Teachers.....I have a ? for you.

[tiff211]

DH is a teacher. His daily commute is an hour away on the train. At least once or twice a week, he comes home later than usual, because he misses the train. Yesterday, I call him to find out he is at the train station instead of about to gte off the train. He tells me he missed the train because he was about to leave the building to catch the train and a parent stopped him to talk about their child. I said can't you tell them to set up an appointment. He tells me I don't understand. He's a teacher and he just can't brush off the parents. Now, I don't see the problem in letting parents know that he has office hours and they can call to set up an appointment, if he does it politely. This happens 1-2 a week. He gets a lot of the "troubled and/or troublesome" students in his class, so I understand the need for parents to speak with him but come on. He has a long commute and a family to get home to, besides that DD5 commutes with him. Am I wrong? Is this part of the job? Just to be readily for parents even if your day is done?

 

[In a hurry]

It sounds like he wants to be there to work with the parents. Bet he's a good teacher.

 

[vettechick99]

None of my kid's parents ever come to see me, but that's a whole other story.

It sounds like your DH has a hard time telling people no. I can't imagine that a parent would feel put off by, "I'm so sorry that I can't speak to you now. But I do want to meet with you. Can we schedule this for another time or talk via phone/email?"

 

[LBAK]

I don't know if I count because I teach pre-k but my parents love to talk. I get home late almost every day because I don't want to rush them. It's their first experience with school a lot of times and I want them to have a positive experience. I try to sneak out some days but they stalk me. :rolley es: They ask a million questions everyday and then they have the nerve to ask me when conferences are. Why do I need to conference with them when they've already asked me everything?

 

[DisneyDotty]

Your DH sounds like a dedicated teacher.
My DH is also in education (administration), and he tells me all the time about parents who expect teachers to drop everything to meet with them. A lot of parents think the teachers must be available at their beck and call... Nevermind that a teacher has other meetings to attend, classes to teach, students who've made appointments to help--if the parent wants to talk to the teacher, by golly that teacher better be available!
Perhaps your DH works in a district similar to my DH's?
(I feel your pain--DH spends many hours after school returning parent phone calls.)

 

[tubachick]

DH is a teacher. His daily commute is an hour away on the train. At least once or twice a week, he comes home later than usual, because he misses the train. Yesterday, I call him to find out he is at the train station instead of about to gte off the train. He tells me he missed the train because he was about to leave the building to catch the train and a parent stopped him to talk about their child. I said can't you tell them to set up an appointment. He tells me I don't understand. He's a teacher and he just can't brush off the parents. Now, I don't see the problem in letting parents know that he has office hours and they can call to set up an appointment, if he does it politely. This happens 1-2 a week. He gets a lot of the "troubled and/or troublesome" students in his class, so I understand the need for parents to speak with him but come on. He has a long commute and a family to get home to, besides that DD5 commutes with him. Am I wrong? Is this part of the job? Just to be readily for parents even if your day is done?

I am a HS teacher and (no flames please ) I have done both.

If I am on my way out, and it is a "quick" disccusion I can deal with it then, If it is not I will ask that they make an appointment, or I will find out the "meat" of the situation and tell them I will inquire about the situation with who is involved. I also let parents know that I get to school an hour before classes begin (before many of them go to work 630-730am when school starts at 740am) If it is a emergency, I will talk with them right then. I think it depends on the situation.

the old saying is failure to plan on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.

I know that will make many parents mad, but I put in more than my 71/2 hour day, and I take work home with me. (and don't get any OT or extra work bonuses) So I limit my extra's. I do coach, and supervise night school and work at extra functions (for free) like dances and such so I do give extra to the kids, but If I am heading to pick up my kids, then I am going to get my kids, the day is over.

sorry.

 

[CEDmom]

I feel for you. My mom is a teacher and I remember getting stopped by parents no matter where we went (grocery store, mall etc). That being said, it really is part of his job to do this. I think if the conversation goes more than a few minutes he'll free to let them know he has to be somewhere and invite the parent to make an appt. For what it's worth how are parents supposed to know he takes the train to work and has a long commute.

 

[tiff211]

I feel for you. My mom is a teacher and I remember getting stopped by parents no matter where we went (grocery store, mall etc). That being said, it really is part of his job to do this. I think if the conversation goes more than a few minutes he'll free to let them know he has to be somewhere and invite the parent to make an appt. For what it's worth how are parents supposed to know he takes the train to work and has a long commute.

We don't live anywhere near where he teaches so we rarely run into students/teachers. When we lived in town, one of the girls that he coached lived on our street and when she walked by our house, she would yell "Hey, Mr. Walker." I used to tease him and say, I wish I had a teacher as good looking as him when I was in school!

