Suggestions needed - when you go to DL with non-Disney people

[VandVsmama]

Ok, I know that you guys here with all understand where I'm coming from on this. I need some advice. Or maybe just a gentle reminder or a swift kick in the pants. LOL! On our next trip (tentatively this October), some extended family will be joining us...hopefully, it'll be:

BIL
SIL
Niece - age 7
Nephew - age 4

BIL & SIL went to DL 2 years ago w/BIL's mom. They went for 2 days and did 1 park per day. Their touring style at DL is, honestly, almost the exact opposite of ours. They like to sleep in and get to the gates late in the morning, then read maps and spend time deciding what to do next. They stay in the park all day.

Our immediate family, on the other hand, has a different style:

• get to the turnstiles 30 min before park opening
• use a Ridemax itinerary
• plan ahead of time what table service restaurants we want to eat (usually 1 TS per day) at so we can have a reservation at a time that suits us
  
• go go go on rides all morning
• break for lunch then ride another couple of rides
• take a 3-ish hour break at the hotel
• return to parks around 4pm and stay until 9-10pm (depending on closing time & time of year that we're going)

Do any of you have experience going to DL with non-Disney fans like yourself? How did it work out? What did you do that worked well for everyone? What things would you NOT do next time?

I'm already starting to feel pressure to do the "go with the flow" style that BIL & SIL have and honestly, that will drive me nuts. It'll drive DH nuts. It results in my kids having to wait in line for 45 min just to go on 1 ride and that is pretty miserable. In my book, it's a great way to end up having a miserable time.

So send me your sage advice, all knowing DISers!

 

[TechGuy]

I would say define a meeting place and time in the morning that they can accommodate (since you would already be there) and do some things together for a couple hours (until you are ready for your break). You leave the park after setting another meeting place/time and then spend the evening together.

No need to spend all of your time together. Spend some time together and some time apart.

 

[peterpanandwendy]

yeah, I'd make arrangements to meet up for certain rides or meals, but don't set a precedent that you have to spend the whole day together.

It's funny, because I've been with people who have your touring style, and DH and I are more your in-laws style, yet we are still HUGE Disney fans. I have to defend the go with the flow style of touring . Usually we get to the gates early like you, and just go with the flow… oh, that line is short, lets do that. Who's hungry? What do we feel like eating? And we tried breaking for naps once and found it a waste of time, so we stayed in the parks all day with our 1 and 3 year old who just took stroller naps as they saw fit. When they were napping we would stop and have a snack and people watch. That is our preferred method of doing Disney and it works for us. So instead of getting frustrated with your in-laws, just take a deep breath and remember Hamlet "Nothing is ever good nor bad, but thinking makes it so." - The only thing 'bad' about their touring style is that it is different than your touring style. Take a deep breath, vow to enjoy YOUR time, and go your separate ways if you have to.

 

[SMD]

I don't understand how not using Ridemax and not doing rope drop makes them non-Disney people. They're going back after only 2 years, so obviously they like something about it.

 

[AWalks]

What TechGuy said. Your family sounds like mine and your in-laws sound like my in-laws, and his suggestion is what we have to do pretty much any time we visit them, not even on a Disney trip! (Though listening to them talk about taking our niece to WDW for her birthday a few years ago confirmed for us that our park touring styles are VERY different ) This started to grate on me and DH before we even had kids of our own, so we learned to just make them nail down one thing for the day, and the rest of the time we just make our own plans and make an open invite if anyone wants to join us. When we're visiting, we usually talk during dinner or later in the evening about what everyone is thinking of for the next day and figure out a time and place for everyone to meet up.

We're taking my parents and my in-laws to DL for our son's birthday later this year, and I know my parents will just get up and go with us, but there's at least a 50/50 chance that the in-laws will not be interested in doing rope-drop with us, let alone EMH rope-drop. So, DH and I decided that we will just let them know which park we will be in and when/where we were planning on lunch, and let them decide how they want to structure their day beyond that. If they want to do EMH hours with us, great, but if they want to take their time in the morning and just meet us for lunch and a couple of rides before we head back to the hotel for the afternoon, that's cool too. I do understand the pressure to change your touring style to make sure everyone is together the whole time, but I know that sleeping in, getting to the parks late and spending more time in lines than would have been necessary would drive me and DH completely nuts and would not make for a fun trip, and expecting someone else to dramatically alter their touring plans to fit yours wouldn't be fun for them either.

I would just let the two different "family units" tour at their own pace and schedule a couple of times to meet up during the day, that way everyone gets to tour the parks how they want, and you can still spend a little family time together. The tough part will be waiting for October to get here!

