Stupid Joke Thread

[Tigger&Belle]

Thought we could use some stupid jokes. Remember, keep them DIS friendly, no serious innuendo, no overriding the word filters since that's a DIS no-no, etc, etc.

I'll start:

JACK'S TELEPHONE NUMBER...

Blonde Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"
Operator: "I'm sorry, I don't understand who you are talking about".
Blond Caller: "On page 1 section 5, of the user guide it clearly states
that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and
telephone Jack before cleaning.
Now, can you give me the number for Jack?"

 

[luvmydogs]

I'm afraid I am DIS-inappropriate to my very core!

 

[Froggyswife]

I'm afraid I am DIS-inappropriate to my very core!

Now that is funny I don't care who you are.....sorry watching comedy channel. Nuff said. Ok here's one

Diamonds .... That'll shut her up!

 

[FroggyinArk]

if you get hit by a volvo.. it doesnt matter how many sit ups you did that morning...

 

[Cindyluwho]

OK here goes.
A grasshopper walks into the bar after a very hard day and asks the bartender for a beer. The bartender tries to start up a conversation and says to the grasshopper, "You know, we have a drink named after you." The grasshopper replies, "Leonard?"

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out

 

[luvmydogs]

Here's one just for Froggyswife:


A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp: "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabbits?" And the shopkeeper gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks: "Do you want a wittle white wabby or a soft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute wittle bwown wabby over there?" The little girl puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice: "I don't fink my pyfon really gives a fwying fwip."

 

[Froggyswife]

Here's one just for Froggyswife:


A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp: "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabbits?" And the shopkeeper gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks: "Do you want a wittle white wabby or a soft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute wittle bwown wabby over there?" The little girl puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice: "I don't fink my pyfon really gives a fwying fwip."

 

[swea_pea1]

Here's one my DD7 layed on me tonight:

Why did the cookie go to the doctor?

'Cause he felt crumb-y

Get it? Crummy!

OK, maybe it was only funny to hear her tell it

 

[GoldenAfternoon]

Why did the bird fall out of the tree?

Because it was dead.

 

[XYSRUS]

Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? So it could get to the BOTTOM!

 

[SwedishMeatball]

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."

 

[SillyMe]

Not a joke, but this morning my dd6 was telling me that she's sad because this is their last week of school. One of her teachers won't be coming back. I asked why and she said

"He told us he's too old to teach anymore so he's expiring."

I said "You mean retiring?"

 

[SwedishMeatball]

Not a joke, but this morning my dd6 was telling me that she's sad because this is their last week of school. One of her teachers won't be coming back. I asked why and she said

"He told us he's too old to teach anymore so he's expiring."

I said "You mean retiring?"

You have to send a note to the teacher with that. He will LOVE it.

 

[ZuZugal]

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."

Okay, you knew you'd catch an Okie with that one somewhere along the line! I'm not a born-n-bred Okie, but my DS12 was born in Norman. Go Sooners!!!!

 

[tevagirl]

Not a joke, but this morning my dd6 was telling me that she's sad because this is their last week of school. One of her teachers won't be coming back. I asked why and she said

"He told us he's too old to teach anymore so he's expiring."

I said "You mean retiring?"

That's too funny!

 

[Cinderella94]

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."

 

[vanessat]

My dds (4 and 6) favorite:

How do you call a fairy who never bathes: Stinkerbelle!