Teaching and family making dilema

[bride03]

I am trying really hard to keep my goals in reach but they keep changing because of my views on things. Here is the problem. I'm in school right now and so is my hubby. We will both finish in 2008. He is majoring in business management and I'm working on a teacher certification for early childhood-4th grade. I really love my major and I know I'll have a blast at my job. BUT, we really want to start our family. I'm 24, almost 25 and he is 21 almost 22. We are both ready for kids in a couple of years (that's 2 years). BUT we also would like to finish school FIRST. I'm thinking it wouldn't hurt to get pregnant while I'm student teaching and then take some time off. Basically it's me I'm worried about because I don't know whether to work first and then have kids when I'm older (which I don't like the idea of) or just get pregnant at the end of my student teaching, finish out the school year working there and then take some time off. Any of you teachers ever have this problem when you were first starting out??? No bashing please. I know that you don't have to rush to have kids but we really want a family and I am older than DH and I'd like to have our children in my 20's if possible. Thanks in advance dis'ers

 

[cstraub]

I was 19. The only things planned in my life are trips to WDW!! LOL

 

[ChrisnSteph]

It's not on the list, but I was 2 weeks shy of my 21st birthday when I had my first child. It was tough, but not any more tough than when I had my other children later down the road.

 

[WatchinCaptKangaroo]

I'm in my late 20s, finishing up school and getting established in my career. I want to have kids in my early 30s. Until then I'm fully enjoying my child free years, being able to drop everything and take off for the weekend, being able to sleep in and knowing that by finishing school and being established in my career I'll be able to provide comfortably for my future children.

 

[Tasha+Scott]

I was 24 and dh was 26 and we had been married 5.5 years when she was born. She was completely planned and I wouldn't change a thing. However, I was in school too but never could decide what I really wanted to do besides start a family. That is why it was not a hard decision for me to put school on the backburner for a while. I plan to go back after my 2nd (which we haven't even had yet) starts either preschool or kindergarten.

But if I only had had 2 years left before I earned a degree in something I knew I wanted to do I would have waited. I also would not have wanted to have kids with my dh when he was 21 or 22. Trust me, he matured a lot 4 years later when he was 26 and was much more ready to be a father then he was at 22. That's JMO though and I can't say whether that would be true for your dh or not. But if you really just want a baby now then I wish you the best of luck b/c despite what I just typed above babies are wonderful! They do change your life in major ways though and it may prove to be a little harder to go to school and have a family than you anticipated but it can be done! Good luck with whatever you decide to do!

 

[kristen821]

I was 18 and dh was 17 when we had our first baby. I was 22 and dh was 21 when we had our second. I would do what you feel is best for you. You can always start teaching when the baby goes to school if that is what you want to do. You can also work and have a baby too. That is a little harder but I work and so do a lot of mothers. If you can make it on one income that is great. Do what you feel is right. I don't think this is anything somebody else can give you advice on. What does dh want?

 

[barkley]

i was 33 and dh was 26. i had finished my education and was working, he was working and finishing his education (which he continued to do when ds was born 2 1/2 years later, both were planned pregnancies). i would encourage waiting until the education is done-it's REALY hard balancing a baby with school (and i recall student teaching being very demanding i can't imagine doing it while preganant-there were days when the morning sickness floored me, times when dr. ordered bed rest-neither was a high risk pregnancy, just happens some time-i would hate to see you have to drop out in the middle of student teaching). you also have to take into consideration weather you will be staying where you currently live or will need to relocate for job opportunities. it's one thing to up and relocate away from the support of family when you have no kids-it's a whole different ball game with a newborn.

 

[BuzznBelle'smom]

I know you said you wanted to start your family in your 20's--there are advantages to that. I just wanted to mention that I had my first at 31, and will have my last at 42! In my perfect world, I HAD said, "40 and I'm done", but clearly, I wasn't. My point is, you may not be able to plan things as well as you'd like, or even think you can. I had no reason to think it would take us 6 years to get #3, and then hit #4 on the first try!

One advantage to being "older" was, I knew I was ready to stay home full time. It was a struggle at first, but we're fine, not rich, but keep the wolves from the door.

