Team Goddess - Volume 11. Rocking 2012 Goddess Style!

[AKASnowWhite]

I tried to post a reply last night - but it never happened. Just tad nutso around here Later tonight. I promise

 

[lisaviolet]

First off

He's fine - everyone else is slowly going crazy! He fell off his chair the other day. Just fell right off it. It looked like he'd forgotten how to sit on the chair if that makes sense?
So yeah, big fun! But I do have to say again - HE is fine. Happy in himself, good days and bad days but so far doing good. I know this will change at some point, but I'm just enjoying this time for a while.


This is exactly why I don't drink - I realised a long time ago that one drink breaks me

Good to hear with him Kelly. It is the best of the worst as far as stages - so take it in. I remember vividly Mama - through her wild moments - in that stage. And caregiving does bring lovely intimacy despite the sadness. And I'll let you know that we STILL laugh about some moments with Mama. Still and she's gone six years. Like the time she chased Jean with a sharp knife and then when Jean locked herself into a room - Mama suddenly forgot and said hi suga'! Priceless. (Jean probably taunted poor Mama - they're both the same, full of show - dementia is hysterical whatever you are in normal then it's TIMES HUNDRED)

This is exactly why the fall is he!!. God, I hate that she fell - it changed so much. My mom was there - happy while we're sad. But now she is incredible pain - despite painkillers. She actually shakes/bangs her leg now - the doctor says this is the back going into the legs. But you know that all too well Kelly with your own back.

BUT yesterday her pain seemed lessened somewhat. Probably because the doctor said "ignore the hours on the pills - give them whenever she asks". So probably because she has some moments where she's more high than in pain for a short while!

I wish my father wasn't so stubborn and would move downtown or at least in the city. Yesterday I walked out my front door at 10:40 and got there around 1:30!!!!!!!!!!! That sucks. For me and for them - I would be able to do more if it wasn't a trip from he!!. Funny part is on the way home the streetcar crawled. It was a hot night and EVERYONE was out. Jammed everywhere. Lovely. I actually mean lovely. At least someone is having fun - inspiring.


_______________________________________________________

Oh Kelly - on the bold - hysterical would love the highlights on film.

Jay man is singing right now!

I tried to post a reply last night - but it never happened. Just tad nutso around here Later tonight. I promise

Your promises SUCK.

___________________________________________________________

Liz - VERY excited about all the new. And thrilled that your mother has the strength of ____________. Don't even have the word for her strength. And yours in tandem.

Nancy, once again (I'm not sure how many times I need to see it) I'm seeing that not doing an hour is hurting me. I can feel a size change - fitness is okay but since going to short I've definitely expanded. I wish I could hold on and see where it goes - but unfortunately that's scary.

So I'm back on scale for awhile. Last time with BL none of you were joining me - I was lonely. SO who's in with me? I'm not going backwards. NOPE. NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. Plus, I need a distraction from my mom to not go cuckoo - don't go SOMusic on me Nancy - smiling. My father has made some choices that are worse than Las Vegas and most nights and mornings I'm beyond stressed and that's all I'll say for now. I need a bloody distraction!

I will only do every two weeks on scale. I've started with Friday but can do any day.

And you know what now is the time to say that I've kept off MAJOR weight for years on end. I'm only stating that to not get caught in the small game of weight/goal and concentrate on the larger part of success.

 

[SeptemberGirl]

i'll be in with you, Lisa. Why not? I am using My Fitness Pal to track - no more WW. I needed a change. hurt my knee again and haven't been able to do anythingm, even PT, until it calms down. I know losing some weight and resting it and small, good, exercise will all be good for it. So small steps.

Tell me what I need to do for BL.


Lisa, Kelly - family health issues. It is so much, right? but then I think, well what did we all expect? Our elders to live forever, well, without concerns? I think that like you ladies, I don't have a choice. I can buck up and deal and feel and all that or I can pretend it's not happening. Denial is not my choice. And not yours, either. So tell me the stories, I will listen.

 

[Twoboysnmygirl]

I'm in Lisa. I can feel the slipping is taking a toll, not just on my body, but my spirit. I need to just get in better shape, I just FEEL better that way. I'm crazybusy with work and just haven't taken the time to ride at all lately, mostly b/c I can only do it in the morning. Feet still having some issues, so running is out, but I KNOW I can eat better, so I need to do what I know will help.

