Support Thread for Parents of Teenagers

[NMAmy]

I've noticed several threads lately on the rotten things our teens have gotten up to and thought perhaps we could use a thread to share some hugs and perhaps advice on what's worked for you.

I'd like to keep it nice and non-judgemental, please. I thought a nice place to vent would be helpful for me and maybe helpful for others in the same boat. If you've already raised teenagers--I'd love to hear advice from you, too.

Raising a teenager is more stressful than anything else I've ever done--some days I feel like I'm tiptoeing around a time bomb. And, yes, I was a teenager once, but it is nowhere NEAR the same thing as trying to parent a teenager.

I'll start--I've been having some issues with dd, 15. I won't go into all the specifics here but my beautiful, friendly, talented child has changed so suddenly in the last 6 weeks. She's started hanging out with a new group of friends and all heck has broken loose. She's grounded from everything (which is really more of a punishment for me!) and is seeing a therapist. Her attitude is the pits. One minute she's sunny and full of fun--the next she's just a pill.

I don't really need any advice but support from others in similar situations would be great. I've got all the punishments and therapy issues taken care of but I'm just so stressed I can hardly stand to go home. I flinch whenever my cell rings because I have no idea whether she's going to be a good witch or a bad witch. The stress is just incredible. I'm really hoping that we'll get past this stage soon.

There are some days when I lovingly think, "I can't believe I only have three more years until she'll be leaving me." Other days, I think, "I can't believe I have THREE MORE YEARS until she will be out of my house!"

I really think this is nature's way of making it easier to shoo our kids out of the nest. They become such unbearable know-it-alls that we can't wait till they're gone!

 

[LBAK]

Ahhh, I feel your pain. The girls become human again by 18. Hang in there. Mine actually made a growling type noise when she was annoyed with us. We somehow survived her and now 2 weeks away from her 20th birthday she's a pleasure to be around. Hang in there mom, it's temporary!

 

[Marseeya]

I'm so with you.

I was just thinking last night how unfair it is that ONE person can make everyone else in the house so miserable, and the only thanks we get is that they grow up and move away. We hope.

 

[FroggyinArk]

is this where ya sign up for the prozac and booze iv"s???????


dd.. 13... already on probation thanks to a freind and some really bad advice from principle.. we all need support ,,lol


send prozac.. or booze.. or both...

 

[CathrynRose]

Raising a teenager is more stressful than anything else I've ever done--some days I feel like I'm tiptoeing around a time bomb. And, yes, I was a teenager once, but it is nowhere NEAR the same thing as trying to parent a teenager.
:

Im in.

Ive had it with my 14 y/o (be 15 in June). If I was rich, I'd of already shipped him off to military school.

It sucks - Im so crazy about him and love him SO much, and he's a serious butt-nugget, at times. And lately he's more butt-nugget, than normal.

Im considering slipping Xanax in all his food.

 

[NMAmy]

Ahhh, I feel your pain. The girls become human again by 18. Hang in there. Mine actually made a growling type noise when she was annoyed with us. We somehow survived her and now 2 weeks away from her 20th birthday she's a pleasure to be around. Hang in there mom, it's temporary!

THAT's what I like to hear--that she'll eventually be bearable again! I just hope that both of us live to see it. That growling noise cracked me up--I think dd does that, too.

Marseeya--I know you've been going through a lot lately, too. DD's antics were very similar to your DS's. Although I'm pretty sure she's not his wacky girlfriend!

Froggy--DH did remark that I seemed to be drinking more beer than normal! I usually have one or two a month and I think I've been having one every NIGHT for the last week. I don't think he'll need to sign me up for rehab any time soon but that one beer does take the edge off. Although Prozac is an interesting idea.

The weird thing is that I'm just so tickled to come to work now. As annoying as my co-workers might be, they very rarely throw hissy fits--well, not teenage drama queen hissy fits anyway!

Thanks for all the replies, guys, keep 'em coming. Maybe we can keep each other sane till it's over. I'm going to remind dd about this when it's time to choose my nursing home.

 

[NMAmy]

Im in.

Ive had it with my 14 y/o (be 15 in June). If I was rich, I'd of already shipped him off to military school.

It sucks - Im so crazy about him and love him SO much, and he's a serious butt-nugget, at times. And lately he's more butt-nugget, than normal.

Im considering slipping Xanax in all his food.

There's an idea, CathrynRose! I was telling DH the other night that I'd always thought it was weird and a little sad that his brother and his wife sent all their kids to boarding school. They live in England and these are very fancy schools, but still--to have your kids gone all school year? Now I'm thinking that they definitely knew what the heck they were doing!

 

[Sandy V.]

Hang in there, folks!! They do come around eventually. DD was a pain in the tush in her early teens, majorly self-absorbed in her mid teens, and is now approaching humanhood at 18.

DS, who is 16, just got his driver's license today, is my "attitude child" at the moment. Just hope he LIVES to be 18. We may kill him first!!

 

[Magickndm]

I really think this is nature's way of making it easier to shoo our kids out of the nest. They become such unbearable know-it-alls that we can't wait till they're gone!

I've heard this before.
I'm quite lucky, my daughter is 15 and so far there haven't been any huge issues to deal with yet. Yes she has an attitude sometimes, but I've tried to step back and let it go, it always runs its course, and usually a lot faster if I don't get locked into a power struggle.
My biggest gripe right now is her letting projects go until the night before they're due. Drives me up the wall!

 

[CathrynRose]

I'm so with you.

I was just thinking last night how unfair it is that ONE person can make everyone else in the house so miserable

Yes - Ive thought this so so so so so so so so so so many times.

