Tales from the insane asylum...

[hmp2z]

Hi! I just saw the post about crazy things that kids do, and thought that those of us who are public school teachers may have a lot of nutty stories that could at least give a laugh to the others trying to make it through another day until they get to WDW
Would love to hear some - here are a few of mine! (I teach 6th grade regular ed, not special ed as a few friends of mine have asked!) And these have all happened in the past week, not over the course of a year...
- Child whose latest kick is he thinks he is a vampire. He picks off his scabs, eats them, then squeezes out his blood onto my textbooks (ew) and licks it off there (ew again!)
- Child who thought it would be fun to distribute pornography in my classroom. He was suspended for 10 days, and my lovely principal knocked it down to only 2 days. Apparently it's okay to hand out porn in class. I wish I'd known that sooner - wouldn't have been so strict
- Took the class on a field trip this week to a science museum. There was a chair lift there, and a girl in my class thought it would be a good idea to spit on the people below her. Quite a few angry kids that day..
- One student (not mine, thank goodness!) who is about 5'1" told a teacher who is 6'3" that he was going to "jack him up." He proceeded to grab the teacher by the shirt collar and try to pick him up (?!?) When the teacher, who was in shock, asked what he was doing, he said, "I'm jacking you up, Man."

And here are a few of my all-time favorites (haven't happened in the past week):
- One student in my English class wanted to be prepared for gym class, so he decided to take off his pants and change into shorts in the middle of class. He had his boxers on still, thank goodness for small favors
- Student wanted to see what would happen if he swallowed a nail, so he did so, and was coughing up blood for two days. His parents were mad at him, so refused to take him to the doctor. This is only kind of funny now because he turned out to be okay, but WHAT WAS HE THINKING?!?
- Students in class have eaten the following things: staples, flower petals, shampoo, soap, plastic sandwich bags, and aforementioned nails.
- One student got in trouble with the police for being in a gang and was mad at me about it, so to show her anger, she wet her pants in class. I thought they were potty-trained by sixth grade...

I'm sure more will come to mind. Any other teachers out there who have any good stories to share?
Cheers!
Heather W

 

[snoopy]

!!

 

[wdwnutze]

I am speechless!!!!!!!!!!

 

[hmp2z]

Hehehe, kind of makes you wonder about what's going on in your child's school, doesn' t it? I had no idea about 1/10 of this stuff, until I became a teacher. Yes, there was one student stabbed at my high school, but that was pretty scandalous and everyone knew about it. Of course, I was in all accelerated classes, so I was fairly sheltered from everything but the cursing in halls and fights.
I think that a lot of parents would be quite surprised, if the teachers told them honestly what kind of school their children were attending. The school I'm at has a fairly good reputation; we have a choice plan here in Charlotte, and 1900 kids chose to attend this year (school has a capacity of 1100). Next year, 2200 kids have chosen to attend, so clearly the parents think this school is doing something right. If only there was some way to let people know...
Cheers!
Heather W

 

[Saffron]

I have no idea what to say!

Snoopy's response cracked me up and I guess summed it up.

 

[jamsmom]

I told my best freind to type some of her stories up so I can post them

The one I always remember from teaching 5th grade was when a student informed me that he was NOT doing the work, nor could I force him AND he would still go to 6th grade.

After go back and forth, I finally sent him to the office for insubordination (an option on the form) I was told that afternoon by the principal wed can;t send a student down who refuses to work. We need to determine how to motivate him. This was the same student who had been in another teacher's classroom and the grandmother thought that teacher picked on him by wantning him to do homework.

 

[EltonJohn]

I do have one story to share. When I was in middle school their was this one guy who decided to put a pair of scissors into an electrical outlet. He then got shocked, and everything turned out okay with him (I think). What was he thinking???

 

[hmp2z]

Hehehe, I have another one, but this one's kinda nasty.

So if you have a weak stomach, stop reading now!

....

Here goes...

