suggestions for 13yr old afraid to fly?

[Mysteria]

I have a nephew who we want to take to Disney with us. He was all excited and into it and couldn't wait until next year. He was putting money away already etc etc. Then we thought we might fly instead of drive because dh would have to take less time off.

Then my nephew started with excuses for not going. I knew something was up so when I had a chance to speak to him privately he admitted he was afraid to fly.

The usual adult suggestions of a drink or a sedative beforehand we obviously can't do. I've had the talk with him about how it's safe and yada yada.

Any help would be greatly appreciated. I don't want him to miss out on this trip but even more I want him to get over that fear now before it gets worse.

 

[lisaviolet]

I have a nephew who we want to take to Disney with us. He was all excited and into it and couldn't wait until next year. He was putting money away already etc etc. Then we thought we might fly instead of drive because dh would have to take less time off.

Then my nephew started with excuses for not going. I knew something was up so when I had a chance to speak to him privately he admitted he was afraid to fly.

The usual adult suggestions of a drink or a sedative beforehand we obviously can't do. I've had the talk with him about how it's safe and yada yada.

Any help would be greatly appreciated. I don't want him to miss out on this trip but even more I want him to get over that fear now before it gets worse.

EDIT: Whoops. I assumed he has never flown before.


That's a good question. Maybe a more generalized response like "flying gives you such freedom in life. You have no idea. First step Florida and WDW and then the world opens up. If you're lucky enough to afford to fly you can't even imagine all the places and people that you're going to be able to see in the future. Magical opportunities!!! The whole world is waiting for you".

Can you tell I love flying? You can't exactly use my thoughts on people's fear and flying. I'm one of those if I'm going to die I'm going to die people.

 

[lisaviolet]

And OP your post made me smile about my sister.

She wouldn't fly. Dreams of airplanes crashing. Over and over.

I would give her the stats on crashes and such. Nothing. I would tell her those dreams could simply be stressful time in her life. Nothing. You won't see some places without flying - you can't drive everywhere. Nothing. She would endlessly tell everyone she will never fly. Never.

And then in 2005 we had some deaths. And two sides of my family went to WDW at the last minute. There were 13 of us going. And I begged her on the phone. And this is what made me smile. I'm guiding her through Southwest's page. And I tell her pick the flight. Do this. Slowly she does it. Now push the "buy" button. Push it.

She says, "I feel sick" and she pushes it. SHE PUSHES BUY!!! And her life changed that day. She was forty something. She went. I wasn't on her plane. But apparently she felt sick. Got over it. Flew.

And now - since then - she's visted our brother in California - he's been there over 25 years and she would never have had enough time off work to drive. Back flying to Florida and off to Dominican Republic last year. And has no fear left.

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

My daughter absolutely hates to fly. PM if you want me to have her talk with him. She does a few things to keep herself calm.

We were on a really bad flight once. We were coming into Atlanta and there was a bad storm. We couldn't land so we were taxi'ing. It was almost 2 hours when the pilot slipped and said that they had to make a decision because we were out of fuel. DD started to hyperventalate. Really bad situation. We ended up landing in Augusta, refueled and headed back to Atlanta. Had to stay the night, then back on a really bad flight back home.

We talked with her and she dealt with it in a mature manner. I am sure she can help. Just let me know.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

My 13yodd hates to fly to. She gets horrible earpain and starts crying on the airplane. Yea, people are not happy about that and it causes me anxiety to know that she is probably going to freak out.


Has he ever flown before and what was experience?

 

[Mysteria]

Just to clarify he has never flown before. I don't know when or what age his fear started. Everyone in the family flies except for his father. He is not afraid to the best of my knowledge. He is just happy taking vacation time to do nothing. That's another story though. Even his closest cousins fly and have flown as unaccompanied minors on numerous ocassions before they were old enough not to have to do that. Now they just fly alone!

Lisa - That's a great story. Thank you for sharing it. Good for her fo finally conquering her fear!

Tink - Thanks but he can't know I'm writing this. He's not ready to admit his fear to other people.

MM - I'm surprised at peoples intolerance about this. She is trying and if some tears are what she needs to get her through then so be it!
eta: Have you tried earplanes for her?

 

[TheBigBadWolf]

My friend got over her fear of flying by going in for hypnosis. That was several years ago and now she flies several times a year and is no longer afraid. The cost was minimal, under $100.

 

[Sparx]

he could try controlled breathing. it activates your parasympathic nervous system, causing you to calm down.

basically all you do is breathe in for 3 counts, hold the breath for 2 counts, breathe out for 3 counts.

this is used to help people with phobias squash the fear reflex.

good luck!

 

[GRUMPY PIRATE]

Bus?

Train?

car?

road trip!!!!!

