Tell me something funny

[goofyshell]

We got some pretty bad health news about my mom today. I would really love a smile. So please, tell me something funny. Thanks.

 

[Disneyland1084]

First I want to say how sorry I am to hear about your mom and hope everything turns out good. Something funny, hmmm....On Tuesday April 3rd when I return to work, since I won't be talking to my boss on April Fool's Day, I will play a joke on her that day. I'm going to call her up and tell her that when I saw my OBGYN on Monday to switch to a new birth control pill that I found out I was eight weeks pregnant. I will then tell her I will fax her a copy of the ultrasound. What I'll do next is make a photocopy of the ultrasound of my DD (who's almost a year now) when I was pregnant with her, write below it APRIL FOOLS and fax it over to her. It's going to be a RIOT!!! I can't wait!!!

 

[Cool-Beans]

Frog walks into the bank and tells the teller, "If you please, I wish to take out a loan." The teller tells him he'll have to speak with Ms. Paddywack, the loan officer.

Frog goes to see loan officer, hands her a business card and says, "If you please, I wish to take out a loan." Loan officer tells the frog that they don't give loans to frogs. Frog says, "I have collateral," and holds out a small, unidentifiable object. Loan officer says that even if she knew what his item was, "Lillypad 3, Woods Pond" is not a proper address. Frog repeats, "If you please, I wish to take out a loan," and glances again at the object and up at her.

Load officer gets all pissed off at frog and calls over the bank manager to handle him. Manager asks frog what the problem is and the frog repeats his, "If you please..." line, adding "here is my collateral." The bank manager takes one look at it, turns to the loan officer and disgustedly says..."That's a knick-knack, Paddywack, give the frog a loan!"




I'm sorry to hear about your bad news. Please don't feel compelled to discuss it if you're just looking for smiles...but know that we're thinking of you.

 

[Narnian_Princess]

Supposedly, these are actual advertisements that have appeared in papers across the country.

Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.

A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.

Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.

For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.

Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.

Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.

Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory.

Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.

We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.

 

[goofyshell]

Hey! I think I qualify for the antique dresser!! Thanks ya'll. I knew I could come here for a smile.

Cool-beans: Thanks for for the joke. Mom finished chemo for breast cancer last Oct. (the DAY we left on our Magic cruise!) and has been taking an experimental type thing since then. She found out today it has done MAJOR damage to her heart. And I am 500 miles away.( And we are supposed to go to Disney in nine days so now I feel guilty. )

Still taking smiles. Thanks again!

 

[Nightingale]

What goes "Ha-Ha-Ha, CLUNK"?

A man laughing his head off!!!!!

 

[Katy Belle]

How about some funnies from the middle east

We saw a gas truck the other day, with big canisters of gas, that read DANGEROUS GAS BEHICHLE. Really cracked up my DS11

In a store window.... Buy Sandal-Get One Free....

My DS5 at the time, was running full force, looking backward and turned his head forward just in time to SMACK into a cement column. Needed stitches. I took him to the local Hopsital. Scary. DH couldn't come in with us because they keep women and men seperate. We saw a triage nurse and she determined he needed stitches. We waited in a small hall outside of the room where they do stitches. We listened to children crying inside. My DS finally figured out that something bad was going to happen to him. He was hysterical and I calmed him down. Our turn. We go in and all looks well. Mostly clean, nurses are smiley and kind, Dr. is washing his hands well and talking to us with his back to us, while washing his hands. He seems great. He has great bedside manner which is unusual here. So I'm feeling pretty good about the whole thing. Then,the Dr. turns around, the man who is about to sew up my beautiful child's forheard. HE HAS ONE EYE! Actually, he had two, but one was rolled up in his head, I'm sure not operational!!! So I quit calming my son down and am thinking...how am I going to dodge this bullet. I ask, "Could we do Steri-strips? Butterfly?" He agrees!!!!! Yippy!

Hope I made you smile.
Katy

 

[mamacatnv]

How do you stop a man from drowning?........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Take your foot off of his head



Sorry to hear about Mom, I pray things work out.

 

[Monte Cristo]

Sorry to hear about your Mom....hang in there.

You want to read something funny....there's a new Flowerschild thread around here somewhere about him getting a haircut and kissing Minnie....pretty entertaining stuff.

 

[babytrees]

First I want to say how sorry I am to hear about your mom and hope everything turns out good. Something funny, hmmm....On Tuesday April 3rd when I return to work, since I won't be talking to my boss on April Fool's Day, I will play a joke on her that day. I'm going to call her up and tell her that when I saw my OBGYN on Monday to switch to a new birth control pill that I found out I was eight weeks pregnant. I will then tell her I will fax her a copy of the ultrasound. What I'll do next is make a photocopy of the ultrasound of my DD (who's almost a year now) when I was pregnant with her, write below it APRIL FOOLS and fax it over to her. It's going to be a RIOT!!! I can't wait!!!

I like this one!!!

OP....sorry to hear about your mom!!