Taking the "boyfriend"?

[Rneighh]

My 15 year old daughter believes she has found the love of her life. (I must admit that they have a very mature relationship for 15 and 17) I really do like him. So does hubby and my younger daughter. She has stated she would like him go on our upcoming trip. I don't have a problem with that but have any of you had any experiences bringing along the "boyfriend". We are staying AKL conceirge so the room will sleep five but is this going to be too close?

Renee

 

[Jaklackus]

At 15...I personally wouldn't..I would explain that you'd like to spend some time together as a family and that a week's vacation is not that long of a time to be separated. The quarters would be very close and one spat between them could ruin the trip for everyone. She's only 15, perhaps offering her a pre paid cell phone for the trip would calm her separation anxieties and insecurity issues if she knows she can talk to the BF whenever she wants. I would be prepared to allow her a day to stay and pout in the room while she gets over herself, but after the first day ..knowing that life goes on as well as vacation she'll probably come around and spend the rest of the vacation with the rest of you. Perhaps a long weekend camping trip or a local day trip is a better situation to include the B/F into extended family time together.

 

[Sandy Feet]

Although they may be very mature, IMHO it seems a little inappropriate for you all to be in one room.
Jacklakus has made an excellent suggestion.

 

[Goofmeister]

I would think that a mature relationship would easily be able to handle the week apart.

 

[Jordan's MOM]

Another, not a good idea here. I remeber 15 and I think it would be very stressful for everyone in the same room. Remind her he would see her upon waking up with no make-up and uncombed hair. .

Bring him back a neat gift.


Jordans' mom

 

[SRUAlmn]

I'm going to share the other side of the spectrum.

At age 17 I had a boyfriend who was 16 ( I like the younger men ) We had a mature relationship as well. My family knew him very well and I knew his very well. He went with us on our trip when we stayed at the Poly and everything was fine. It was a little crowded, however, and myself and my 2 sisters had to struggle a little to share bathroom time so we could change. He often would get ready first and then go down and sit by the pool or go get us all some breakfast and bring it back while the rest of us got ready. It was a little uncomfortable, but for the most part it was great and my family had a great time!! My mom has always been a very open person and she knows my morals and values and knew that nothing inappropriate was even being considered. It was all VERY innocent. Just my 2 cents.

 

[GeoffM24]

Let me toss my .02$ into the mix. This is not a black and white issue.

My guess is that if you DO let the boyfriend come it might be crowded. Your daughter would probably be FAR more pleasant and appreciative during the course of the trip.

If you DON'T let him come your daughter may very well be heartsick and cranky for the WHOLE vacation. The only thing she will look forward to is talking to him, not Mickey.

The odds of having a wonderful loving family vacation with no bad feelings after not letting the love of your daughters life (in her mind at least) come simply is not realistic with teenagers.

IMO the family only vacation dies when they turn about 13 and doesn't usually come back until after college. Friends are numero uno in a teenagers life.

 

[CEDmom]

I agree with everything Jaklackus posted. There are just too many things that could go wrong and ruin the trip for everyone. She'll be mad for a while but she'll get over it.

 

[alka]

I would have to agree with GeoffM24. Teenagers friends and boyfriends are far more important than family at this time in their life. Why is this any different than taking a friend that is a girl? Girl friends have "spats" as well and many people take their children's friends along with them. It is not like they are going to be sleeping in the same bed. It is totally chaperoned. I think ya'll will have a great trip together with him.

 

[Liltx]

I think that if you are open to it you should go for it! I myself went on many vacations with my then "serious" boyfriend. My parents even took him to Colorado with us once in a car from TX, talk about crowded. I guess they figured this way I was occupied and they only had to worry about entertaining my brother. Those were the innocent trips, nothing happened on them. Now when I was 17 my girlfriends and I used to go camping all the time. My parents thought they were girl only trips. Yeah, with the boys camping down the river. So watch out for those. They were a blast though!
She sounds like a great kid but make sure you and the other kids are comfortable with it too.

Monica

 

[parmstrong]

I wouldn't let him go for reasons the other posters said. BUT, what is it with these other posters saying "I would let him go otherwise she'll pout!! ??!!! So, is that the parenting rule, give in to your children so they won't pout and act cranky??? I say tough, if you don't feel comfortable with it, then say no and stick to your guns. If she ruins the trip for herself and the family, then she will have to deal witht the consequences! To those other posters, do you let your teenager drink, stay out all night, have sex in their bedrooms, not do their homework, so they won't pout and act cranky??

