Teenagers & Cars - a little vent

[Cindyluwho]

While on vacation last week with another family, the mother was telling me about another friend that just bought their 3rd teenager a car. A BMW to be exact. The other two teenagers have an Acura and a Lexus. I said something to the effect that I assumed they must have jobs to pay for insurance, gas, etc. and she just laughed. Then I made the mistake of saying I think it's wrong for a teenager to have a car without any responsibility toward the upkeep,etc. Well, there I go stating my opinion again! She firmly stated that she didn't have a job in High School and didn't intend for her daughter to have a job in high school either. I have to admit I feel pretty strongly about teenagers having jobs, even if it's just for a few hours a week during school and part time in the summer. Heck, I started babysitting when I was 11 then washing Logging trucks when I was 12, getting paid $5 for each truck! My DD is now 11 and is expected to put in an hour or so a week at our office, tidying up and making copies and stuff. Am I that old fashioned? It just seems wrong to buy a kid an expensive car and expensive stuff and they don't have to work for anything! Gads I must be getting old....

 

[Karel]

My 14 year old works.

My 12 and 13 year olds just had their first babysitting jobs in the last two weeks.

You want stuff, you have to earn money. My kids get the biggest kick when they buy things for themselves.

 

[teacherforhi]

I think the key here is that what's right for you and yours might not be right for someone else. Doesn't make the other person wrong.

When I was in school, that was my job. My parents bought my car (it wasn't new, but it was a car) and paid for gas and insurance. However, if my grades had dropped, the car would have gone away, I'm sure. In the end, I got a full scholarship to college and have been teaching for 8 years now, so I guess I ended up okay.

 

[lbgraves]

Goodness! What a concept. Work to earn something that you want. I also plan to "make" my kids work to earn what they want to. They are only 5 & 7 now & can already do chores to help out around here.

 

[cteddiesgirl]

Doesn't that just make you sick?!

I never had an actual job when I was a young teen. I did do some babysitting. But never had a real job until I graduated High School.

But then, I never had a car bought for me or other hugely expensive gifts.
I never even got an actual allowance. I saved my lunch money for stuff I wanted to buy on my own. And my parents made sure that I actually did some work around the house too.

Some kids are just so spoiled it's no wonder that they all think all they have to do is ask or beg and be given everything they want.

And my boyfriend was almost killed by a 16yo drunk driver. His parents just gave him everything he ever wanted (including the car he was driving). And the expected my boyfriend to just drop all charges cause he was a "kid".

I'm sorry, but a "kid" who can legally drive a car and end up comitting vehicular manslaughter is not a kid. They have responsibilities once they get behind that wheel.

 

[lbgraves]

I'm sorry, but a "kid" who can legally drive a car and end up comitting vehicular manslaughter is not a kid. They have responsibilities once they get behind that wheel.

That statement is SOOOOO true! I guess that I am just passing on what I did growing up, though I don't plan to stick them with everything. I worked my way thru college as well & paid every cent for everything that I needed. There were lots of kids who partied their college years away. I hope to find a balance that will teach them responsibility without dismissing any of what I feel is my own responsibility.

 

[Feralpeg]

My DD, 17, doesn't have a regular job. She does act part of the time for which she is paid. I don't want her to work. I want her to concentrate on school. She has excellant grades (4.168 GPA). She is expected to help around the house. I figure she will be working soon enough and will, most likely, work most of her adult life. I don't see any reason to force her to work now. It would be different if we needed the money, but we don't.

When she starts driving (she doesn't have her license yet, but soon will), I will buy her car. No, it won't be a BMW or a Lexus, but it will be a new car. I don't like to buy used cars. That is just a personal thing for me. I don't want to purchase other people's problems. She will need the car to get back and forth from college. Again, I don't really want her to hold down a job during college. I'd much rather she concentrate on school. DD is a very responsible young lady. Some may think she is spoiled. I don't think so. She is a hard worker at school. She is very polite and thoughtful. I'm perfectly okay with giving her what she needs. When she graduates from college, she will start working.

Many of you may not agree with me, but this is my decision and I am happy with it.

 

[dixipixi]

My stepson (16) lives with us. We bought him a truck (used, but only a couple of years old). We bought what we could afford and made that perfectly clear to him. We refuse to go into debt just to impress the neighbors. We give him a set amount of money each week for gas (because he drives his younger brother to and from school with him). Any extra he uses on the weekends, etc. is his responsibility. We do pay his insurance...but only for as long as he does not have a wreck, get a ticket, etc. Then it will be totally his responsibility (we think that's a good incentive for him to be careful).

