Taking foster kids to WDW

[PoohGal05]

I am currently a foster parent to a 1 year boy, whom I have since he was 2 weeks old. I am currently in the process to adopt this little one and I am so excited! This is the first child I have had and when I took on this responsibility, I decided that this little one would have ever experience that I could give him. We have been to the zoo, made sure he's got a lifebook with all of his milestones, and we have even taken 'family' pictures together.

I have not been in the situation you're in, but I pray that you make the decision that is right for you, your family, and the child.

Something else we have done since becoming a foster family is we don't say foster child, because that seems to be a label. Foster care is a situation, it doesn't necessarily define who you are or who you could become.

 

[KirstenB]

I'm not a foster parent, so take my opinion with that disclosure. If I had the guts to foster parent, which I don't, I can see needing some one on one time with my own kids. There's only 2 parents, and 24 hours in each day. Every day you have to balance everyone's needs, obviously including your own kids'. This is a way to spend time with them, no compromises. Do it!

 

[MomTo4+more]

I am currently a foster parent to a 1 year boy, whom I have since he was 2 weeks old. I am currently in the process to adopt this little one and I am so excited! This is the first child I have had and when I took on this responsibility, I decided that this little one would have ever experience that I could give him. We have been to the zoo, made sure he's got a lifebook with all of his milestones, and we have even taken 'family' pictures together.

I have not been in the situation you're in, but I pray that you make the decision that is right for you, your family, and the child.

Something else we have done since becoming a foster family is we don't say foster child, because that seems to be a label. Foster care is a situation, it doesn't necessarily define who you are or who you could become.

How exciting to be in the adoption process! I too was blessed toadopt the first child I fostered. I didn't go into foster care planning to adopt, but I am so very glad I was able to.

With the baby I have now, exposing her to all sorts of fun things has started to change how mom interacts with her. It's awesome to watch. Now she suggests we do visits and the zoo or the park. I think having the pictures of her child doing these sorts of her things has helped her plan some fun things too. I wonder what place she will come up with this week.

 

[aandjmama]

I can see two sides to this question. As a foster and adoptive parent, I wonder about using the word "dancing" around the idea. It sounds as if maybe you know this isn't the best thing to do. I also wonder what the message you're conveying to your biological children--that maybe these foster children are second rate? Fostering brings many uncertainties, we never know when these children will leave. However, what a wonderful gift to this child--a sense of belonging! Whatever your decision may be, I wish you the very best!

 

[wildlandmedic]

I can see two sides to this question. As a foster and adoptive parent, I wonder about using the word "dancing" around the idea. It sounds as if maybe you know this isn't the best thing to do. I also wonder what the message you're conveying to your biological children--that maybe these foster children are second rate? Fostering brings many uncertainties, we never know when these children will leave. However, what a wonderful gift to this child--a sense of belonging! Whatever your decision may be, I wish you the very best!

Maybe that was a poor word choice. My point is that we do not bring it up all the time. We do not sit down and have a family meeting to discuss WDW, we feel like that would be innapropriate.

To the others who are just getting started. Jump in and hang on. The frustrations are many, you will get frustrated at juvenile officers, judges, case workers and parents. You never know when a child will get dropped in your lap that you expect to have for a week, as our 3yo, and then keep them for the better part of a year. It goes the other way, we got a 1 yr old we expected to have for an extended period, who went home 3 days later.

To those who have been doing it for a long time......GROUP HUG Some days we wake up wondering what we've done We still love every minute of it, as I know you have. Keep us in the back of your minds...we have 3 visitations and 2 court hearings and 1 family planning meeting this week (on top of dr.s appts, dance class, and my work.)

As I type this, I can't remember who was itemizing the money issues, but don't forget. We have started getting a whole $125 a year to clothe the kids. We clothe our foster kiddos just like our other 2. Lets see, shoes, church shoes, winter coat, jacket, jeans and t-shirts, church clothes....etc

 

[kevschickee]

The thing is, you posted on a public forum. Anyone is free to respond, not just those you choose to hear from. May I suggest that if you only want the input of other foster parents that you post on a foster parents board, not a Disney forum? Othwerwise I am sure you will continue to get responses from people other than foster parents.

