Taking children shopping

[Tigger&Belle]

It's not the whining that got to me it was the comment to me "Don't have children" that actually got to me. Would you ever tell a stranger not to have children???

Probably have jokingly said that, more than once. It was more than likely an attemt to lighten the situation.

 

[Nancy]

My thought when I see a Mom with screaming kids is usually been there done that...glad it's over! Actually I was pretty lucky, my kids were well behaved in stores, they are shoppers! I only had one time where we left a tore without what we were buying. They were warned, they continued. I handed my items to a worker and said I am sorry but we have to go. I dragged three crying kids out of the store, got them in the car, they got yelled at and we went home. Last time we ever had that problem.

My only complaint is the ones that would come in late night (I mean after 11:00pm) with their kids in jammies, kids were tired and crabby and Mom and Dad are both shopping and ignoring the fact that the kid is crying..or else yelling at the kid to stop crying. Why one of the parents didn't stay home and let the other shop was beyond me.

 

[aprilgail2]

I don't even mind so much when the kids are 4 or under...its the kids that are 6, 7 and 8 years old throwing fits in the store that make me nuts...my daughter is 6 and if she ever threw a fit like that in a store we would be out the door before she knew what hit her! By her age it is just out of line to pitch a fit in a store restaurant etc! One time when she was younger I had to leave a restaurant and wait outside for the people I was with because she started having a tantrum over something and wouldn't stop.

 

[kbkids]

I don't even mind so much when the kids are 4 or under...its the kids that are 6, 7 and 8 years old throwing fits in the store that make me nuts...my daughter is 6 and if she ever threw a fit like that in a store we would be out the door before she knew what hit her! By her age it is just out of line to pitch a fit in a store restaurant etc! One time when she was younger I had to leave a restaurant and wait outside for the people I was with because she started having a tantrum over something and wouldn't stop.

Ooh - I remember one night well. DD was about 2, and we were out of town with DH on a business trip. He was having dinner with several business associates and their spouses. DD started whining, which turned into crying, and eventually ended with me getting up and taking her to the bar area (no one else was in there) until she calmed down. She never did, and I never got to eat!! DH sheepishly brought me my dinner in a box, and I figured I could eat it when we got back to the hotel - which didn't work either because it was nasty by the time we got there. He ended up running to Burger King next door and getting me a hamburger!

 

[FSUGrad97]

Wait until you have kids, then you'll know.

I used to feel the way you do. Now I have 2 kids who are older teens. When I see a mom with a crying or screaming kid, I just think "Thank God that isn't me" and I feel sorry for her.

Oft times a parent starts out the trip with a happy child and then, for whatever reason, the child gets cranky. The parent still needs the items they have to purchase. In the occasion that a parent is taking a sick or tired child out, yes it would be better if they didn't have to.
I wouldn't complain until you walk a mile in their shoes.

(Dons flame resistant suit )

AMEN!

I used to think like the OP before I had my DD. When I saw a parent with a child who was throwing a temper tantrum, I would wonder why they didn't leave.

However, karma/fate/whatever you want to call it, has a way of biting you in the butt - when my DD was about 1.5, she threw the mother of all fits in Wal-Mart. Thankfully, I was almost done with my shopping so I was able to leave and my DD calmed down.

Prior to her fit, she was as happy as a clam.

My point is that sometimes kids will just flip out without warning, so try to be understanding especially if the parent is trying to calm their child.

 

[skiwee1]

Well I have 3 kids and while I feel for the parent when the kid has a meltdown I fully expect them to take the kid out of the store. I did it and expect others to do it too. I don't care if you have 1 or 10 kids.

 

[Planogirl]

I hated the fits and the whining. My solution was to stand just outside until the fuss subsided and then go back in. I would never leave!

Sometimes I see kids running amuck in a bookstore or restaurant and that does bother me. I wish that store managers would ask the parents to settle down the kids or leave.