My students spit into the trash can a lot - I think they're veritable founts of excess mucus. Today one of them dared another to stick his head into the trash and (it gets better) LICK UP OTHER KIDS' SPIT! And HE DID IT!!! I promptly sent him to time out in another classroom, explaining to the other teacher that he was eating trash and it was disturbing the rest of the kids. The crazy thing is that once one of them gets an idea like this in their heads, there is no way to stop them. I knew he was going to do it; I tried to talk him out of it; I ordered him back to his seat - but he just proceeded to the trash to stick his head in and lick around.

Another girl cried all block long, because she had just decided to dump her boyfriend. But that was actually a welcome change, after spit-licker.

Cheers!
Heather W

 

[Louise-Montreal]

I teach high school................
- Had one kid who was crying because he was so angry with me, and told me his mom was going to come in and make me cry.
- Had a kid who was not sure if he had any gas in his motorcycle, so he used a lighter to see inside the gas tank.
- When I taught Grade Five, had a kid who had no money for Xmas exchange- so I told him to shovel the snow off my walkway and I would pay him. He did about half and then stopped for a cigarette break!
- Had a kid tell me that his brother who is 15 just became the father of twin girls, I said that I did not know that Jane was having twins, thought she was just having a girl- he said it was his brother's other girlfriend!

There are more, just cannot think right now. Never a dull day!!!

Louise

 

[Sonya]

Oh dear! Lets see, where to begin....

I teach high school.

My 1st year I had a kid who was supposed to be on some powerful drugs for behavior modification. But of course his mom took him off them. He started licking the floors!

I've had kids change clothes in class, mostly boys changing shirts but I once caught a boy changing his shorts behind a partition, thank goodness he was wearing gym shorts under.

I had a fellow teacher catch one of her male students showing the rest of his class where he got his new tatoo. It was someplace only a male could get one!

I have a girl who still sucks her thumb in class.

I've caught kids skipping class to go smoke during lunch, it's always a treat to tell them I knew they were there b/c of the smell. Duh!

We had a boy and girl break a commode in the restroom from a little too much "extracurricular exercise". (she was a big girl!)

Another fellow teacher caught 2 kids skipping her final. She asked them if they were in the same class, no they were not. So wouldn't this mean that only one was skipping her final and the other was missing someone elses? Oops!

Then there was the girl who was itching her ear with the eraser end of a pencil. She started crying. The eraser had fallen off inside her ear and she couldn't get it out!

Like the last one, I had a girl who was itching under her cast with a pen, she screamed when the pen cap got stuck under the cast.

The style right now is the low cut jeans with a thong under. I had a very "outgoing" girl who liked to sit with her knees up in her chair, exposing those who sat behind her to a LOT of flesh and crack.

I had a very preggo student, about 15 yo, who would wear her same clothes before pregnancy. She was into very short miniskirts and low cut dresses. After a while she could not sit with her legs together and her chest got too big for the low cut tops. Not to mention the big belly.

I can't believe the number of kids who think that I can't flunk them. They can go on to French 2 even though they didn't pass French 1. Not to mention they can't even imagine they can flunk French 1!

Well that is all that comes to mind right now. If I think of any more while this thread is alive I'll post more later.

Keep 'em coming!

 

[snowball22]

WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[dandave]

I'm at a loss for words. I didn't want to read the whole thing, but I couldn't stop myself!

 

[mowsie dreamer]

Originally posted by Sonya


I have a girl who still sucks her thumb in class.

After reading all of this, I can't imagine why more of them don't suck their thumbs. Kind of makes me want to!

How do teachers put up with this every day? It's a wonder we have any teachers left at all.

 

[julie_yet]

[color=3300ff]Boy, this thread is really bringing back memories. Right after I got out of Elementary school the zones got changed around so I had to go to the "bad" school.
I once got caught in the middle of a knife fight on the school bus. I almost got the crap beat out of me because someone wanted my soda money. And at the end of every school year there was talk that the kids would riot on the last day.[/color]

 

[BrerMom]

I haven't laughed this hard in a long time. Maybe it just hits a little too close to home.

Originally posted by Sonya
I teach high school.

I have a girl who still sucks her thumb in class.

I teach high school, too. I have THREE of them this year, all different classes. How did I get so lucky?

