Taking children shopping

[Forevryoung]

I dont have children because I'm 21 but 2x in the last week while I have been shopping (both times in "discount" stores- Daffy's and Century 21) I have encountered crabby kids (one was whiney and the other was screaming/shreiking) and parents who continue to shop!

What is up with that???

One mother (the one with the whiney child) actually passed me and told me NOT to have children

Why do some mothers/parents feel the need to stroll through a large store with children if they know they are going to make them miserable??

 

[Barb D]

Maybe they have shopping they NEED to get done. Maybe they didn't have anybody to leave the kids with. Sometimes you just have to do what you have to do; other times you have the "luxury" of being able to leave and come back later.

 

[Sleepy]

I will never understand the people who are in a store and allow the child to scream and throw fits. Especially the parents who say "I can't hear you" or "Is that the best you can do?" When my son started, what I would do is push the cart to the closest employee, tell them I need to leave the cart for a few minutes and procede to the front door.

 

[Breezy_Carol]

Wait until you have kids, then you'll know.

I used to feel the way you do. Now I have 2 kids who are older teens. When I see a mom with a crying or screaming kid, I just think "Thank God that isn't me" and I feel sorry for her.

Oft times a parent starts out the trip with a happy child and then, for whatever reason, the child gets cranky. The parent still needs the items they have to purchase. In the occasion that a parent is taking a sick or tired child out, yes it would be better if they didn't have to.

I wouldn't complain until you walk a mile in their shoes.

(Dons flame resistant suit )

 

[taximomfor4]

Wait until you have kids, then you'll know.

I used to feel the way you do. Now I have 2 kids who are older teens. When I see a mom with a crying or screaming kid, I just think "Thank God that isn't me" and I feel sorry for her.

Oft times a parent starts out the trip with a happy child and then, for whatever reason, the child gets cranky. The parent still needs the items they have to purchase. In the occasion that a parent is taking a sick or tired child out, yes it would be better if they didn't have to.

I wouldn't complain until you walk a mile in their shoes.

(Dons flame resistant suit )

I'm joining you in the flame-resistant suit-- and I will grab the fire extinguisher if you will pop the popcorn!

When I had one child, I left if that child acted up. Now, I have more than one. And have kids home in the daytime, and nursing school at night. Whether my kids scream, cry, complain, whine, whatever... I still have to buy diapers. That minute, that day. Because if I don't we won't have any. Or milk. Or whatever else. Once, I was at JCPenneys...had to buy something to wear under my uniform. That day. DS and DD would not stop bickering. I stood one on one floor tile, and the other in a different floor tile a few feet away. They could no longer reach each other, they were not allowed to step off their floor tiles. I grabbed what I needed in the correct size, and turned around to pay. I pay, one kid is crying, one is picking on the crier. I grab my bag, call the kids, and turn toward the exit. The cashier turns toward her coworker, and says " Why do people insist on having kids if they aren't going to control them?" I turned back, looked at her ringless left hand, said "You have any?" She replied "No..." I responded "No ring, no kids, NO COMMENTS!"


Until you walk a mile in my shoes......(you know how the saying goes.) When this happens, YES I Feel bad. But the kids also need to know that no matter how much they don't want to be at the store, sometimes no matter how mad they get, we are doing what we have to -- going to the store. And trust me, I don't want to be there either!

 

[ChristmasElf]

I hate when the parents will bring a 2 year old into Barnes and Noble and let the child run up and down the aisles screaming while the parent sits down and read barley noticing!
I was there last night and this kid was pulling books off of a clearance table, running back and forth leaving books on the floor, screaming all the while the parent is sitting in a chair thumbing through a magazine and eating something at the cafe!

The employees were all hesitant to say anything even though this kid was destroying the place.

 

[Beth76]

If you were talking about a restaurant, I would agree with you. That type of behavior is inappropriate for that setting. OK, so it's always inappropriate, but if you're just shopping I'm going to say give the mom a break. If you're at the mall, you can always go to a different store and then come back. It's a hassle to take kids to the mall. And I'm sure if she was already inside, she just wanted to get her shopping done and get out rather than pack the kids up, go home and come back later. But, you're even talking about discount stores. Why would you expect the most proper behavior in a discount store.

 

[katerkat]

I will never understand the people who are in a store and allow the child to scream and throw fits. Especially the parents who say "I can't hear you" or "Is that the best you can do?" When my son started, what I would do is push the cart to the closest employee, tell them I need to leave the cart for a few minutes and procede to the front door.

I have a friend who does the "is that the best you can do?" spiel. It's effective - the girl sees her screams are not bothering her mother. Stops the tantrum in its tracks.

I usually only go to the grocery store once a week and usually because we're out of milk, so the shopping has to be done whether the baby likes it or not. Luckily as a SAHM, I have the ability to plan around naptimes, so usually he's not cranky. If he is, I just give him food to appease him.

 

[allie&mattsmom]

Oft times a parent starts out the trip with a happy child and then, for whatever reason, the child gets cranky. The parent still needs the items they have to purchase. In the occasion that a parent is taking a sick or tired child out, yes it would be better if they didn't have to.
QUOTE]
Exactly. In fact this just happened to me this morning at the mall. DD10 is outgrowing everything right now so we went and bought jeans and shoes. DS8 was along with us, was great & happy initially, but when he saw Allie was getting new things, he started pouting and whining about how she gets everything and I love her more, blah, blah, blah, blah. It was almost to the point where it was amusing. Then I said he could get something and he picked out a pink tshirt that said "Tough guys wear pink". I told him I wasn't spending $20 on it which brought on even more whining. I'm sure people were complaining about me too b/c I just went about shopping but what can ya do?

