Surrogacy gone wrong. Who do you side with?

[gopher101]

I'm on the kid's side. But I think the best thing for him is to stay where he's been all along.

What an awful situation from the start, though! - Nobody should be deciding on the life of a child over Facebook. None of those parents "deserve" him, but he deserves the "least unfortunate of several unfortunate options" - which I guess means what limited stability he already has.

I agree.

 

[lorimay]

Imagine making a decision like this through Facebook, this poor kid.
It blows my mind.

 

[MakiraMarlena]

as far as the health insurance, all it says is that the bio mom flipped when the hospital or someone in a bureaucracy put little Keanu on her health insurance by mistake and for some reason it bumped off one of the kids she already had. It was a clerical error, but she had a fit about it and that's when she asked the adoptive mom to either adopt the kid or give him back, and AM couldn't file to adopt him because he had not been with her the required amount of time. After they got back in touch over this, the BPs started saying that they disapproved of the way AM was raising the child and they wanted him back. It doesn't say that AM didn't have health insurance for the child. also, AM's fiancee was a long-ago acquaintance of bio mom - still odd, because bio mom never even spoke with the fiancee at all - which is a reason they agreed to do this in the first place, and by this point the fiancee was out of the picture.

The adoptive parents were a same-sex couple, and the article talks about Massachusetts not having any comprehensive laws regulating surrogacy, and the state needs to enact laws since same-sex couples often use surrogacy and it is not so rare an occurrence anymore (although this was not a legal surrogacy. A legal surrogacy does not involve a couple producing their own baby "the natural way" in order to give it to someone else.)

According to another article, the parties did visit an attorney, but they didn't like his or her advice and decided not to follow it.

I feel bad for this kid, I hope the AM does right by him. If the bio parents didn't act like psychos it could have been a different story

 

[HopperFan]

I voted baby because in the end no matter the mess that has occurred the baby should come first.

Bio parents are completely unfit, they didn't put the child up for adoption ... they abandoned it, and should be severed from any parental rights.

Foster parent seemed to have good intentions but was extremely ignorant as to what she was entering in to and what was the best way to handle. BUT she is the only family he knows. Unless those in charge determine she is an unfit parent they need to allow her to legally adopt and stop this tug of war.

Let's hope this starts a process of guidelines, rules and laws to protect children in the future.

 

[ShirikiUtundu]

By essentially doing this under the table, not hiring an attorney or having formal papers drawn up prior to the birth, I must initially side with the bio parents, who apparently were then declared unfit (which begs the question, what about their other kids?) But apparently this situation has wrecked both parental relationships and the child has only known IM, so I want to side with her. Everyone in this situation sucks regarding the care of the child, all because they didn't want to go through legal channels to make this a proper transaction.

It says that this case highlights the issues with the lack of clear surrogacy laws in the state of MA but imo the bigger issue is that these people didn't do anything the right way so how would clearer laws have applied anyway?

 

[starry_solo]

I don't consider this to be a surrogacy at all.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I don't consider this to be a surrogacy at all.

It was the intent by the parties of all parties involved. It's the very definition of surrogacy "an arrangement by which a woman gives birth to a baby on behalf of someone who is physically unable to have babies themselves, and then gives the baby to that person."

The same sex couple found out that neither of them could carry a child, they went the route of having someone else carry for them on FB where they had put out the request. The biological mother reached out and said she would carry a baby for this couple.

The part where they all messed up was not getting this in writing and going through an attorney (well that and searching for a baby on FB).

 

[mjkacmom]

I don't consider this to be a surrogacy at all.

I don’t think it is, either, a couple gave their baby away. I think surrogacy is a wonderful thing, but this was not surrogacy.

 

[MakiraMarlena]

This is not a legal surrogacy. In a legal surrogacy, a couple does not conceive their own child by intercourse without any kind of legal documentation that they intend to relinquish the child. It's an informal agreement to produce their own child and then give it to someone.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

This is not a legal surrogacy. In a legal surrogacy, a couple does not conceive their own child by intercourse. It's an informal agreement to produce their own child and then give it to someone.

Correct, that I think is where they were pointing out that laws need to be made/adjusted because of the narrow definition of surrogacy where in-vitro occurs. But the intent was surrogacy and that will weigh in on courts decisions (because the biological mom never intended from the beginning to raise the child, have the child for herself or anything to do with the child after birth).

You can see how this played out in the court proceedings. Within the article it stated: "The judge ruled in favor of the intended mother, noting that she is the only mother the now-3-year-old boy has ever known and that the biological parents were unfit to care for the child. The judge found that before the legal proceedings, the biological parents made no effort to visit him and never inquired about his health or well-being."

Even the appeals judge stated: “Until such legislation is enacted, this case also is a cautionary tale about the risks of an informal surrogacy,”

 

[Pea-n-Me]

It is shocking and disheartening to see how none of them seemed to think this through from the perspective of the child. (It was like they were giving away a kidney or something.) I’ve walked a similar road when I had to make a decision about what to do with frozen embryos. For probably two years I researched options and legalities, thought it through from all perspectives, had dreams about it, and finally went through an adoption agency using a fully legal, open adoption process. But the very first thing I did was speak to clergy about it from the perspective of the potential child(ren). That was my main concern.

The legal aspect reminds me of when social media was up and coming and there were no laws on the books for it. MA was the first state to put cyberbullying laws into effect. I’m sure we’ll catch up. I doubt that anyone thought that people were capable of concocting and actually going through with such an incredibly idiotic and hair-brained scheme, but then again, we all know that stranger things have happened. My thoughts and prayers are with the child.

 

[nancipants]

It is shocking and disheartening to see how none of them seemed to think this through from the perspective of the child. (It was like they were giving away a kidney or something.) I’ve walked a similar road when I had to make a decision about what to do with frozen embryos. For probably two years I researched options and legalities, thought it through from all perspectives, had dreams about it, and finally went through an adoption agency using a fully legal, open adoption process. But the very first thing I did was speak to clergy about it from the perspective of the potential child(ren). That was my main concern.

The legal aspect reminds me of when social media was up and coming and there were no laws on the books for it. MA was the first state to put cyberbullying laws into effect. I’m sure we’ll catch up. I doubt that anyone thought that people were capable of concocting and actually going through with such an incredibly idiotic and hair-brained scheme, but then again, we all know that stranger things have happened. My thoughts and prayers are with the child.

thwnk you for donating your embryos. My son is the product of embryo donation through our fertility clinic.

 

[fly girl]

My heart hurts for Keanu.

Both are unfit if you ask me, but if I had to chose I would chose the adoptive mother. She has been with him since birth.

I am still astounded that anyone would legitimately ask on Facebook to be a surrogate, let alone have someone oblige through messenger. The mind boggles. I will never understand the stupidity of this whole debacle. Keanu is the one who suffers the most because of these morons.