Hello everyone!
My name is Jen and I have been a lurker here on the DISboards for quite some time now. I mostly browse around the Budget Board and also any updates on the theme parks and such. Every once in awhile I migrate over to the WISH board and today I had an epiphany of sorts and tonight I've decided this is just one step in many to get healthy. How about a short story of me if you don't mind?
I believe it was the Summer of 2004, yes, I was home on Summer break from college (Michigan State University - GO SPARTANS!) and I decided that my life was not what I wanted it to be and I was seriously unhealthy and I needed to GET healthy. That summer my peak weight when I got home was 241 pounds. I've always been a chubby child. I was probably in the 160's-170's through highschool, then I got a job at a restaurant where I worked in a bakery all day and that just wasn't good and over a couple years then add on all the dorm food at school and it added up.
That summer I ran twice a day, and also swam some days. I did lots of strength training as well. I have no idea what came over me, some powerful force just took over and made me get out of bed every morning to run. It made me put my running shoes back on after dinner and run some more before I went to bed. I don't remember what weight I was when I went back to school that fall, but I had lost a lot. I ended up joining the lacrosse team and lost even more, going to practice everyday. Summer of 2005 I was at my lowest ever, 139 lbs. Over the next year I quit the lacrosse team because I wasn't happy with the coach but I still kept up working out, but not as religiously. I ended up gaining a few pounds back and I pretty much setlled at around 150, which I was still very happy with.
Fast forward another year to summer of 2007. My boyfriend (of 2 years) and I had moved to Orlando, FL to start a life together the year before when we graduted from MSU and then......he broke up with me. I was devastated, and what did I turn to? Yep food. I kept gaining weight and gaining weight without even realizing it. It's hard sometimes too because I can look in the mirror and even though my old clothes don't fit, I don't feel like I "LOOK" like I've gained all that much. Even my boyfriend and my sister don't say I look anywhere near what I weigh, but maybe they're just being nice.
Fast forward to today. I weigh right around 200-205 lbs, depending on the day and how much water I'm retaining, lol. I promised myself I would NEVER left myself get above 200 again, yet here I am. My boyfriend and I are back together, so that's not the problem. My problem now is I can't find that little voice inside of me, that motivation that was there 4 years ago that helped me lose all the weight. I have no idea how I got that voice, or how to get it back.
I kept a really good food and exercise journal when I was losing all the weight and I wish I would have kept it so I could go back to it now but I threw it away years ago never thinking I would need it again.
Currently I've been running again and I'm signed up for the Tower of Terror run in 2 weeks! I have been running at least 4 days a week for the last 3 months I would say. But I haven't lost any weight! It's insane! I haven't been eating as best as I should, but I've definitely been eating BETTER so that's been very discouraging. I don't know if maybe my body went into reserve mode because it recognized all the running from before? I am not sure.
I work 12 hours shifts as a police dispatcher so the majority of my time is spent sitting on my butt and the biggest question of the day is where are we going for dinner? I think that has also been a big influence of my weight gain, is all the eating out I have done in past months here. I've cut that out almost entirely but I work the night shift, 530pm to 530 am, so after probably 2am I am bored senseless because it's not busy and I snack just to keep myself awake. My boyfriend calls me a closet snacker. LOL For example tonight. I am at work working an overtime shift from 10pm to 4am. I had a nice dinner, pork with some rice and brocolli. I get here and I'm just bored sitting here so I went to the vending machine and got a bag of Doritos. Mindless snacking I tell you....
So yes...if any one of you truely read through ALL of that I thank you. I'm excited to be here, to join some mini challenges and meet people just like me working towards their weightloss goals. Hopefully this can be a little bit of help in getting my motivation back! I've done this before, so I can do it, I know I can!