You can just feel the tension, the instant he is home. I can come home from work - not now if he's home or not, but *know* he is, once I walk in the door and FEEL it. Sucks...

 

[babytrees]

Count me in!!

I have an almost 14 yo and she is the sweetest kid most of the time....and then there is Hormonal Harriett that comes out whenever she thinks she could be in trouble. She tries, and always has, disciplining her sister.
The mean things that comes out of her mouth just scare the bejeebers out of me. Give her time to have her hissy fit and then the sweetness comes back. Ay Yi YI!!

 

[ozarkmom]

I really, really feel for you and can relate. I have a 19 ds who has never really given us any trouble at all. He's a freshman in college and has just been a great kid. My 15 (almost 16) dd is another story. We went through some things with her the last 2 yrs. that I wasn't sure if any of us would survive. Her personality changed her interests changed her friends changed. She was depressed and on med for awhile. This was hard on all of us. Her younger brother sometimes gets mad and says we baby her too much. Things have been better this school year. She's been off the lexapro since January. She's happier most of the time. She doesn't have as many problems with friends. There have been a couple of times when she's called me from school wanting to come home and I feel the terror of last year and I don't think I could survive going through that again. My dd never has been "in trouble" she just sort of lost all of her childhood friends in Jr. High and then some girls decided to start rumours and teasing her. Her grades went in the toilet she became withdrawn sometimes hysterical and some days refuse to go to school. It was awful.

 

[ColoradoBuffaloMom]

Count me in also!

I'm trying to find my sweet, nice, talkative son who has turned into a moody, mean, grunting 15 year old At what age does the nice boy return?

At times he is nice, loving boy (usually when he wants something ) but other times I am just good for getting him places and giving him money. Yet I still think the world of him and love him to pieces!

My 16 DD is at least human and has many kind moments. She has also mastered the eye-roll though!

 

[Snowysmom]

As others have said, they do become human again. Older DS, 20, and a junior in college is much better than he was 3 or 4 years ago. He does get a bit nasty when he is stressed especially over a big test, but we know that and can just deal with it. He is usually nice to be around. Younger DS, 16, is making me crazy. He gets mad, uses bad language, and doesn't want us to ask him any questions. We just persevere and know that he too will become human again at some point (we Hope!) They are both basically good kids who do well in school but the teenage years are filled with angst for all. Good luck to all parents of teens.

 

[dmslush]

Add me to the list! DD14, who you all know and love as Sparx on the DIS, is turning me gray way before my time. She is out tonight for the first time in 3 weeks, she has been grounded because of her grades. Sometimes I just want to sit on her so that she will chill out a little!

 

[DznyFan]

Lettin' all you moms know I support you! I've got a mid/late teen DD. Usually a GREAT kid, but all teenager. The universe revolves around her, she knows everything, her mood swings radically from one extreme to another. She knows how to push my buttons, and tries to as often as possible.
Her most recent is the new boyfriend, which is actually kind of a funny story. When I first met him I completely disapproved. But it wound up being a slap in the face from God - as I wasn't practicing what I preach - which is tolerance and non-judgement. Turns out I gave him a chance, and he is a great kid. I had figured him for a player and stud, and it turns out he's kind, intelligent, and extremely respectful of my girl. He's not the kid I envisioned, and he practically lives at my home now when he's not at school or at work. Dad still hasn't warmed up, but Dads are different.

Its always something with these kids. I'm not sure which I feel more often - the urge to strangle her or the urge to hug her.

 

[Stitch1404]

I just have to laugh when I see threads like this. I am now 22 and my mom tells me on a frequent basis how amazing it is that I am not so "painful" to be around any more. She swears there was a magical maturity when I turned 18, so maybe you all just need to wait a few years and it will all get better. I have a 14 year old sister and the drama and mood swings are just too much...I don't know how my mom survived going through this with 4 kids (all girls too)!

 

[MamaLema]

My oldest is 9 and you guys are really scaring me now. Why did I open this thead?

 

[mickeymousemom]

I think this is a great idea! I am the mother of 3 DD's, 2.5, 12, and 16. Lemme tellya, the amount of drama that goes on in this house is indescribable. My 12 yo is harder to take care of than my 2yo...DH works 2nd shift, so I'm home with them every night by myself(he works 6-7 days a week). My youngest has been in her terrible twos for months. My 12 yo never went thru the terrible twos but is now going thru the terrible TWELVES!

Tell me I'm not alone when I say I am relieved at times when my DD12 goes to stay at someone else's house for the night? I love her dearly, but she is unfocused, argumentative, inconsiderate, yada, yada, yada. Oddly enough, at the same time she is very sharing and giving and great with little ones .

My 16yo went thru a period of depression a few years ago(many deaths in our family over the course of a few years). She has made it thru that and has always been a good kid..but she has a "bad boy" for a boyfriend(very, very intelligent but also irresponsible)...and we found out a year ago that they are sexually active. This happened because his mother allowed them to be in his room at his house after she promised us she'd never allow it! Now I have her on birth control, but it was such a shock after she had vowed to wait til marriage(besides the fact that we found a letter from her to him that basically let us know that he sweet talked her into it)...and yes, I know..in the end it was her decision. On the other hand she's a great girl, lots of commom sense and very smart.

Also, the two older ones FIGHT incessantly and I can't make it stop. I am so stressed out every night....

I do believe that girls MUST be harder than boys??? Any opinions on this one??

 

[Horseshoes]

Mom of DD14

She hates everything, stays in her room most of the time, upsets everyone in the house with her moods. Very dramatic when something doesnt go her way. The list goes on and on.


<-----that hug is for me!! I need it