Teens, parties and drinking

[Kitty 34]

This has been an interesting thread, with so many interesting views.

I have raised three sons who are now 18, almost 20 and 26.

My oldest made it through high school without drinking. He was very much into basketball and football and earning a scholarship to a college so he could continue to play. He was invited to several parties in HS where he said there was alcohol but never felt uncomfortable saying no. However the goal of college basketball also lead to his first drinking experiences with the team. Fortunetly his not drinking in HS didn't lead to heavy binge drinking in college.....perhaps because he still had to keep in great shape for basketball; perhaps because he somehow knew better.....he's not sure. Now he's 26, coaching a basketball team and drinks very little.

Middle DS is a sophomore in college and actually brags to me (and others)that he has chosen not to drink. He tells me his reasons is because of Track and because I never made it an issue with him when going through school. He is very open with me and constantly tells me of how shocking it is how many of his friends have chosen to drink and get drunk.

Youngest DS-18 doesn't drink but IMHO I think he will eventually. He's very very shy, like his Dad and he sees how Dad gets "social" after a few beers so
that probably will be the path he will take. I've already talked with him about when that day might possibly come, to realize there is a lot of responsibility that comes with drinking.

Drinking......it's an interesting situation with many questions. Should you drink? When do you start drinking? How much is too much? etc etc.

 

[Acklander]

Police are taking this serious!!! They have had enough with underage drinking!!

I wish my town police would get a little more involved in breaking these parties up and prosecuting the teens.

I have no problem with police getting involved in breaking up parties (if a party is too noisy, send everyone home), but don't think I'm cofortable with the court system being tied up with or my teen having a police record that follows him for the rest of his life because he had a beer. That's overkill in my opinion. You said yourself that you know of a couple of instances where your teen has had a drink. Think about it, do you really want that on your teen's record? Unable to work a goverment job or in law enforcement and all the other repercussions of being proscecuted for a crime?

 

[rbuzzotta]

I don't think anyone here is saying they are better than anyone else because they do not drink, do drink in moderation, or love to drink!!

This is a discussion and I am using it mainly to look for answers to what is happening out in the 'real' world!! There are soooo many different answers as to 'why' and what is 'right', that is what makes America so wonderful.

I just had a semi discussion with my DD about the statistics of beginning to drink at at early age etc.......I say 'semi' because she totally refused to believe that drinking at an early age can lead to alcholism and drug addiction!! She is quite defiant (I tried to tell the couselor but it obviously fell on deaf ears)!!! She then proceeded to tell my almost 9 year old that is was not true!!! Anyways, I led my younger one over to the computer and read to her bits and pieces of the AMA article that was posted on this thread!!! Thanks to that poster. I explained it in terms for her to understand and I think she did!!!

 

[Andy B]

Kathy, why do you feel the need to get defensive when someone shows concern for your health and well-being?

Perhaps she feels some of the responses have been a little judgemental

 

[rbuzzotta]

I have no problem with police getting involved in breaking up parties (if a party is too noisy, send everyone home), but don't think I'm cofortable with the court system being tied up with or my teen having a police record that follows him for the rest of his life because he had a beer. That's overkill in my opinion. You said yourself that you know of a couple of instances where your teen has had a drink. Think about it, do you really want that on your teen's record? Unable to work a goverment job or in law enforcement and all the other repercussions of being proscecuted for a crime?

Yes, I have thought about it!!! Long and hard and I am quite ambivalent over it!!! DD is a defiant young girl and it scares me to death!! She was at a party where the police broke it up around Halloween!! She thought it was exciting!!! Every child is totally different and what may be good for one will not work for another!! Some kids think they are indestructable. DD being one of them!! I know there are other issues with her and the last thing I want is DD to have a 'record' which would make her unable to work in certain jobs!! But, I also want to help her before it gets out of control!!! We are searching for a better counselor that will take our feelings serious (and proof!!)!!

 

[meandtheguys2]

Good luck at finding a counselor with some sense. You might try calling your local Alcohol and Drug counseling facility, and see if they can recommend someone who deals with teens, alcohol, etc. We always knew the counselors in town who were whacked, and those who had at least a foot in reality.

As for a record, it is sad that it could potentially happen, but that is life. I've a friend who couldn't get into med school due to a marijuana conviction as a teen, and another who couldn't work for the FBI (who tried to recruit him) due to damaging a mailbox. There are repercussions for breaking laws.

 

[Saxsoon]

I guess my posts came across as that holier than thou attitude. I am sorry if I have offended anyone on that issue. I just hear so often in my town (almost every other day) of someone dieing in a car accident while under the influence. I would hate for that to happen to anyone and their loved ones.

My uncle for one is not even allowed to drive any more because his liscence was taken away from him.

