Teens and IM... Do you let them or not, and why?

[Barb D]

DD12 wants to be able to IM. I'd rather have her use e-mail and message boards, but haven't been able to give her a convincing reason why. I want to be able to see who she's talking to and what they're saying. Not that I DO all the time, but I'd like there to be a record in case I ever feel the need to. Does that make sense?

Talk to me.

 

[Sparx]

I IM. If you want to be able to see "who she's talking to and what they are saying"(quoted) you can set it to save all of her convos. And you can always just sign in and see who's on her contact list. I won't recomend AIM. i would go with MSN or Windows Messenger. AIM is harder to keep track of.

 

[mudnuri]

my DD8 and DD9 im



okay okay, its my cousins in Iraq, and my cousin in Alaska....

Brandy

 

[Chris2597]

My kids all IM....and have for years....
They must have changed the program because you could log onto the AIM log manager and look at recent conversation but it is no longer on my AIM program....
I would occasionally check the messages, but honestly they were mostly teen talk about who likes who, who is mad at who and which teacher is the worst or best....nothing earth shaking.....

 

[KarenAylwood]

I'm 23 now and lived on AIM through college (mostly because you had to to keep track of everyone! ) and used it a lot through HS and even before that. I think IM is great and safe as long as they aren't talking to some random person but friends.

The idea is that they should be using AIM that you download for free from the site (not AOL instant messenger). When I was on AOL (back in the day when everyone was on AOL), I had made the mistake of making a profile on AOL and would get random IMs from people. Now that I have AIM and have tons of friends on my buddy list, I haven't once gotten a strange IM.

I'd be more worried about a message board where children could be meeting strangers. IM is pretty much for talking to friends.

 

[miss_elphie]

I don't think it would be a problem- my parents actually let me IM before they let me use message boards. I don't know about other instant messengers, but AIM has a setting where it will block anyone who isn't on your buddy list. That's what I use. That way, I can talk to my friends without worrying about getting strange messages. Another thing you could do is limit the number of buddies she has. Make sure you talk to her about who she chats with and it'll probably be fine. I'm sure most instant message programs have these features, so you can make sure you know who she's messaging.

 

[bsnyder]

I've solved the problem, temporarily at least, by showing my 11 year old DD the AOL IM website that states:

Special Note for Parents
AIM is intended for a general audience, and children under the age of thirteen are not permitted to register with AIM.

Of course, she knows kids her age that have IM, but so far, she's a "rule follower" and hasn't used the argument "but everyone else is doing it".

 

[Desiree]

I allow my dd 11 to use it. But we have a computer in our living room. She will never have her own in her room. That way we are always around and can monitor. Also I have made the settings to where she is only allowed to speak with friends that are on her current buddy list. And if she wants to add anyone else, she has to ask me first and tell me who they are, then I go in and add them.

 

[Galahad]

DS15 uses IM as a primary method of communicating. When he first started using it the time he spent on it caused a problem and we limited the time with our "nanny" software. We don't limit it any longer. I actually have MORE problems with message boards than IM. It is really easy to get obsessed with a message board and burn WAY too much time on them. The IM program they use is largely dependent upon what their friends use. DS used Trilian (I think that's what it's called) which lets him plug into all of the IM providers at once. It really does help him out with homework as well as his social life. Better IM than being on the phone all of the time. I'll add that we have a rule that he can't IM anybody that he doesn't actually know in person.