I guess, bottom line, men plan, God laughs. And you can't even imagine all the ways a baby is going to change your life--cliche, I know, but it does change everything. I would recommend finishing your schooling first, so that's at least done, and you have some flexibility if you want to work part time, full time, etc.

 

[DisneyLovingMama]

I had my first at 26. I've had friends that were teachers and almost all have waited until they were tenured to have kids. Some got pregnant in their last non-tenured year, but went out after they were tenured. That way, their jobs were protected. Just something to think about.

 

[Ratpack]

As a teacher (in 4th grade- you'll love this age group!!).. .I finished school and taught for 3 years before thinking of children.(not planned on 3 years, just thought that things had settled down enough by then)- I was 27 with our first, 32 with our second and now 35 with our third.

Now this was about 12 years ago and the demands of "new teachers" were not as difficult as they are right now with testing, procedures, evaluations, etc. I know that I worked from 6 am to about 6 pm each night my first year of teaching and then weekends too. It is just difficult to get into a routine, balance lesson plans, etc.- and this is without a child at home. There were after school meetings, PTA meetings, workshops, all after school or at night.

Also, you have to take into consideration, if you get pg right away and plan on staying at home for a year or two,...you may have a more difficult time being hired later, since your experience in teaching will be 0 along with missing a 2 year span on your certification (which here is every 5 years to renew).

In additon to another poster's message, PG is hard on the body with standing on your feet most of the day, having to be around kids..there IS NO down time for you to just relax, kick your feet up. I did have to go on bedrest with #1 for 2-3 months. I was very sick with #3 at the beginning of the year and was leaving to throw up every day. You also may not be able to plan all of this according to your schedule (We make plans and God just smiles!...is true) #3 was a total blessing "surprise"!

It is your decision, nonetheless, along with your dh- but I would give yourself some time in the class and the school to get acquainted with this whole teaching thing. It is NOT easy to get started, let alone teach for this long too. Then to add a family in the midst of it all....overwhelming. I wish you the best in your decision. Who knows...God's plans may be in the works right now anyway

 

[Disney Ella]

I think Ratpack makes a lot of sense. I would wait until I was established in a school for a few years before getting pregnant. You may not think so, but you are still very young and waiting a few years can only improve your job and income situation.

 

[aprilgail2]

I would make sure one of you has a steady job and income and little debt and then start the family...do you already have a house, cars, savings etc?....if not I would worry more about that than rushing to havea family when you have no savings, jobs, house etc.....

 

[slo]

No bashing from me!! You can't control when you want to have a baby. I'm not going to sit here and tell you what to do, but I will tell you to do what's right for the rest of your life, whatever that may be for you.

Many times, we as woman, want to have a baby and it may not be at the right moment. I wanted my first baby while we were still in my apartment, but we knew that it would be better to wait until we had our house - so we waited.

You are still very young and in 2008 you will still be very young. I hope you make the right decision, whatever that may be - Good luck!!

 

[golfgal]

Personally I would finish school first, work a couple years and THEN have your children. While not legal, you aren't going to have much luck going into job interviews pregnant. Most schools get 100's of applications for job openings and it would be easy enough to find someone "more qualified" then you. Also, you said you would just 'finish out the school year working there", well, that isn't a guaranty. Just because you did your student teaching someplace (which is unpaid remember) doesn't mean they will have any kind of job for you. Chances are good you could sub, but it depends on the laws in your state. In MN you have to be a licenced teacher to sub in most districts and it takes a while to process your license, about 6 weeks or more.

I would also say you would be a lot better off in the job market to work for a year or so before taking time off for your family. If you student teach then take a couple years off for family, you will have a more difficult time finding a job. Also, the practical side of this is will you have health insurance? You don't want to get pregnant then get a job because the pregnancy will be a "pre-existing" condition and may not be covered. I understand your concerns but if you want to work it would be better to wait to have children until you have a job and you are no longer on probation (if your area does that).

 

[disneylizzy]

I would also say you would be a lot better off in the job market to work for a year or so before taking time off for your family. If you student teach then take a couple years off for family, you will have a more difficult time finding a job. Also, the practical side of this is will you have health insurance? You don't want to get pregnant then get a job because the pregnancy will be a "pre-existing" condition and may not be covered. I understand your concerns but if you want to work it would be better to wait to have children until you have a job and you are no longer on probation (if your area does that).