 

[twinmomplus2new]

While I am not in your shoes. I do know a 3 year old is quite capable of recalling disney. They are well aware of the princess magic that has taken over little girl's now a days. it would killl me to have my little ones come home and talk about thier experiences while she was left at home.
if you want the time alone wiht your own kids perhaps it will be after she has gone home. While you never know when another little one is coming. You can certainly say we are accepting no new care situations from XXX to XX as we will be away.
I guess FOR ME. if you are coming home and she will still be with you. Then FOR ME she would go. Or we would postpone simple as that.

If you are angry about opinions perhaps you would be better suited asking on a foster parents supporrt group forum.
Fostering kids is a huge selfless job. THAT SAID.....I think it's easier to say you do it for the love of the child, rather than quantify purchasing winter coats. if the cost is a sore spot perhaps its not something you should do.

 

[wildlandmedic]

I have not gotten angry about a single post. I did get a little aggitated about people saying I didn't want to hear others opinions. I just wanted to know if other foster parents had dealt with a decision like this prior to a vacation.

Trust me, if we were worried about cost, we would have quit before we drove 60 miles to go to class twice a week for 3 months. That statement was geared towards someone who has had to deal with the ridiculous quirks that the foster systems have. Kind of a wink wink, nudge nudge sitiuation.

I feel like this thread is leaning towards attacks and petty arguments. That is nowhere near where it was headed when I posted it. Yes, it is a public forum. Yes, I posted it for opinions, but don't get mad at me when I choose which opinions I want to listen to.

 

[A&E'sMom]

I'm not sure I understand...you agree to have foster children in your home hopefully to enhance their lives and provide support and unconditional love. Leaving that child behind so that you can vacation with your biological children seems to be sending the wrong message not only to the foster child but your own children as well. The message being to the foster child... you are part of our family sort of...but we only want to take our "real" children on vacation with us. I guess I just don't understand. It seems mean and although I am not sure a three year old would completely understand, I just don't understand why you agree to foster children and don't think to include them in all your families activities for however long they are in your home. (I am assuming that they are in your home because of an unsafe or unstable home environment and that the date for their departure is not always predictable.)
Sorry for sounding judgemental, but our family often thinks how wonderful it would be to take children in unfortunate home circumstances and bring them to Disney with us for a week of fun. And although we have not been able to realize that dream...I am proud that my children recognize that not all have the safe, stable family life that they have.

If you are not a foster parent, and have never been one, then I honestly think that you have no right to weigh in on this subject. Yes, foster parents take in children in order to provide a safe, loving, although often transitional, home. But, because of this, bio and adopted children often have to make sacrifices they didn't sign up to make. And as much of a reward as foster parenting can be, it's also a significant challenge, beyond what any non-foster parent could understand. It's not as though you take in a child and it's all rainbows and giggles. It's hard, hard work with highs and lows that can damage a family if they don't work hard to keep themselves together, and focus solely on themselves from time to time. And I'm not trying to bash you, because I know that you just don't understand since you've never fostered before. Before we became foster parents, DH and I used to talk about how wonderful it would be to take in a needy child and give them a home for Christmas, giving them a memorable holiday. But, that's just not how it works.

I don't think that you should feel guilty about wanting this time alone with just your bio children. They deserve it, and so do you. Could you possibly arrange for the respite workers to take your foster daughter on some outings while you are gone? Of course, with you providing the funds for it. If so, then just play that up to her, and then do something small when you arrive back home (like a fun dinner and movie night even). Your kids shouldn't have to keep it a secret necessarily, but I would encourage them to be mindful of her feelings. Children who have foster brothers and sisters generally do well in understanding how to tread lightly, and consider another's feelings. But, I'm sure they'll be excited too. Just make sure that foster daughter's time away is exciting as well.

I hope you guys have a wonderful trip, and that it's a great bonding time for you all!

 

[A&E'sMom]

In a completely encouraging and friendly manner I offer this advice. To those of you who would love to open your home to a child. Stop making excuses. There are always reasons in life to not do something. Why do we let those reasons outweigh the reasons to do something We are by no means wealthy. I am a paramedic working from check to check. My wife chooses not to work so that she can be a foster mother. We have traded our weekend vacations for a dvd at home. We have traded date nights for putting the kids to bed a little earlier and watching tv in bed. Excuses are easy, but loving someone is even easier.

Well, kudos to you for saying that in an "encouraging and friendly manner", because I get sick and tired of the people who have loads of opinions on how to do something they aren't willing to do themselves. I wanted to say something in reference to that, but having just had a little foster son leave us in an abrupt manner, and still grieving over that, I'm not feeling kindly toward those who are all mouth and no action.

