Teenage attitude!!

[always quiet]

Please tell me my nice kids will once again be returned to me!! I might love my kids, but at the moment, there is one that I am not particularly fond of!!

My son, who is normally a good, responsible student, now has a girlfriend. He spends hours talking to her on the phone, IMing her and using AIM on the computer. Well, today I got a notice "To the Parents of----------------". You just know it's not going to be be good!! Seems he had a LARGE project due in his TV Production class (which, btw, he has aced all year) and he never turned it in!!! I talk to him about this, trying desperately to keep my cool. I begin to get all kinds of excuses...everything from the computers at school were all busy (it takes a program that we don't have at home..."Avid" maybe??) to the teacher didn't remind them.........you know the whole thing.....I tell him that until this project is completed, turned it...and receives a passing grade, he has lost computer time. No computer means no chatting with GF at night....you can imagine how miserable he is right now!! He is grouching seriously at his sisters, is furious with me and just miserable to be around!! I made it clear to him that I am NOT taking his phone but if he keeps up this attitude, he will lose that too! Also, only he decides how long he doesn't have the computer for....once HE gets finished and HE turns in good work, he can have it back. I think I am being quite fair!

Any parents ever walk down this road? Anyone want to keep a 16 yr old boy for awhile for me??

 

[poohandwendy]

Nope, I have one of my own. Thanks for the offer anyways, LOL.

You will get your nice son back...but don't hold your breath right now. It's a bumpy road. You will make it, I promise!

 

[kristen821]

You are being very fair. Good luck I am so not looking forward to the teenage days!

 

[Dan Murphy]

Jeana and Jess are still fine, right?

 

[mamajoan]

Being a parent is hard... I am a person who likes to be liked... and being a parent of a teenager does not fit that groove...

DD-16 is now working outside doing hard labor to make up for shenanigans she pulled last night.... I don't think I am a bad mom, just strict which does not coincide with DD friend's ideas... HA! TOO BAD!!

she is the last of my teens... I am tired. LOL

BIG HUGS! You are a very good parent!

Experience has shown that when the kids get past 19 you get smarter in their eyes... and they finally understand why parents do what they do.

 

[kristen821]

Experience has shown that when the kids get past 19 you get smarter in their eyes... and they finally understand why parents do what they do.

This is very true!

 

[Keli]

You are being very generous in my opinion. But, of course, he's not going to see it that way, lol!

I've got a feeling you aren't going to have many takers for a 16yr old young man with the teen attitude from this board. Too many of us have been there, done that, and don't want to go back! LOL. As everyone says "this too shall pass" but probably not today (tomorrow doesn't look good either )

 

[TimeforMe]

I think you handled it beautifully! Stick to your guns--I know it's hard sometimes because we don't want our kids "hating" us, but in the long run it'll pay off. And you're doing the right thing.

I, too, have a DS16 and there are some days where he is the sweetest, most amicable kid around and others when I have to wonder where in the world he came from! I also have a DD18 and if one's not in a mood, the other one is! Lord, help us make through these teen year, PLEASE!

 

[always quiet]

Jeana and Jess are still fine, right?

They have their ups and downs...as all sisters do. Are they best friends...no. But I will say that last night as the dance at the middle school, a 6th grade boy said something not too nice to Jessie and Jeana quite quickly put him in his spot! Makes a mom happy when, even though there are times when they want to hurt each other, when push comes to shove, they will defend each other.

Currently, Kirk is in his room, doing part of this assignment that he can do at home. He is still grouchy and I imagine it's only going to get worse when he sees one of his sister's on the computer tonight during his time slot (3 kids...3 assigned times ).

 

[Laz]

As a high school teacher, I can tell you that this type of behavior goes on all the time. I see a good student suddenly turn all of his/her effort to that special someone, and all else flies out the window. Notebooks normally filled with information are now filled with love notes, names, and pictures. Computer time at school is spent sending messages. They will make an extra lap around the building together between classes. Imprortant library study time is now spent staring into each other eyes

As a teacher, I try to mention these things to the parent without trying to embarrass the students. What you are doing is great! The worst thing you can do is try to break them up. The result is that they try to make up for lost time in school as well as lying and sneaking off. Working with the other set of parents is a better approach. I have seen success when both sets of parents reward the dating couple for better grades and improved school effort. More time to be with each other, Free movie tickets (added bonus of parents determining the movie), gas money for a date, etc.

The good news is, most of them grow out of it.

 

[always quiet]

As a teacher, I try to mention these things to the parent without trying to embarrass the students. What you are doing is great! The worst thing you can do is try to break them up. The result is that they try to make up for lost time in school as well as lying and sneaking off. Working with the other set of parents is a better approach. I have seen success when both sets of parents reward the dating couple for better grades and improved school effort.

Funny you should mention this, the girl had her cell phone taken away last week for a similar note being sent home from one of her teachers!! She only lost her phone for 1 day though. I think allowing him to actually determine how long he is punished for is a much better option. This way, he has no one to blame for how long he is off the computer but himself!

