Survey: Please tell me about your PARENTS' marriage and how it affected you

[Barb D]

Please tell me how your parents' marriage (happy/unhappy) affected YOUR childhood/adulthood, especially if they were unhappily married.

Edit: I realize that these choices are simplistic, and that there could be a lot more variation in answers. Just pick the best one, and feel free to elaborate. Also, if you don't mind commenting on their/your religious beliefs on divorce, feel free to add that, too.

 

[AZKathy]

My parents would have been married 60 years this year if my father was still living. He passed away at 54 years of marriage.<a href='http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb008' target='_blank'><img src='http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_2_135.gif' border=0></a>

 

[browneyes]

I didn't have an ideal childhood at all. My parents have been married for 38 years. They should've divorced 37 1/2 years ago.

 

[IloveDMB]

My parents are still married and have been for 31 years. They fight at times, but who doesn't.

My childhood was/is great (I'm almost 22 and still live at home).

 

[Pooh67_68]

Although my parents should Divorce I don't see that happining
But on the positive side their relationship had/has no berring on my relationship with my husband. I guess you could say it is because I always grew up telling myself that I would never repeat what my parents have done, and I have managed it keep it that way for 17yrs. now.

 

[eeyore74]

Well, I used to think they should have divorced, so that is what I chose. But, now that dad has passed, it's hard to say. I think they would have had a better marriage without kids, or at least with just my brother. They got married when mom got pregnant with him. I was the next mistake and dad got fixed. I don't think he knew what to do with a daughter and it wasn't always a nice home.

I am a lot like him, though.

 

[skuttle]

My parents divorced when I was in the 4th grade (I'm 25 now). I don't really remember any bad stuff, but I assume that they were unhappily married, otherwise they wouldn't have gotten divorced. Since I never saw any bad stuff, I wish they wouldn't have gotten divorced. I was so young when it all happened, that I don't really have any memories of being together as a family. Both of my parents have always been there for me and they get along fairly well, so I'm grateful for that at least. The one thing that really hurts is that I still don't really know what happened or why. No one ever talked to me about it, which I understand because I was so young, and I guess I've always been afraid to ask.

 

[Kimickey]

My parents were never married. Matter of fact I've never seen my father. So to answer your question, nothing has affected me. You cannot miss something you never had. My mother was a single parent and raised me very well. I'm 26 now married for six years with two children. I live a very blessed life I could not ask for anything better than what I have!

 

[Octoberbride03]

My parents have been mostly happily married for 33 years now. Of course there were hard times as me and my sister grew up. And some really bad arguments that could last a week or more between the 2 of them.

But since we are catholic divorce is considered a last ditch option. And though the word was mentioned around the house at times they are both glad they never parted. They both knew that you have to work through the bad times, because they do come. But between love,patience, and talking it out the bad times go away and the good times come back.

i got married just about 4 months ago now, and seeing my parents marriage made me take a good hard look at the man i married B4 i married him. They taught me well, and Dh and i are very happy, and i expect to remain that way even when the bad times come.

 

[off2disney]

My parents did not divorce. Both parents were alcoholics, and I grew up with a lot of fighting, screaming and fighting (did I mention - fighting?). As the oldest, I helped raise my three younger brothers. I got married right out of high school (years later, I figured out it was to get away from my home life) and guess what? I married an alcoholic and had my share of screaming & fighting. So I got the divorce. I think imy parents life did affect my life. I know that's one reason why I don't drink!

But, in their later years, after my mother had cancer, they became much closer, quit drinking and enjoyed their life together more than when I was growing up.

 

[Alice28]

My parents are happily married- this will be year 37. There were rough times-particularly when I was very young, so my mom tells me. My mother and I became born again Christians in 1982, and Dad in 1983....that really became the glue that held our family together and made it a happy one. My parents, in my view, have a very successful marriage and I can only hope DH and I will be as harmonious 30 years down the road! (we're on year 9 so far...)

 

[swea_pea1]

My parents will be married 48 years in June. They've had their share of good and bad, but have always worked together to come out ahead. My mom gave me this advice before I was married..."Trusting your husband is more than believing he won't cheat on you. It means trusting him with your money, with your happiness, with your children, trusting him to listen to you, to be there for you, a whole host of things." It was the best advice I received.