 

[Beth76]

I have a friend who does the "is that the best you can do?" spiel. It's effective - the girl sees her screams are not bothering her mother. Stops the tantrum in its tracks.

Yep. The best way to stop a tantrum is to ignore it. Not give in to the child and leave. Although this is easier said than done when in a public place.

 

[CEDmom]

Here's my foolproof method - bring/buy lots of snacks . DD used to know stores by the snack she'd get in them. Target was the animal cracker store; Costco the pretzel store and Shoprite the bagel store. Honestly though, I just thank my lucky stars it's not my child behaving like that.

 

[DMickey28]

There is a huge difference between kids being cranky...or just being kids vs the child that is crying and screaming and running around and the parents are ignoring them. The poor child is chasing the mother and the mother is yelling for the child to shut up.

I don't have kids yet, ttc #1 , but the vast amount of screaming yelling kids are with parents that do not care and ignore that child. You can see the difference in the parents.

 

[Marseeya]

I've never been one to inflict my whiney, crabby kids on others. I figure, I don't have the patience or tolerance for it, so why should anyone else have to put up with it. I've had the luxury of having help, though, and I'm aware that not everybody does. I'd either have DH come shopping with me and if they started acting up, they'd go to the car, or I'd have my mom watch them. I can't tell you how many time DH or I would threaten to send them to the car, and then we did it. I kept a book in my car, and one time my DS was misbehaving and I told him we wouldn't go back to the store until he settled down... we sat in the car for an hour and a half. He learned that day that I can out-stubborn him any day.

I know some might not find this too funny, but I thought it was hilarious. DD (age 10) and I went shopping together last weekend. We were eating out and there was a young child shouting at the top of his lungs next to us. DD looked at me and said,

you ready for this? She's 10 years old, remember...

"Some parents really ought to learn how to control their kids!"

 

[soccerchick]

Chiming in here...I remove my child (my son, DD is almost always good ) if he's being a pain and IF we are in a restaurant, library, etc. where he will disturb others.

If I am in the grocery store, mall or some other loud place where, yeah, you might not like hearing him, but it isn't going to stop you from getting your bread and milk, he's going to stay in the cart and have his tantrum. If I leave BC he's pitching a fit, he now knows that throwing that fit is an effective way to get what he wants.

 

[disneymom3]

Well, when you have a child who is in a whining phase, WTH are you supposed to do? DH works about 70 hours a week lately and by the time the weekend comes, we all would like to spend a little family time together instead of me going off by myself to get errands done. There is currently a 5 yo in my home who whines perpetually. (I don't know whose he is. I am SURE he is not my child!) So, I have no choice but to either go shopping at 10:00 at night and not to many stores are open at that point, or to take the whiner with me.

And that myth about ignoring whining and it will go away? Well, he still lives here so that one isn't working!

 

[Forevryoung]

Ok, I understand not having help, not having time... but they were wandering through the pocketbook section in both instances.

It's not the whining that got to me it was the comment to me "Don't have children" that actually got to me. Would you ever tell a stranger not to have children???

The shreiking/crying for about 8 minutes was a little too long

I'm not passing judgement, im sure I will be in your shoes eventually.

 

[disneymom3]

, he started pouting and whining about how she gets everything and I love her more, blah, blah, blah, blah. It was almost to the point where it was amusing.

I love this line! I actually say this to my kids when they want to know why so and so gets whatever. I look them straight in the eye and say "Because I love him the best. You should know that by now." Since my kids all try this on me and since I am therefore saying this about different ones of them, it is always followed by rolled eyes and an "Oh mom!"

 

[ilovepcot]

I try with all my might to ignore screaming kids in stores. I attempt being "mindful" that everyones situation is not the same as mine and many mothers don't have someone reliable to leave their children with. Okay. BUT....when the mothers totally tune the children out and allow them to become destructive in stores, !!! Feel especially annoyed when the mother sees what the child has done (throwing stuffed animals to the floor, knocking items from shelves etc.) and takes child by the hand and walks away with no consequences. That, in my opinion, gives the child the impression that things don't have to be respected and that their behavior is acceptable.

 

[Beth76]

It's not the whining that got to me it was the comment to me "Don't have children" that actually got to me. Would you ever tell a stranger not to have children???

I thought that was kind of funny, given the circumstance.

 

[delilah]

My son always complains the entire time we are in any store. Doesn't matter which or when. This morning, we all had to have our hair cut, and afterwards, since we were at the mall, I decided that today would be a good day to look for clothes for his First Communion. Usually I don't take him shopping, and I would not take him if I were looking for something for me. But, 8 year olds grow fast, and he really needed to try on the clothing before I bought it. He was a little whiney, but, at least I got it done. He really wasn't making much of a disturbance, but he did get aggravating toward the end, when he kept telling me that he was thirsty, and I kept reminding him that he refused to drink his milk at breakfast. (Actually, he was trying to con us into buying a smoothie or something along those lines). Children can be manipulative, and I am one who usually needs to accomplish multiple goals when going to the mall, and I don't have anybody else to leave him with--our nearest relatives live 1100 miles away. I totally empathize with moms who have to do things for whatever reason and bring their kids. Women who have built in babysitters in the person of their moms or MILs or sisters or whatever have an advantage that no amount of eye-rolling or second guessing will ever change. My mom passed away 7 years before my son was born, and MIL is demented and in a NH out of state. My sister lives 2000 miles away, SIL 1100 miles away. My best friends all work the same hours I do, and aren't available to babysit on a whim.