 

[momsgoofy]

Always Quiet...I so feel for ya and my DS just turned 14 this week...not 16. But we've been seeing that teen-tude for a while

Like your DS, ours spends quite a bit of time on his computer, but no girls yet, just Guildwars (the game he likes). A couple months ago, he was getting lippy about getting off of the computer and it didn't set well with DH, so he lost the online priveleges for a month. When priveleges were reinstated, he had 2 pages of rules for compuer use, most that we had already been using, but now it was in writing and there were time limits and penalties for not following the rules. Simply stated, he has to complete homework, chores, and such prior to any computer time, if not no computer. If he fails to abide by the time limits, then he forfeits the next day and the penalties double. So far, it's been pretty good. We still see the 'tude and I catch myself giving him the evil eye and the "you might just make it to your next birthday".

Your post reminds me why we haven't given DS a phone for his room...why open the door for more headaches? The same reason his cell phone is called "the family phone" and stays in our bedroom unless he's out and about with it. Yeah, I'm a mean ol' momma who acts like a fuddy duddy, but he knows we love him and would do anything for his well being. I know that I'm a lot less strict than my dad...retired military and that was how the house was run...wow! I'm a pushover compared to him.

I think kristen821 has it right. When kids are little, parents know all, but when they are teens...parents are so wrong and we must have some really nasty cooties in their eyes...but once kids hit 19 or so...they find out that parents aren't so bad.

It seems to me that you are an outstanding parent and I think you are being very reasonable! (More than I think I would have been.) Hang in there!

 

[ohiominnie]

Please tell me my nice kids will once again be returned to me!! I might love my kids, but at the moment, there is one that I am not particularly fond of!!

With a 9 yr old ds and an almost 12 yr old dd, I do NOT look forward to these days. It's starting to get rocky with dd who is starting to have the cyclic mood swings.

I think you're being very fair and I like that your punishment kinda "fits the crime." After all, it was all the computer time that put him behind....take away that and he should have all the time in the world to get things done!

Stay strong. Teens need to know their parents are serious and in control. You surely don't want to lose control!!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Any parents ever walk down this road? Anyone want to keep a 16 yr old boy for awhile for me??

No thanks! I have my own 15yodd to deal with.
We have rules for this already...imagine that!!!

Failure to turn in a project results in a loss of ALL priviledges until further notice (discussion between dh & I) or the grade is brought up.
No going out, no phone, no computer, no nothing.

DD seems to keep doing her projects now...

 

[poohandwendy]

No thanks! I have my own 15yodd to deal with.
We have rules for this already...imagine that!!!

Failure to turn in a project results in a loss of ALL priviledges until further notice (discussion between dh & I) or the grade is brought up.
No going out, no phone, no computer, no nothing.

DD seems to keep doing her projects now...

AMEN sister!

 

[winniedapooh]

Nope I have one of my own. He is at baseball right now but when he gets home he will be losing computer time as well. I found out he has been on at night well should I say very early morning, can you say 3 AM??? He is a good kid, but computers arrrggggg I know his grades, while not horrid, would be so much better too. The worst part of it is, is this girl goes to an all girls private school, gets all A's, and is very involved in gymnastics. You's think that would be incentive to do better in school???!

 

[Snowysmom]

I have a 16 year old DS of my own complete with girlfriend. His grades dropped a bit 3rd quarter so we had a little "chat" with him. He got cranky too but then acknowledged his drop in grades and promised he would work harder. We told him what the consequences would be if we did not see more effort (loss of computer for all but school work, no cell phone at home etc. ) So far, he has been working harder, spending more time on homework, and test grades are better. He is a junior so we told him this year counts alot towards college admissions. He still gets cranky if we question him too much but that is part the age, part him. They do become human once again. Older DS is a very driven student so we never had the school issues but he got cranky and grouchy quite a bit. Now that he is 20, we are relieved to see that he is becoming a nice young adult. There is hope!

 

[sjaakie]

Please tell me my nice kids will once again be returned to me!! I might love my kids, but at the moment, there is one that I am not particularly fond of!!

My son, who is normally a good, responsible student, now has a girlfriend. He spends hours talking to her on the phone, IMing her and using AIM on the computer. Well, today I got a notice "To the Parents of----------------". You just know it's not going to be be good!! Seems he had a LARGE project due in his TV Production class (which, btw, he has aced all year) and he never turned it in!!! I talk to him about this, trying desperately to keep my cool. I begin to get all kinds of excuses...everything from the computers at school were all busy (it takes a program that we don't have at home..."Avid" maybe??) to the teacher didn't remind them.........you know the whole thing.....I tell him that until this project is completed, turned it...and receives a passing grade, he has lost computer time. No computer means no chatting with GF at night....you can imagine how miserable he is right now!! He is grouching seriously at his sisters, is furious with me and just miserable to be around!! I made it clear to him that I am NOT taking his phone but if he keeps up this attitude, he will lose that too! Also, only he decides how long he doesn't have the computer for....once HE gets finished and HE turns in good work, he can have it back. I think I am being quite fair!

Any parents ever walk down this road? Anyone want to keep a 16 yr old boy for awhile for me??

Sorry the same problems here in Holland.

 

[agnes!]

Sorry the same problems here in Holland.

I find that very comforting.

agnes!