Talk About Everything Online Dating!

[JerseyGuy24]

After having some recent bad luck trying to meet someone(work,bars,etc), I decided to put my foot in the water and give online dating a try. I am a 29 year old male and a single parent so its not exactly very easy for me to go out and try to meet people all the time. I was always someone who said I would not try online dating but it just seems like such a popular way that people are meeting these days. I have quite a few friends who have met someone online and even got married. So the question I asked myself is, what do I have to lose?

I would love to hear from fellow DIS'ers about your online dating opinions, experiences(good and bad), suggestions, ANYTHING really. Do you think the free sites(POF,OKCupid), or paid sites(Match,E-Harmony) are better/worth it. Do you feel awkward meeting someone you only met online?

Lets talk about it!

 

[lizabu]

I know a lot of people who met their SO online. I typically think the paid sites are better for finding relationships while from what I understand the free sites are more for hooking up. People on the paid sites are invested in at least a small way and may be more serious about finding a relationship.

 

[texaslover]

I met my husband on Match! I do think it takes a fairly adventurous and open mind to make it truly work but I had a great experience (obviously lol). There were more than a few odd dates and several flat out creepers but I just kept telling myself that dating is to find the right one and not everyone will be for me. I did a lot of emailing and texting before I would agree to meet and found that most people will show their true colors if you spend enough time talking to them.

Have an open, positive attitude and be yourself, good luck!

 

[Annadesu]

I met my husband online... We lived in separate states for several years, until I eventually moved to be with him. We've been together since 2005. My best advice?

Don't rush. 90% of the internet is your everyday people, but there is that 10% that can be sketchy. Talk to the person a few times before you go to meet them. Ask for a picture before you meet (or video chat on Skype!). Ask about kids, work, make sure it's not someone cheating on their husband, etc...There's always the chance the person is lying, so don't give away TOO much info about yourself until you confirm they are who they say they are. Always meet in public places at first. If they start asking for money right off the bat, run like heck!

If you find someone in your area, that's great. But be prepared to travel for the one you love... We were 13+ hours apart, and it was HARD to do that. But if both of you are devoted, and honest, and want to go the extra mile, it can work out in the end.

Be prepared for relatives to scoff at you for meeting someone online. For some reason, people assume it's not as "real", or "genuine".

Just like internet-free relationships, online ones can eventually end on a poor note... don't lose hope because you stumble a bit along the way. Good luck!

 

[Kogo Shuko]

I have used online dating off and on over the past six years.

I finally stopped using it last fall when I met my current BF. (he also is a single dad)

I used PoF for a long time until it started to go downhill. I'd get a lot of skeevy messages from people.

OKCupid was much more entertaining. I could answer their endless questions, and take quizzes. Because I answered so many questions, they were really good at finding out matches, to the point where some of my highest matches were actually ex-boyfriends I had met outside of the site (I did date them for a reason, right??). As a geek, the majority of my matches were geeky.

That being said, I went through a LOT of meetings with people. I'd always meet up for coffee somewhere, and usually things didn't progress beyond one or two dates.

It took me six years to finally find one on there that was worth it to delete my account. Of course, I was also meeting boys elsewhere during those six years, as well (through friends, meetups, etc), so I guess I wasn't using it VERY seriously. I DID have a really complicated relationship for an entire year that was a result of PoF though. (headache from the beginning)

***

From a single dad's perspective, my BF was only on OKCupid for a few months, and only met up with one girl before we met up. Mind you, we're both extremely geeky/nerdy, so we had a lot in common when we first met.

 

[BadgerGirl84]

I was 25 when I broke up with my long-term boyfriend. I took four months to just "focus on me" before I decided to try online dating. I knew I wanted to get married and children one day, so I decided to be proactive about finding Mr. Right.

I signed up for Match.com and I really enjoyed it. I created a profile that was fun, upbeat, somewhat funny (I thought at least!), and featured a few photos including at least one full body image and one more up close.

I would get 3-4 messages per week. I reviewed each message to see if there were any red flags that would make me NOT want to meet the guy eventually for a drink, such as being too old, having bad grammar or spelling either in his messages or profile, not having a job, or (to be honest) not someone I would find at all attractive. On the last part, I really did give the guy the benefit of the doubt--unless he was a total 0/10 on the looks scale, I usually did not let that be the deciding factor because someone can look different in person, plus looks aren't everything of course.

