh.

 

[JoJoGirl]

When I planned my first solo trip this May, I didn’t so much ask my DH’s permission as told him that Disney was offering AP resort discounts that were too good to pass up, and that I really wanted to go. He had just taken early retirement, but wasn’t ready for another trip to Disney. (He can only handle one trip every few years so I often go with my Mom or one of the kids.) He checked his calendar and didn’t have any conflicts, so he encouraged me to get away while he held down the fort. No asking necessary. He is a seasoned business traveler and was full of great tips for how to handle solo time!

He doesn’t ask my permission to go on his golf trips either, but we do discuss it as soon as he knows he is going, so we can help each other cover the things that need to be done around home.

Moms deserve time away, so go and have a great time! I do highly encourage you to tell your DH right away, so maybe he can plan some “guy stuff” to do with your DS while you are away. That could make it easier and more fun for all of you.

 

[YawningDodo]

I agree with the previous posters that it's not about asking "permission"; it's about being on the same page. For reference, I have a housemate rather than a spouse, and our finances are separate apart from the mortgage and other house funds. I don't need her permission to do anything--but if I'm going to travel, I always let her know as soon as I'm even considering it. Leaving her to manage the household and look after the pets alone is a big deal even though we don't have kids, and I would expect her to tell me if she was leaving town as well for the same reason.

 

[Disney Frenhines]

I would tell your DS that adults are entitled to a bit of 'me time' too. Ask him how often he gets to do what he wants and it won't hurt him for you to do what you want for a change. As for DH, if he's not a Disney fan he'll probably be grateful you aren't insisting on dragging him along and perhaps he and DS will go out and do stuff together that you wouldn't enjoy, have some guy time together.

 

[clm10308]

It shouldn’t be that big of a deal with a 13 yr old. If the concern is that he has never been away from mom, then this is a good time for him to start. He is also old enough not to “throw a fit” even if he is unhappy, but it may help if there is a family trip in the planning stages so that he can focus on what he wants to do when it is his turn.

 

[Keeblerelf928]

I just wanted to say, even though many said it for me already, I said nothing about permission. I would never purposely hide something from my spouse. If I wanted to take a solo trip I would tell him and we would figure out the best time to do that. We are both adults with full time jobs and two kids and we are a team. What if he had a huge project at work that he knew and hadn't mentioned? What if he had a business trip that might overlap? That's why I said he'd flip out. You do you, but in all honesty, I think you know they'll react poorly and you're looking for validation for booking a trip on the sly.

 

[Miffy]

I'm just trying to think of how I'd feel if DH told me that he's going away by himself--next week, next month, 3 months from now, whenever--and that he'd already booked everything 1 hour, 1 day, 1 month, 3 months ago. And hadn't told me. Or discussed his plans with me. It's not about "permission." And it'd be fine with me if he wanted to do something like this. But not telling me? Yeah, I'd be pretty darn unhappy and also concerned about our relationship.

But that's just me. Perhaps the OP and her/his husband have a different kind of relationship.

 

[DLgal]

I take a lot of solo trips and trips with friends. My kids are fine with it. But, I always talk it over with my husband before booking. It seems disrespectful to not do so.

 

[MusicalAstronaut]

No kids here, but I always say something like "Heyyyyy I'm gonna go to Disney X weekend, that cool with you?" to my husband to make sure I'm not forgetting something important that weekend. Other than that, I don't care what anyone says!