He does have a part time job. He works an average of 15 hrs. a week. I don't think that's too much to ask of him. He's not a straight A student and wouldn't be if he never had to work.

I worked when I was in high school/college and I was always an honor student. I graduated high school with a 3.8 and college with the same ( I had a 4.0 in my major). Working didn't affect my grades (and I put in over 40 hrs a week on my parents dairy farm). It taught me to manage my time wisely.

But that's just my experience. I'm definitely not saying everybody else is wrong. As long as other people don't ask me to pay their bills, I don't have a thing to say about their lives.

 

[Cindyluwho]

My DD, 17, doesn't have a regular job. She does act part of the time for which she is paid. I don't want her to work. I want her to concentrate on school. She has excellant grades (4.168 GPA). She is expected to help around the house. I figure she will be working soon enough and will, most likely, work most of her adult life. I don't see any reason to force her to work now. It would be different if we needed the money, but we don't.

When she starts driving (she doesn't have her license yet, but soon will), I will buy her car. No, it won't be a BMW or a Lexus, but it will be a new car. I don't like to buy used cars. That is just a personal thing for me. I don't want to purchase other people's problems. She will need the car to get back and forth from college. Again, I don't really want her to hold down a job during college. I'd much rather she concentrate on school. DD is a very responsible young lady. Some may think she is spoiled. I don't think so. She is a hard worker at school. She is very polite and thoughtful. I'm perfectly okay with giving her what she needs. When she graduates from college, she will start working.

Many of you may not agree with me, but this is my decision and I am happy with it.

I have a question for you - Does she do community service or volunteer work? I would consider that "working" as well.

 

[KarenAylwood]

When I was in high school I wasn't ALLOWED to have a job. I begged and pleaded. My friends had jobs, I wanted a job. I wanted to be able to pay for my own things, etc. Well my parents said no and that I had to concentrate on school work. Getting into a good college was what mattered and I had the rest of my life to work. I'd do chores when I could around the house to get some extra $$ but did not have a job.

I did school work (including all AP/Honors classes and skipped a grade in science), took flute lessons, was in band, took three separate dance classes and was a Girl Scout all the way through until I graduated (involved a large amt of community service). I kept my grades up throughout all of the extra curriculars, and you know what? I went to a MUCH better school than ANY of my friends did.

I was given my grandmother's old car when I got my license at 17, and when my great uncle's car died in FL, we drove down and gave him mine. I got my mom's car and she got a new one. When I graduated from college in 2004 I received a brand new 2005 Corolla LE as a graduation present (and also as a necessity since my old car couldn't make the 500 mile trip to my new home in VA).

Having a job in college was hard as I didn't have a car during my four years (going to school FAR from home) and only those receiving large amounts of financial aid were allowed to get a job on campus. I did, however work every single summer 30 hours a week retail and filled in days off with working at my dad's factory. If I wasn't in school, I was expected to be doing work.

I'm in graduate school now supporting myself. All of my tuition is waived and I have a stipend to live on. This is in exchange for a large amount of grading, TAing and research on top of classes and a thesis project. I was allowed to do what I wanted (now that I wasn't under my parents financially anymore) and I picked up a part time job on top of this. I think I'm doing pretty well for myself and do not consider myself spoiled. Just lucky that my parents made the right decisions when it came to my best interests. Just because I wasn't forced to work in high school (or earlier) didn't hinder my work ethic.

I have many friends who worked all the way through high school and college though. That worked for them, but this is what my parents wanted for me.

What works for some may not work for others. You make the choice that you think is best for your child.

 

[graygables]

I started working at 10 doing various things for my parents' business. By 12, I was a pretty good "shop girl". My now 17yo started working at 15 and is still working. She usually gets 30 hours per week or so and should graduate Dec/Jan with excellent grades. She bought her own car. I have paid her insurance, but she will be taking that over soon as well. She buys her own clothes and is paying her own way on a trip to Italy in the Spring. My 20 yo chose to quit college after doing the WDW CP this year and now she is working 2 jobs to pay for her insurance/expenses (she paid off her car).

My 9 & 7yo DDs also work a little bit and earn money for their time. They have saved around $50 each since July for their spending money on our trip. There is nothing wrong with learning the value of work and the value of the dollar, especially at an early age.