 

[LALA8971]

I agree with the PP. We are planning a trip with my bestie and her family (3 girls under 6) and have decided the same thing. We will meet up for an hour or so in the morning, go our separate ways, meet for a late lunch and then hang for an hour or so and meet up again after dinner. That way, we get to experience DLR with them, but we can do our own thing.

 

[ADLFAN]

Maybe you can offer to be the Fast Pass runner, collect them for the whole group and then you have the big rides somewhat scheduled, and you avoid the longest standby lines.

Ask them to join you for your table service meals and discuss plans for the next few hours.

Split up into different smaller groups, watch their kids for an hour and then let them take for a little romantic alone time for each couple. Hang out with SIL or BIL while your hubby gets to spend a little time solo with his sibling. Boys vs. girls!

We text locations to keep everyone aware of where we are if we split up, which works great.

Meet up for a show or two, like Aladdin or Mickey and the Magical map in the heat of the day so that everyone can enjoy the cool break. Take turns saving spots for the parade and fireworks and grab dinner to eat on the curb.

Let each person pick their favorite attraction and try to ride each as a group sometime during the trip, with less pressure on the other rides, afterall, you can't ever do everything!

Most of all, have fun and remember that even a frustrating day at Disneyland is a billion times better than a frustrating day at home!!

 

[TechGuy]

My brother and SIL have younger kids, my DD12 vs his DS3 DD8, plus the difference in SIL style vs DW style, makes this a requirement. We would be at the park near opening each day and they were more likely to be in-park1-3 hours later. The biggest issue we had was we would text each other a meeting time/place, we would show up and they would not be there at the appointed time or even 20 minutes later. We got to the point were we would say we would be on X ride and we could meet at the exit and we would be going to Y ride after and they could choose to meet us there.

In the end, we saw them a couple times each day, in passing, and we didn't worry about it. We later learned that they were riding rides instead of meeting us at the appointed place(s), because that's what the "kids wanted". So, we stopped worrying about it, they weren't why should we. My parents and my other brother and SIL were glad to meet us at the appointed times and we had great times together, and great times apart when one party wanted to do something different; swimming for my brother, nap for my dad (70).

I guess part of it I can swim everyday in my backyard, during the summer so hotel swimming has less draw for me and I enjoy the all-day in-park experience whereas my dad doesn't have the stamina anymore. We all have different priorities, enjoy the overlap and enjoy the separate times.

 

[ClosetDisneyJunkie]

It's interesting, I'm like you, I like to plan and maximize my time there. That said, I went with some friends last year who are very much like your in-laws, and I decided to grin and bear it. There was something strangely liberating about not having every moment planned. I actually really enjoyed myself. A couple of times as we are beginning to head for the next part of the park, one of them would say "hey, I feel like a beer...wanna hop over to DCA and grab a beer?" And in my head I'd be screaming 'WE HAVE A FASTPASS RIGHT NOW FOR BIG THUNDER AND WE WONT MAKE IT BACK IN TIME AND I MAY NOT RIDE BIG THUNDER AS A RESULT AND AND AND", but I'd say "sure." and go with the flow. And the beer was good! Or the churro, or taking time and looking through shops on main street I usually ignore. The big thing for me was to remember that I will be back. And if I don't quite hit everything on my itinerary it's not the end of the world.

I wouldn't want to do it this way every time, but it was nice for a change! The problem with no planning is that you can spend a lot more time in line. We didn't. If the line was too long to make it worthwhile for us, we didn't wait, we did something else and tried later (or skipped altogether). I had to force myself to be ok with that

As for the break in the middle of the day, though...that's more foundational. If you think that's what's best for your family to enjoy yourselves I'd definitely stand firm on that. I like doing that too.

Anyway, just $.02 from a fellow planner who was forced to go with the flow. It wasn't so bad. But that's just me.

 

[VandVsmama]

I didn't mean to imply that my ILs aren't Disney people because they don't do DL like we do! They could take it or leave it with Disneyland. my BIL actually doesn't like DL very much. He prefers DCA if they go at all.

After reading the replies, what I was considering doing is planning on us getting to the parks at our usual time and just have an agreement with SIL/BIL to text or call each other when they are at the main gate...then we tell them what ride we are headed to and we go on stuff together for an hour or however long. Maybe meet up for meals. And if they want to go with us all day, that's great.