 

[A&E'sMom]

I was thinking the same thing. The OP specifically asked if they should feel guilty. Obviously the situation is not black and white, or they would not have asked for opinions. I don't foster, but to me, if you open your home to a child, there shouldn't be qualifications or exclusions. If you feel you aren't giving your biological children enough time, it may be that you're overextending yourself and need to reign in on the fostering. To me it's like buying all buy one something and sounds more like a boarder than a child. Wouldn't the money you get from the state ( and I have no idea of the specific amount, but I know in the tri-state area there have been reports over the years of people fostering soley for the money) offset some of the costs of her trip?

Bottom line, you asked for our opinions, we gave 'em.

The OP also started out their post with "Are there any foster parents here...". Just a thought.

 

[c4alymom]

My husband and I fostered our nephew (1 year old) and had plans to adopt. From the moment we got him, he was a part of our family. His previous foster parents had had him four five months until we got him. They took him everywhere they went and even asked to take him on a vacation they had planned before we finally got him.

As foster parents, they had a bond with him that they still share almost a year after they had to give him to us. Unfortunately (for us) he was "reunited" with his mother a short time ago. We did all we could with him because is was/is a part of our family. His original foster parents did also. We had him for almost a year before he was given back to his mom. Up until the day he left, he was included in ALL of our plans. Including our "staycation" which fell during the week he returned to her. (We even did something with him the day I had to hand him over). He may never remember that time, but I will. I know that you can have numerous children in your home, but each one brings something different and I don't think that i would want to miss a single opportunity to share as much as I could with them.

Like I said, this is a little different as he is my nephew. It has made me see though, that any child in our home becomes a full part/member of our family. So, I am NOT judging, just giving my opinion...

I would take this child. If not for her memory, then for mine. The fulfillment we got from what we did was amazing. I wouldn't trade any of the time we shared especially considering how hard it was to let him go. You make a HUGE difference in the lives of these children and I believe (in my opinion) that when they are with you, up to the very last moment, they should be treated as one of your own. We did not stop thinking of my nephew as "our baby" just because we found out he was going back to his mother. For that time he was with us, he needed a mom and dad. We were it. Not just when he needed a ride to the doctor, or visits, or anything like that.

I am not meaning to offend anyone. Just giving my opinion.

 

[tinytreasures]

as a foster mom for the last 15 yrs we have only gone on 2 trips ever
for the people that are not foster parents you can't just travel out of state you have to go through the courts
our first was easy enough to get the judges orders to allow us to travel
the last trip (our make a wish trip) was not so easy it took us 3 yrs to get the judge to sign the order allowing us to travel out of state with our 7yr old
we brought him home from the hospital at birth he is almost 8yrs old now and we still have NO rights to him
we feel in our heart he is ours and don't think of him as a foster child but he is

If I was in your shoes I would not take her with
she is so close to going home she needs to be preparing for that
we had 2 foster children come right before our trip and I refused to take them, because this was our family time, we need time to regroup as a family and let our children know they are number one in our family
we did NOT tell the foster children where we going and they never asked, we didn't want them to feel left out
they were suppose to be with us for 3 months at least and they only ended up staying 3 weeks
so it worked out we didn't need to put them into respite care but it was all set up for them to go
I say talk to her worker and see if she can move home around the same time you go
have a great trip

 

[meowmarie]

Hey there from a fellow foster parent! I think what people don't understand are the so many different situations you can have with your foster children. For those that don't know a lot about the process, it can get complicated. The process varies by state, but typically a child goes into foster care and their bio parents are given a "plan" by the court to get their kids back. They are usually given a year or two to complete the plan, which can include parenting classes, drug treatment, anger management, lots of things. It alllll depends on the situation. The child could be in any point in this process when you get them. Just removed, bounced around, just removed from a foster parent's house they really liked, close to going back to their parents, etc. They could be babies to teenagers. Sometimes they have siblings in other foster homes. Sometimes their bio parents have visits, sometimes they don't. Sometimes the visits are overnight, sometimes they're just an hour supervised. Sometimes you know right away the child won't be reunited with their parents because maybe they have died or are in jail. So while they are in your care the state looks for relatives to take the child or for an adoptive family. Sometimes they want you to adopt the child. Sometimes the children are young and loving and fit in, sometimes they have special needs, sometimes they are older and hate you lol. Sometimes you and/or the child are excited they are being reunited with their parents, sometimes one or both of you know it's the wrong thing but can't stop it. This is just the tip of the iceberg, but all of these things effect your family dynamic, and can change on a dime. The whole point in all of this is just to say that her issue of taking the child on a trip isn't as black and white as it seems. When you first get into it you have this idealized attitude and think that you would always take your foster kids on trips and they will always be just exactly like one of your own children and you are going to change their life and they will adore you for it. But real life situations will quickly bring you into reality. This is not to say it's not worth it because it absolutely is, it's just not so cut and dry when it comes to these kinds of decisions.

