Surrogacy for convenience

[LSUmiss]

First, I have to implore you to stop saying”pregnancy is just one tiny sacrifice of motherhood.” It’s a fact that pregnancy can debilitate women, temporarily or permanently, and it can kill them. Dying is not a tiny sacrifice.

Secondly, I’m curious to know what kind of mother you think I am. I might have been the first in the thread to say I would’ve happily chosen surrogacy simply because I didn’t want to go through pregnancy. I would’ve also been happy to adopt, or welcome stepchildren, or take in a stray from the side of the road, whatever. I didn’t really care by which means children came into my life, I couldn’t care less if they were genetically related to me, I just wanted kids but I really, reallllly did not want to go through pregnancy, both because of the inherent risks and for vanity reasons. Does feeling that way make me a crappy mother?

Unfortunately, after looking at my options, the only affordable and most-guaranteed way for me to build a family was to birth them myself. So I did. Does that mean I’m now a good mom because I buckled and made that “tiny sacrifice” even though my heart wasn’t in it? What about the fact that I ultimately endured a ton of health problems as a result and went through 7 pregnancies to get two kids? Does that put me in the ranks of Mother Teresa, or am I still selfish and my kids are in for a hard road because I can look back and say, “Yeah, hiring a surrogate would’ve been great.”

Well kinda yeah b/c in the end you chose to make that sacrifice. I think most of us would prefer not to endure pregnancy, but we did b/c it was sacrifice we made.

 

[LSUmiss]

Not your uterus, not your business.

However someone chooses to make a family, that is their business. Adoption, surrogacy, pregnancy, no children at all. Not your family, not your business.

Not my business true but reserve the right to judge when you make it a point to make your choices public.

 

[TipsyTraveler]

Well kinda yeah b/c in the end you chose to make that sacrifice. I think most of us would prefer not to endure pregnancy, but we did b/c it was sacrifice we made.

Where do you get this notion that one has to sacrifice their body to have a kid? Men don’t have to do that to become parents. Adoptive parents don’t have to sacrifice their bodies to be parents. Are these people somehow less of a parent because they didn’t first risk their health before bringing a kid into their lives? I don’t understand your thought process.

 

[MamaBelle4]

Not my business true but reserve the right to judge when you make it a point to make your choices public.

The problem with that sentiment is when you judge a celebrity or public figure for the choices they make because they went public, you also judge thousands of women who made their choices silently for fear of judgment and are watching.

I'm not saying that specifically for this case but in all things.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I think people might be surprised at how many women would opt to not "sacrifice" if society deemed it far more acceptable.

I sure hope our definition of sacrifice can move beyond a sexist, discriminatory definition at some point in my lifetime.

 

[Bianca and Bernard]

Not my business true but reserve the right to judge when you make it a point to make your choices public.

Your attitude and close-mindedness isn't my business, but I reserve the right to judge when you make it a point to make your choices (and attitude) public.

That's how it works, right?


Why can't people just be left alone, to make their lives the way they want?
Let adults marry whatever other adult makes them happy...it has no impact on your marriage.
Let other adults have sex with with whatever other adult makes them happy...it has no impact on your sex life.
Let other adults create their families with whatever options are available to them...it has no impact on your family life.

 

[mousefan73]

Sort of. Financial pressure can push people to make decisions against their better judgment sometimes.

One can almost use the same argument with legal prostitution. It’s their choice but is it really?

 

[LSUmiss]

Your attitude and close-mindedness isn't my business, but I reserve the right to judge when you make it a point to make your choices (and attitude) public.

That's how it works, right?


Why can't people just be left alone, to make their lives the way they want?
Let adults marry whatever other adult makes them happy...it has no impact on your marriage.
Let other adults have sex with with whatever other adult makes them happy...it has no impact on your sex life.
Let other adults create their families with whatever options are available to them...it has no impact on your family life.

Actually yes. And I can appreciate that but have enough self-confidence to not care what anyone thinks of my choices. I don’t care what ppl do, but I do think it’s vain & speaks to the type of mother one would be. That is much different from all the other reasons ppl can’t carry a child that you mentioned. Wouldn’t give it a second thought other than hypothetically discussing it on this board for lack of anything better to do with my time today.

 

[Smugpugmug]

I think people might be surprised at how many women would opt to not "sacrifice" if society deemed it far more acceptable.

I sure hope our definition of sacrifice can move beyond a sexist, discriminatory definition at some point in my lifetime.

I agree with your first statement. When I first read it, it reminded me of a various new stories I read that state that more and more women are choosing to opt out of motherhood. I personally know a lot of women around my age that are choosing to be childfree. Other women who want to be mothers would rather adopt or use a surrogate (legally, before anyone tries to say otherwise) as opposed to getting pregnant. I think it's a good thing that women are able to have that choice.

I support any woman's choice to have a family or not and in what way they do it. I don't think it says anything about their character.

 

[punkin]

Seems like a C lister at best. Seems like the c listers really have to go all out to get any kind of press positive or negative.