Also, at 15, if she can't be away from him for a week and be okay with it, I would worry. Teenagers need to develop resiliency and self-sufficiency! It's your job to protect her emotional health.

 

[GeoffM24]

Hmmm,
Force the vacation and ruin everyone's time, that will teach her!

Your missing the whole point. If have to FORCE or MAKE her go you simply don't take her.

If you DO want to go and have a pleasant time with the family then taking the boyfriend is a nice gesture.

Let your kids live a little and pick your battles keeping your kids under your thumb only leads them to go crazy when they finally get full freedom in college and it ain't pretty.

And spare us the drama, if you can't see the difference between taking a friend on vaca and smoking crack then there is nothing here left for us to discuss.

Since when does keeping your teenager attached to your hip and away from outside influences develope "resiliency and self-sufficiency"? It doesn't.

.02$

 

[Rafikifan]

Boy am I going to get flamed on this one! We are planning our trip for next year and dd and her bf will only be 15 at the time and I am contemplating taking him with us. Before you roast me, let me explain that: one, even as crazy as they are about each other now I realize that they may break up LONG before this trip. Also, he is the son of very good friends of ours. They do not go ANYWHERE unsupervised by either his parents or us. The extent of their "dating" is sitting together at my ds and his younger brother's baseball and football games, coming here for dinner and watching movies in the living room with us, and she goes to dinner and his grandparents for dinner and has adult supervision at all times. He is like part of our family and my dd (IF they are still together) just REALLY wants to share WDW with him since she is a WDW nut like the rest of us. We are planning on getting two adjoining rooms and my 2 boys could sleep in one bed and bf in the other while she sleeps in the other room with myself and dh. And it's not like I'm going to let them disappear or have access to the room (not that it is an issue yet but I know that you can never say never with any teenager). They are best friends and rarely argue but even if they did he is close enough to my dh and my ds's that if they needed a cooling off time we could go seperate ways. Ok, flamesuit on, what do you think?

 

[mistaroo]

When I was 15 my Mom let me bring the 17 yr old "love of my life" to Florida with us on vacation. We had been dating for well over a year. All went well on the trip.

At the time I thought it was a good thing. That was, until we broke up. Then I had all the darn vacation pics with that idiot in them. It wasn't a bad breakup or anything, I just outgrew him. Anyway, looking back I wish my Mom had told me no so that I had a vacation with just my family. I really, truly regret taking my boyfriend along. If I could do it all over again I would definitely not bring him.

I just wanted to throw in my experience. It may or may not apply but I wanted to add a different perspective.

Good Luck with your decision.

 

[scanne]

Wow! This is a tough situation. I can see both sides of the coin. As a mom to a toddler and another on the way, I can only imagine the struggles I will have to face when they're older.

Have you spoken with the boyfriend's parents about this yet? What is their take on the situation? I think all of you in one room would be tight and awkward. Remember, teenagers can be very self concious about their changing bodies, fluctuating hormones and other issues that may arise in sharing a room. (I teach 8th grade so I'm familiar with many young, teenage angst issues ).

I agree with the one poster who commented on the fact that your daughter may pout and be cranky - I would NOT give in to that behavior. If you decide NOT to bring the boyfriend, telling her with a few months notice would let it sink in and she will have to accept it. I certainly wouldn't give in to her to appease her or to make my own life easier.

I also thought that the one poster's comment about keeping them attached to your hip ...

Since when does keeping your teenager attached to your hip and away from outside influences develope "resiliency and self-sufficiency"? It doesn't

I don't think the point was to keep them attached at the hip, but to let them know that they are still CHILDREN and cannot make some of the more mature decisions they think they can.

As a teacher of middle schoolers it is interesting to see how they act. They look like grown-ups. Some look older than I do! But their minds are out of whack with crazy hormones driving their ever-changing brains. Just step back and observe. I took my 8th graders to Disney in February - they performed in the MK - and watching them on the bus, in the parks, at meals, boy! They are really all over the place mentally. On one hand, they think they're all grown up. On the other, they're looking for mommy or daddy to make everything alright.