Many years ago, I had a kid skip school to go to opening day at the county fair. The supportive parent wrote a note verifying that the kid was home sick. When he came back on Monday and showed me his absence admit slip, I showed him his picture on the front page of Saturday morning's paper enjoying the fair. In color, too!

I wrote a student up for having 15 tardies in an 8-week period and was told that the form would be put "in his file." No punishment.

Then there was the student who told me that he literally could not sit down or be quiet because he forgot to take his meds. The assistant principal agreed. I can't ask him to leave the classroom because "it's not his fault." Yeah, right.

The student who wrote "answers may vary" on his homework paper.

One year, the catch phrase was, "I won a trip to Hawaii!!!" And all the girls would squeal. It took me until after Christmas to realize that each girl who used the phrase was announcing her pregnancy to the class.

In our district, there aren't any prerequisites. If a freshman wants to take calculus, they can. The student was actually shocked that the class was hard. Of course, you should hear the parents complain when the kid doesn't get the grade the parents want.

Two girls got kicked out of school for a week for fighting on the bus. They are both in my class and wanted to go to the restroom together. Um, no? Not to mention the fact that I only let one leave at a time.

The girl who jumped up in the middle of class asking to go to the restroom "right now!" Request denied, especially since I could see her boyfriend waiting outside the classroom door. Surprise, surprise, she didn't have a problem waiting until the end of the hour.

The mom (!) who came to conferences to argue AGAIN that her son shouldn't have been suspended for hiding another student's quiz under his quiz during the testing period. "He doesn't know how it got there, so why should you be punishing him?" This is the same student that stuck out his tongue at me today. Yes, high school.

On the other end of the spectrum are the perfectionistic kids that are under so much pressure (either from themselves or from parents) that they cry when they get back a quiz that is anything less than an A. I have three of those this year, too.

Some days I have to laugh to keep from crying.

 

[Sonya]

BrerMom, you couldn't pay me enought to teach at your school! Your post reminded me of 2 other stories....

I had a mom (actually 2) show up to sit in class with their kid to see why he was getting such a bad grade. Both times it was a total suprise for the kid. One of the kids, of course, didn't have his homework done. Duh. It was great to watch the kids' faces when mom walked in!

I had a kid who cheated on a test by asking another what the answer was. I caught them and sent them to the office and gave them a zero for the test. Mom cam in and threw a fit. How can asking another student for an answer be cheating? I wonder what she thought the definition of cheating was. I'd hate to be her DH. When we finally convinced her it was cheating (sort of) she got mad that we were labeling her son a cheater. (we weren't using the word but if you accuse someone of cheating then he would, by definion, be a cheater) Duhhhh, if you are caught cheating then you are a cheater!

 

[hmp2z]

Some days I have to laugh to keep from crying.

Only some? Today wasn't so bad for me; nothing truly horrible. I did have one girl who threw herself across the top of her desk. Literally, sprawled out over the desk in class, instead of sitting in it. When the other kids laughed at her for being weird (she's forever doing something odd), the threw herself on the floor and began sobbing in the middle of class. I told her to get back in her seat, sit down like a normal person, and then no one will laugh at her. She's not one of my medicated kids, just very odd.

I completely know what you mean, about some kids being so different when they're off their meds. I have one who is ADD and ODD (was a crack baby), and I always know when he has missed a dose. He is an angel when he's on the medication, but as soon as he misses a dose, he throws things at other students, curses, hits people, can't sit down - walks around slapping everyone on the back of the head. It's weird, and I really think he can't help himself, because his is a MODEL student when he's on the medication. He's never the brightest one, but he stays in his seat, asks questions, and actually tries at his work. Very weird, how the drugs can change their personalities completely.

Cheers!
Heather W

 

[jfulcer]

I'm not a teacher, but when I went to pick up DD from school a few weeks ago and stopped in the bathroom I found a little boy and girl (of course, both in the boys bathroom) playing show and tell. I walked them back to their class and informed the teacher. Not sure if anything happened, but come on - they were only Kindergartners!