Taking someone else's child (etiquette)

[lucy_love_]

we are taking one of our 16 yr old daughters friends with us in october to florida. she hasn't quite decided who to take yet but its going to be one of her friends who will be going to the same college.

im mainly wondering who pays for what?

we stay in a villa so there will hardly be any extra cost with that. who pays for the flight? who pays for the park tickets? obviously we will pay for food and any visits we decide to make while we are there so all the other child will need once we are there is spending money. how do you approach another parent A) about asking to take their 16yr old to another country and B) them forking out for the said kidnapping?!?!?!?!?!

if anyone has experience with this i would be grateful for the insight.

thanks

 

[disney_princess_85]

I think it would be fair if the girl and/or the girl's parents covered the costs for the flight, park tickets, food and spending money. I would get your daughter to speak to her friend about it, then she can broach the subject with her parents.

I went on holiday with a friend when I was 17 and my parents paid for my flight, food and spending money. I am going on holiday with my boyfriend's family this summer and I have paid for my own flight, along with all my spending money.

 

[lucy_love_]

thanks

that makes me feel loads better broaching the subject. i guess i knew what i had to do but felt a bit guilty doing it.

 

[wayneg]

We took DS's school friend a couple of years ago(we were there on his 14th Birthday)
As Lauren says Tix, Food, flight & spending money. If you are not changing your accommodation for the extra traveller then I would not ask for a contribution, only if it increases your costs.
We usually go in a hotel room but as that was not suitable so we went for a 2 bed condo instead at £60/night, double what we usually pay for a hotel room but just charged his parents £15/nt, a quarter cost as there were 4 of us.
His parents also sorted his own insurance.
All depends how you get on with the parents, we got on very well so they just accepted what I said, I guess some will want reciepts and itemising etc, end of day it probably cost me about £200 for extras (tips for meals, tips on cruise, ice creams etc) that I never asked for.

 

[catherine]

We were going to take a friend of DDs (he can no longer come due to unforeseen circumstances). We were going to pay for everything apart from flights and spending money. We would've been paying for the flight as well but his dad offered to pay for that. I just figured because we were inviting him to come with us we should pay!

 

[Suz725]

we are taking my daughters friend with us in May and we are paying for everything except spending money. I thought about having her pay for her own ticket but then we decided to pay for it. My DD is 16 and has been friends with this girl since they were 3 so that is definitely a factor in our decision to pay.

 

[Elise79]

If I was asking someone to come with us I would expect to be paying for everything except spending money and if we couldn't afford to take them we wouldn't ask.

Personally I couldn't say to another parent we would like your child to come but you need to pay.

This will be something we do in future I would guess as DD is an only child so it might be nice for her.

 

[Mrs Stonfiesta]

we took my friend away when i was younger to stay with family and my parents paid for everything except spending money that she needed. Again i had known the girl for a long time and the parents knew each other etc, i guess i would think if you are inviting her its also for your daughters benefit therefore if her parents offer to pay then you could accept but i dont know if i would ask them to pay if you are inviting her. i guess it depends how friendly you are with them etc and if they agree to her coming away with you (my dd is only 18 months but i def dont think i would let her go away on holiday without me - i'd miss out on all the fun lol!).

 

[Mrs Stonfiesta]

meant to say i would maybe consider asking the parents before you discuss it with your dd's friend in case they really cant afford it and she gets her hopes up and then it casuses rows within her family - just a thought. That way you could maybe sell it to the parents "we are going away and priced up that it would cost £xxx for your dd to come along - shes more than welcome to come" and that way you are more hinting that she could come with your rather than inviting her to save any confusion over whos paying etc.

 

[disney_princess_85]

meant to say i would maybe consider asking the parents before you discuss it with your dd's friend in case they really cant afford it and she gets her hopes up and then it casuses rows within her family - just a thought. That way you could maybe sell it to the parents "we are going away and priced up that it would cost £xxx for your dd to come along - shes more than welcome to come" and that way you are more hinting that she could come with your rather than inviting her to save any confusion over whos paying etc.

Good idea.