 

[skiwee1]

I hated the fits and the whining. My solution was to stand just outside until the fuss subsided and then go back in. I would never leave!

Sometimes I see kids running amuck in a bookstore or restaurant and that does bother me. I wish that store managers would ask the parents to settle down the kids or leave.

At least you took them outside. Much better then letting them disturb others.

 

[mommytotwo]

Wait until you have kids, then you'll know.

I used to feel the way you do. Now I have 2 kids who are older teens. When I see a mom with a crying or screaming kid, I just think "Thank God that isn't me" and I feel sorry for her.

Oft times a parent starts out the trip with a happy child and then, for whatever reason, the child gets cranky. The parent still needs the items they have to purchase. In the occasion that a parent is taking a sick or tired child out, yes it would be better if they didn't have to.

I wouldn't complain until you walk a mile in their shoes.

(Dons flame resistant suit )

I totally agree. If you have walked in that person shoes and had that same situation, you will know.

 

[Christine]

Full-time working mom here. I work Mon-Friday. The only time I get to go to the grocery store, clothing store, book store, etc. is Saturday and Sunday. Sometimes I don't have a babysitter. Kids are NOTORIOUSLY bored in the store. God, I remember going with my mom and I HATED it.

Any shopping over 30 minutes, my son (even now at age 11) starts whining. But, you know what? I'm out, I've probably driven 30 minutes to get to the mall, parked, unloaded. I'm going to finish what I came for.

Now a tantrum is another matter entirely.

 

[chobie]

At least you took them outside. Much better then letting them disturb others.

I guess my kids, when they were younger, "disturbed" other in stores and nowI don't mind when other people's kids are acting up. There are situations where kids should not be present or if they are they need to be quiet, but I don't buy into this theory that kids should never be in public unless they are acting perfectly.

That's fine it you want to go to such extremes, but I don't expect that from people in places like a grocery store and If other people are going to be that intolerant then they are the one with the problem IMO.

 

[DisneyMomOK]

I was in Target today and some kid, probably 11 or so, was riding a bicycle thru the store! I jumped out of his way. I sometimes understand neither parents nor the child. (This kid was way old enough to know better and I never did see a parent.)

Sharon

 

[kbkids]

I guess my kids, when they were younger, "disturbed" other in stores and nowI don't mind when other people's kids are acting up. There are situations where kids should not be present or if they are they need to be quiet, but I don't buy into this theory that kids should never be in public unless they are acting perfectly.

That's fine it you want to go to such extremes, but I don't expect that from people in places like a grocery store and If other people are going to be that intolerant then they are the one with the problem IMO.

 

[Nicolepa]

Thinking about this brought back a funny memory for me: When it was just me and my first child, she was quite a slow poke so in order to get the lead out of her hiney I would "race" her from point a to b. well at the end of our trip in wally world I raced her to the cash register and arrived first, to which she screamed loudly, Mommy I hate it when you beat me!!!!!

When my dd was 2 or so I would get to the end of the isle and tell her "I need a hug" or something to that effect. She loves giving hugs and would run to the end of the isle every time and give me a big hug. Worked every time!

My son on the other hand only give hugs when he wants, so this did not work as well when he was 2!

 

[kbkids]

I dare say that the people behind me in the grocery line were glad that I DIDN'T take my screaming 2 yr old out of the store when he got mad because he wanted to get out of the cart. I had a huge cart-load of groceries. He had been whiny at times throughout the store, but you know, groceries are a necessary evil. So, we get to the check out counter - I've got the groceries about half way emptied onto the conveyor belt. He starts screaming literally because he wants to get out. No way is he getting out to run around while I'm trying to unload groceries. I give him his cup - he throws it down. I pick it up and put it back in the cart. I give him his toy he brought - he throws it down. I pick it up and put it back in the cart. That's it - I start unloading the rest of the groceries. He screams the entire time. Should I have left all of the groceries there and took him out the store?? I dare say that would have made the people behind me even madder.