As long as her name is spelled correctly! Whatever this woman's reasons for surrogacy...I don't really care. I hope she's a good mother to those children. The one I'm concerned about is Amber Heard's baby. That woman should never have had a child in any manner. And there's no other parent to even keep an eye on that crazy lady.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Actually yes. And I can appreciate that but have enough self-confidence to not care what anyone thinks of my choices. I don’t care what ppl do, but I do think it’s vain & speaks to the type of mother one would be. That is much different from all the other reasons ppl can’t carry a child that you mentioned. Wouldn’t give it a second thought other than hypothetically discussing it on this board for lack of anything better to do with my time today.

I have never once gotten the impression you were wasting away the day on this thread, I think you very much believe what you say, you tend to say what you mean (not said in any sort of way just laying it out) so please don't hide behind the "twiddling thumbs" and that you don't actually really care, your words say otherwise and I've always given you the benefit of you believing what you say as actually being your truth even if I don't agree with your viewpoint, this topic being no exception to my observations.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

The reasons women choose surrogacy are many, they span a broad spectrum, and they are often complex. The lines between “health” and “convenience” are blurred. Pregnancy is a situation where everyone’s health is affected and where it would probably be more convenient for anyone to not have to put themselves through it, no matter what their reasons are for choosing surrogacy. It is not something that can be legislated, IMO, to say Woman A’s reason is valid but Woman B’s is not.

It appears that some countries, in effect, are doing just that, though. Which surprises me, honestly.

 

[LSUmiss]

I have never once gotten the impression you were wasting away the day on this thread, I think you very much believe what you say, you tend to say what you mean (not said in any sort of way just laying it out) so please don't hide behind the "twiddling thumbs" and that you don't actually really care, your words say otherwise and I've always given you the benefit of you believing what you say as actually being your truth even if I don't agree with your viewpoint, this topic being no exception to my observations.

Oh I do absolutely believe what I say. I’m not sure how you got that from my post. I’m just saying I really don’t care what ppl do enough to do or say anymore than just posting on a random message board b/c I have nothing better to do.

 

[TipsyTraveler]

It appears that some countries, in effect, are doing just that, though. Which surprises me, honestly.

You’re surprised people are attempting to control women’s reproductive choices? Lol, welcome to the world, Pea!

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Oh I do absolutely believe what I say. I’m not sure how you got that from my post. I’m just saying I really don’t care what ppl do enough to do or say anymore than just posting on a random message board b/c I have nothing better to do.

I'm saying you do actually care about what other people do surrounding this topic because you often say what you mean and believe it throughout the threads. This ain't a fluff thread and you've got quite a conviction to your words. I'm just saying don't hide behind a "just killing time" excuse because someone said you're being closed-minded. Up until that comment you didn't seem to be approaching this topic with a lackadaisical you do you attitude. That's all.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

You’re surprised people are attempting to control women’s reproductive choices? Lol, welcome to the world, Pea!

Lol, no, unfortunately I know more about this stuff than I ever cared to. Where, surprised me.

 

[TLSnell1981]

Pregnancy was an amazing experience for me. My daughter struggled to carry her children. I never looked at it as an inconvenience but rather a blessing. Again pregnancy was very pleasant for me. I know my daughter feels the same even though it was a bit more difficult for her. Still I won't condemn or criticize anyone who chooses a different path.

 

[MrsPete]

Unless the complications from pregnancy last more than a year. Or for the rest of your life. Or if they cause you to die. Dying has got to be worse than potty training.

Excellent use of the Strawman Logical Fallacy. That is, taking a true statement and stretching it to the nth degree so that it's no longer realistic.

Certainly some people have lasting issues from pregnancy, but that's not typical. Raising any child takes decades.

So transfer the risk to someone else?

Don't we do this in a lot of other ways? We pay someone to paint our house, which entails getting up on ladders. We pay people to deliver food to our houses in the rain /snow. We pay other people to spray bugs with dangerous chemicals.

The lines between “health” and “convenience” are blurred.

And it is an option available only to the wealthy. Even a poor person who has a sister or cousin who's willing to carry the pregnancy for free must be able to pay for the egg harvesting, implantation, etc.

Something no one's mentioned is that LOTS of kids "in the system" need homes.

Not everyone has help to raise the children either.

Very true.

 

[LSUmiss]

I'm saying you do actually care about what other people do surrounding this topic because you often say what you mean and believe it throughout the threads. This ain't a fluff thread and you've got quite a conviction to your words. I'm just saying don't hide behind a "just killing time" excuse because someone said you're being closed-minded. Up until that comment you didn't seem to be approaching this topic with a lackadaisical you do you attitude. That's all.

Idk I feel like “caring” is dedicating more time than posting on a message thread. Irl, I would give it an eye roll.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Idk I feel like “caring” is dedicating more time than posting on a message thread. Irl, I would give it an eye roll.

I suppose being anonymous on a message board makes it easier to spill your true thoughts that's about all I got.