 

[kieras nana]

i would never invite someone on holiday & expect them to pay for it.as far as i am concerned,it is your invite,you should pay.
i have took my nieces & nephews to turkey,egypt,hawaii & florida & have never asked for a penny.we also take our grandaughter away,every year & her parents,never even have to buy her,as much as a new pair of socks.she has a case of brand new clothes every holiday,but why should her parents be out of pocket,for something we have organised.
thats just me though,i don't like taking anything of no-one,so i would foot the bill.
it can be alot,for some people to pay,what if they can't afford it,but i also realise,it is alot for you to pay as well.how about going halfs,that maybe a solution.
hope it works out
tracy

 

[aaronandterri]

we took dd friend last christmas she was 10, this was something i struggled with in the end we paid for everything and she had her own spending money
(this was a whole issue in itself as she had way more than we normally give my kids but felt we had to match it for our own children)

her mother did offer to pay flights tickets etc which i said ok to but the money never materialised and im terrible at asking for money so thats how it was left.

 

[sandshal]

Right I'm going to go completely against the grain now and tell you how it is for us ................. we always go in August and took my DS16 Best Friend in 2009 and will be again this year. The first year his family made a contribution of £650 which covered his flight this year it's £1000 for flight (although were covering the PE upgrade) and DC ticket - the rest of the tickets, the food, the villa, the car and everything else we look after.

May sound mean to some of you but with an overall cost of £7000 - £8000 for the 5 of us in kids holidays including 3 nights in NYC - we simply could not afford to pay for it all and his family know he still gets a very good deal so are happy.

So I say if you can afford to pay for them go for it ........... if not dont feel affraid to ask, after all they do have the option to say no.

Slight difference between a caravan holiday in Yarmouth or a trip to the Sunshine State

 

[scottish mum]

If I was asking someone to come with us I would expect to be paying for everything except spending money and if we couldn't afford to take them we wouldn't ask.

Personally I couldn't say to another parent we would like your child to come but you need to pay.

This will be something we do in future I would guess as DD is an only child so it might be nice for her.

Thats what I think too, I would only invite the child if I could afford to pay for them as well. I would expect them to have their own spending money though

 

[jjk]

we took ds friend and his parents payed for his flight, we payed for his tickets,accomadation and all his meals drinks etc he had his own spending money. DS wants to take another friend next year and it will be the same again, depends on how well you know the Parents etc we know both very well so was easier to work out between us all and find an agreement we were all happy with.

 

[izzie-wizzie]

I would not expect you to foot the bill for everything at all.

In my opinion it isn't like you are saying the friend MUST come and MUST pay, you are simply offering them to join you on holiday.

I agree with PP that you could perhaps approach the subject and be honest about the situation with the parents first, if they do not feel comfortable then at least you know at that stage rather than it being too late.

 

[wayneg]

What a generous lot we have on here
I think each case is different, different social backgrounds etc, If I had offered to pay for everything for DS's friend I feel sure that would have been taken as an insult, Exactly same if someone offered to take my DS away, there is no way I would let anyone else pay for his costs but we are all brought up differently.
I wouldn't mind spending on a close relative but approx £2,000 to take a school friend they might fall out with in 2 weeks, not something I would do.

 

[Rachandco]

We are taking my 15 year old DD's friend for Easter. We decided last May that she could take a friend with her on the condition that the friends parents paid for flight, park tickets and spending money. We are staying in a villa so didn't expect her to pay anything towards that as she would be sharing a room with my DD. My DD asked her friend if she would like to come and explained the approximate cost. She then asked her parents and we spoke on the phone where I went through the cost of it. I don't think it's unfair to ask for a contribution at all. We will cover all food costs and anything extra that we decide to do whilst there.

Hope this helps. My DD's friend is so excited to be coming with us as she would never have had the opportunity otherwise. She's never flown before, so lots of firsts for her this trip

Rach

 

[wayneg]

Hope this helps. My DD's friend is so excited to be coming with us as she would never have had the opportunity otherwise. She's never flown before, so lots of firsts for her this trip

That was exactly same for DS's friend, age 14 he had never flown, never cruised. A holiday of firsts for him.

 

[kieras nana]

i do agree with wayne,i would never expect someone to foot the bill & would insist on paying myself, but my husband gets frustrated with me,i will give anything to anyone,but will never accept anything of no-one.
so yes,i would pay for the child,to come with us,but if it was my child,i would pay,so i don't think,there is a right or wrong answer to this really,it is entirely what you feel comfortable with.
tracy