I think ultimately, this decision is YOURS. Not yours and your daughter's - just yours and your husband's. Talk to the boyfriend's parents. Decide who will pay for what and if you do invite the boyfriend to go, sit down with him AND his parents and openly discuss your expectations. I just wouldn't give in to your daughter simply to keep her "happy" while you're on vacation. EVERYONE has to be comfortable in order for the trip to be a success.

 

[sha_lyn]

Hard dicision. I can see both sides, but I think I wouldn't take him. A week apart isn't going to "kill" her and I'm assuming she spends a lot of time with him now anyway. In all reality this could be the last time the 4 of you could go as a family (considering her age) so I think I would keep it as a family trip. Even though your younger DD likes him, does that mean she would want him included in a family vacation?

 

[my3princes]

My now husband and I began dating when I was 17 and he was 16. He went on several family vacations with us including several week long camping trips in my family's small travel trailer. That meant time in a cramped truck and in a trailer much smaller then the room that you will be staying in. Everything was completely chaperoned and we obviously slept separately. That relationship began over 17 years ago and he was my first boyfriend. We have now been married for nearly 12 years with 3 boys of our own. We look back on those early vacations very fondly. We made memories that will last a lifetime and we get to tell our kids about the places we saw. We also did a hawaiian cruise when we graduated from college. There were 8 of us including my grandmother, parents, brother and extended family. We had 3 rooms and he bunked with my brother (now best friend). It was one of the most amazing experiences of our lives. We look forward to bringing our sons there when they are older. My point is that if you are comfortable with the boyfriend and it looks like this could be "the one" then you absolutely can bring him along because you will be creating memories that could last a lifetime. I would definately advise careful chaperoning though. Have a great trip.

 

[BrianMonk]

Ok, flamesuit on, what do you think?

They do not go ANYWHERE unsupervised

Not a flame and I'm using this more of an example rather than being personal,

But why wouldn't 15-year olds (or 17 in OP post) be able to do some things together unsupervised?

Don't parents have any faith or trust in their children? Not allowing your children to make <b>some</b> of their own decision and face the consequenses of those decisions would make me very nervous. I'd feel like I'm creating a person unable to make a rational choice by him/herself.

I think it would be awesome to be a 15-year old and take a friend (same sex or not) and spend an evening in the MK w/o adult supervision.

Some of my most memorable times are around the 14-18 age doing things w/o my parents in tow. It's part of growing up. It's part of figuring out who you are IMO.

By all means take him. Show some confidence in your child(ren). Don't just tell them you trust them, show them. Prove it. Actions are more meaningful than words. Allow them to make some independent decisions. It's better now than when they're out of the nest.

I can only imagine the struggles I will have to face when they're older.

Yep, absolutely I feel the same way - but step up and have the courage to do what is best for your child, not what makes you feel good. The chances that something happens that you and/or your child couldn't handle pales in comparison to the memories, benefits and "growth" they'll receive.

 

[Rafikifan]

BrianMonk, I don't take your post as a flame at all and I agree with what you said. It's my fault that I wasn't more clear in my post. I'm not saying that if we take him that I would mind them going off to ride rides on their own or walk around together. I was really more referring to at "home" and just wanted to make it clear that we are responsible parents and we don't just let them go off with friends that can drive etc. I trust them, but I also know people who let their kids go out until all hours, go to parties at someone's house they don't know etc. (the kids tell them a parent will be there and never calls to check on that) and those kind of things that just aren't acceptable to us. Ultimately, my daughter has to make the right decisions but I know from being a teenager myself (100 years ago lol) that there is a ton of peer pressure out there and even the best of kids sometimes make bad choices. I just didn't want y'all to think that by thinking about bringing the bf that we are promoting anything but a platonic relationship. I'll wait and see how the relationship is going when the time comes to make reservations and then talk to his mom and dad. His mom knows about it and so far sounds fine with it since she knows us well. Someone mentioned about who pays and tell me if I'm wrong but I thought it would be fair if we pay for both rooms (since ds's will bunk in his room) and some of his food since we may want to go to a nice restaurant and we'd pick up the tab, and then if we decide to fly it would be our choice so I'd pay for that but he can pay for his park hopper, counter service type food,snacks, and souvenirs. Does that sound reasonable?

 

[GeoffM24]

Just pay for the park hopper?

When do we leave?