 

[Blueeyes101817]

i have been babysitting since i was 12..i got a "real" job st arting the summer after 11th grade and have worked part time during school, full time in summer...im stilll doing p art time as im in college--its tough, but its not too bad.
I also got a car when i got my license...it was used, but not too old...Finally, last year, i bought my own car...

There were some kids in my high sschool that got a BMW-crashed it, got a Lexus..it was ridiculous

 

[mrsltg]

I believe very strongly in kids having jobs. My girls will work during the Summers of their high school years at the very least. They will also be expencted to pitch in around the house. I do intend to buy them cars. I want them to have their own cars so that they can be the drivers as opposed to getting in a car with someone else. I trust my own kids (no, they're not perfect) judgement more than anyone else's.

Anyway, no Cyndi, you are not crazy. Kids need responsibility.

Erin

 

[Marseeya]

I agree with what Teacherforhi said. Everyone has to do what's right for their family.

I was never allowed to have a job in high school, though I really wanted one. I had use of the family car, which was fine by me.

For my kids, I plan on having a car available to them, but it won't be "theirs." I also won't allow them to work unless they can really turn their grades around -- school is their career right now. They both struggle too much in school for me to be able to justify allowing them to add a job on top of it.

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

I can totally relate to buying kids the new BMW, Lexus cars. We live right next to a very well to do community. Most of the 16 year olds, get "statement" vehicles for their 16th birthday. Some work, some do not.

I never had a job until I went to college and even then only 10-20 hours a week. DH worked from the time he was 16. We disagree on this subject. I feel a kid should be a kid, and they have to work their whole life, let them enjoy life while they can. DH obviously disagrees.

I will probably compromise and let DS and DD get a job to help pay for expenses (car, gas and such) if their grades are good and those don't suffer as a result of the job. But who knows , we have a while before we have to worry about that.

 

[crz4mm2]

I feel the same way as OP. Both our kids had to kick in for insurance. DD has a very nice car. She had $$ from her grandparents and chose to spend it on a car. She is required to carry full coverage insurance on this car. Of course it is very expensive. She must work. I wish she didn't have to, but she does. She also has to work to buy gas. She is a college freshman this year and still works to buy gas and insurance and have spending money.
I had to buy my own car and all the things that went along with it and I expected my kids to do the same. I think it gives them a better appreciation for the car and teaches them responsibility. Many people do not agree, but that is the way we do it in our family.

 

[cepmom]

DD will be 16 on Monday...I have already told her she will not be getting a car for her birthday, unlike many of her friends. My mother gave me 2 cars in high school (one could not be driven in the winter so the 2nd car was only for winter driving) and I totally abused it. The money never came out of my pocket to pay for these cars, I never cared too much about what happened to them and they either fell apart or got wrecked in accidents (I was definitely not the most responsible teen) When I started buying my own cars, I was much more careful about taking care of them.

I told DD that I will help her buy her 1st car...she can save her money she gets once she gets a part time job and I will match what she has saved. She is way too busy for a job now with school and dance ~ that is more important to us, but I still don't feel that I should go out and buy a car for her. It won't kill her to not have a car the moment she gets her license.

She can (hopefully) get a job over the summer and save then.

My grandmother is getting older and once she finally stops driving, I am hoping she will sell her car to DD, but I think that's a while off still.

 

[we3disneygo]

I had to ride the bus in high school................or get a ride from someone who had a car..... I babysat, cleaned houses, then McDonald's came to town.......I worked there! I got a car once I was out of high school. it was just my mom and I so there weren't to many luxury's.....................oh but the spoiled rich kids had the cool cars........................

 

[Disney Doll]

I had a job in high school. During the school year I worked every saturday and Sunday from 9-5 at an ice cream parlor. I didn't work too many evenings during the week because I also played sports, but if the boss needed me on an eveniong when I didn't have practioce, I worked then too. During the summer I worked either 9-5 or 5pm-11pm 5 out of 7 days in the week, including weekends. I also didn't have a car at my disposal until I opurchased my opwn when I was 21. My parents would let me use their cars if they weren't going to need them, but otherwise they would drop me off places that I wanted or needed to go, or I'd have to find a ride or ride my bike.

By today's standards, I guess I was abused, huh? I then we wonder why kids today are so self-cenetered, self-absorbed and unable to "cope"...because they don't have to.

 

[WhoopyPie]

I purchased my own car as a teenager. My kids have done the same. They don't work during school, but had jobs in the summer. We paid insurance, they paid gas. Seems to work well for us.

My kids have friends who have been given cars, some are good about it, some abused it. I'm for whatever works for each family. It's not up to me to judge or comment.