I went out on probably 10+ dates from Match...usually once a week. I went on some second dates, some third dates. It was a pretty big time investment reading the messages, responding, etc. I would usually message or email with a guy 3-4 times before agreeing to meet. I usually just agreed to drinks for a first date--no big time commitment. There were a few duds of course, but I did enjoy meeting most of the guys I met.

I didn't meet my husband on Match, though. I met him on OK Cupid after a friend convinced me to create a profile on there. He lived an hour and a half away from me, so it was a leap of faith on both ends to even agree to meet the first time.

My tips for you would be to reach out to women on the online site--don't expect them to come to you. Also, don't make your criteria TOO strict--in my opinion, you are going to have more luck and fun going out on more frequent dates rather than being so picky that you only meet someone in person once every other month. After 3-4 first dates, it really became easy and no big deal to do those first dates--I usually wore the same outfit, told the same stories, etc. Good luck to you!!!

 

[JerseyGuy24]

well it is nice to hear that you all had positive experiences(especially the ones who are married as a result of online dating lol). I sent out my first 2 messages this morning. A friend told me that I should send out ALOT of messages because many females wont answer unless you "look like channing tatum and say you make over $100k per year" lol. I think peoples standards actually do go up quite a bit when online dating because there are many more choices to pick from. Hoping for the best and to stay away from any psychos!

 

[BadgerGirl84]

I met my husband online... We lived in separate states for several years, until I eventually moved to be with him. We've been together since 2005. My best advice?

Don't rush. 90% of the internet is your everyday people, but there is that 10% that can be sketchy. Talk to the person a few times before you go to meet them. Ask for a picture before you meet (or video chat on Skype!). Ask about kids, work, make sure it's not someone cheating on their husband, etc...There's always the chance the person is lying, so don't give away TOO much info about yourself until you confirm they are who they say they are. Always meet in public places at first. If they start asking for money right off the bat, run like heck!

Great advice. While I would say, don't rush into meeting someone online and calling them your SO in the period of a week, I would also recommend not dragging out the emailing/messaging/texting phase before meeting them in person if there are no red flags. I think some people I know (the more desperate ones!) would really build up a relationship just from emailing and texting...and then be disappointed when they actually met them. I would say that if you've emailed or messaged 2-3 times and they don't seem like a whack job, just meet them. You'll never know if they're a potential match until you meet them, so no point in dragging on the online communication.

 

[MrsDuck]

I've not tried online dating but I have many friends who do.

Based on what I've heard from them, if you're looking for a serious relationship, I'd opt for a paid site rather than a freebie one!

 

[BadgerGirl84]

well it is nice to hear that you all had positive experiences(especially the ones who are married as a result of online dating lol). I sent out my first 2 messages this morning. A friend told me that I should send out ALOT of messages because many females wont answer unless you "look like channing tatum and say you make over $100k per year" lol. I think peoples standards actually do go up quite a bit when online dating because there are many more choices to pick from. Hoping for the best and to stay away from any psychos!

Good luck! Your photos (and a profile free of grammar issues and misspellings) will be what "sells" you. I'm sure you've done this, but I would really encourage you to think about who you want to attract and then think about what that person would think of your photos. Some guys who messaged me just had photos of themselves taken drinking at the bar/club. No thanks--I was done with those party days. Now a guy who had a photo taken with his niece/nephew or his dog--swoon!

 

[Kogo Shuko]

I tried stretching the communication to a few days, rather than messages. I'm a bit more paranoid though, and also require some rapport so I know what to talk about when I meet a person.

It took over 2 weeks to meet up with my current BF. Even I, by that time, was starting to question if I'd ever meet him. lol

 

[JerseyGuy24]

Thank you for all the great advice everyone, I will definitely be using it!

FYI I signed up for a free week trial on match. So far I really like the site. Seems like a large amount of members and I like the way the profiles are set up

 

[JerseyGuy24]

Good luck! Your photos (and a profile free of grammar issues and misspellings) will be what "sells" you. I'm sure you've done this, but I would really encourage you to think about who you want to attract and then think about what that person would think of your photos. Some guys who messaged me just had photos of themselves taken drinking at the bar/club. No thanks--I was done with those party days. Now a guy who had a photo taken with his niece/nephew or his dog--swoon!