 

[simba928]

Not meant to be a flame or anything, so please don't take offense to this or anything. Did you ever think that the children had a disability or something? A friend of the family has a 5 year old daughter with Down Syndrome. I am doing a project on Down Syndrome and had to do an interview with the little girl's mom. The mom told me a story about one time they were at the grocery store. The little girl was screaming because she wanted to get out of the cart and she was getting impatient, you know, something a normal 2 year old would do. The woman in line behind them said "Look at that child, screaming like that. And the mother is standing right there. She should do something about her." Some people are so ignorant. After I spoke to the mother, I try not to judge people because you don't know what their personal life is really like. Yes, some parents do need to be better parents and not tolerate that behavior. As the outsider, though, we can't judge others like that.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I know that I've already replied, but I want to expand a little more on this. I am the first to bring a screaming child out of a restaurant, bookstore, library, etc. If my DH and I are together doing other types of shopping (ie, the grocery store) and our child acts up one of us will step outside with the child, but if I'm there alone with the child I am not going to leave my groceries and go to the car. I suppose that I have cut shopping trips short, only getting what is needed ASAP and then paying and leaving, but I don't think that's happened often. When my kids were at especially difficult times in their shopping careers I tried to leave them at home with my DH.

However, I really couldn't give a rat's rear if others are having the perfect grocery shopping experience. I've seen and heard fussy children in the grocery store and it doesn't bother me in the least. I'm not talking about people who let their children run wild--that's a different topic. But a tantrum or fussy child happens--basically "poop happens" and we have to deal with it without running to the car and driving home.

My youngest is now 6yo and doesn't generally act up when shopping any more (it was a long haul with him, though). He knows that when he behaves he gets a quarter to spend in the machine or at the Brach's candy bins (thanks to a DISer for telling me about that one). If he doesn't behave he doesn't get the quarter and there are no warnings or threats.

 

[skiwee1]

It just seems so selfish to let your children disturb others simply so you all can finish your shopping. As I said, I've got 3 kids and I don't care what kind of store I'm in, if my kid threw a fit we would be out the door. We might not leave the parking lot but we would settle it before going back in. I just can't imagine having to listen to someone's brat screaming his little head off while their useless parent lets it happen. I don't expect kids to be perfect and a little whining is one thing. A short cry is another. A downright meltdown is entirely different and should be dealt with immedietely.

 

[Planogirl]

Taking my son out of the store when he threw a fit worked for me because it was part of my parenting style. I would let him throw his fit until he was done and then we would resume shopping. I believe that it showed him that his tirade accomplished nothing and I would still get the things I needed. He only threw a few tantrums in his life so maybe it worked well at least for him.

I can relate to not being able to just stop in the middle of something though like unloading a shopping cart. DS did the tantrum thing once while we were at MK in Pecos Bill's waiting to order food. I knew that once he had his food then he would stop and I was almost at the window after waiting in a long line. I held my ground even though I knew that there were others giving me the "look". I didn't blame them but in this case I knew what would work best.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

It just seems so selfish to let your children disturb others simply so you all can finish your shopping. .

I have 4 children and have gone through all kinds of experiences with them. Like I said, if it's something like eating in a restaurant, watching a movie, or hanging at the library and my child started to act up we left. Those are "experiences" that I want to make sure that others are allowed to enjoy. But grocery shopping? Most people do it because it has to be done, not because it's their idea of fun. Not that I dread grocery shopping, but it doesn't give my great feelings of enjoyment, either. A fussy child wouldn't do anything one way or another to the job of picking out the cloves of garlic, the right ice cream, and grabbing that gallon of milk. It doesn't mean that I like to listen to screaming--who does? And with my own kids I tried to reduce the problems by bringing snacks when they were real little, getting the free cookie, bringing a well rested child, etc, etc. If I were to see a fussy child I wouldn't think anything less of the parent, but I would have sympathy for them and if I said anything it would be a, "been there, done that, and it does eventually improve" type comment.