And honestly when the child is that close to going back, you have to think about the other families feelings as well. If you were just about to get your child back after fixing your life up (hopefully), would you want strangers taking them out of state and showing them the best time of their entire life? Wouldn't you be worried that either they could get hurt or they wouldn't want to come back to you? There are just soooooooo many issues involved.

Now my "advice" if you can call it that lol. We did take our 3yo foster daughter to WDW last year, BUT our situation was totally different than yours. We don't have any other children, and we were half way to adopting her. In fact she is adopted now In your situation, I wouldn't take her for several reasons. Your family does need time to bond, especially if you foster a lot. This child is about to return to their family, and depending on the child this could make things difficult for them later on. She might expect her bio family to take her on trips and have high expectations they could never fulfill. And honestly, she probably doesn't have a concept yet of what DisneyWorld even is at her age, even if she's heard of it. I doubt she would even know what she was missing. I would ask your children not to gush about it in front of her and wait to put pictures up until after she leaves. Make sure whatever she does do while you're gone is super fun. Sleepover possibly? Respite with a family that has kids her age?

On the other hand if you just adore her and want to take her, that's ok too! Talk about it with her case worker(s) and possibly any bio family you have contact with. But don't feel guilty about taking care of your own family. Your own biological children make sacrifices in many ways when you foster, and this is a great way to show them that you love them. IMO it would be different if this was like a 5+ year old child that you had just gotten or something. Then I think that child would feel bad and left out, but honestly this child won't know what she's missing. She will probably grow up and never realize it even happened. If it gets closer and you find out that you will have her even longer then you might consider changing your mind, but as-is, it sounds like you have a clear head on the matter, and a big heart to boot, which is a good thing Big hugs to you and thanks for all you do!

xoxo
Val

 

[MineMail]

I have very little advice for you, but thank you for taking in these children with open arms. It must be difficult to make travel plans without knowing if your foster children will be on the trip or not, only to have the plans go astray. I can appreciate your wanting to spend some "core family" time with your kids. I would think that NOT doing that would cause some resentment on their part.

My husband always teased his mother about the time that she took him to visit his aunt's house and just left him there while she and his father went to Hawaii on vacation. He was about five or six years old and boy did he hold a grudge about it, lol. Good natured joking of course, and she admitted that it wasn't the right way to handle it in hindsight. Makes me smile to think of the animated conversations about it over the years before both of my inlaws passed away. (They're italian; animated is an understatement - yelling and gesturing wildly is more like it.)

Perhaps the extended stay with her father can be "trumped up" to be a big deal for her, both before and after her big trip? Just to give her the limelight and distract her from your going away without her. (I'm not one for fussing over children, but in this case I think it's justified.) Bring her a trinket from the trip and tell her you were thinking of her when you come back.

Good luck and have a great vacation, however it works out.

 

[kvvbs]

We are in the middle of a similar issue. We are foster parents of a precious baby girl that we thought we were not going to have but for a couple of weeks back in June. (We do know that she is a only temporary member of our family, for reasons I won't go into here.) We have also just taken in another little boy, knowing that he would not be coming with us on our trip. They are 10 months and 19 months old, and neither one will be going with us in September, assuming they are still in our care. Would it be different if they were older? Maybe. Would it be different if we had them when we planned to go in the first place? Probably. Do I feel bad about it? Yes--I can't help it. Is it the best decision for my family at this point in time, considering all the dynamics involved? Definitely. OP, hope everything works out in your situation as well as my own!

 

[momtolots]

Well stated Meowmmarie!

 

[Indiana Rose Lee]

I think tinytreasures makes a good point about the child leaving soon. This is not the time to strengthen bonds, it is the time to start cutting them. They have another place to be.