Yep, my mom's my hero and I'm not ashamed to admit it!

 

[Robinrs]

My parents were married for 59 HAPPY years when they passed away six months apart last year. They had their trials and I heard the stories... ... but they stuck together for us and God. I saw faith, loyalty and perseverance in their marriage, and an odd couple that somehow made it work.

Unfortunately, I spent most of my life trying to find my Dad in men. There is a line we use in my family that goes "Mama told us to find a man like Daddy, but she didn't tell us that they broke the mold when he was born!"

I looked for him and tried to make the men in my life him. Since I couldn't find him I chose not to marry. I saw perfection and wanted nothing less. Oprah did a show about people like me once and I finally understood how my parents' marrigae affected my life.

 

[MAC3]

My parents were married for 22 years (mostly happy) but it got ugly in the end. I was 22 yrs old when they divorced. It devastated me and pushed our family in different directions.

I think everyone felt as though they had to choose sides ect....

With time comes healing though and as much as I think they would have liked to enjoy the grandchildren together at this point in their lives. They are each married to very nice people that I love. I would rather they be happy and apart than together and be miserable.

They are friends, although being friends is easy when there's 1500 miles between you!

 

[WDWLVR]

My parents separated when i was a baby. Based on the fact that my father never wanted anything to do with us once that happened I would say it was a good thing. I never knew the man. My mom did a great job of raising us.

As to how it effects me today. DH comes from a family where his Mom and Dad just celebrated their 40th wedding anniversary.

I think he is the stronger of the two of as far as commitment. I am committed to him and our marriage, but I live in fear that someday he'll want out. The fear is unrational and i know it but I think that is what I got from my Dad never being there. DH and I will celebrate 14 years of marriage this fall.

 

[Kimberle]

Mine & dh's parents have been married for over 40 years. I was thinking, we'll (along w/ our sibs) probably be planning *2* Golden Anniversary parties. What kind of miracle is that in this day & age!

Yes, both sets are church going, and place a high value on marriage/family. I don't ever remember "really" hearing my parents argue. Dh's parents bicker all the time, but it's not "big".

Divorce is not really prelavent in either family. I did have a set of great grandparents who would have been married nearly*80* years at the time of their deaths. My grandfathers parents married young, had 5 children (their only dd passed away of diptherea at 4), then divorced. Noone will talk about it! Even to this day! It's such a "big secret", I don't even know exactly when it happened! So, left to my own devices/concluesion, I think he was "fooling around" ......

 

[ead79]

My parents have been happily married for 26 years, and it has profoundly influenced my life. I have been blessed to see true commitment and devotion first-hand, and that is how I approach my own marriage today. Of course, my parents have had fights, but they stick together and work things out. As Christians, divorce is strongly discouraged in nearly all circumstances, so that has also influenced their/my views on divorce.

 

[popeyeohoh]

My parents divorced after 20 years and 8 children. I thought we had a good life. My father married a much younger woman. Every thing after that was bad for years. Not until I was an adult did things turn around. Not until i had a husband and family of my own.

 

[katerkat]

My parents have been happily married for 31 years in May. DH's parents divorced when he was 5, which was a good thing since his father prefers not having responsibility. ( )

I think it worked out for both of us - I'm very committed to our relationship because that's the marriages I grew up with, and he is very committed because he doesn't want a repeat of his childhood.

 

[KristiKelly]

My parents separated when I was 6 monthes old, I never really knew life with both parents , so it never really affected me, my brother is older and remembers all of it. My mom & Dad are so different, I can see why it didn't work. My mom was always & still is @ times very bitter, after 33 years you need to get over it. When we were growing we went to our dad's on the weekend, sometimes if something was coming up w/ friends and we wanted to stay home, our mom would get mad saying that she needed a break from us, then if we wanted to go- she would get mad about that too. We spent our childhood walking on egg shells - very much "damned if you do, damned if you don't"

DH's parents divorced as well, his dad left on Christmas Eve when DH was 2. I think it has made us both value family more, we don't want our kids to go through the bitterness & anger.