Taking siblings to birthday party

[Lachesis00]

I hate to say it but thats the impression I got. If the parent stayed then I don't mind as much, but a lot of times the kids get dropped off and the parent takes off.

Originally posted by stinkerbelle
I totally agree with this...and I find it quite rude that some parents would "unload" the sibling of an invited guest on a party they were not invited to. Children's parties can get quite pricey...and it almost looks as if the parent is looking for 'free babysitting' for an afternoon.

It's just my opinion...please don't flame.

 

[Gupsmom]

Whether you pay for the extra child or not is beside the point. Sometimes our children are going to be disapointed by things

If I were throwing the party, I wouldn't feel this way. #1) I'd rather have the child attend with the sibling than not attend. Mostly because my child would be disappointed if their friend couldn't come. Also, I'd hate to see the friend miss out. 2) I'd love it if more Mom's stayed. That's one less child I need to be completely responsible for and 1 more parent I can meet and heck, maybe even discover I have something in common with.

I'd hope that the parent with the sibling would offer to pay for their child, but truthfully, I'd probably turn them down. I try to pack a couple extra goody bags just in case. Also, if I know a mom is in a tough situation and probably has no choice but to include a sibling, I usually write on the invitation "You're welcome to bring your other child."

Don't get me wrong, I agree that it is rude to show up with a sibling and expect that child to be included. Some common manners..a phone call saying the child is coming, and an offer to pay for that child and/or take the child off aside from the party would be nice. If I were to get that from a parent, I would not be upset at all..

Jess

 

[Gupsmom]

I'd like to add that I would do everything in my power to not bring a sibling to a party. I have yet to show up with a child that was not invited...but I am very lucky. I have plenty of people that I could get to watch my other children if for some odd reason my Dh could not.

Jess

 

[disykat]

I would not take a sibling uninvited to a birthday party. However, I don't understand why it would be a problem if one child was going to a party at CEC and after dropping him at the party I took the other child, ordered pizza and sat at a different booth. That way I could entertain the sibling and myself, while being able to keep an eye out for my child. I can see doing something like that if I didn't have dh at home to watch the sibling. CEC is a big place.

 

[BrerMom]

There are several different issues being discussed here.

I think everyone agrees that doing a drop-and-run with an uninvited guest is a no-no.

Not RSVPing makes it difficult to plan a party.

Then there are the two schools of thought regarding mom staying vs. leaving. One group says, "I would never impose and stay when I'm not invited. Think of all those extra parents getting in the way." The other group says, "I would never leave my kid at a party! That would be irresponsible of me as a parent!" We've been lucky, I guess. I've rarely had parents not trust me enough to leave their kids, as parents staying is not the norm here.

Adults showing up and expecting to be fed? Ugh.

I am amazed at what people consider to be rude, though. When DS was little, he was invited to tons of parties. If it were at the local version of Chuck E. Cheese, our family would pick a booth near the exit door, order pizza and enjoy family time. DS would go to the party. We could see him playing often, but didn't interfere or expect someone to pay for us. I still don't see how that could possibly be considered rude in a public restaurant. Now sitting at the birthday table would be a completely different scenario.


$20 a head? Not in my lifetime! We saw a birthday party once at Chef Mickey's and every kid had a parent (or two) with them. I wouldn't want to be responsible for that bill!

I feel sorry for the poor mom that desperately wants her kid to have a social life but won't let him attend parties alone. If she doesn't feel welcome, the kid can't go. If she doesn't want the kid to attend by himself, she probably doesn't trust a babysitter for siblings, either. Some parents don't have access to quality babysitters or just can't afford them. I don't think our parents had these conversations. I don't remember little kids having parties, maybe early elementary - and we knew the families of the ones that did, so dropping kids off wasn't a big deal.

 

[WhenUwishUponAstar]

I don't have this problem currently I only have one child, however I'm expecting. Still this won't be a problem because my kids will be 6 years apart. (I said "my kids" ) ALL of his friends have siblings, sometimes they come sometimes not and on occasion I invite the sibling because they invite my son to their parties too.