Rey & I head to AKL for 3 nights at the beginning of November and I REALLY want to at least be more comfortable and slimmer so that I'm not constantly thinking about it and can enjoy indulging a bit...

sorry. ramble.

 

[lisaviolet]

i'll be in with you, Lisa. Why not? I am using My Fitness Pal to track - no more WW. I needed a change. hurt my knee again and haven't been able to do anythingm, even PT, until it calms down. I know losing some weight and resting it and small, good, exercise will all be good for it. So small steps.

Tell me what I need to do for BL.


Lisa, Kelly - family health issues. It is so much, right? but then I think, well what did we all expect? Our elders to live forever, well, without concerns? I think that like you ladies, I don't have a choice. I can buck up and deal and feel and all that or I can pretend it's not happening. Denial is not my choice. And not yours, either. So tell me the stories, I will listen.

Yeah.

Liz, I did the BL JAN-MAY - I'm not doing it right now. I thought I would stay off scale all summer. HOWEVER, I'm experiencing many scary issues that I seriously haven't seen for at least ten plus years. It doesn't take a psychic or psychologist to see that I'm overwhelmed emotionally and physically and that's why they're here.

One - I'm finding it hard to workout and I like working out. And have been regularly. Two - I am actually feeling nothing when I eat - totally feeling lack of taste - certainly not consciously. And honestly I never expected either of these issues to come again. But with my mom they have. And I really need a focus.

So my girls - I already weighed in on Friday. I'm only doing every two weeks on scale but if either of you want to do every week - I'll support but still not do it. . Look at me!

Really my intent is simply not to let this emotional time take me down and to distract myself if I can. And I don't have huge hopes. Maintain would be perfectly fine right now.

As for our parents - I hear you Liz. But on the other hand after Mama I really prayed that I would never have to deal/see with dementia again with my parents - it was a very hard time for all of us with Mama. But I'm not God and we are all living longer and longer so it's all over the place now. Plus, I've had my parents my entire life - they are 76 and 77 so I'm blessed. But it's ugly for them to go out this way (serenity prayer). And as I've said it's my father where I feel the most stress - frustration with and pain for him.

I'm in Lisa. I can feel the slipping is taking a toll, not just on my body, but my spirit. I need to just get in better shape, I just FEEL better that way. I'm crazybusy with work and just haven't taken the time to ride at all lately, mostly b/c I can only do it in the morning. Feet still having some issues, so running is out, but I KNOW I can eat better, so I need to do what I know will help.

Rey & I head to AKL for 3 nights at the beginning of November and I REALLY want to at least be more comfortable and slimmer so that I'm not constantly thinking about it and can enjoy indulging a bit...

sorry. ramble.

Whoops how you get down there? Spirit is absolutely where I'm at with it all - I simply can not afford for my spirit to go down. So thanks for sharing that Karen. I am a person that truly needs a workout to stay mentally balanced (wow that would be lovely if some man was stalking my posts right now ) and I know it - so not working out is way more than body for me. I honestly think my brain - from the abuse - is wired to react WAY TOO MUCH - TOO QUICKLY plus my personality of being very sensitive so I need to move. I simply need to move.

Same old for me I care about maintaining any loss for life more than losing. Ie. If I can't do it for life I'm not doing it.

Yeah!

 

[lisaviolet]

i'll be in with you, Lisa. Why not? I am using My Fitness Pal to track - no more WW. I needed a change. hurt my knee again and haven't been able to do anythingm, even PT, until it calms down. I know losing some weight and resting it and small, good, exercise will all be good for it. So small steps.

Crap Liz. I was so excited that you're in - I missed this.

How did you hurt it? Sucks. I know I should be all sugar coated and optimistic but I can't get it out - that just sucks. Jean will scream at you if you're not icing every single day. She'll be mad at HER Liz. She'll come and get you.

Small steps for sure.

 

[poppinspal]

I've tried to type this post out a few times and I just haven't been able to do it. I don't want to take up room on this thread with this but I feel like I need to share with you ladies. I don't want to say please don't respond to this but I also don't want anyone to feel the need to say anything. I guess this is more for me. The reason I haven't been around is because emotionally I wasn't up for it. Brian's dad passed away. It was unexpected and very sudden. He went into the hospital with chest pains on a Friday, they admitted him to the icu on Saturday because of his heart rate (this is routine I was told), Saturday afternoon they transfered him to a hospital with a bigger cardiac facility and then on Monday he was put under so they could do a catheter on his heart. While they were in doing that work he went into cardiac arrest, they tried for over two hours to bring him back but they couldn't. He was 61, the youngest in the family.