I'd thought about being at the parks all day and not taking an afternoon break. But after our experience last week doing exactly that, DH & I and the kids were totally exhausted at the end of the day...way more so than our prior trip, in which we took a break at the hotel. We all ended up so tired! And for my immediate family, tired DH + tired kids = everybody has a miserable time and is cranky. So for all of our sanity, we'll take an afternoon break at the hotel. When/if they do go to DL, my ILs do the all day in the parks thing, mostly because they are locals to southern CA, so sometimes they are only there for a day and if they do stay overnight in a motel, it's just for 1 night.

 

[theluckyrabbit]

Our family and my sister's family have opposite Disney styles, too. We make sure to have at least one meal together (usually a sit down lunch or dinner) each day. Breakfast never works because they like to sleep in, so this way no one feels pressured to adhere to someone else's schedule. We get our mornings, they get to rest, and everyone has one fun meal each day. We discuss if we want to go on a ride together or sometimes the kids will go off together, but we make it absolutely clear up front that everyone is free to do their own thing without hurting other people's feelings.

 

[delaney's mom]

I think my sister and I would have this problem if we went to Disney together. IMO there's not a middle ground between those two styles. I love and respect her (and wish I could be as laid back as she is) but what she would like (window shopping, people watching) wouldn't interest me. She would be frustrated with my structure. I didn't plan EVERYTHING ahead of time, mostly overall strategy, but I can see how it wouldn't be enjoyable for her. I think I would let her know we'd be splitting up in advance. That way her feelings aren't hurt when we are already a few rides into the park before she wakes up alone in the hotel at 10 in the morning.
I'd probably text her during the day once we knew a ballpark time/place "lunch, new orleans?" and maybe plan to ride a ride near there immediately after and invite her to join us for that. I'd remind her about getting a FP for World of Color/Fantasmic so she could hopefully sit with us, because I think that is something everyone would enjoy.
I'd have to think of it as: "I'm going to Disney and I'll see my family for a little bit - maybe ride a ride or two together". Not: "I'm going to go on a Disney vacation with my family"

 

[VandVsmama]

You guys are great and have given me so much food for thought!

The suggestion about DH or I being the FP runner is great! Thanks! That's totally something that we can do. Plus, BIL & SIL can also use rider swap since Nephew won't be tall enough to ride the bigger rides like Indiana Jones or Star Tours.

Seeing the Paint The Night parade will probably be a priority one evening, so DH or I could camp out a spot for all of us while the rest of the crew takes the 4 kids on rides in order to kill some time.

We will probably stick to CS restaurants instead of TS for most of our meals that trip, I suspect. Or...we could arrange to do a character meal like Goofy's Kitchen for dinner the evening before we all go into the parks. That would be a fun way to kick things off.

It sounds like communication & setting expectations ahead of time will be important! I also like the suggestion to split up...have the dads do 1 things while the moms do something else...split up based on interests. That way, Nephew could meet Thor and Captain America since he's a huge Marvel fan. And my girly girls could meet the fairies in Pixie Hollow at the same time.

 

[theluckyrabbit]

...It sounds like communication & setting expectations ahead of time will be important!..

This is so true. We've found that as long as everyone understands that it really is fine to do their own thing and that they won't be hurting anyone's feelings, the trip is so much more relaxed and enjoyable for everyone involved. We just make it clear that everyone needs to communicate with the others so that misunderstandings can be avoided and no one gets left out of something they wanted to do.

 

[l4dyj8]

Don't plan every minute together. That's the best thing you can do so the trip isn't miserable for either parties. Establish meeting up for meals. I personally like TS cause it's a guaranteed seat for everyone in the party. And I usually look at menus beforehand to make sure everyone can enjoy.

We are local and have been pass holders for the past 3-4 years. Our frequent Disney visits are because we now have a child. We also meet up with friends and family that are also passholders. But we are totally "go with the flow". I understand planning when it comes to reservations, certain fast passes and sometimes a show of parade. Sometimes my planning schedule is to avoid a parade. Seriously. We have friends that go at rope drop. We just agree to give each other space and meet up at lunch. But we always end meeting up earlier. Everyone is happy.

We went years ago with visiting family. My MIL had our whole 4 days overly scheduled, starting at 7am. I wanted to cry. We didn't have kids at the time. But we followed along. But thankfully she gave us personal time in the afternoon. Met later fir dinner.

On our most recent visit when I didn't have to race to get fast passes for Frozen and RSRs, I was so relaxed! The last visit, we were literally rushing and running. Or even glued to a location cause our fast pass time was coming up.

Edited to add: not sure how many kids, if any, you have in your family. But looks like your in-laws have a 4 year old. this can also contribute to their style. If you do have kids and have any knowledge of what may be easier/more enjoyable with young kids, that would be appreciated.