I am a little taken a back by the lack of compassion for the people that are just trying to do all they can. I do agree that to expect such treatment is wrong and they should call and explain and inquire about expense etc. I was always taught to be hospitable and gracious and try and include people when possible. I don't think you have to go out of your way with goody bags and spend lots of money but a glass of lemonade is usually not much trouble.

If the party were at a local pizza or sporting place where they charge by the head I would however have to politely explain that the party had been pre paid for and that if their (extra) child wishes to attend the price per child is…

Like the original poster stated if it's a bbq in my home or at a park no big deal as I’ve said before I was trained in the art of whipping something up spur of the moment for a neighbor who drops by or half the neighborhood coming to my house to play ball. lol

I'm thinking of the child that was invited, they weren't invited for the gift they will bring (not that I read that just using it as reference)but because they are a cherished friend and someone you want to celebrate with. If you don't feel that dearly about the guest then perhaps you should rethink your criteria for inviting guests to the party in the first place.

My son's group of friends still don't drop off , he will be 6 in June and I look forward to seeing the other parents at the parties and helping the host clean up not to mention seeing the child opening the gifts. I always sing along but never take the cake and enjoy a great time taking lots of pictures which I usually send to the birthday child as a lil extra later on. I love the help when it's my turn because I usually have around 50 people (kids and adults) and it's great to have extra eyes and hands to get us through the 4 hours of constant screaming!! hee hee It sure does feel like a proper birthday though and I love having the people smiling more than I do having a perfectly themed b-day party. I usually go with a theme but I don't buy every little spider man or thomas the tank thing I can find so I can include more people for less.

It will probably be another year before I drop off but that seems to be the norm where I live. Plus I like knowing the parents of my child’s friends on a level other than "hi, nice to meet you"

Not trying to offend just offering my perspective, it’s not worth much but it does keep the thread alive!! LOL

 

[aprilgail2]

Originally posted by BrerMom

Adults showing up and expecting to be fed? Ugh.

I.

Thats another wholetopic LOL...here you always buy food for the adults that come with the kids. Last party it was just pizza so had to buy 3 extra pies for the adults and a couple bottles of soda. I have never been to a party with my 4 year old where they didn't have extra food ordered for the adults. Even Chuck E Cheese asks you at the beginning how many pies you want forthe adults.

 

[Nutsy]

to be quite honest, I don't see a problem. She is new to town & her DD is going to a b'day party with lots of other kids that the Mum prob doesn't know.

I doubt she expects you to go out & buy stuff for goody bags, but maybe she will be a loose end when her DD is at your party & would like the company & the chance to perhaps get to know you a little better. Aferall you did invite her DD, so why not let her Mum & little sister come along too. The Mum will be there to keep an eye on the little one.

I've never had a problem with Mum's coming to my kids parties at whatever age & bringing younger sibilings along.

 

[pjlla]

Just slipping an additional 2 cents in here. I don't have a problem with siblings being there for my younger child's birthday, as the activities are usually okay for any age.... but my daughter has had a pool party for the last few years and I would have difficulty adding another younger child to that "mix."

It is hard enough to ensure the safety of 10 or 12 8/9 year olds, never mind adding in a younger child that might not be a good swimmer! At that point I would have to insist that the parent stayed with the child and supervise them one on one, at the very least! I always include my DS (now 6) in my DD's party, because I usually have it on a week day during the summer. But I always have at least one friend there with me who also has a child my son's age.... she helps with the party and is officially in charge of keeping an eye on the younger kids. And sometimes we do other crafts that are expensive/difficult and I only have enough for the invited children.

Bottom line.... I don't really have a problem too much with additional siblings at some parties, but it is a real difficulty at others. Especially if the parents fully expect the child to be included. I guess as parents we should take this lesson to heart and be sure that we are understanding of ALL other parents.

If you are ATTENDING the party and must bring along another child (or two) do not expect that they are included in all of the party activities/food/goodies. It is not fair to the other parent.