So I guess I've been lost in my life since then. Its hard to deal with things like figuring how to grieve when it's your boyfriends father. (Some people get that it affects me a lot and then there are a lot who don't.) I've also been trying to help out his family as much as I can and it can be very exhausting to run so many errands and be the one people talk to, I feel the need to be there for everyone as much as possible. There are times I think about visiting him in icu or that I had worn an outfit I knew he liked planning on visiting him Monday after the procedure and it sends me reeling that he's really gone. So I guess I am working on dealing with things now. I've been trying to keep up with workouts not to maintain my weight but because I need the outlet and I keep hoping it will some how give me some of the energy I need back. I'm just trying to create a new normal for me a little by little.

So here I am and I will try to catch up either tonight or tomorrow. Either way I'm back.

 

[PlutoBaby]

I've tried to type this post out a few times and I just haven't been able to do it. I don't want to take up room on this thread with this but I feel like I need to share with you ladies. I don't want to say please don't respond to this but I also don't want anyone to feel the need to say anything. I guess this is more for me. The reason I haven't been around is because emotionally I wasn't up for it. Brian's dad passed away. It was unexpected and very sudden. He went into the hospital with chest pains on a Friday, they admitted him to the icu on Saturday because of his heart rate (this is routine I was told), Saturday afternoon they transfered him to a hospital with a bigger cardiac facility and then on Monday he was put under so they could do a catheter on his heart. While they were in doing that work he went into cardiac arrest, they tried for over two hours to bring him back but they couldn't. He was 61, the youngest in the family.

So I guess I've been lost in my life since then. Its hard to deal with things like figuring how to grieve when it's your boyfriends father. (Some people get that it affects me a lot and then there are a lot who don't.) I've also been trying to help out his family as much as I can and it can be very exhausting to run so many errands and be the one people talk to, I feel the need to be there for everyone as much as possible. There are times I think about visiting him in icu or that I had worn an outfit I knew he liked planning on visiting him Monday after the procedure and it sends me reeling that he's really gone. So I guess I am working on dealing with things now. I've been trying to keep up with workouts not to maintain my weight but because I need the outlet and I keep hoping it will some how give me some of the energy I need back. I'm just trying to create a new normal for me a little by little.

So here I am and I will try to catch up either tonight or tomorrow. Either way I'm back.

Megan (and to all my DIS friends who seem to be dealing with so much) - I can completely sympathize with you. A month before I graduated high school, I woke up, looked out my window, and saw my dad sitting on the patio reading the Sunday paper. I never saw him again. Later that afternoon, after my mother went out looking for him, she found him in the shop that he worked out of (he was a maintenance man for my town's school system). He had been working on building a wishing well, the kind you put in the garden, (he was always building stuff like that, wishing wells, cemetary pots, flower boxes, etc). In the midst of running some wood through a table saw, he suffered a massive heart attack and died. By the time my mom found him, he was already cold (and the stupid saw was still running). Needless to say, it is a day I will never forget and every year, May 18th is a toughie. I try to look at it as at least he didn't suffer through months or years of pain and sickness, but it doesn't really help much. I think more often than not, you don't get the chance to say goodbye. That's why I try to never go to bed, leave for work, or leave the house without making sure my husband and my dog know how much I love them.

For all my DIS girls, know I have you in my thoughts and my heart goes out to each and every one of you. I feel your pain one way or another. Know I am here for venting, crying, b*tching, or whatever you need.

"The Secret of Friendship is Being a Good Listener."

 

[cantwaitvaca09]

I've tried to type this post out a few times and I just haven't been able to do it. I don't want to take up room on this thread with this but I feel like I need to share with you ladies. I don't want to say please don't respond to this but I also don't want anyone to feel the need to say anything. I guess this is more for me. The reason I haven't been around is because emotionally I wasn't up for it. Brian's dad passed away. It was unexpected and very sudden. He went into the hospital with chest pains on a Friday, they admitted him to the icu on Saturday because of his heart rate (this is routine I was told), Saturday afternoon they transfered him to a hospital with a bigger cardiac facility and then on Monday he was put under so they could do a catheter on his heart. While they were in doing that work he went into cardiac arrest, they tried for over two hours to bring him back but they couldn't. He was 61, the youngest in the family.