I think he should be the one to say " I would really like to continue this conversation but I am on my way to catch the train, call tomorrow and set up a meeting." I understand there are times where he HAS to deal with parents but I am speaking on a regular basis. He coaches, he goes to extra cirrucular events that his students invite him to, he goes in during vacations to prepare for when they return. He logs into his his school work site on the weekends to do work. I know he is a dedicated teacher and I am soooo proud of him but I just wish his work/life balance was a little more even.

 

[barkley]

dd's teacher (who teaches 3rd-8th) implemented a rule that parents could not drop in to talk beyond a quick yes/no type of thing for the first 30 minutes after the end of the school day. if a parent needs to speak with her she will meet with them by appointment (or if no ones already booked the slots) by drop-in for the remaining hour she is at the school.

i think she went about it well-she explained that she wanted to be able to give her full attention to parent concerns and in the absence of some privacy (without the kids running in and out, parents milling...) she could'nt do it.

she reports that it's worked realy well-everyone seems to get their needs met.

i think email is a great communication tool for teachers too-parents can be advised that if they have a concern or question that is not an emergency all emails received by a certain time each day/evening will be responded to by x time same or next day (even if it's only "i received your email-i will look into it and get back to you"). another advantage to this is he can always prepare some attachments to send to parents who are asking strictly administrative things (like f.a.q.'s on homework, making up an assignment, "who do i contact for x" phone lists-it would save the time repeating the same answers to the same questions over and over and over ).

 

[declansdad]

I feel for you. My mom is a teacher and I remember getting stopped by parents no matter where we went (grocery store, mall etc). That being said, it really is part of his job to do this. I think if the conversation goes more than a few minutes he'll free to let them know he has to be somewhere and invite the parent to make an appt. For what it's worth how are parents supposed to know he takes the train to work and has a long commute.

I don't think it is any more part of his job then it would be for you to come back into work as you were leaving. That being said, most teachers would do just this because they are concerned with the student and want to make sure the parent is involved and up-to-date. I also don't think it is wrong for the teacher to ask the parents to make an appointment if they are able to.

An earlier poster hit it right on the head when they wrote that many parents expect teachers to be able to meet with them or take their calls at a moments notice. I can't tell you the number of times my dw has scheduled meetings with parents outside of the normal hours (before school opens or late in the afternoon) only to have the parents not show up.

 

[darrose]

Sounds more like a wife/hubby problem to me. I think he is trying to explain that he doesnt mind talking to the parents and is trying to help you understand he wont always be home on time.

Though I agree with you that he should let his students parents know how to reach him if they need to ask him something about their child.

Most of the teachers at our school let us know how they want, if any, questions of parents to be handled. For example, my sons science teacher wants us to either call him first period at school, or email him at school. His English teacher prefers emails with no phone calls. Both are willing to schedule an apt. no problems just let them know. I havent had to contact any teacher this year, but as a parent I always love it when teachers let me know how they want me to contact them if I need to.

PS. The science teacher doesnt have any students period one thats why he says its a good time to call. (Just in case anyone was wondering)

 

[Rock'n Robin]

My kids all know I am there at 7 (1/2 hour early) but that I will not stay past 2:45. I have my own children to pick up at school and I live 1/2 hour away. I am not going to leave them standing in the bus circle because someone can't make an appointment. Granted no parent has ever tried yet, but I don't see why I couldn't say "I'm sorry, I have to go pick my children up from school, can we continue this at a different time?" Sorry folks, my own kids trump staying late every time.
Robin M.

 

[monsterkitty]

We have this problem at our school as well. Our principal has instituted the policy that if you want to conference with a teacher or sit in on a class, you need to set that up with the teacher 24 hours in advance. If you do not scedule the appointment it is up to the teacher to decide whether he or she meets with you or not.

Most of the time the teacher will still meet with the parent if it is a quick question. However, we will not interupt our classes, like many parents expect us to, so we can speak to a parent.

Teachers are professionals and should be treated as such. Just as parents should be treated with respect. You can't just walk into your dentist's office and demand to be seen, so why can you walk into a school and demand to be seen?

I will always be happy to meet with a parent. However, there are times we as teacher cannot meet right at that moment.

 

[tiff211]

Sounds more like a wife/hubby problem to me. I think he is trying to explain that he doesnt mind talking to the parents and is trying to help you understand he wont always be home on time.

Though I agree with you that he should let his students parents know how to reach him if they need to ask him something about their child.

Most of the teachers at our school let us know how they want, if any, questions of parents to be handled. For example, my sons science teacher wants us to either call him first period at school, or email him at school. His English teacher prefers emails with no phone calls. Both are willing to schedule an apt. no problems just let them know. I havent had to contact any teacher this year, but as a parent I always love it when teachers let me know how they want me to contact them if I need to.