 

[Andy B]

I guess my posts came across as that holier than thou attitude. I am sorry if I have offended anyone on that issue. I just hear so often in my town (almost every other day) of someone dieing in a car accident while under the influence. I would hate for that to happen to anyone and their loved ones.

My uncle for one is not even allowed to drive any more because his liscence was taken away from him.

No personal slight meant on any of my comments just a feeling from some that to drink is BAD!

Drink driving on the other hand... I agree with you.

 

[freckles and boo]

I have no problem with police getting involved in breaking up parties (if a party is too noisy, send everyone home), but don't think I'm cofortable with the court system being tied up with or my teen having a police record that follows him for the rest of his life because he had a beer. That's overkill in my opinion. You said yourself that you know of a couple of instances where your teen has had a drink. Think about it, do you really want that on your teen's record? Unable to work a goverment job or in law enforcement and all the other repercussions of being proscecuted for a crime?

In many states, people with juvenile records can request that the records be sealed. In other cases, individual charges/convictions can be expunged completely.

JMO but I disagree that police should just send everyone home. Are they going to stick around for a couple hours to make sure all those kids get home safely? I would rather have the courts tied up than the police unable to answer actual emergencies. What about the ones who didn't just have one beer and are clearly intoxicated? Should they just pull up the paddywagon and taxi everyone home? Failing to enforce the laws isn't the answer, and frankly, there are consequences for breaking the rules. I am not in complete denial about teens and drinking, but there is no deterrent for the younger teens if they see the older ones just getting slapped on the wrist.

BTW I am 5'-3" and about 120. I would end up in the emergency room if I had a bottle and a half of wine in three or four hours. I know other people for whom that is just the warm-up course. My sister-in-law is a functioning alcoholic and she is my size but her body requires much more alcohol to feel buzzed.

 

[Acklander]

.

As for a record, it is sad that it could potentially happen, but that is life. I've a friend who couldn't get into med school due to a marijuana conviction as a teen, and another who couldn't work for the FBI (who tried to recruit him) due to damaging a mailbox. There are repercussions for breaking laws.

But the statistics show that by the age of 18 70% of teens have tried alchohol. So which of the 70% should have the repercussions of breaking the law? Just the ones that are unlucky enough to be caught? (so someone could drink regularly but get away with it, but one unlucky soul tries their first beer and has a record) or just the poor kids (children of well off parents can afford a lawyer to make it go away) or just the African Americans (whom statistically have a much higher conviction rate than whites) or should they prosecute all 70% of teens - sort of like the drug busts - they catch one kid and make a deal if he turns in 5 friends. Is this how you want your police department/court system tied up?

 

[meandtheguys2]

But the statistics show that by the age of 18 70% of teens have tried alchohol. So which of the 70% should have the repercussions of breaking the law? Just the ones that are unlucky enough to be caught? (so someone could drink regularly but get away with it, but one unlucky soul tries their first beer and has a record) or just the poor kids (children of well off parents can afford a lawyer to make it go away) or just the African Americans (whom statistically have a much higher conviction rate than whites) or should they prosecute all 70% of teens - sort of like the drug busts - they catch one kid and make a deal if he turns in 5 friends. Is this how you want your police department/court system tied up?

Well, the two I mentioned could attest to not being let off due to money or connections...

It is like speeding, or lying on your taxes. There is the possibility of being caught. It is a calculated risk that has consequences.

 

[Planogirl]

Maybe there could a "scared straight" type approach to the kids caught with one beer? I dislike the idea of prosecuting teens who get caught with a beer too. Drinking and driving, that's a different thing of course.

 

[meandtheguys2]

Maybe there could a "scared straight" type approach to the kids caught with one beer? I dislike the idea of prosecuting teens who get caught with a beer too. Drinking and driving, that's a different thing of course.

I can't ever remember a case going to court that only involved 1 beer. It has been about 10 years since I was involved in that area, but kids were usually lectured, and their parents called. If the kid had been thru the system all ready as unruly, etc., they were usually sent to counseling, and dealt with by the probation people, or SW'ers.

 

[smartestnumber5]

As for a record, it is sad that it could potentially happen, but that is life. I've a friend who couldn't get into med school due to a marijuana conviction as a teen, and another who couldn't work for the FBI (who tried to recruit him) due to damaging a mailbox. There are repercussions for breaking laws.

IMO this just shows how messed up our societies priorities are. We have intelligent dedicated people who want to be part of careers that provide important public services and we don't let them because of a mostly harmless substance they chose to put in their body when they were a teenager? It makes no sense! I just filled out a FASFA a few weeks ago, and it amazes me that there is a question about convictions for drug use, but no questions about any other crime. Apparently being a murderer, rapist, child molester or whatever in no one makes one less worthy of federal student aid, but comletely harmless past drug use they just won't tolerate.