So I guess I've been lost in my life since then. Its hard to deal with things like figuring how to grieve when it's your boyfriends father. (Some people get that it affects me a lot and then there are a lot who don't.) I've also been trying to help out his family as much as I can and it can be very exhausting to run so many errands and be the one people talk to, I feel the need to be there for everyone as much as possible. There are times I think about visiting him in icu or that I had worn an outfit I knew he liked planning on visiting him Monday after the procedure and it sends me reeling that he's really gone. So I guess I am working on dealing with things now. I've been trying to keep up with workouts not to maintain my weight but because I need the outlet and I keep hoping it will some how give me some of the energy I need back. I'm just trying to create a new normal for me a little by little.

So here I am and I will try to catch up either tonight or tomorrow. Either way I'm back.

Megan I am so sorry
How has Brian been with you?

 

[SeptemberGirl]

That was BEAUTIFULLY said, Kimberley. I will just say I concur.

MEGAN! This is your place - what else is this thread for? I am so so sorry you are all going through this. Talk about it anytime. Daily. We will listen.

 

[AKASnowWhite]

Meg, honey I am so, so very sorry for your loss.

And I'm with Liz and Kimberley. Anytime - talk, vent, grieve. Feel the feelings - they are all real and valid.

 

[DisneyGalUK]

Meg, I am so so sorry for yours and Brian's loss
Vent here as much or as little as you need to - we are your outlet.

Liz, I agree, I can't say anything as beautifully put as Kimberley did, so I too concur.

Lisa, Liz - be back later to reply to your posts, there is much I want to say

 

[AKASnowWhite]

I'm struggling to keep my life from falling into complete chaos. Seriously - there are days where if I documented everything that happened people would think I was lying. It's just insane. But - for the most part it's not BAD stuff - just crazy.

I'm working a hella lot of hours with/for my SIL in her cheese shop, and schlepping product to farmers markets several days a week as well. The hours are wonky, therefore my workout schedule is shot to h*ll. <sigh>

Becca got her drivers license today - and had her first solo outing tonight She did just fine. It's ME that's having the issue

 

[lisaviolet]

Megan - I'm so incredibly sorry. Sighing. Love to you and to Brian.

Kimberley - I'm sorry - that must have been so shocking.

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Megan, I'm going to try to make this short - I doubt I'll succeed - because this is obviously not about me. But I'm writing below because I HONESTLY think I completely understand your position and what you *might* be struggling with and looking back I have great insight.

About seven years ago - Jean and I had five deaths - all close to us - in less than a year. Two were my MIL and my BIL (Jean and I were still together) and another was another shocking death - someone who was my *little sister* so to speak - she was 20 and died suddenly in a car crash just before Christmas (Jamie). BIL T was a massive heart attack as well - even though he was sick and needed a kidney - there were no signs of heart disease - he was in rehabilitation - things looked great and we were waiting for him to be ready for the transplant.

Why I am telling you this?

I had NO ROOM to mourn. Why? Well I loved all of them immensely / they loved me and was in tremendous pain but I felt that Jean and her family and Jamie's mother and sister needed me more than I needed to mourn. Would I change that now? Probably, but in all honesty that's VERY difficult to change. I'm not even sure how I would have. So I get it.

So here's what I learned:

* if you don't look after your feelings/mourning it doesn't go anywhere. SO COME HERE. You are lucky to have here to do what you need to do. And that includes all sort of emotions Megan. So don't judge them. It's no one's business how you feel and how you mourn so who cares what all those people can or can't understand.

All of us understand death here - I would guess. Here is where your mourning/pain is separate and YOURS Megan. And that's a very good thing. For you and for Brian and for your relationship to have a separate place. There are times I still look back and see that. I will never ever get over Jamie - and honestly have never mourned her for me - still. And T - well one can only imagine what came up with the transplant with Nathan.