That's why I posed the ? on the board. I don't understand and I think he thinks that he HAS to be overly accommodating. If everyone on the board said, "oh yeah, that is the norm." then I would stand down. , but last night he said I don't understand that's what being a teacher is about. He gets home between 6-6:15 normally because his school has a longer day and they share the buses with the public school system so they have to wait for the buses to finish the routes and then pick up the students from his school. When he is getting home late, we are talking 6:30 - 7:00 because the next train is 45 minutes later.

 

[darrose]

Dont get me wrong. I agree with you that the parents should be doing this through the proper channels and not have him miss his train. But, first you have to convince your hubby to be more like rock'nrobin and hit the road home. LOL

Also, to help you feel better. Its rare that my hubby makes it home before 7:00pm too. Work in todays society really does take up more hours in the day than it used to it seems.

 

[inaminute]

Your DH sounds like an amazing teacher.

I'll bet he's just happy to have parents who care about their kids education. Especially since parents are told all the time to be more involved. Seems odd that a teacher would expect parents to be involved, and then complain when they are.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

I mostly agree with the others - I know it is irritating but it is also a sign of Professionalism that he takes the time to talk with the parents.

I can sympathize, my DH is out of our house around 5:30am nearly everyday, and he rarely makes it home before 7:30pm Monday through Thursday. He tries hard to leave around 6pm on Fridays to come home and spend some time with the boys. He cares a great deal about his work .... and his work requires very long hours.

I may not like it, but I wouldn't be comfortable telling my husband not to do his best at his job.

 

[tiff211]

I mostly agree with the others - I know it is irritating but it is also a sign of Professionalism that he takes the time to talk with the parents.

I can sympathize, my DH is out of our house around 5:30am nearly everyday, and he rarely makes it home before 7:30pm Monday through Thursday. He tries hard to leave around 6pm on Fridays to come home and spend some time with the boys. He cares a great deal about his work .... and his work requires very long hours.

I may not like it, but I wouldn't be comfortable telling my husband not to do his best at his job.

This has been ongoing and I finally agreed to disagree. However, the difference is this year, dd5 is with him and I was so opposed to her going to school with him because of him always getting home so late, for him it's one thing but that's a really long day for her. Sometimes, he walks in carrying her. He promised me that he would not be so "readily available" this year so he could get home at a decent hour. I would never want him to "slack" as far as his job is concerned so if it is normal for parents to stop him from walking out the door and cause him to miss the train to talk about non urgent issues, then I will bite my tongue. I know DH has a hard time saying no anyway so I wanted to see if other teachers were the same way. I know DDs teachers had office hours and her school was a ghost town an hour after dismissal.

 

[darrose]

Does your dd school district have a busing system that could bring her home? At
5, my kids thought riding the bus home was fun. LOL

 

[srfrgrl07]

While I can understand his dedication, I totally see your side of it.

My sister is a 1st grade teacher and she has parents show up unannounced all of the time to discuss their children. She had a horrible experience today with a grandmother (guardian) who told scheduled the appointment less than 48 hours ago to meet with her after numerous attempts to schedule with Grandma earlier.

The particular student has already been retained twice and is not performing very well academically and is a huge behavior problem in class...he has turned in 5 homework assignments this quarter out of 30+ and has been suspended just about once a week so far for hitting other students and throwing things. Well, Grandma shows up with a man who is the child's psychotherapist and he proceeds to tell my sister (teacher of the year at her school in her 5th year) that he is offended by her teaching practices and that she needs to do x, y and z for this child because he's had a difficult life. None of her faculty members were present to defend her, and she has never been more upset in her life about anything (her words.)

I advised her to set a parameter: she will only meet with parents when scheduled 48 hours or more in advance and should have another faculty member present. Thankfully, she is a very composed, compassionate, and diplomatic person and did not let them know she was personally offended by the discussion and chose her words appropriately. Had she taken offense and used the "wrong" language, she may have jeopordized her employment.

My point is that, just like daily lesson plans, meetings with parents need to be planned for and each party needs to be prepared. My sister was under the impression that she was meeting with Grandma to discuss the child's academic process; instead it was a third party criticizing her teaching practices. She is very dedicated, like your husband, and has only suspended the child when his behavior has affected the ability of the other children to learn. She has made numerous exceptions for him in an attempt to improve his interest in learning and control his behavior, but it has often times been at the expense of the other children.

I think that you and your husband should compromise...he can schedule appointments with parents after school hours 2-3 nights a week (say 1-2 hours after class is dismissed) excluding Fridays. Once he makes the parents aware of this (explaining that he has familial obligations himself and needs to devote time to that) they cannot argue with it and will get used to his policy. I would also explain that you understand his desire to talk to the parents since it may be rare for them to show interest, but he is sacrificing his personal life and your family in order to achieve that and providing them a courtesy that he is not extending to you. Hopefully he will understand that as it seems he is more than considerate of others.

Sorry so long!