Even from the standpoint that drugs are all extremely harmful and addictive, it doesn't make any sense. It only ends up hurting the lower and some of the middle class--that is, anyone whose parents can't afford to simply pay outright for college. So the state take kids who are likely socio-economicly disadvantaged and who have been involved with drugs at a young age (which we are assuming for the sake of argument is very bad,) and what does it do to them? Pretty much guarantee they can never have any higher education! Yep, that sounds like a wonderful plan. What better way to convince them not to do drugs anymore than to deny them any chance of education and therefore socio-economic improvement!

 

[rbuzzotta]

But the statistics show that by the age of 18 70% of teens have tried alchohol. So which of the 70% should have the repercussions of breaking the law? Just the ones that are unlucky enough to be caught? (so someone could drink regularly but get away with it, but one unlucky soul tries their first beer and has a record) or just the poor kids (children of well off parents can afford a lawyer to make it go away) or just the African Americans (whom statistically have a much higher conviction rate than whites) or should they prosecute all 70% of teens - sort of like the drug busts - they catch one kid and make a deal if he turns in 5 friends. Is this how you want your police department/court system tied up?

I can somewhat understand what you are saying but have difficulty in your saying, "Is this how you want your police department/court system tied up?"

The law is the law!! Regardless. Isn't it the police department/courts job to enforce the law??

 

[Becky2005]

I never went to a party where this went on but it doesn't surprise me it goes on.
I graduated in 1986. I wasn't much of a party girl though. I didn't see the need to deal with that kind of stuff. I was way too busy working & sports.

I hope my DD who will be 13 next month never drinks -- mostly because we have had some serious issues in our family with alcohol related stuff plus the penalties are extremely severe for athletes and she wants to be on the gymnastics team.

Recently there was a car accident here where 4 people were killed & 5 critically injuried. We didn't know the details just my mom told me because we were headed that direction for a gymnastics meet & so we re-routed. DD & I were talking about it and she nailed it. She made the comment about someone drinking, she figured it out before we knew the details just from the brief stuff we knew. When we got home from the meet, we did hear it involved drinking & the 4 that died were young teens (around 14-15). I have not heard how the other 5 that were in critical condition are doing right now.

 

[Becky2005]

99% of teenagers get heinously drunk once. I don't think I know anyone who hasn't "learnt their limits" with alcohol. The question is: do you want your kid to do that while they live at home, or while they're at college?

Then I'm in that 1% because in my entire life I have had 2 sips of beer which I promptly spit out because it was so incrediably nasty. Then when I was 21 had a sip of a wine cooler and thought it was so gross. I could not understand why anyone would subject themselves to that. I have never had anything with alcohol in it (unless you count Nyquil). I don't have a clue what it's like to be any type of drunk and have no plans of finding out.

 

[LindsayDunn228]

Then I'm in that 1% because in my entire life I have had 2 sips of beer which I promptly spit out because it was so incrediably nasty.

Welcome to the 1% Club! Glad to have you!!

 

[meandtheguys2]

IMO this just shows how messed up our societies priorities are. We have intelligent dedicated people who want to be part of careers that provide important public services and we don't let them because of a mostly harmless substance they chose to put in their body when they were a teenager? It makes no sense! I just filled out a FASFA a few weeks ago, and it amazes me that there is a question about convictions for drug use, but no questions about any other crime. Apparently being a murderer, rapist, child molester or whatever in no one makes one less worthy of federal student aid, but comletely harmless past drug use they just won't tolerate.

Even from the standpoint that drugs are all extremely harmful and addictive, it doesn't make any sense. It only ends up hurting the lower and some of the middle class--that is, anyone whose parents can't afford to simply pay outright for college. So the state take kids who are likely socio-economicly disadvantaged and who have been involved with drugs at a young age (which we are assuming for the sake of argument is very bad,) and what does it do to them? Pretty much guarantee they can never have any higher education! Yep, that sounds like a wonderful plan. What better way to convince them not to do drugs anymore than to deny them any chance of education and therefore socio-economic improvement!

They both actually have very nice careers. Just not in those areas. One is a CFO of a large ski resort, the other is a Network guy at a large state instituion. They just were not able to pursue certain areas. Our decisions do affect out lives. They found out the hard way. But were of the character to make extraordinary lives, anyway.

Are you saying it is impossible to get student aid with a conviction? I've known many who did. But that was a few years back.

 

[DisneyPhD]

How did we jump from 70% having tried it to 99% of all teens getting really drunk once.

I don't think so. If you are teen it might feel like you are the only one not drinking, but that isn't true. Same goes that you are not the only person not having sex at this time too.