I was 25 with my first baby and I totally understand you wanting to start your family while you are young, but the above is good advice and you will still be young. Teaching is a great career for a mom. Good luck!

 

[bride03]

And you can't even imagine all the ways a baby is going to change your life--cliche, I know, but it does change everything. I would recommend finishing your schooling first, so that's at least done, and you have some flexibility if you want to work part time, full time, etc.

Yeah, I am. When I posted that is what I was basically saying cause you're right, I need to get school done with. We BOTH want to get our school out of the way. We have seen what happens if you don't! This way I can have my degree and work when I want to. I also want to start TRYING after my student teaching is done. That way it's no sooner but might be later when we have our first.

Someone asked about my DH being ready. He loves children. I am a nanny and we have stayed with the boys for a whole weekend before and he loves it. He'll be at least 24 when we have our first. We have children all around us all the time in my family (there was a baby bomb that went off in my family!!!) and we are always asked when we will start and we always say "school first!"

I'm going to read on now.... thanks for your posts so far!

 

[leighe]

My advice would be to get at least that first year teaching under your belt. I'm 27, getting ready to have my first baby at the end of January, and this is my 4th year teaching. My first year teaching was very challenging - but also very rewarding. I worked from about 6am until 10pm a lot of days (I am also a cheerleading coach so that added to the hours) and honestly can't imagine doing it while pregnant. Now I have my units planned (for the most part), my class organized the way I want it, my ground rules and expectations established for my students so it will be much easier for me to take off and come back. Honestly, we were waiting on me getting tenured before I got pregnant. Next year will be my tenure year so instead of taking off this whole semester - which is what I would really like to do - and starting back in August, I'm going to have to come back the last month of school or this year wouldn't count toward my tenure. You might want to look into those kind of policies in the districts you are interested in teaching in.

Also, you might want to consider what kind of degree you are getting and the requirements for teachers in your area. Here in KY you have to get started on a Masters degree within 5 years of beginning to teach (I think). I got my Masters before I started teaching so my life is a lot easier than a some of the people I work with who are trying to teach, raise a family, and go to school all at the same time.

I also agree with some posters who said that it might be harder to find a job if you take a few years off between student teaching and applying for positions.

Just MHO. I'm sure you'll make the best decision for you and your family! Good luck! You are going to love being a teacher - it makes me happy every day.

 

[canwegosoon]

I voted 30 but I was 37 when I had my twins...live does not always go as planned. I got married at 30 after my ex-fianc was cheating on me, and then my DH and I tried for 6 years to have children. Good luck to you. I have had people say to me I had no business having children after 30(a nurse at my Dr's office) and I reported her. Her employer had her children at 36 38 and 41.

 

[Aimeedyan]

We're 27 and 28 and have no children yet - we would be happy with our first in a couple of years. Finishing school, establishing our careers, purchasing a home, and building savings was TOP PRIORITY for us. We want our children to have a stable home environment.

I just graduated with my masters, we've been married 3.5 years, just bought a house, and both started new jobs so maybe in a couple of years our student debt will be paid down enough for us to feel comfortable having our first. We are in no hurry, though, and SO enjoy life without kids for now =0

Good luck! It's a hard decision to make!

 

[bride03]

Here in KY you have to get started on a Masters degree within 5 years of beginning to teach (I think).

I also agree with some posters who said that it might be harder to find a job if you take a few years off between student teaching and applying for positions.

Just MHO. I'm sure you'll make the best decision for you and your family! Good luck! You are going to love being a teacher - it makes me happy every day.

Here in Texas, if you get your masters that means you are more expensive and people will be less likely to hire you!! I will never get my masters. My mother is a very successful teacher and she is the smartest woman I know in her profession...no masters.

I will finish up teaching for a year. I will also continue to be involved in workshops or schooling a little while I'm raising my children. I would like to teach first grade but I think I would like to teach at a Christian preschool that is near me that my younger brother goes to. They are great!

Thanks for your kind words, I'm going to just play it by ear and not worry about it right now since I'm not sure how things will work out for me. I'm excited about being a teacher too!!