If you are HOSTING the party, please be aware that not everyone has someone to watch siblings and sometime it is necessary to bring them along. But feel free to explain to the parent if the additional child will cost extra or if there are not additional goodies or crafts for the extra. DO NOT FEEL OBLIGATED to pay for every additional sibling that shows up, but be KIND and GRACIOUS. ........................................p

 

[disdreams]

Bottom line.... I don't really have a problem too much with additional siblings at some parties, but it is a real difficulty at others. Especially if the parents fully expect the child to be included. I guess as parents we should take this lesson to heart and be sure that we are understanding of ALL other parents.

I totally agree. In the past I havent had a problem with it...it all depends on where the party is and what we are doing at the party. If a mom want's to stay at the pizza parlor or park, I don't have a problem with that, at all. And, I do enjoy the company and visiting with the other parents. Invitations usually say what the party will involve (where, etc...) and I think that's a big clue as to if the host expects parents and siblings to show up, as well.


I can tell you that my oldest daughter would NOT want a bunch of 1, 2, 3, 4 year olds running around at her party. I don't know how it is elsewhere, but around here, kids who are 9, 10, 11, 12+ do NOT want thier younger siblings hanging around. Not even lurking in the background. It's not that nobody loves or cares about the younger kids, and has no compassion. When my kids were (and one still is) 5 or younger, we would have totally different types of parties. I would never expect a mother to drop off a 3 year old and leave. So, we would have those "free for all" parties, and I fully expected parents, and even siblings to be there. I supplied enough food for everyone. However, when a child gets older, party styles change...at least around here, and I live in a major city. The parties are structured. I wouldn't dream of taking my two younger kids and hanging out at my older (or even middle) childs friends' party. Plus, I'd probably humiliate her in front of her friends!

If you are HOSTING the party, please be aware that not everyone has someone to watch siblings and sometime it is necessary to bring them along

"necessary"?
I disagree with this. The fact is, you have two other choices:

1) YOU watch your other kid(s) and drop your child off (unless partygoer is too young to be left alone at a party).

2) Sometimes you will have to miss a party. The world will not end if your child misses a party. Or, if your child does not have one of his/her friends there. It's disappointing, yes, but a fact of life.

Aferall you did invite her DD, so why not let her Mum & little sister come along too.

First of all, mom is bringing two more kids along, not just one. And, I don't understand your point...."why not let....."
Well, why don't I call ALL the invited guests and tell them to each bring 3 more people with them??

I am a little taken a back by the lack of compassion for the people that are just trying to do all they can

First of all, we don't know for a fact that all these mom's who come along and bring thier other kids are doing so because they have no babysitter. Maybe they want to come along because they have nothing to do and think it would be fun?

And, are you suggesting that a mom or child who would like to have a nice, small, structured party once in a while (at thier house), with just the child's friends, who are the same age, has no compassion?

Believe me, I have compassion. I grew up bringing people home for a good meal, who had nowhere to spend holidays. I feed somone else's child ever morning before school right now (have been for about 4 months) because her mother does not bother. We won't talk about all the homeless animals I used to bring home.

I usually have around 50 people (kids and adults) and it's great to have extra eyes and hands to get us through the 4 hours of constant screaming!!

When the party is NOT at my house, this is fine, but there is NO way I want 50 people (with half of them screaming) in my house. Your nuts! lol

In ending, I really don't have a major problem with the mom and extra kids coming....... I just think it's impolite to assume it's okay.

I will just take this opportunity to maybe make a new friend.

 

[lindajo]

Originally posted by disdreams



Also, those party favors you buy come in packs of 4, 6 or 8 usually, so if people decide to bring thier other kids, the host may have to waste a lot of money going out buying several more packages of party favors...and even be stuck with extra's, which is wasted money. A host may not feel comfortable throwing together a goody bag that does not include the same things as everyone elses. They may not want to hurt the extra kids feelings by giving him/her something different.


I have also, in the past, mail ordered special themed goody bags. For instance, at a princess party, we ordered little purses filled with pretend make-up and jewelry. Those were about $6 each. I only ordered so many. I also did my table up the night before and had only enough room for the exact number of guests I invited. If extra people had come to that particular party, there literally would not have been room at the party table for them. There was an entire placesetting, token gifts included, for each child.