I definitely have a couple of those "party" pics but chose to go another route. I used pics where I am either dressed nice, on vacation, or at a fun event(that did not include excessive drinking). I like to have a good time but am really over the crazy party days and would like to find someone who feels the same

 

[MrsDuck]

FYI I signed up for a free week trial on match. So far I really like the site. Seems like a large amount of members and I like the way the profiles are set up

Match seems to be a very popular choice! It's where my cousin met her husband. They've been married since 09!

 

[JerseyGuy24]

Match seems to be a very popular choice! It's where my cousin met her husband. They've been married since 09!

that's awesome. yes the majority of people I hear about that found a serious online relationship met through match.com so I figured I would start there

 

[Oodalally13]

I know it isnt a dating site, but there is also a singles thread here on the DIS.

 

[apirateslifeforme]

DH and I are an eHarmony success story. I signed up on July 28, 2008, 18 months after my divorce, and on August 12 I was matched to DH (he thinks he signed up around that time). We took it really slow and didn't meet in person until November. Our first coffee date on a Sunday afternoon lasted 3 1/2 hours! Of course it was awkward, but I didn't overly try to impress him and vice versa. We were just ourselves and obviously we hit it off. We were engaged in September 2010 and...well, check my sig (and yes, he was completely on board with using Nightmare Before Christmas in our wedding ceremony). He's truly my best friend and my prince...I can't say enough good things.

Before him I had plenty of other matches, but when it got to the open-ended questions, almost every single one of them asked "What's your personal style?" and apparently didn't like an honest answer (guess they didn't look at my photos!). Or they didn't like my "geekiness," which DH says drew him to me, as he's rather geeky himself (we have a LOT in common). I did meet with one other guy and he kept trying to not let me leave; at 10:30 p.m., he finally said he was hungry and did I want to get dinner Didn't see him again...

I wasn't even looking for a relationship. I had resolved to never get involved again, my marriage was that bad. But that was one out of millions, so I thought maybe I would just look to see what was out there. I chose eHarmony because they match you; I didn't really feel like sorting through all those profiles. It was expensive for both of us...we signed up for a year, payable over a 3-month period, and you don't get your money back if you meet someone within that year (we both closed matching after 6 months or so...and after I ended up getting matched to DH's best friend!).

Now, his sister met her BF on Match. They've now been together for almost 3 years. The only thing that bothers me is that he, too, is divorced, says he'll never marry again, and it looks like that's sticking. She said they're talking about trying to have a baby, but when DH asked if they were going to get married, she got this sort-of sad look on her face and said, "That's not going to happen."

 

[Hillbeans]

My marriage ended in 2011 and I did on line dating for a few months in early 2012. I ended up meeting my now boyfriend 2 years ago on POF, but from what my friends tell me, POF is now more of a hook-up site. I would try Match if I had to choose the best site. My advice I learned the hard way is as follows:

*take it all with a grain of salt. It's very easy when you're talking on line to feel a connection and think this is it, and you talk on the phone and there are fireworks, yet when you met and there is no chemistry you're back to square one. Odds are it will take many first dates to meet the "one".

*don't fall into the trap of becoming a pen pal or phone/texting buddy. I found it was better to meet sooner rather than later (in public, coffee or a drink, something quick) and then decide whether you want to have an actual date down the line.

*people lie - age, weight....the worst one being people say they are divorced but are separated...make sure your profile says your deal breakers so there are no surprises.

*grow a thick skin and trust your instincts. I remember getting yelled at on the phone by a guy I wouldn't go out with because he was separated but said he was divorced. I hung up on him and he called me back and I had to block his #. Don't give out a lot of personal info up front and for gosh sakes no exchanging "those" sorts of photos. That is huge on these sites.

 

[Blueeyes101817]

Im glad I read this thread...I have been using plenty of fish and it definitely seems like mostly hook ups..look like I will give Match a try! Good luck!

 

[njmom47]

My oldest dd (who has a 3 1/2 yr old) met her bf of 1 1/2 yrs on POF. They are talking about a future.
(I guess that was before it became a "hook-up site.")

I also met my dh through the newspaper personals, but that was wayyyy back in 1994. I had 2 dds (ages 15 mos and almost 3) but that didn't scare him away.

I agree: a paid site is probably more likely to have better choices for you.

Have fun with it....and good luck!