 

[LiLIrishChick63]

i HATE flying too, but i'm not gonna let that stop me from going to Disney World!!

for kids i always tell parents if they can have Benadryl, have them take it. it'll make them drowsy and he'll probably fall asleep on the plane, anyway. but that's just my two cents...

 

[NHdisneylover]

i HATE flying too, but i'm not gonna let that stop me from going to Disney World!!

for kids i always tell parents if they can have Benadryl, have them take it. it'll make them drowsy and he'll probably fall asleep on the plane, anyway. but that's just my two cents...

But make sure the kids has had Benadryl before and gets sleepy with it! DD is one of those kids that Benadryl keys her up and puts her more on edge

OP--can (will?) your nephew talk to his doctor about this? Maybe there is some sort of sedative that would be okay for him for the flight. I agree with you that the bigger issue is helping him get past this fear so it does not hold him back in life.

 

[Mom21]

We were on a really bad flight once. We were coming into Atlanta and there was a bad storm. We couldn't land so we were taxi'ing. It was almost 2 hours when the pilot slipped and said that they had to make a decision because we were out of fuel. DD started to hyperventalate. Really bad situation. We ended up landing in Augusta, refueled and headed back to Atlanta. Had to stay the night, then back on a really bad flight back home.

We talked with her and she dealt with it in a mature manner. I am sure she can help. Just let me know.

Well I don't think she could help if she tells that story.

I don't care for flying either, but somehow I make it through because I love to visit places. I don't have anything to add that could help you, but I hope he decides to go and has an uneventful flight.

 

[golfgal]

My friend got over her fear of flying by going in for hypnosis. That was several years ago and now she flies several times a year and is no longer afraid. The cost was minimal, under $100.

I was going to suggest the same thing.

I suspect is is less of the fear to fly vs the fear of the unknown since he has never flown before. Is there any chance someone/you could take him on a short trip somewhere by plane so he can see what it is about. Also, bribery works well at this age-tell him that if he takes this trip with you and flies and if the flight ends up being as bad as he is imagining you will give him xxx to spend or whatever.

I know some of the airlines around here are offering $39 each way for close cities.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

MM - I'm surprised at peoples intolerance about this. She is trying and if some tears are what she needs to get her through then so be it!
eta: Have you tried earplanes for her?

My dd is working on tolerating "being uncomfortable". She has zero pain tolerance. It is more than than a few tears. It is screaming pain.

Yes we bought the ear planes and she would not wear them. Now she is older and we have not flown in a couple of yrs....so she might wear them now.

 

[lisaviolet]

OK first time flying.

If he has already agreed to go (and therefore fly) - has he? - then really it could be as simple as just experiencing it.

I ADORE flying. And if I think back I think I was scared the first time at 17. And I have no fear and love it so you never know.

Crapshoot. But maybe it is just fear of the unknown. Maybe.

But I came on to say what a wonderful aunt you are to be so sensitive to know something was unsaid and he feels secure enough to share. Not to mention WDW!!!

I took one of my nieces when she was five. Just her and I. She's now 27!!!! Wonderful memories. And she's that sister's child - I just realized the irony. My sister must have been something getting her ready.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

My DD14 doesn't like to fly much. Actually, she does, but she's still afraid. She's flown a few times, so I just think it's a matter of being older and knowing the possibilities of what could happen. You see things on TV, on the internet, 9/11, etc. and you don't pay much mind when you're younger. But sometimes the older you get, the more you realize the "what ifs". Anyway, DD's desire to go to Disney outweighs her fears of flying. She's very nervous beforehand, but once she settles in and we're flying, she's okay. Also, we've been very fortunate to have great flights.

My suggestions would be for him to bring his I-Pod, Gameboy, DS, etc. (if he has them). This will help distract him and calm him. I don't really think there is anything that you can do or say. I think it will just be a matter of doing it and finding out it's not that bad.

You might also be able to ask on the Transportation Board. I know I've seen posts of websites and such you can visit where it explains exactly what his happening and what all the noises are throughout the flight. Maybe more information would be a comfort to him.

 

[Mysteria]

Sorry I didn't get back to everyone. I just got an email update that there was more responses to this thread.

MM- Ouch!! I'm wishing you the best of luck on your next trip.

Lisa - He hasn't agreed to go based on flying. Only driving which was what we had originally planned. Thank you for the compliment. I think I just have a lot of experience with nephews. I just took my 21yr old nephew for his college grad this past May. A former (or rather under control) OCD sufferer.

Thank you everyone for the great suggestions. I really do think it is more a fear of the unknown. I don't think his father is doing anything to help that but that's another story. If we decide to fly I'll let you all know how it goes. Until then I am going to keep trying to desensitize him however I can.

 

[Diva of Dragons]

I don't have any suggestions. I have been terrified of flying since I was old enough to know what it is. Nothing has worked to get me over it. I've even turned down free trips to Australia and Hawaii.

Wishing you good luck so you can all go and have great trip!!!