My oldest gets invited to many more things than the other two, and I do feel sorry for the younger kids, but I know that their day will come, and when they are older they will get to do all the exciting things big sissy gets to do.

I also agree that kids need to learn that life is not all roses and there will be times they are not invited. That's how life is, and we need to prepare our kids for the real world, or when they grow up and move out they will be in for a shock.
I grew up in a large family and watched my siblings do all kinds of things I wasn't allowed to. I especially hated when my dad would tell that my brother, who was closest in age to me, was allowed to do certain things and I wasn't, simply because he was a BOY.
Now that I am all grown up and have kids of my own, a lot of things make perfect sense to me now.

Totally agree with the goody bag comments. I make enough for the invited children, maybe one extra in case I counted wrong. That is another reason I get ticked of when no one RSVPs.


I deal with the same problem, too. DS6 gets invited to more parties than DS4, but I feel so bad telling DS4 that he has to stay home, that I usually get him a little something like a Hot Wheels car, mostly so I don't feel so bad.....



This year I am combining DS4 & DS6 b-day party at our community pool. All I have to pay for is the fee for an extra lifeguard, about $45. We will order pizzas, have sodas, cake and goodie bags. Since it will be on a summer Saturday, the invitation will read something along the line of "siblings and parents are welcome for swimming and lunch. Hope you can make it!" I figure maybe a few extra Little Caesars pizzas at $5 each, and maybe it will be a nice family outing for everyone. This is a circumstance that I am ENCOURAGING the parents to be there to watch their kids...In fact, I will insist!!

 

[disdreams]

I forgot to mention a couple stories that come to mind:

One of my old neighbors has 4 kids. A couple years ago I remember her telling me she was no longer speaking to one of her good friends, or sister-in-law (can't remember,but someone close to her). The reason why is because her oldest daughter (she was probably 11 or 12 yrs. old at the time, and the rest of the kids were DD8, DD7 and DS3) was invited to a skating party (the other girl was same age as her). This was a pay per head party, mind you. My neighbor was FURIOUS that ALL her kids were not invited, so she didn't let the invited daughter go, and her and friend, or SIL quit talking because of it.


The other story that comes to mind is my SIL. She has 4 kids . My MIL used to get upset because she was never allowed to take any of the kids one by one to spend the night, do something special, etc... it was always all or nothing, even though the other ones would get thier turn. It wasn't a favorites thing. When we came to town one year my DD wanted to know if her favorite cousin (they are the two oldest), could go out to eat with us (my DH, kids and I were just getting ready to go somewhere). The other kids were not around at the time. My DH told her it was fine,but when she asked her mom, her mom put my DH on the spot and insisted it be ALL the kids or none. And, no, she didn't offer to pitch in for any of the extra $$.

I respect her wishes, even though I think she goes a bit overboard, but I now know that I need to make sure that I can afford to pay for everyone, or not even bother to invite one.

We usually do things as a family...most of the time, but you have to draw the line somewhere. My two youngest demand so much of my attention that I like to take my oldest out by herself sometimes, just to get some one on one with her.

 

[WhenUwishUponAstar]

disdreams , true I'm a little nuts ok maybe a lot nuts but we always have a good time and I'm lucky to have a large yard with a great big play thing (jungle or swing set whatcha call it) Plus I usually rent a jupiter jump. We sit back on the deck and watch the kids go at it.

I totally agree with the part about when a sibling is older and more sophisticated and the kids are old enough to be dropped off this shouldn't even be an issue.

I think that age is a little washy depending on where you’re from ages 5, 6&7. This is why I’m doing the free for alls now while I can. Won’t be long till I'm no longer cool!! *gasp!*

I think a mom and daughter(or son) can certainly have a structured party I just think it should be saved for when all the guests are old enough to be dropped off. Looks like 8 and up is a safe age according to our highly scientific little experiment here on the DIS board, HA!!

Final .02 on this subject (well maybe) I hope the two of you become great friends