I didn't see your post before you edited

It is scary - very scary at times. It has all been brought home with my Grandads medical problems at the minute, and it hits home that they won't be here forever. I do know that I have been crazy lucky so far, and I hope it continues for a long time!
Olympics - so excited! The country seems to be divided completely in two - those who are excited and those who have no interest whatsoever - me, I'm loving the fact that they Olympics are here!
:
This country was exactly like that with Vancouver - before the games you get debates, costs, not going to be ready stories....
But I would bet at LEAST half of those who cares will care when it starts. It is exciting. But you and I know that.
My editing was because I was rambling and I didn't want my thoughts about death to be insensitive to your journey Kelly. Cause it's yours.
I was thinking about you yesterday. I'm exhausted. It takes me ages to get back and forth from where they live - in the end a five hour commute (by transit - only just over two return by car). Was with my mom yesterday but I had a moment in time where I realized something and thought of you. I knew this in my head but never felt it fully. Took it in. We were sitting on the back deck. Just sitting there. And she says something like "your sunglasses are beautiful"

and I had a whoosh right after as we sat in complete silence and before I say a thing I know 100% no one would wish this for any relative. It's not a fair trade by any means.
But this - and any sickness (love to you Liz) - well if you fall into it instead of fearing it and backing away (which some do because they can't deal) well it's a blessed intimacy that you would never get any of other way. I'm super close to my parents and obviously we've been through a boatload with my past - my father is difficult at times even though i know it's just anxiety over love. Well anyway no matter how close I am - this - and my choice to embrace it head on - brings an intimacy that would never have come without it. Never. Not with my dad either.
I wash her. I put body cream on her. And yesterday we were in hysterics because I cut her toe nails and DESTROYED them.

I am so bad at it. She and I couldn't stop laughing. My *mother* would have been mortified.

. None of which would have happened - certainly not destroying her lovely feet. Simple moments of intimacy and vulnerability on both ends.
So no I wouldn't choose it. But this is love. And so in those awful moments Kelly - know that he has you right there.

Right there.
Okay enough rambling.

I have to get out of this head space for the arrival of Kat!