* Be VERY careful - the biggest lesson in getting through - know that everyone mourns very differently and *try* to respect that . Easier said than done. That I never saw coming. I found that that was such an incredibly difficult dynamic for a relationship. I can't even imagine what it's like for parents who lose a child - to be in pain and then deal differently as someone who was once their rock but maybe not emotionally available. And I'll tell you it's not easy to deal with that separate mourning outcomes no matter how much you love someone. Love doesn't care - and I mean that with an open heart. Mourning could be mean aloof. Mourning could mean be intense anger. Mourning could mean making plans for the future NOW. Mourning could be depression. Mourning could mean acting like nothing's wrong at all. Mourning could be constant agitation. For Jean - mourning was a quiet non-spoken but nonetheless loudly said "I have no interest in being around you Lisa at all - you're feeling T and Mama - and I don't want to feel so I'll go out and ignore it all and pretend I'm feeling nothing and have fun". Because it was hard to see me feel. And that's 100% fine. But hard when you're in pain too. I felt very alone. I'm not trying to be depressing Megan - just a head's up that loved ones (meaning Brian) can react like A when you're at Z.

So enough. I know you said maybe didn't even want for us to respond. I just wanted you to know that I realize how hard it is to manage when someone you loved and cared about dies suddenly but you're not the child or parent or sibling or spouse but you loved them intensely nonetheless. Your thoughts/feelings are valid and HERE is a great place.

Love to you my Megan.

 

[lisaviolet]

I'm struggling to keep my life from falling into complete chaos. Seriously - there are days where if I documented everything that happened people would think I was lying. It's just insane. But - for the most part it's not BAD stuff - just crazy.

I'm working a hella lot of hours with/for my SIL in her cheese shop, and schlepping product to farmers markets several days a week as well. The hours are wonky, therefore my workout schedule is shot to h*ll. <sigh>

Becca got her drivers license today - and had her first solo outing tonight She did just fine. It's ME that's having the issue

It's called ROAD TRIP. NOW. Don't make me stalk you on two sites.

I can imagine - but of course I don't know - how excited you must be for Becca but how hard it is not to worry Nancy.

Nancy, you know this - this always is your life. You need to grab the balance the best you can or it grabs you.

But on the other hand - find the balance but remember chaos and crazy - that's a full beautiful life as well!!!!

CHEESE PLEASE.

 

[lisaviolet]

Lisa, Liz - be back later to reply to your posts, there is much I want to say

You better Mother Country Kelly. You better.

You should have see the football/soccer here. They're INSANE. In bars - hanging out of cars. Tough loss for you, eh? Sorry. Were you swearing?

Italian flags EVERYWHERE today. Every flag but the Red and White on these weeks. No city in the world does the world like Toronto.

Just in case I was confusing. I weighed in LAST Friday so this is one week - I'll report next Friday.

 

[lisaviolet]

Becca - one: facebook link didn't work for me Nancy. I have no idea why - Canada blocks some links but????? I almost threw my computer I was so excited to hear her again.

And two - has she decided? I'm SO curious.

 

[AKASnowWhite]

WHAT?!?!? How did the link not work. HOW! Oh Lisa. The song. You would LOVE it

 

[cantwaitvaca09]

I'm struggling to keep my life from falling into complete chaos. Seriously - there are days where if I documented everything that happened people would think I was lying. It's just insane. But - for the most part it's not BAD stuff - just crazy.

I'm working a hella lot of hours with/for my SIL in her cheese shop, and schlepping product to farmers markets several days a week as well. The hours are wonky, therefore my workout schedule is shot to h*ll. <sigh>

Becca got her drivers license today - and had her first solo outing tonight She did just fine. It's ME that's having the issue

Congrats to Becca
Have some wine Nancy, that will make you feel better

 

[AKASnowWhite]

It's called ROAD TRIP. NOW. Don't make me stalk you on two sites.

I can imagine - but of course I don't know - how excited you must be for Becca but how hard it is not to worry Nancy.

Nancy, you know this - this always is your life. You need to grab the balance the best you can or it grabs you.

But on the other hand - find the balance but remember chaos and crazy - that's a full beautiful life as well!!!!

CHEESE PLEASE.

Cheese. See, that's the big thing right now. The people, they wants their cheese So we must make it. And sell it. And my SIL is going in for hip replacement surgery (yeah. She's the same age as Jean) and thus I get busier....partly because I love it and partly because I love HER. She needs help, really NEEDS help right now. And you can't just trust *anyone* with your families livelihood. So. "not busy" is not an option. It just is. And will be for a while.